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- Four Hundred Cartons of Undeclared Cigarettes and a Niblingo
- Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific
- Passion's Harvest and a Sheldocracy
- Blonde Ambition and the Concept of Zero
- A Resident Advisor and the Word 'Sketchy'
- An Ugly Car, an Affair and Some Kickass Football
- A Tougher Nut and a Note on File
- Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha
- College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle
- Pancake Sunday and Textbook Flirting
- Ruthless, Toothless, and a Week of Bed Rest
- A Baby Shower and Testosterone-Rich Banter
Trending Quotes
Quote from Sheldon in the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens
Mary: Sheldon, faith means believing in something you can't know for sure is real. And right now, I am struggling with that.
Sheldon: So you don't believe in God anymore?
Mary: That isn't something for you to worry about. I need to figure this out myself.
Sheldon: Can I help? Maybe I could provide a fresh perspective.
Mary: I don't think so, baby.
Sheldon: Did you know that if gravity were slightly more powerful, the universe would collapse into a ball?
Mary: I did not.
Sheldon: Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful, the universe would fly apart and there would be no stars or planets.
Mary: Where you going with this, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's just that gravity is precisely as strong as it needs to be. And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force to the strong force wasn't one percent, life wouldn't exist. What are the odds that would happen all by itself?
Mary: Why are you trying to convince me to believe in God? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: I don't, but the precision of the universe at least makes it logical to conclude there's a creator.
Mary: Baby, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but logic is here. And my problem is here.
Sheldon: Well, there are 5 billion people on this planet and you're the perfect mom for me. What are the odds of that?
Quote from Sheldon in the episode Graduation
Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]
Quote from Sheldon in the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs
Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.
Popular Quotes
Quote from Meemaw in the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs
Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.
Quote from Adult Sheldon in the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair
Adult Sheldon: I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up. In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.
Quote from George Jr. in the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer
George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.
George Jr.: Whoa, that's racist.
Latest Quotes
Quote from George Jr. in the episode A Baby Shower and Testosterone-Rich Banter
Mandy: [sighs] Hey. I didn't know you were here.
George Jr.: Just checking out the loot. This is amazing. Why don't all bras do this?
Mandy: Take that off.
George Jr.: Well, that's what's great: you don't have to. Look at this.
Mandy: The father of my child.
George Jr.: Ooh, nipple cream. Maybe I should've went to this party. Sounds fun.
Quote from George Sr. in the episode A Baby Shower and Testosterone-Rich Banter
George Sr.: [laughs] 14 hours of smoke and love.
Jim: Trying not to drool.
Audrey: [enters] Jim, Connor, we're leaving!
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, hon, but the brisket...
Audrey: Now!
George Sr.: I'll make you a doggy bag.
Audrey: Jim. [walks off]
George Sr.: Poor bastard.
Quote from Sheldon in the episode A Baby Shower and Testosterone-Rich Banter
Connor: Look how gritty this is. Frank Miller really brought a whole new aesthetic to comic books.
Sheldon: Hmm. I've never really thought of it that way.
Adult Sheldon: I was doing it. I was bonding.
Sheldon: Now, would you please put it back in the bag?
Connor: Oh. Sure.
Adult Sheldon: And I was great at it.