Adult Sheldon: As you can see, sometimes a person can be both incredibly intelligent and full of baloney.

Adult Sheldon: Anger is an ugly emotion. Unbridled rage even more so. And when it bubbled up inside me, I channeled it the only way I knew how. I cleaned the house like a man possessed.

Mary: You smoke marijuana?
Sheldon: Mom!
Libby: No, ma'am.
Tam: Just say no. [Mary shoots him an unimpressed look]

George Sr.: Oh.
George Jr.: Oh, what?
George Sr.: You didn't mention she was black.
George Jr.: Was I supposed to?
George Sr.: No, 'course not.
George Jr.: Then why bring it up?
George Sr.: It just wasn't what I was expecting.
George Jr.: What were you expecting?
George Sr.: It's a big school. Why are you right here?
George Jr.: They've got some books in there about Martin Luther King. Maybe you should go read one.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Adult Sheldon: I've often been accused of being stubborn and willful, but sometimes it works like gangbusters.

Adult Sheldon: Whoever said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach did not consider his tiny bladder.

Adult Sheldon: And, like Mother Nature's piñata, geodes contained a secret surprise inside. But you didn't have to suffer through a birthday party to enjoy it.

Adult Sheldon: It's called perfect cleavage when gypsum separates this cleanly. I was so proud of Tam for not making an immature cleavage joke.
Tam: Look at me, I'm touching cleavage.
Adult Sheldon: Until he made one.

George Sr.: Sheldon, I need to get in there.
Sheldon: Poop at Meemaw's!

Mary: I don't want my little boy in some car with a teenager behind the wheel.
George Sr.: All high school kids drive.
Mary: Yeah? Well, I don't like it. Would you let me get in a car with a stranger when I was young?
Meemaw: Well, nobody ever asked you out, so it didn't really matter.

Adult Sheldon: We searched for tektites in a nearby ravine. Tektites are natural glass formed during meteorite impacts. They also bear a close resemblance to raccoon feces, so I wisely adopted a "no touching tektites" policy.

Adult Sheldon: What was happening was, like many men before me, I was being seduced by the exotic world of geology.

George Jr.: You know spying on kids is creepy.
George Sr.: I wasn't spying on kids, I was s-spying on your brother.
George Jr.: Why won't you just go inside?
George Sr.: Well, then, it wouldn't be spying, now would it?

Adult Sheldon: And so, our little social circle grew from two to three. An early example of how people are just drawn to me.

Sheldon: Whoa. That girl just took a book on geostatistics.
Tam: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: That's not required reading for any science course.
Tam: Maybe she wants to squash a spider with it.
Sheldon: No, look, she's reading it. Who is this mystery woman?
Tam: Should we invite her to have lunch with us?
Sheldon: I don't know. So far, it's just been you and me, and we know that works. Do we really want to mess with success?
Tam: We could think of it as an experiment.
Sheldon: Oh, you do know how to push my buttons.

[Sheldon is throwing laundry in the dryer]
Mary: What am I supposed to do with this?
Meemaw: Send him over to my house before he runs out of gas.

Libby: What about you?
Tam: Oh, geology for sure.
Libby: Hmm.
Sheldon: Really? When did you decide that?
Tam: A long time ago. Eat your apple slices. [turns back to Libby and smiles]

Tam: All right, go ask her.
Sheldon: Why me?
Tam: Your lack of testosterone makes you adorable to women.
Sheldon: I can't argue with that.

George Jr.: You missed a spot, weirdo.
Sheldon: I see it.

Meemaw: Sheldon's got a girlfriend. What are the odds?
Mary: She's not a girlfriend, it's more of a mental rapport.
Meemaw: That's where it starts.
George Sr.: I did win you over with my superior intellect.
Mary: It was your motorcycle and you know it.
Meemaw: Good thing it wasn't your masculine physique, because that is long gone.
George Sr.: Why do you think I kept the motorcycle?

Sheldon: I've been giving geology some more thought.
Tam: Yeah, and?
Sheldon: I've decided it's not really a science.
Tam: It's not?
Sheldon: No, it's more like a hobby. Rock collecting. Childish, really.
Tam: I can see that.

Sheldon: Are you saying that without geology, there'd be no theory of evolution?
Libby: Charles Lyell taught Charles Darwin the Earth was much, much older than anyone thought, which gave Darwin the courage to figure out all species evolved over billions of years.
Sheldon: That's good. I can use that to humiliate my pastor at Sunday school.

Tam: [to Libby] I don't know what's more beautiful, your mind or your eyes.
Sheldon: Tam, please. We're eating.

Libby: What are you doing?
Tam: What do you think I'm doing?
Libby: Move your arm before I rip it off.

George Jr.: How come he gets to tie up the phone and I can't?
Meemaw: Because what is happening in there is called a miracle, and God-fearing people do not get in the way of those.

Sheldon: Hello.
Libby: Hello.
Sheldon: My name is Sheldon.
Libby: Yeah, you're Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: You know who I am?
Libby: Well, there's only one nine-year-old in high school, and you still have your baby teeth.
Sheldon: [to Tam] She knows who I am. It's going well.

Mary: All right, I'll make a deal with you.
Sheldon: I'm listening.
Mary: You can go to Houston with your friends, but I want to meet this girl first.
Sheldon: That's very reasonable. Thank you.
Mary: You're welcome.
Sheldon: Now, can you please reach the dryer sheets? I get vertigo on the step stool.

Libby: Yeah. Maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow.
Tam: Right. Maybe y'all will.
Sheldon: Bye, Libby. [to Tam] "Y'all"?
Tam: I'm assimilating. Shut up.

Sheldon: Thank you.
Libby: Happy to help.
Sheldon: Is there any chance you'd be available to stand guard at 1:45?
Libby: You have a bathroom schedule?
Sheldon: You don't?

Libby: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I need to use the bathroom, but it can get uncivilized in there.
Libby: Anyone in there now?
Sheldon: I don't know. I was afraid to find out.
Libby: Anybody in here? Go ahead. I'll stand guard.
Sheldon: Where have you been all my life?

Tam: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I heard you could punch a hole in these and make them double-sided.
Tam: Then it would have more storage?
Sheldon: Yes, but I didn't pay for a double-sided floppy disk.
Tam: So?
Sheldon: So it's an ethical dilemma.
Tam: We have to take a shower in the locker room next period, and that's what you're worried about?
Sheldon: Actually, I have a bathing suit under my pants.

Sheldon: "Geologists lead a sedimentary lifestyle." Libby, that is a good one.

Sheldon: I think the best space shuttle name so far is Discovery.
Tam: What about Challenger?
Sheldon: Too in-your-face.
Libby: Atlantis?
Sheldon: A fictional island that couldn't stay afloat? I don't think so.
Tam: There's the Enterprise.
Sheldon: There is, and it's on Star Trek, where it belongs.

Mary: Hey. I want to talk to you.
Sheldon: Hold on. Let me bring this into the station so as not to disappoint my commuters. They'd like to get home to their families.

Tam: So we eat in the library every day. You're welcome to join us.
Sheldon: It's much better than the cafeteria. It's quiet, and a lot less food gets thrown at us.

Sheldon: You're gonna be a geologist. That's fascinating. Why'd you choose that?
Libby: When I was a little girl, my grandparents took me to Carlsbad Caverns, and I was hooked.
Tam: Exploring caves, that is super cool.
Sheldon: Disagree. Dark, enclosed spaces are terrifying. I get scared putting on a sweatshirt.
Libby: Hmm.
Tam: I've seen it. Pretty entertaining.

Mary: What grade is she in?
Sheldon: Eleventh.
George Sr.: An older woman. Nice.
Sheldon: Most everybody's older than me. Why is that nice?

Libby: What do you want?
Sheldon: Would you like to have lunch with me and my friend?
Libby: Why?
Sheldon: Why else? So we can have a spirited conversation about geostatistics.
Libby: You really are as smart as everybody says.
Sheldon: My teeth are small, but my prefrontal cortex is enormous.

Mary: So how was school today?
George Jr.: Sheldon's got a girlfriend.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: That's not true.
George Jr.: Oh, yes, it is. I seen him talking to her at school.
Meemaw: Sheldon Lee Cooper, you dog.
George Sr.: Is she cute?
Sheldon: Compared to what?

Libby: Do you know what you're going to major in in college?
Sheldon: I'm leaning towards quantum chromodynamics, but who knows? A few years ago, I would've said choo-choo trains.

Mary: Where were we?
Sheldon: Different kinds of maturity.
Mary: That's right. There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature?
Mary: I was hinting at it.

Tam: It got a little uncomfortable.
Sheldon: Why is that?
Libby: Libby's got feelings for me, but I think it's better we just stay friends.

Sheldon: So why did it take people so long to believe in continental drift, when it's obvious that Africa and South America fit together like a puzzle?
Tam: No, they don't.
Libby: People didn't understand continental drift because they didn't understand sea floor spreading. ... What?
Sheldon: I'm both threatened and delighted by your brain.
Tam: I'm just delighted by it. [looking at a globe] They do fit. That's nuts.

Libby: You know they're playing a space shuttle movie at the Museum of Natural Science. It's in IMAX.
Tam: I heard about that. The screen is supposed to be huge.
Libby: They also have a great geology exhibit.
Sheldon: Well, it's in Houston. How are we gonna get there?
Libby: I'll drive.
Tam: Oh, I would love to see a movie with you.
Sheldon: Don't you need to ask your parents first?
Tam: No, Sheldon, I don't.
Sheldon: But won't they worry where you are?
Tam: They'll be fine. Count me in.
Sheldon: Glad you're not my son.

Mary: Well, Sheldon's been spending quite a bit of time with this Libby girl, lately.
George Sr.: Yeah, so?
Mary: So isn't he a little young to be hanging with teenagers?
George Sr.: Oh, he's only young on the outside. Inside, he's an old man.
Mary: I'm being serious.
George Sr.: So am I. And with that bow-tie, he's old on the outside, too.

Libby: I don't think so.
Doug: I gotta pee.
Libby: That's your problem. Keep moving.

Adult Sheldon: The addition of Libby brought a level of sophistication to our lunchtime discussion.
Her mom also packed extra string cheese, which is a well-known social lubricant.

George Sr.: Hang on. What did you think was gonna happen when we sent him to high school?
Mary: I don't know, that he'd learn stuff, and then, come back home and be my baby forever.
George Sr.: Mare, it's good for him. He may start college in a couple years, what happens then?
Mary: Off the top of my head, he and I share a dorm room.
George Sr.: You know I'd laugh at that if I didn't kind of believe you.

Missy: What's up?
Mary: None of your business.
Missy: Why is he crying?
Mary: Again, it's none of your business. Please go.
Missy: Fine. Celeste and I know when we aren't wanted.

Mary: I gave it a lot of thought, and I'm afraid I can't allow you to drive to Houston with your friends.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Well, honey, you're still a little boy.
Sheldon: I don't think it's right. I'm not a little boy. I'm a high school student.
Mary: I'm sorry, I made up my mind. If you'd really like to see this movie, I'm willing to drive you. Maybe we could meet your friends there.
Sheldon: I don't want my mommy to take me.
Mary: Well, then, you're not going.

Mary: And now he wants to see a movie in Houston with them.
Meemaw: Why Houston?
Mary: I don't know, it's in MixMax or something.

Meemaw: So what do you think, George? Is it time to have "the talk" with him?
Missy: What talk?
Mary: No talk. Nobody's talking.
Sheldon: If "the talk" is in regards to human reproduction, I already understand how that works.
Mary: How do you know that?
Missy: I told him.
Mary: Oh, Lord.

Mary: I hope you'll forgive me, I just wanted to meet the person driving my nine-year-old son to Houston.
Libby: I understand.
Tam: Me, too.
Mary: I wasn't talking to you, Tam.

Mary: She is almost twice your age.
Sheldon: There are people five times my age that are stupider than me.
Mary: This is not about being smart.
Sheldon: What else is there?
Mary: Well there's other kinds of maturity.

Mary: How's it going?
George Sr.: Well, I think I figured out the problem.
Mary: What is it?
George Sr.: I'm a terrible mechanic.

Libby: You have a beautiful home.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Mary: Thank you.

Mary: Shelly, you okay?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: You want to talk about it?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: You want me to leave you alone?
Sheldon: No. I thought Libby and I were equals, but she thinks of me as a child.
Mary: I'm sorry, baby.
Sheldon: Calling me that isn't helping right now.
Mary: Right. Sorry.

George Sr.: Hey, Georgie, if you ever find a girlfriend, maybe you can go on a double date with your brother.
Mary: She's not his girlfriend.
George Jr.: And I can find one I'm just not looking.
George Sr.: We gotta get that Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue away from him before he's ruined forever.