- Find quotes by episode:
- Season 1
- Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System
- Poker, Faith, and Eggs
- A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage
- A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom
- A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac
- A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run
- Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair
- Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
- An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
- Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers
- A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer
- A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek
- Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey
- Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
- Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine
- Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo
- A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside
- Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple
- A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish
- Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza
- Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set
- Season 2
- A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels
- A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron
- A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens
- A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
- A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries
- Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan
- Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon
- An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius
- Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero
- A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts
- A Race of Superhumans and a Letter to Alf
- A Tummy Ache and a Whale of a Metaphor
- A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
- David, Goliath and a Yoo-hoo from the Back
- A Math Emergency and Perky Palms
- A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag
- Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary
- A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
- A Political Campaign and a Candy Land Cheater
- A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross
- A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster
- A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast
- Season 3
- Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
- A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
- An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
- Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip
- A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
- A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm
- Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting
- The Sin of Greed and a Chimichanga from Chi-Chi's
- A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
- Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib
- A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
- Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
- Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains
- A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
- A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
- An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
- A Couple Bruised Ribs and a Cereal Box Ghost Detector
- A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff
- A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge
- A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat
- Season 4
- A Docent, A Little Lady and a Bouncer Named Dalton
- Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken
- Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love
- A Musty Crypt and a Stick to Pee On
- Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
- A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You
- An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles
- Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
- Cowboy Aerobics and 473 Grease-Free Bolts
- A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles
- A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science
- The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education
- Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency
- A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities
- A Second Prodigy and the Hottest Tips for Pouty Lips
- A Black Hole
- The Wild and Woolly World of Nonlinear Dynamics
- Season 5
- One Bad Night and Chaos of Selfish Desires
- Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism
- Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench
- Pish Posh and a Secret Back Room
- Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy
- Money Laundering and a Cascade of Hormones
- An Introduction to Engineering and a Glob of Hair Gel
- The Grand Chancellor and a Den of Sin
- The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian
- An Expensive Glitch and a Goof-Off Room
- A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit
- A Pink Cadillac and a Glorious Tribal Dance
- A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender
- A Free Scratcher and Feminine Wiles
- A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number
- A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car
- A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth
- Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli
Quote from Adult Sheldon in the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair
Adult Sheldon: I never did get to see a launch in person, but that was the best trip I ever had. I wish I had told my father while he was alive.
Quote from Dr. John Sturgis in the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Meemaw: What- What're you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was doing tai chi and then I realized that I was continually being bombarded by subatomic particles and it behooves me, perhaps, to pay slightly closer attention to them. Maybe "chi" is the ancient Chinese word for the subatomic universe.
Meemaw: You're scaring me, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there's nothing to be scared of. Tomorrow, somebody will win the Nobel Prize about these particles not me. But I'm experiencing them firsthand [LAUGHS] which could be better.
Meemaw: Why don't you come down and experience them on the floor?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think I just felt a neutrino. [LAUGHING] You know, neutrinos are interesting. They never bond with anything, they're always alone. I think that one went right through my pants.
Meemaw: All right, why don't we go downstairs, and I'll fix us both a nice cup of hot tea and you can tell me all about it. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay. It was my dream to win the Nobel, and I'm not going to. I bet Sheldon will.
Meemaw: That'll be something.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.
George Jr.: I think the saddest part about it is just how sad it is.
George Jr.: Hey.
George Sr.: Your mother said you wanted to talk to me?
George Jr.: Yeah. Come in.
George Sr.: So, what's going on?
George Jr.: It's kind of hard to talk about.
George Sr.: Whatever it is, I'm here for you.
George Jr.: I... I got a girl pregnant.
Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] Connie, Grant Linkletter. Wonderful seeing you tonight.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Hope you enjoyed our little book club. If you'd ever like to discuss it further, I know the perfect Italian café. The cannolis are resplendent.
Meemaw: Resplendent! [chuckles] [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: [on answer phone] Connie! John Sturgis here.
Meemaw: What a surprise.
Dr. John Sturgis: It was so nice to have you at our book club. When it comes to science fiction, those things can be real sausage parties. Anyhoo, if you're free next week, I was wondering if you'd like to... [Meemaw skips to the next message]
Dr. Linkletter: Grant Linkletter again. If you don't like Italian, I also know a sublime Vietnamese spot. Have you ever tried Bún Boò Hue? [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know why I said "sausage party." There was probably a better way to phrase that. [machine beeps]
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, Grant Linkletter...
Dr. Linkletter: Rule number one, no badmouthing each other to gain favor with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: Agreed. And whatever happens, we can't let it affect our working relationship.
Dr. Linkletter: Our working relationship is already antagonistic.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. What's next?
Dr. Linkletter: No using Sheldon to win points with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: But he likes me better than you.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why I brought it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine!