‘Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

  • Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

    119. Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

    April 19, 2018

    When Sheldon no longer feels he is being academically challenged at Medford High, he audits a college class taught by Dr. John Sturgis. Seeing the brilliant Dr. Sturgis in action gives Sheldon an idea to improve the academic make-up of his family.

Quote from Meemaw

Sheldon: I've been corresponding with Dr. John Sturgis at East Texas Tech. He said I could audit his course.
Meemaw: You're pen pals with a stranger? Is this okay?
Sheldon: He's not a stranger. He's a famous scientist. He carbon-dated the oldest human feces.
Meemaw: That ain't strange.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Did you know the word chauffeur is French for "stoker," because the first automobiles were steam-powered, and the driver had to stoke the engine?
Meemaw: Right there. Why am I driving you to college when you already know everything?

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: He mentioned you were pretty happy about the whole experience, too.
Meemaw: Well, I guess Mr. Wizard did take a bit of a shine to me.
Mary: What's that mean?
Meemaw: It means he asked me out to dinner. No big deal.
Mary: So, you going?
Meemaw: When have you known me to turn down a free meal?
George: Ain't that the truth.
Meemaw: Says the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Mary: Ain't that the truth.
George: I do have feelings, y'all.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: I just need to borrow your phone to call a cab.
Meemaw: Why?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't drive.
Meemaw: Well, how did you get here?
Dr. John Sturgis: I rode my bicycle.
Meemaw: You rode your bicycle?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have a Schwinn Speedster. It's got three gears. I only use one.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Meemaw: Do you like guacamole?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know. Being from Maine, we didn't have much Mexican food. Or Mexican people.
Or people.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Meemaw: I tell you what, how about we take my car?
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent. So, would you be opposed to me sitting in the back seat? It's statistically the safest part of the car.
Meemaw: Actually, I would.
Dr. John Sturgis: Asked and answered.

Quote from George Jr.

Meemaw: So, how was everybody's day?
Sheldon: I'm done with high school.
George: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Well, I don't learn anything there, and I don't want to go anymore.
Mary: Well, where do you think you're gonna go?
Georgie: Who cares? Let him go.

Quote from George Jr.

Mary: Now, Shelly, I appreciate that you want to expand your horizons, but how would you even get there? The school's an hour away. I'm working, your dad's working.
Georgie: Again, who cares? Let him go.
Missy: He could hitchhike.
Georgie: Perfect.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: You better make a whole lot of money and take care of me when I'm old.
Sheldon: I'm not interested in money. I'm interested in the pursuit of knowledge.
Meemaw: That is the wrong thing to say to someone who is spending her Friday night as your chauffeur.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Okay, this is you. Good luck.
Sheldon: Aren't you going to walk me in and get me situated?
Meemaw: Oh, yes, of course. Right this way, my prince.

Quote from Missy

Georgie: What kind of homework is it?
Missy: Grammar.
Georgie: I ain't great with grammar.
Missy: Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: Now, how do chimichangas work?
Meemaw: I have no idea.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I think we should try and find out.

Quote from Missy

Missy: There's a list of sentences, and you're supposed to say if each one's a complete sentence or not.
Georgie: The first one is, "Most people in the country" That doesn't sound like a sentence.
Missy: But ask me who drives pickup trucks.
Georgie: Who drives pickup trucks?
Missy: Most people in the country.
Georgie: Well, now it does sound like one.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Did you cry when you saw it?
Georgie: No.
Missy: Why not?
Georgie: 'Cause it ain't that big a deal.
Missy: Okay. Did you hang it on your wall?
Georgie: Get out of here!
Missy: I'm telling people you cried.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Meemaw: It's just mashed up avocados. I think you'd like it. And they do it right here at the table.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did they run out of room in the kitchen?
Meemaw: No, it's-it's like, you know, a show.
Dr. John Sturgis: Like Benihana.
Meemaw: Exactly.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't like Benihana.

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