Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

Adult Sheldon: I've often been asked why I never learned to drive a car. This night is your answer.

Adult Sheldon: But I wasn't a good sport. At that moment, I vowed to come back the following Sunday and destroy Pastor Jeff.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Sheldon: We're going to jail.
Missy: Georgie's going to jail. I'm saying I was kidnapped.
Sheldon: That's a good plan. You and I were kidnapped.
George Jr.: If I'm going to jail, we're all going to jail.

Pastor Jeff: Because the first day had just begun.
Sheldon: So, before the Big Bang?
Pastor Jeff: There was no Big Bang. There was only the Word.
Sheldon: Was the word "kaboom"?

Meemaw: What kind of Texan drinks pink wine?

Sheldon: Why don't we ask somebody for directions?
George Jr.: Because we're children in a car, genius.

Sheldon: Please slow down.
George Jr.: I'm goin' eight miles an hour. A cow just passed us.

Pastor Jeff: So what do you think the odds are that God exists?
Sheldon: I think they're zero. I believe in science.
Pastor Jeff: So you don't think science and religion can go hand in hand?
Sheldon: Science is facts, religion is faith. I prefer facts.
Pastor Jeff: I understand that. Here's a cool fact for ya. A lot of famous scientists believed in God. Isaac Newton. Albert Einstein. Even Charles Darwin.
Sheldon: So Darwin's right about God and wrong about evolution?
Pastor Jeff: Now you're gettin' it. Let's give it up for Sheldon, everybody. What a good sport.

Pastor Jeff: Sometimes people say to me, "Pastor Jeff, how do you know there's a God?" And I say, "It's simple math. God either exists or he doesn't. So let's be cynical. Worst-case scenario, there's a 50-50 chance. And I like those odds.
Sheldon: That's wrong.

Pastor Jeff: Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You said he didn't create the sun until day four.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
Sheldon: So how could there be light the first three days?
Pastor Jeff: God is light.
Sheldon: So God's a photon?
Pastor Jeff: God's what made photons possible.
Sheldon: And what day did he do that?
Pastor Jeff: I would think day one.

Sheldon: Ugh. I'm coming with you.
George Jr.: Why are you wearin' my helmet?
Sheldon: I don't expect this to end well.
George Jr.: And the pillows?
Sheldon: Same answer.

Missy: Is Daddy gonna be okay?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Your Pop-Pop used to have little chest pains all the time.
Sheldon: Didn't he die of a heart attack?
Meemaw: Well, for insurance purposes, yes.

Sheldon: What? But you weren't happy.
Meemaw: I made you think I was unhappy.
Sheldon: But that's lying. You lied to your moon pie.
Meemaw: I bluffed my moon pie.

Mary: Why are they here?
Meemaw: I think it's obvious. They love their daddy.
Mary: No, I get that. Why aren't they home in bed?
Meemaw: Well, nobody could sleep. I thought it was the right thing.

Missy: You asleep?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Me neither. Every time the phone rings, I get scared.
Sheldon: Me, too.

Meemaw: Hold up. Now, y'all like it when your meemaw babysits. Poker, candy, firecrackers.
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Yeah.
Meemaw: Well, if your mother ever finds out what you did tonight, that is never gonna happen again.
Sheldon: I can't lie to my mother.
Meemaw: Sure you can. Believe in yourself!

Missy: Do you know how to get to the hospital?
George Jr.: Yeah. It's right across the street from the Dairy Queen.
Sheldon: Which Dairy Queen?
George Jr.: What are you talkin' about?
Sheldon: There's two.
George Jr.: Really?

Adult Sheldon: Despite what it looks like, I didn't pray to God that night. I prayed to Blaise Pascal. My thinking was, if he was right about the existence of God, then he could pass along my request for my dad to get better. If he was wrong - well in this moment, I needed him to be right.

George Sr.: If I grab my chest and keel over, maybe we can get out of here.
Mary: That's a terrible thing to say.

George Jr.: Hey. What's goin' on?
Missy: Dad's in the hospital.
George Jr.: What? Why's Dad in the hospital?
Meemaw: He's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: He had chest pains.
Meemaw: He's gonna be fine.
George Jr.: What are we doin'? Why aren't we going to the hospital?
Meemaw: Nobody's goin' nowhere. We're just gonna stay calm, have a nice dinner, and wait for your mama to call and tell us what's what.
George Jr.: I'm not hungry.

Meemaw: I'm gonna look at my cards again.
Sheldon: You're unhappy.
Meemaw: Which means?
Sheldon: You don't have good cards.
Meemaw: Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna see your nickel and raise you a quarter.
Sheldon: Quarter?
Meemaw: You can fold.
Sheldon: No. I have good cards, you have bad cards. I'm in. [revealing his cards] Nines and fives.
Meemaw: Mm. That's too bad. Three queens. You lose!

Missy: He even wrote me a note. "Eggs from your secret admirer. Billy."

Mary: I think my husband's having a heart attack!
Nurse Robinson: I need an RRT and a crash cart.
Mary: Over here.
Nurse Robinson: Sir, are you having chest pains right now?
George Sr.: Yeah, a little bit.
Nurse Robinson: Any numbness or pain in your arms?
George Sr.: Maybe this one.
Nurse Robinson: Shortness of breath?
Mary: Enough questions. He's a fat, middle-aged man with chest pains. Do something!

Meemaw: Hang on there a minute, moon pie. I want to teach you somethin'. Look at your cards, and then look in the mirror.
Sheldon: Hey, I'm smiling.
Meemaw: Uh-huh. And what does that tell me about your cards?
Sheldon: That I like them?
Meemaw: Attaboy. Now look at my face. Tell me what you see.
Sheldon: That you're old.
Meemaw: It's a good thing I love you.

Adult Sheldon: Meemaw liked to teach me things that kept me awake at night.

Adult Sheldon: For a brief moment, I was filled with the healing power of faith. Then the next day, we all got violently ill from Billy Sparks' eggs, and I was over it.

George Jr.: What's taking so long?
Meemaw: Shh. Keep your voice down, car thief.
George Jr.: I didn't steal your car, I just borrowed it.
Meemaw: You're gonna need to make bail someday. Do not come to me.

Sheldon: I need to wash my hands. There are germs here that can kill you.

Meemaw: Georgie. Give me my damn keys.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. Here.
Meemaw: Thank you. How did I beat you here?
Missy: We kept hitting garbage cans.
Meemaw: Oh God.

Mary: Shelly, put your hand down. [To Pastor Jeff] Sorry. Please continue.
Pastor Jeff: It's okay, Mary. It's Sheldon, right?
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Pastor Jeff: Well, Sheldon, why don't you come on up here and tell me how I'm wrong.
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Okay.

Sheldon: Oh, you better pull over.
George Jr.: Oh, thank God.
Sheldon: Well, don't just sit there follow it.
George Jr.: Why?
Sheldon: It's an ambulance It's going to the hospital.

Pastor Jeff: Let's give him a hand, everybody.
Missy: What's happening?
Meemaw: Shelly's gonna eat him alive. [chuckles]

Pastor Jeff: So you were saying?
Sheldon: You've confused possibilities with probabilities. According to your analogy, when I go home I might find a million dollars on my bed or I might not. In what universe is that 50-50?

Meemaw: [reading Sheldon's note explaining George Jr. took her car and was driving them to the hospital] Son of a bitch. I hate those kids!

Mary: Sorry about the "fat", honey.
George Sr.: You said you liked me this way.

Sheldon: What did you mean by "insurance purposes"?
Meemaw: Just eat.

Meemaw: Don't worry! Meemaw's here! Everything's under control! Oh.
Sheldon: We haven't had dinner yet.
Meemaw: Really? (groans) I don't feel like cookin'.

Meemaw: Y'all two go get ready for bed.
George Jr.: I don't want to stay around here. I want to go to the hospital and see Dad.
Meemaw: Well, I want to go to Las Vegas and see Willie Nelson, but that ain't gonna happen either.

George Jr.: This is stupid.
Meemaw: You know what's stupid? I got to drink pink wine!

Sheldon: What are you doing?
George Jr.: I'm driving to the hospital. You can come with me or stay here up to you.
Missy: I'm comin'.
George Jr.: Sheldon?
Sheldon: You're 14. You don't know how to drive.
George Jr.: I drove a tractor at 4-H camp. It's the same thing.
Sheldon: But you sat on the farmer's lap.
George Jr.: Then stay here.

George Jr.: [to Sheldon] Shh.
Sheldon: [to Missy] Shh.
Missy: Who do I shush?
George Jr.: Shh!
Sheldon: Shh!

Adult Sheldon: My father took pride in saying that he ran our house like a tight ship. The ship got a lot looser when my meemaw came over to babysit.

George Jr.: [after hitting more trash cans] Dang it!
Missy: Are you aiming for them?

Missy: [running through the kitchen] I ate so much candy!
Meemaw: [gets up to leave] Okay. They're all yours.

Mary: You want me to cook those eggs for you, baby?
Missy: No. They're a gift.

Missy: How about I put the radio on real low?
George Jr.: Shut up.

Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Mom!
Meemaw: Where are they?
Mary: Where's who?
Meemaw: (calming tone) More importantly - how is George?

Sheldon: Meemaw?
Meemaw: What?
Sheldon: Is Dad really okay?
Meemaw: Yes.
Sheldon: I hope you're not bluffing.

Sheldon: Good bluff.
Meemaw: Shh.

Missy: Just admit it, we're lost.
George Jr.: We're not lost.
Missy: Well, I sure don't see a hospital anywhere.

Mary: How are the kids?
Meemaw: Oh. (chuckles)They were a little worried, but I handled it.
Mary: They sleepin'?
Meemaw: Um Yeah, yeah. You bet.
Mary: Thanks again for helpin'.
Meemaw: Oh, hey, these are my grandchildren. They are my blood.

Mary: Mom, we're home!
Meemaw: In here!
Mary: What's he doing up?
Meemaw: Losin'.
George Sr.: [firecracker pops] The hell is that?
Meemaw: I sent Georgie on a beer run, and tipped him with firecrackers.
Mary: Oh, Mom.
Meemaw: Was I supposed to stiff him?

Sheldon: What'd she say?
Meemaw: The doctors are doin' some tests, but, dollars to donuts, your daddy's just got a bad case of gas.

Mary: Hi, Mom. Kids okay?
Meemaw: Yeah, they're fine. How's George?
Mary: I don't know. They're running tests.
Meemaw: Well, don't you worry about us. Everything's under control here.
Mary: Okay. I'll call you when I know more.
Meemaw: How you holdin' up?
Mary: I guess I'm okay.
Meemaw: Well, George is gonna pull through this, honey. I guarantee it.
Mary: Thanks, Mom. Thanks for bein' there.
Meemaw: You bet.

Pastor Jeff: I thought I'd talk this morning about how it all began. Now, everybody knows how, on the first day of creation, God said, "Let there be light." And there was light. And when God saw that light, he knew it was good.
*Sheldon raises his hand*
Meemaw: Oh, here we go.

Meemaw: Yeah?
Mary: What took you so long to answer?
Meemaw: Powdering my nose. What's it to ya?
Mary: Sorry I asked.

George Jr.: Okay, seat belts, everybody.
Sheldon: Please drive slowly.
George Jr.: Relax. I know what I'm doin'.

Sheldon: Mom!
Meemaw: Ah. There they are!
Mary: Hey. Oh.
Meemaw: Ha! I lost the little rascals in the hall.

Billy Sparks: Uh, hello, Mr. Cooper. Is Missy home?
George Sr.: Hello, Billy. No, she's at church.
Billy Sparks: I brought her eggs from my chickens.
George Sr.: I see that.
Billy Sparks: You can boil them or scramble them.
George Sr.: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I like fried.
George Sr.: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I don't like poached.
George Sr.: Okay. Thank you for your time. [hands over the eggs]
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Missy: How long are we supposed to sit here?
Sheldon: I don't know. She said don't move. She was very clear.
Missy: Hope I don't have to go to the bathroom.