Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, my little vicuña.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Well, hello to you, too. And more importantly, what is a vicuña?
Dr. John Sturgis: Only what I feel is the cutest camelid on the planet.
Meemaw: Well, I suppose I could ask you what a camelid is, but you're just gonna say more words that I don't know.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I believe I have answers to all your questions.
Meemaw: Lay it on me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Time: the event begins at 6:00 p.m. The dress code is: business attire. Dinner will be served, but it's been suggested that we eat first, because the food is dreadful.
Meemaw: Good to know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And last but not least, a camelid is any member of the camelidae family, such as llamas, alpacas or vicuñas. You didn't ask that one, but, uh, it seemed like something you should know.

Sheldon: Why are you eating cereal for dinner?
Billy Sparks: I was hungry, and my parents are in their bedroom kissing.

Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter is working on an intriguing theory of quantum gravity.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: He can explain it much better than I can.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you familiar at all with string theory?
Meemaw: Remind me.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, basically, it's a string theoretic interpretation of the graviton.
[flashback:]
Sheldon: Every force is an exchange of particles. Gravity is the exchange of gravitons. Meemaw, are you even listening?
Meemaw: What?
Sheldon: The graviton is a massless string.
[present:]
Meemaw: The graviton is a massless string.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wow!
Dr. Linkletter: Well, yes, it is.
Dr. John Sturgis: When did you learn that?
Meemaw: I get around. In fact, I would go so far as to say that every force is an exchange of particles, and gravity is an exchange of gravitons.
Dr. John Sturgis: Correct!

George: Do you have any idea what our electric bill is?
Sheldon: Yes. I do our taxes. And it's higher than it should be.
George: And why do you think that is?
Sheldon: Well, I don't want to point any fingers, but Missy sleeps with a night-light.

George: Make a choice and close the door.
Sheldon: Okay. There's only one logical way to settle this. Eenie-meenie-
George: Close the door!

Veronica: What do you want?
Georgie: I just wanted to apologize again. My behavior was crazy. I blame hormones.
Veronica: Really? 'Cause I blame you.
Georgie: Is there any way you can forgive me?
Veronica: Please. Fine. I forgive you.
Georgie: You're not just saying it 'cause you're trying to be a good Christian and you're afraid of going to Hell?
Veronica: Do you want me to forgive you or not?
Georgie: Very much.
Veronica: Then stop talking and let's move on.
Georgie: So so we're friends again?
Veronica: Sure.
Georgie: Just as friends, would you wanna hang out on Saturday night? In a no-kissing and no-punching-in- the-face kind of way?
Veronica: I can't. My boyfriend's taking me to dinner.

Tam: Your brother looks upset.
Sheldon: Really? I would have guessed hungry.

Sheldon: Mr. Givens, a moment of your time?
Mr. Givens: [SIGHS HEAVILY]
Sheldon: I'm curious about more cost-effective methods of generating electricity.
Mr. Givens: And?
Sheldon: And I came to you. Go.
Mr. Givens: Well, there's fossil fuels, like oil and coal.
Sheldon: Too dirty.
Mr. Givens: Oh. Hydro?
Sheldon: Too wet.
Mr. Givens: Solar?
Sheldon: With this fair skin? Next.
Mr. Givens: Wind?
Sheldon: You know what the problem with wind is. It's too reliant on wind. I think I'm looking for something a little more indoors.
Mr. Givens: How about nuclear power? It's clean and efficient and very safe, until something goes horribly wrong.
Sheldon: That could work.
Mr. Givens: Oh. Goody. Are we done?
Sheldon: Almost. I have one last question about nuclear reactors.
Mr. Givens: What?
Sheldon: How do I build one? Go.
Adult Sheldon: Spoiler alert. He didn't know.

Sheldon: Hello. Is this the studio that makes the Professor Proton show? Excellent. May I speak to him, please? Well, then I'd like to leave him a message.
My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm trying to build a nuclear reactor, and I could use his help. My number is 409-356-6049. Thank you. I'm gonna hang up now, because this is long-distance, and my father doesn't make much money. Good-bye.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Good evening. Do you have any idea where I could obtain radioactive material?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's an interesting question. What do you need it for?
Sheldon: I'm trying to build a small nuclear reactor to provide electricity for my house. And possibly the whole neighborhood, if they're nice to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fun.
Sheldon: The problem is, I don't know where to get the necessary radioactive material.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Do you happen to have any unexploded atomic bombs?
Sheldon: Not a one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Shoot. What about an X-ray machine?
Sheldon: Nope.
Dr. John Sturgis: That makes sense. You're just a kid. Oh! I know! Smoke detectors contain trace amounts of americium-241.
Sheldon: Interesting. But I'd need a lot of them, and they're expensive.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. Hey, I bet if you call a few companies and say it's for a school project, you could get them for free.
Sheldon: That's a great idea. Thanks.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're very welcome. What a cute kid.

Adult Sheldon: For many children, their happiest memory is the day they learned to ride a bike.
For others, it's when they got their first puppy. For me, it was the day I received a box of 57 defective smoke detectors loaded with americium-241.

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy.
Billy Sparks: What you doing?
Sheldon: Building a nuclear reactor.
Billy Sparks: Cool. I'm having Lucky Charms for dinner? What are you gonna do with it when you're done?
Sheldon: Stand in front of the refrigerator as long as I want.

Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter. Please meet my girlfriend, Connie Tucker.
Dr. Linkletter: Nice to meet you, Dr. Tucker.
Meemaw: I'm not a doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I would like to point out, she's quite real.
Dr. Linkletter: I can see that.
Dr. John Sturgis: And our relationship is more than just friends.
Meemaw: That's enough.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, it's flat-out erotic.
Meemaw: Change the subject, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it, girlfriend.

Adult Sheldon: There are certain phrases that are used by dads around the world.
George: Close the fridge. You're wastin' money.