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57Quotes from ‘A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run’

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: How come Georgie's not going?
Mary: He's grounded for eavesdropping on me and your father.
Missy: Well, I hope he learned his lesson.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: You were there. Don't you remember?
Missy: [SIGHS] I got nothing.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: I tell you what. You go get a piece of paper and a pencil, I'll write it down for you.
George Sr.: Okay. It's happening!
Mary: That's the fastest I've seen him run.
Sheldon: It's the only time I've seen him run.

Quote from Missy

[Missy outside her parents' bedroom eavesdropping on their conversation]
George Sr.: Like I'm some kind of loser, a booby prize.
Missy: Booby prize.
Mary: What was that? [Missy runs away and knocks on Georgie's door, he comes out just as Mary opens her door] Georgie, you mind your own business.
George Jr.: What did I do?

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: What's going on?
Missy: Mom and Dad are fighting.
Sheldon: What about?
Missy: Brisket. If they get a divorce, who do you think you'll pick to live with?
Sheldon: Well, Mom, of course.
Missy: I want Mom. Pick again.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: And I wasn't eavesdropping.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
George Jr.: I just don't see why I got grounded.
George Sr.: What are you complaining about? You didn't want to go to church picnic anyway.
George Jr.: I like complaining. I'm good at it.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Finally, the cooking began. 14 hours of cooking. And basting. And spritzing. And tending to the fire.
George Sr.: Oh Rest, my darling. Rest.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: For the spice rub, Meemaw had him drive to New Orleans to buy ground coffee from Cafe Du Monde, and seven ounces of something called "holy ghost root" from a voodoo woman named Madam Laveau.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: The average American consumes 55 pounds of beef per year. And then there's Texas, where we can knock that off in a couple of months. Maybe faster, if we're talking about smoked brisket curiously, the one cut of beef that Texans and Jews agree upon.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Don't let the hug fool you. The minute she went home, he made me give him the recipe.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Did you know she puts vanilla extract in her whipped cream?
George Sr.: I did not.
George Jr.: Quarter teaspoon.
George Sr.: Georgie?
George Jr.: Yeah?
George Sr.: We're looking for brisket!
George Jr.: Cranky.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Ooh.
George Sr.: Found it?
George Jr.: No, this is her French toast.
George Sr.: You're not looking for French toast.
George Jr.: She does make it good, though.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I know Meemaw's brisket recipe.
George Sr.: What?
Meemaw: No, you don't.
Sheldon: Yes, I do. And in order to bring peace to this family, I'm prepared to make it public.
Meemaw: You're bluffing.
Sheldon: One tablespoon of cumin, one cup of brown sugar, two tablespoons of smoked paprika-
Meemaw: Okay, okay, stop.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: I'll be right back.
George Jr.: Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
George Sr.: You mind if I dip your head in the compost heap?
George Jr.: You could have just said no.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Then back home, he applied the spice rub with such erotic tenderness, it made my mother a little jealous.

Quote from Missy

Mary: Why don't you kids go in the kitchen and fix yourselves some ice cream?
Missy: I'm not going anywhere.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: Connie, you've had every opportunity to give me that recipe and you never did, because you've always treated me like an outsider.
Mary: No, she has not.
Missy: Oh, of course I have.
George Sr.: See? She admits it.
Meemaw: Damn right, I do. Never thought you were good enough for my daughter. There you were, riding around on that dumb motorcycle, knocking her up.

Quote from George Jr.

Meemaw: Mean that much to you?
George Sr.: Mary and I were dating about a month when she brought me home for dinner. I took one bite of this brisket, and I knew I loved your daughter.
Mary: Gee, thanks.
George Jr.: Kind of like Sleeping Beauty, except Dad kissed meat.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Here we go, maiden voyage. Mmm, mmm. Hot damn.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: I don't want this woman in my house anymore.
Mary: She is my mother.
George Sr.: She is the devil.

Quote from Sheldon

[Missy plays with Sheldon's train whistle]
Sheldon: Great, now I have to throw that out.

Quote from George Sr.

Butcher: Can I help you?
George Sr.: Matter of fact, you can. You pull them all together I need 12 pounds of prime Angus with a medium deckle, ideally slaughtered in the spring, no later than mid-June.

Quote from Sheldon

[after flashing back his parents being intimate]
George Sr.: Sheldon, want some?
Sheldon: Uh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: Mother-in-laws are always held in low regard by the father. It rarely leads to a breakup of the family.
Missy: He's right. Fred and Wilma are still happily married.

Quote from Mary

[in bed together]
George Sr.: Hot damn!
Mary: George, language!

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: Put that down. That's not a toy.
Missy: Sure it is. Choo choo.

Quote from Sheldon

[flashback]
Meemaw: Open wide, Moonpie. Here comes the choo choo train. Choo choo. Mmm. Isn't that good? [CHUCKLES] That's Meemaw's famous brisket. Would you like the secret recipe? [GASPS] You promise not to tell anybody? Of course you're not gonna tell anybody. I start with a tablespoon of cumin, and then a cup of brown sugar and-
[present day]
Sheldon: I know the recipe.
George Jr.: What?
Sheldon: She told it to me.
George Jr.: When?
Sheldon: February 14, 1982. I was 23 months old, it was Valentine's Day, and Mom and Dad went out for dinner.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: How do you know the recipe, Shelly?
Sheldon: Meemaw told it to me on Valentine's Day, 1982. You were out with Dad seeing Cannonball Run at the dollar theater.

Quote from Sheldon

George Jr.: You can really remember when you were that little?
Sheldon: Uh-huh. You were there, too. You were still struggling with potty training.
George Jr.: [CHUCKLING]: I don't think so.
Sheldon: Oh, yes. Meemaw used to call you Mr. Soggy Pants.

Quote from Missy

George Jr.: This is serious. Sheldon, you've got to tell Dad that recipe.
Sheldon: But Meemaw told me it was a secret.
George Jr.: If you don't, and Mom and Dad get a divorce, it's your fault.
Sheldon: All right. Fine.
Missy: Good job, Soggy Pants.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Dad, could you please come into the living room?
George Sr.: What for?
Sheldon: My brain did something impressive and I'd like to share it with you.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: Same as you. I want to see what his brain did.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Hey. I get it. I have a daughter. I wouldn't want her bringing home someone like that. But I've come a hell of a long way since then.
Meemaw: Okay, you're right. George, I'm sorry.
George Sr.: That means more to me than any recipe. Come here.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: I can write it down for you.
George Sr.: That's okay, I don't want it.
Missy: You have got to be kidding me.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: That's impossible, you weren't even two years old.
Sheldon: Three tablespoons of dried mustard, one cup of Lone Star beer-
Meemaw: Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Give it to your father.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Connie, you evil bitch!

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: Connie, one of these days, you got to give me the recipe.
Meemaw: You bet. For sure. One of these days.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: I might make it this weekend.
Mary: Or you could try a vegetable.
George Sr.: Vegetable? That's funny.

Quote from Mary

Meemaw: Now, this is for your eyes only. You're not to share it with anybody.
George Sr.: I never I would never. [reading the note] You're a horrible person.
George Jr.: What'd it say?
Missy: I want to know what it said.
Sheldon: Me, too.
George Sr.: Just eat.
Mary: Can I read it? [reading the note] You are a horrible person.

Quote from Mary

Mary: All right, that's enough about the brisket. You kids excited for the church picnic tomorrow?
George Jr.: Not really.
Missy: I don't know.
Mary: Oh, come on. You all saw the flier. The three "F"s: food, fun and fellowship.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: That's it. 15 years in this family, and all the time I've been nothing but a good, supportive son-in-law. I always treated your daughter right, I gave you three beautiful grandchildren. Only thing I ever asked in return was that damn recipe.
Meemaw: You're right. Get another piece of paper. I'll write it down.
George Sr.: Don't mess with me, Connie.
Meemaw: Get the paper before I change my mind.
Mary: You're gonna do it to him again, aren't you?
Meemaw: I kind of have to.

Quote from Mary

Missy: I thought Dad was coming.
Mary: No, he had work to do.
Missy: What kind of work?
Mary: I don't know. Coaching stuff.
Missy: Can't he do it after the picnic?
Mary: No, Missy, he cannot.
Missy: Why not?
Mary: Enough.

Quote from Missy

Meemaw: Is this about the recipe?
Missy: I bet he's mad 'cause you always side with Meemaw.
Mary: And how would you know that?
Missy: Georgie told me.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: Are you and Dad getting a divorce?
Mary: 'Course not.
Sheldon: Well, if you do, I want to live with you.
Mary: Sheldon, no one's getting a divorce. But thank you, honey.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: You know this all goes away if you just give him your recipe for the brisket.
Meemaw: I know.
Mary: And?
Meemaw: I guess it's not going away.

Quote from George Sr.

George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: [GASPS] Nothing! Get out of here.
George Jr.: You're looking for her brisket recipe.
George Sr.: All of a sudden you got smart? I said get out of here.

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: Be cool.
George Jr.: I'm cool. You be cool.
[George Sr. fidgeting in his leather chair, making a lot of noise, accidentally knocks something over.]
George Jr.: Real cool.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: He thought I wrote it down. What a dope.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Just so you know, Sheldon and Missy won the three-legged race because she told him a bee was chasing them, and you missed it.

Quote from Mary

George Sr.: I'm sorry, I-I just needed a break from your mother.
Mary: Yeah, well, you took a break from your family. How long is this feud between you two gonna go on?
George Sr.: That's up to her.
Mary: You are both such stubborn donkey butts! [Missy laughing] Missy, go to bed!
Missy: You don't know it's me.

Quote from George Sr.

Meemaw: Hey.
George Sr.: What do you want?
Meemaw: Don't be that way. I brought you a cold one.
George Sr.: Thanks. I still don't like you.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Would this change your feelings?
George Sr.: Is that it?
Meemaw: The Holy Grail.
George Sr.: What changed your mind?
Meemaw: You not going to the picnic today, that hurt Mary and the twins. I cannot have that on my heart.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Meemaw: Absolutely.
George Sr.: Look me in the eye and tell me this is the actual recipe.
Meemaw: George, what you have in your hand is the exact step-by-step instructions on how to make my brisket. I have never written it down until tonight because I was afraid someone might steal it. But I'm entrusting this to you, and I hope that someday, when the time is right, you will see fit to share it with one of your children.
George Sr.: Connie, I don't know what to say.
Meemaw: Don't call me Connie. Call me Mom.
George Sr.: [CHUCKLES] Thanks, Mom.
Meemaw: You're welcome, son.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: What a dope.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Could you grind my root for me? I-I'm-a I'm-a rub it on brisket.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: This Cafe Du Monde coffee is very good.
Meemaw: They make it with chicory.
Mary: And what does it do to the brisket?
Meemaw: Oh, I have no idea.
Mary: Then why did you send George all the way to New Orleans?
Meemaw: Well, they don't sell this around here.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: That wasn't the recipe. You looked me in the eye, and you lied to me.
Mary: Oh, Mom.
Meemaw: You broke into my home and tried to steal it.
Mary: Oh, George.
George Sr.: You told her we went over there?
Mary: [GASPS] Oh, George Jr.
George Jr.: I didn't say nothing. I was cool.
Missy: I am loving this.

Quote from Sheldon

George Jr.: This is really good, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Really good? You're spitting the best brisket in Texas all over the damn table.
Mary: Close your mouth when you eat.
Sheldon: Or aim your face the other way.

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