Dr. John Sturgis: I'm glad she's doing well. Tell her I say hi.
Mary: I will do that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, no. Uh, tell her I said hello. "Hi" is a bit, uh, casual. Or wait. Greetings. Just say, uh, "Greetings from John."
Mary: You don't sound sure about that.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I don't.

Mary: You wanted to see me, Pastor?
Peg: Cop a squat. Pastor Jeff: Uh, please, have a seat. I just wanted to thank you for all the work you've done preparing for the carnival.
Mary: Anything for the church.
Pastor Jeff: I'm so glad you said that. How would you feel if... we put Sheldon in the dunk tank?
Mary: What? No.
Peg: Aw.
Pastor Jeff: But imagine how much people would pay to dunk him. We'd raise so much money.
Peg: I'm in for $20, easy.
Mary: I'm not having people throw baseballs at my son.
Pastor Jeff: They throw them at a target. He's in a cage.
Mary: No!
Peg: Boo.
Pastor Jeff: Okay. I respect your decision.
Mary: Is that all?
Pastor Jeff: Yes.
Peg: Well, damn.
Pastor Jeff: [to the heavens] I do so much for you.

George: Does he really have to walk around with that?
Mary: He's fine. Leave him be.
Missy: You're just begging to get beat up.
Sheldon: I'm more concerned about the biggest bully of all: the Sun.

Sheldon: I can't find an umbrella.
Mary: What do you need an umbrella for? It's gonna be hot and sunny.
Sheldon: I think you've answered your own question.

Mary: By the way, don't send Georgie to the store anymore to get you beer.
Meemaw: He snitched on me? Well, he tried to steal one.

Pastor Jeff: You might want to pray to the Lord for better aim. I'll get you started. Uh, Lord, help George Cooper hit something other than the buffet. Sorry. Trash talk's part of the job.

Pastor Jeff: Expecting rain, Sheldon?
Sheldon: No. In this context, it's a parasol from the French "para" meaning "defense from" and "sol" meaning "sun."
Pastor Jeff: Please, Mary.
Mary: No. Will you dunk him?
George: You got it.

Sheldon: Missy said that Meemaw is upset at Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Don't worry, she'll get over it.
Sheldon: The question is will she get over it by Friday at 4:00 p.m.? That's when we leave for my class.
Mary: I don't know, Shelly.
Sheldon: I suppose she could drop me off outside. Where are we on me walking through parking lots alone these days?
Mary: How about this? Um, until she's up to it, I'll take you.
Sheldon: Thanks. The parking lot still gives me the willies.

Mary: Have you been on the couch all day?
Meemaw: No. For your information, I got up, put my slippers on, crossed the street, broke into your house and stole your beer.

Georgie: Got your beer.
Meemaw: They give you any problem?
Georgie: Nah. Change.
Meemaw: You keep it. Hey. I may be too drunk to drive, but I still can count to six. [chuckles]

Georgie: What time do I need to be there to set up?
Mary: Noon's fine.
George: What, you're helping out?
Georgie: Yeah.
George: Why?
Georgie: I want to support Mom. And God.
Missy: You're just doing it 'cause Veronica's gonna be there.
Georgie: And who made Veronica?

Pastor Jeff: You must be Cain, because you're not Abel to hit the target.

Coach Wilkins: Missy want to play ball?
George: How do you know I wasn't calling for Sheldon? Fine, it was Missy.

Sheldon: There's my favorite fire exit. Very well marked.
Mary: Nice.
Sheldon: Ooh. See that little step stool? They didn't have that before I got here.
Mary: Very impressive.
Sheldon: I know. And this is where I take my quantum field theory class. Those are my college classmates. I would tell you their names, but most of them won't make it to Christmas.

Sheldon: Are you going for your baseball tryout?
Missy: Yup.
Sheldon: Will it include a written test?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Well, just in case, here are some baseball facts that may come in handy. It was invented in the 1830s. The first officially recorded game was in 1846, and that game took place in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Missy: I won't need to know that.
Sheldon: Well, now you do, and you'll never forget it.
Missy: Already gone.