‘A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles’ Quotes Page 1 of 3
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411. A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles
March 11, 2021Dr. Linkletter (Ed Begley, Jr.) has had enough of Sheldon hanging around all the time and urges him to make some friends on campus. Meemaw goes on a trip with Dale's ex-wife, June (Reba McEntire). Meanwhile, Georgie gets a pager.
Quote from Sheldon
Dr. Willard: The Moho lies between the mantle and the crust, and...
Sheldon: Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Linkletter.
Dr. Willard: He's not here.
Sheldon: Sorry for wasting your time. Oh, this is geology. You're already wasting your time.
Quote from Sheldon
[title: Sci-Fi Club:]
Sheldon: So, what kind of activities does the Science Fiction Club engage in?
Greg: Well, this Friday we're having a screening of Star Wars on laser disc.
Sheldon: I thought this was the Science Fiction Club.
Greg: It is.
Sheldon: Star Wars is science fantasy. The Force is basically magic. At that point, you might as well be watching The Hobbit.
Greg: That's next week.
Sheldon: This is madness.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: I'm hurt Dr. Linkletter doesn't want me as a friend.
Mary: Understandable.
Sheldon: I'm also angry. I don't like having two feelings at once. It's annoying. Great, annoyed. That's three.
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Sheldon: I don't get why people think that the social aspect of education is so important.
Missy: Maybe 'cause the education aspect is so boring.
Sheldon: But that's the whole point of school.
Missy: Eh. I'll stick with being popular.
Adult Sheldon: I'd like to point out that one of us has a Nobel Prize. All the other one has is a loving family and friends, which I also have. Boy, did I win!
Quote from Meemaw
June: Well, now that we're being honest, can I ask you a question?
Meemaw: Sure.
June: Do you regret saying no to Dale?
Meemaw: No.
June: There was a little pause there.
Meemaw: There was not!
June: Okay, I believe you.
Meemaw: Thank you.
June: You see how I paused? That means I was lying.
Quote from Dale
June: [on answer machine] Hey, Connie, it's June. You know, I don't feel good about what happened the other night, and I just want to say I'm sorry. Could you give me a call back? Thanks. Bye. [machine beeps]
Meemaw: That's nice.
Dale: I don't know why you get an apology. I'm the one she was trying to piss off.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Looks like she's still doing it.
Dale: All the years we were married, I never once got an apology.
Meemaw: Well, you're not exactly the apologizing kind yourself, you know.
Dale: Well, that's not true. For years after we broke up, I was telling people I was sorry I married her.
Quote from Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: After a few short weeks as a full-time college student, I am proud to say the transition had gone quite nicely. My classes were going well, I knew my way around campus and I had an active and vibrant social life.
Sheldon: There you are.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you here?
Sheldon: Lunch. Don't worry, I didn't start without you.
Dr. Linkletter: How did you get in?
Sheldon: Janitor Jim.
Dr. Linkletter: And why would Janitor Jim do that?
Sheldon: You're not my only friend around here.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: I'll trade you my apple slices for your pudding cup.
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: Aren't you a little old for a pudding cup?
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, surely there's somebody else you could have lunch with.
Sheldon: There is, but the lunch rush is a busy time for janitors.
Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps you could work on widening your social circles here.
Sheldon: I'm already at two. That's double where I was at high school.
Quote from George Jr.
Georgie: Hey.
George: Hey. How was school?
Georgie: Fine. Work?
George: Fine.
Georgie: And Mom says we never talk.
Quote from George Sr.
George: What is that on your belt there?
Georgie: It's my new beeper.
George: Why in the world would you need a beeper?
Georgie: So people can get in touch with me.
George: Trust me, when you're not around, no one's thinking, "I must speak with Georgie this minute."
Georgie: Hey, lots of people have these.
George: Yeah, doctors and drug dealers, and you're not smart enough to be either.
Georgie: [pager beeping, vibrating] Excuse me, I'm being beeped. [dials phone] Hey, I was paged from this number. No, I'm not Bruce. Sorry. [hangs up]
George: Mm, sounds like you got a real emergency there, Bruce.
Quote from George Sr.
George: What's going on?
Mary: That was Dr. Linkletter. He says that Sheldon is spending too much time with him.
George: Better him than us, right?
Mary: [sighs] He's suggesting that Sheldon try and find some friends on campus.
George: Makes sense.
Mary: I'm just worried that he's gonna be hanging out with people who are drinking and going to parties.
George: Like he's gonna make friends with the cool kids.
Quote from Meemaw
Meemaw: Hey, you got any plans this weekend?
June: I don't think so. Why?
Meemaw: I happen to have a coupon for a free room at the Royale Casino.
June: Now you're talking! How'd you swing that?
Meemaw: Well, you lose enough, they give you all kinds of crap.
June: I'm in.
Meemaw: And if you really feel like gambling, they got an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
June: Put enough drinks in me, I'll eat anything. [Meemaw laughs]
Quote from Mary
Mary: Shelly, I was looking at your college catalog. There are a lot of fun clubs. Might be a nice way to make some new friends.
Sheldon: I don't need friends. I have Dr. Linkletter.
Mary: And he's fun, but... did you know that there's a Science Fiction Club? You like science fiction.
Sheldon: I prefer science fact.
Mary: Then maybe you might enjoy the Astronomy Club. Outer space and such.
Missy: Ooh. You can meet other people from your planet.
Mary: Read your magazine.
Sheldon: Why are you so interested in me joining a club?
Mary: I just want to make sure that you get the full college experience.
Sheldon: I suppose my so-called peers could benefit from my presence.
Mary: And you might benefit, too.
Sheldon: A nice thought, but I don't spread my sunshine for selfish reasons. Give me the catalog.
Missy: You tried, and that's what counts.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Hello, lunch friend.
Dr. Linkletter: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Egg salad. Stinky.
Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I have some bad news. I'm going to join a club on campus, which means we won't be able to have lunch together.
Dr. Linkletter: Wonderful! For you. Sad for me. Mmm. Happy trails.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we're still having lunch today. You get to help me decide which club I should join.
Dr. Linkletter: Terrific.
Quote from Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: For some reason, Dr. Linkletter felt it was important that I start my quest to join a club immediately. The interview process was tougher than you'd expect.
[title: Chess Club:]
Sheldon: So why exactly should I join your club?
Chris: Well, cool people, good chess players, and when the weather's nice, we meet in the quad.
Sheldon: Outside?
Chris: Yes.
Sheldon: Under trees?
Chris: Yes.
Sheldon: Where birds live?
Chris: Yes.
Sheldon: I think we're done here.