Meemaw: All right, come on, let's talk about something else.
June: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: A lot of people here like to talk about the game.
Meemaw: Really? You speak sports now?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sure do. Check this out. Hey, ref! I suggest you go back to referee school and this time pay attention in class!
Man #1: You tell him, Doc.

Keith: How about we work in my dorm tomorrow?
Mary: Um, I don't know if a dormitory is the right environment for someone his age.
Sheldon: If you're worried about the beer-drinking, Dad has thoroughly desensitized me.

Mary: How about you all come work at our house?
Sam: I guess if that's our only option.
Mary: It'll be fun. I'll make food. You can even bring your laundry.
Keith: That actually would be great.
Sheldon: Now this man's soiled underpants will be in my kitchen. Thank you.

Georgie: Ready to go?
Missy: Yep.
Mary: Go where?
Missy: The mall.
Mary: What happened to asking for permission?
Missy: I asked Dad.
Mary: You know that doesn't count.
Missy: That's what he said.

Dr. John Sturgis: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: Me? What are you doing here?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, this is where I hang out now. I grade papers, I chat with the other patrons. The people who like to bet on football rub my head for luck.

June: [answering phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi, June. John Sturgis here. We met the other day. I'm, uh, the scientist who won over the whole bar.
June: Oh, sure, I remember you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Good, good. Anyway, I was wondering if you had any romantic interest in me.
June: Well, you don't beat around the bush, do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: In medieval times, hunters used to hire men to beat the area around bushes with sticks in order to flush out game, so no, I guess I don't do that.

Dale: I-I just don't understand why you want to go out with her.
Meemaw: You don't? She seems like fun.
Dale: Well, yeah, she is, until you marry her and then you find her sleeping upside down in the closet. No, I mean, seriously. You don't think that having drinks with my ex-wife is a little weird?
Meemaw: You went camping with John.
Dale: Oh, it was weird.

Adult Sheldon: Growing up, I had an aversion to any type of group. For example, rock groups. I'll restrict my drug use to Rolaids, thank you. Group costumes. I'll tell you who really didn't have a heart: my mother, for making me wear a funnel on my head. But of all the groups I didn't like, by far the worst was...
Dr. John Sturgis: Group projects. [class groans] Yeah. You heard me.

Sheldon: Can't we just do this individually?
Keith: Why are you complaining? I'm the one stuck working with a kid.
Sheldon: Hey. When it comes to physics, I'm practically a coot. Which is an old person word for someone who's old. Tell him.
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sam: Let's just go to a coffee shop and get this over with.
Sheldon: I can't go now. I have to get home for my bath and bedtime. Which is also something an old person does.
Dr. John Sturgis: That we do.

Sheldon: Hello, Sam, Keith, big bag of dirty underpants.

June: I like your blouse.
Meemaw: Oh, you do? Truth be told, I changed my outfit three times.
June: For little old me?
Meemaw: Well, I've never gotten drinks with a boyfriend's ex-wife. Do you try to look hot or do you try to look like you're not trying?
June: Well, clearly, you went for hot.
Meemaw: I wasn't even trying.

Meemaw: Well, we've covered football and grandkids...
June: Our favorite Golden Girl. Did not peg you for a Dorothy.
Meemaw: What have we left out?
June: Hmm. I don't know. Maybe we've run out of stuff to talk about.
Meemaw: Oh, wait. We forgot about your ex-husband.

Man #1: Hey, there's my man! [cheering]
Man #2: The doctor's in the house!
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, y'all!
Meemaw: Oh, boy.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, um, how do you two know each other?
Meemaw: Well, June here, actually, is Dale's ex-wife.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I am Connie's ex-boyfriend. Is that fun or weird?
Meemaw: Yeah.

Georgie: They call it "Hot Dog on a Stick," but that's not the only food on a stick they sell.
Missy: It's not?
Georgie: They also got cheese on a stick.