Sheldon: Why are you eating cereal for dinner?
Billy Sparks: I was hungry, and my parents are in their bedroom kissing.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I believe I have answers to all your questions.
Meemaw: Lay it on me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Time: the event begins at 6:00 p.m. The dress code is: business attire. Dinner will be served, but it's been suggested that we eat first, because the food is dreadful.
Meemaw: Good to know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And last but not least, a camelid is any member of the camelidae family, such as llamas, alpacas or vicuñas. You didn't ask that one, but, uh, it seemed like something you should know.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Good evening. Do you have any idea where I could obtain radioactive material?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's an interesting question. What do you need it for?
Sheldon: I'm trying to build a small nuclear reactor to provide electricity for my house. And possibly the whole neighborhood, if they're nice to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fun.
Sheldon: The problem is, I don't know where to get the necessary radioactive material.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Do you happen to have any unexploded atomic bombs?
Sheldon: Not a one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Shoot. What about an X-ray machine?
Sheldon: Nope.
Dr. John Sturgis: That makes sense. You're just a kid. Oh! I know! Smoke detectors contain trace amounts of americium-241.
Sheldon: Interesting. But I'd need a lot of them, and they're expensive.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. Hey, I bet if you call a few companies and say it's for a school project, you could get them for free.
Sheldon: That's a great idea. Thanks.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're very welcome. What a cute kid.

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy.
Billy Sparks: What you doing?
Sheldon: Building a nuclear reactor.
Billy Sparks: Cool. I'm having Lucky Charms for dinner? What are you gonna do with it when you're done?
Sheldon: Stand in front of the refrigerator as long as I want.

Adult Sheldon: For many children, their happiest memory is the day they learned to ride a bike.
For others, it's when they got their first puppy. For me, it was the day I received a box of 57 defective smoke detectors loaded with americium-241.

Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter is working on an intriguing theory of quantum gravity.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: He can explain it much better than I can.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you familiar at all with string theory?
Meemaw: Remind me.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, basically, it's a string theoretic interpretation of the graviton.
[flashback:]
Sheldon: Every force is an exchange of particles. Gravity is the exchange of gravitons. Meemaw, are you even listening?
Meemaw: What?
Sheldon: The graviton is a massless string.
[present:]
Meemaw: The graviton is a massless string.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wow!
Dr. Linkletter: Well, yes, it is.
Dr. John Sturgis: When did you learn that?
Meemaw: I get around. In fact, I would go so far as to say that every force is an exchange of particles, and gravity is an exchange of gravitons.
Dr. John Sturgis: Correct!

Dr. Linkletter: John, where have you been hiding her?
Dr. John Sturgis: I haven't. I've talked about her quite a bit, but you all said she was a figment of my imagination.

Meemaw: John is everybody at this party gonna be a scientist like you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not everybody. You'll be there.
Meemaw: That's kind of what I'm gettin' at.
Dr. John Sturgis: Is there a problem?
Meemaw: Well yeah. I didn't go to college. I was a total screwup in high school. I might not fit in at all.
Dr. John Sturgis: Don't be silly. Everyone's gonna love you. And I'm excited to show you off. The general consensus among the faculty is you don't exist.
Meemaw: I don't know how I feel about that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, don't worry it says more about me than it does about you.

Sheldon: Hello. Is this the studio that makes the Professor Proton show? Excellent. May I speak to him, please? Well, then I'd like to leave him a message.
My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm trying to build a nuclear reactor, and I could use his help. My number is 409-356-6049. Thank you. I'm gonna hang up now, because this is long-distance, and my father doesn't make much money. Good-bye.

Dr. John Sturgis: There's an upcoming event at the university, and I'd like you to be my plus-one.
Meemaw: Oh. Well, I'd love to go.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful! It's a date. Bye.
Meemaw: Wait, wait. Hang on there, partner. I need a little more information. When is this event?
Dr. John Sturgis: This Friday night.
Meemaw: Oh. What time?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm not sure.
Meemaw: Well, will there be food?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no idea.
Meemaw: What's the dress code?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a clue.
Meemaw: Well, what do you know?
Dr. John Sturgis: You're my plus-one.
Meemaw: Well, you go do a little more research and get back to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it!
Meemaw: Bye.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wait.
Meemaw: What?
Dr. John Sturgis: Love you!
Meemaw: Love you, too.

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, my little vicuña.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Well, hello to you, too. And more importantly, what is a vicuña?
Dr. John Sturgis: Only what I feel is the cutest camelid on the planet.
Meemaw: Well, I suppose I could ask you what a camelid is, but you're just gonna say more words that I don't know.

Sheldon: Mr. Givens, a moment of your time?
Mr. Givens: [SIGHS HEAVILY]
Sheldon: I'm curious about more cost-effective methods of generating electricity.
Mr. Givens: And?
Sheldon: And I came to you. Go.
Mr. Givens: Well, there's fossil fuels, like oil and coal.
Sheldon: Too dirty.
Mr. Givens: Oh. Hydro?
Sheldon: Too wet.
Mr. Givens: Solar?
Sheldon: With this fair skin? Next.
Mr. Givens: Wind?
Sheldon: You know what the problem with wind is. It's too reliant on wind. I think I'm looking for something a little more indoors.
Mr. Givens: How about nuclear power? It's clean and efficient and very safe, until something goes horribly wrong.
Sheldon: That could work.
Mr. Givens: Oh. Goody. Are we done?
Sheldon: Almost. I have one last question about nuclear reactors.
Mr. Givens: What?
Sheldon: How do I build one? Go.
Adult Sheldon: Spoiler alert. He didn't know.

George Sr.: Do you have any idea what our electric bill is?
Sheldon: Yes. I do our taxes. And it's higher than it should be.
George Sr.: And why do you think that is?
Sheldon: Well, I don't want to point any fingers, but Missy sleeps with a night-light.

George Sr.: Make a choice and close the door.
Sheldon: Okay. There's only one logical way to settle this. Eenie-meenie-
George Sr.: Close the door!

Veronica: What do you want?
George Jr.: I just wanted to apologize again. My behavior was crazy. I blame hormones.
Veronica: Really? 'Cause I blame you.
George Jr.: Is there any way you can forgive me?
Veronica: Please. Fine. I forgive you.
George Jr.: You're not just saying it 'cause you're trying to be a good Christian and you're afraid of going to Hell?
Veronica: Do you want me to forgive you or not?
George Jr.: Very much.
Veronica: Then stop talking and let's move on.
George Jr.: So so we're friends again?
Veronica: Sure.
George Jr.: Just as friends, would you wanna hang out on Saturday night? In a no-kissing and no-punching-in- the-face kind of way?
Veronica: I can't. My boyfriend's taking me to dinner.

Tam: Your brother looks upset.
Sheldon: Really? I would have guessed hungry.

Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter. Please meet my girlfriend, Connie Tucker.
Dr. Linkletter: Nice to meet you, Dr. Tucker.
Meemaw: I'm not a doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I would like to point out, she's quite real.
Dr. Linkletter: I can see that.
Dr. John Sturgis: And our relationship is more than just friends.
Meemaw: That's enough.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, it's flat-out erotic.
Meemaw: Change the subject, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it, girlfriend.

Sheldon: Georgie, question: In the hallway earlier today, were you upset or hungry?
George Jr.: Shut up.
Sheldon: That's hungry.

Dr. Linkletter: My goodness, you're as funny as you are beautiful.
Meemaw: That's a nice thing to say to your friend's girlfriend.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, I don't think it is so nice. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were sweet-talking my date right in front of me.
Dr. Linkletter: You're a pretty smart man, John. Trust your gut.
Meemaw: Oh, look! Shrimp cocktail. Let's get some.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, hang on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hey. Take your hand off her, or there are gonna be some severe consequences.
Dr. Linkletter: Whoa, John, calm down. What do you see in this guy?
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, that's it! [John shoves Dr. Linkletter]
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, boy, you shouldn't have done that. [Dr. Linkletter shoves John]
Meemaw: That's enough! Both of you, just cool your jets.
Dr. John Sturgis: This isn't over, Dr. Linkletter!
Dr. Linkletter: Anytime, anyplace, Dr. Sturgis.
Dr. John Sturgis: And your graviton research is mediocre at best!
Meemaw: Keep moving.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you angry with me?
Meemaw: More turned on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh. Great. Let's go.

Sheldon: Hello. I'd like to speak to Arthur Jeffries. He plays Professor Proton. But you probably know that, since you answer the phone at the station that makes the show, you lucky duck.
Then I'd like to leave him another message. Please tell him Sheldon Cooper called again and that I've successfully obtained the radioactive material that I'm looking for. Yes, americium-241. I have lots of it. I live at 5501 Grant Avenue, Medford, Texas. If you're sending me an autographed picture, I already have one. Ooh, how about one of his bow ties?

George Sr.: Going somewhere?
George Jr.: Alaska. Gonna work on the pipeline.
George Sr.: Alaska, huh? That-That's pretty far.
George Jr.: Not far enough, but it'll have to do.

Dr. Linkletter: Connie, tell me, did you grow up in Texas?
Meemaw: Took my first bath in a ten-gallon hat.

Meemaw: It's like dating the Encyclopedia Britannica.

George Jr.: [inner monologue] My dearest Veronica- [out loud] No. [inner monologue] My beloved Veronica- [out loud] Better. It's got "love" in it.
[inner monologue] Every minute I'm away from you is an eternity. But it feels longer than that.
I can't eat, I can't sleep, it's like there's a hole in my heart that only your love can fill.
[out loud] So true.
[inner monologue] And yes, I know about Dustin, but he can't love you the way I do. Because my love is the kind of love that is true love. The kind that lovers feel when they're in love.
[out loud] Beautiful.
[inner monologue] So in conclusion, I hope, no, I pray, I hope and pray that you'll give me the chance to be the boyfriend you deserve. And when the time is right, I'm able to shower you with diamonds, houses, boats, and cars, the husband of your dreams. Loving you with my heart, my soul, and my lips, Georgie Cooper.

George Sr.: Listen to me. Hey. You're a good-looking kid, and you got a big heart. Once we get you on a daily shower schedule, the girls are gonna be lining up.
George Jr.: I don't want girls. I want Veronica.
George Sr.: Yeah, maybe you'll get her and maybe you won't. But someday, you'll find the woman who was really meant for you.
Mary: You mean like Kathryn Dempsey?
George Sr.: Alaska's beautiful. How 'bout I go with you?
George Jr.: Who's Kathryn Dempsey?
George Sr.: I was 15 years. I was 15 years old!

George Sr.: Look, Georgie, I know it feels bad right now, but I promise it'll get better.
George Jr.: How's it gonna get better? Veronica thinks I'm a jerk, and everyone in the school's calling me Lovey Cooper.
George Sr.: Ooh, that is not a good name.

Adult Sheldon: There are certain phrases that are used by dads around the world.
George Sr.: Close the fridge. You're wastin' money.

Mary: Aw, baby, everything all right?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Mary: You might feel better if you do. Is it about a girl?
George Jr.: How do you know?
Mary: Sometimes a mother can sense these things.

Sheldon: Dad, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think I solved our electricity problem.
Mary: Not now, Sheldon.
George Sr.: I wouldn't mind hearing it.
Mary: Who?
Missy: If you want, I'll ask around.

Missy: Mrs. Sparks' credit card got declined at Payless.
George Sr.: No kidding.
Missy: She went nuts. But you didn't hear it from me.

Mary: Trust me, this'll pass. You will meet other girls.
George Jr.: They won't be Veronica. Is he taller than me?
Mary: It doesn't matter. It's what's inside a person that counts.
George Jr.: How much taller?
Mary: A lot.

George Jr.: Veronica has a boyfriend.
Mary: You mean Dustin?
George Jr.: You know him?
Mary: Well, yeah, she met him through the church. Lovely young man.
George Jr.: You like him?
Mary: Oh. Well, um the Lord teaches us to like everybody.

Missy: And then Bryan Larkin read the letter out loud in the hall.
George Sr.: No.
Missy: Georgie used the word "love," like, 30 times. It was pathetic.
George Sr.: That hurts to hear.
Missy: Really? I think it's hilarious. Also, my math teacher's pregnant.
George Sr.: Well, that's nice.
Missy: [QUIETLY] It might not be her husband's.
George Sr.: Whose do you think it is?

George Sr.: Where's Georgie?
Mary: I don't know. I called him ten minutes ago.
Missy: He's probably curled up in a ball, crying about Veronica.
Mary: Why do you say that?
Missy: It's just what I'm hearing.
George Jr.: From who?
Missy: I'm kinda plugged into this town.

Sheldon: I'm having trouble deciding between pudding and Jell-O.
George Sr.: Well, decide what you want, and then open it.
Sheldon: But I need the visual input. Does the pudding have a skin? Plus, it's good fun jiggling the Jell-O.

Mary: Just tell me her name, and I'll drop it forever.
George Sr.: You swear?
Mary: You know I don't swear.
George Sr.: You promise?
Mary: Absolutely.

George Sr.: Where exactly you getting all this info?
Missy: There's a lot of kid sisters out there. We talk.

Meemaw: What's that about?
Mary: I'm punishing him.
Meemaw: What for?
Mary: Nothing, really. But once I got started, I couldn't stop.

Dr. John Sturgis: Are-are you all right?
Meemaw: No, I'm very nervous.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's interesting. Normally, I'm the one who's unsure of himself in a social situation, but tonight, it's you.
Meemaw: Yeah. Frickin' fascinating.

Mary: Poor baby is just crushed.
George Jr.: Oh, man. I've been through that. Brutal.
Mary: When did I break your heart?
George Sr.: Oh, it wasn't you.
Mary: Then who was it?
George Sr.: Oh, doesn't matter. It was a long time ago.
Mary: But who?

Mary: Kathryn Dempsey?! You watched me make cupcakes for her daughter's birthday, and you never told me you were in love with her?!
George Sr.: I was 15 years old, and she didn't love me back.
Mary: If she did, would you have married her instead of me?
George Sr.: But she didn't!
Mary: Okay! Now I have my answer. Kathryn Dempsey?!
George Sr.: I was 15!