Mary: And you. Getting baptized just to kiss a girl? What were you thinking?
Georgie: Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

Mary: Georgie, if you want to be a good Christian, maybe you should stop lying through your teeth.
Georgie: Just be happy I brushed them, okay

Pastor Jeff: And I also want to welcome George Cooper, who has recently found his way to the Lord.
Georgie: Howdy. Praise Jesus.

Pastor Jeff: And now, why don't we take a moment to pray, uh, keeping in mind that our prayers should not be for our own benefit, but for our family, friends, fellow Texans, Americans of all races and religions and the world. Well, most of the world. Y'all know what countries to pick.

Sheldon: Ooh, this is interesting. According to Socrates, all knowledge exists within the student and just needs to be drawn out through skillful questioning.
Tam: Are you saying I knew that before you even said it?
Sheldon: I don't know, did you?
Tam: Well, according to Socrates, you do know and the answer's inside you.
Sheldon: Well, then, ask me a skillful question to draw it out.
Tam: Do you know if I knew before I knew?
Sheldon: No.
Tam: Hey, it works.
Sheldon: It does.

Ms. Hutchins: Sheldon, how's your educational project going?
Sheldon: Poorly. I've hit a wall.
Ms. Hutchins: Have you considered B. F. Skinner's behavior modification?
Tam: What's that?
Ms. Hutchins: It uses punishment and reward to get the results you want.
Sheldon: Ooh, punishment. I like the sound of that.
Ms. Hutchins: [quietly] In the right context, so do I.

Missy: Can you help me with my math homework?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Please. It's really hard.
Sheldon: "It" isn't the problem.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Fine, what are you working on?
Missy: There's a number, then there's a line, then there's another number under it.
Sheldon: Fractions?
Missy: Yes, fractions.
Adult Sheldon: At that moment, it occurred to me if I could teach mathematics to someone as dull-witted as my sister, I could create a race of superhumans that would do my bidding.
And who wouldn't want that?
Missy: Please, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You know what, Missy? I'd be happy to help you.

Mary: What are you doing?
Georgie: What's it look like? I'm here for Bible study.
Mary: Did you just take a shower?
Georgie: No.
Mary: [SNIFFS] You did, too.
Georgie: So I want to be clean for Jesus. Get off my back.

Veronica: Georgie.
Georgie: So, listen, I was doing my prayers last night and, uh, you won't believe it, but I think God spoke to me.
Veronica: Really? What did he say?
Georgie: Well, I couldn't understand all of it, 'cause it was in an ancient language, but the part I did understand is he wants us to spend more time together.
Veronica: Doing what?
Georgie: Oh, you know, praying, helping the needy. Your usual Christian activities.
Veronica: Well, I'm okay with that.
Georgie: Good. So you, me and God, we'll hang out.
Veronica: Sounds good.
Georgie: Okay. See you later.
Veronica: See you.
Georgie: I may be going to hell.

Tam: So you're hoping to create an army of super-intelligent children who will do your bidding?
Sheldon: In a perfect world, yes.
Tam: You should spend more time with my mother. That's her goal, too.

Mary: [inner monologue] Lord, please look after my family. Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy. And this lovely young girl with me tonight, help her stay on the path of righteousness.
Veronica: [inner monologue] God, please look after my sister. You can find her at the women's correctional facility in Lubbock. Help her seek salvation in you instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players.
Georgie: [inner monologue] Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see how hot the girl sitting next to me is. And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself, but here's the deal: if you can get her to fall in love with me, and you know, make some bad decisions, I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.
Mary: [inner monologue] And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight, even though you and I both know why he came. Speaking of which, whatever he's praying for right now, ignore it.
Veronica: [inner monologue] And please protect me from impure thoughts, and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body.
Georgie: [inner monologue] Now if for instance she and I were to go skinny dipping and one thing were to lead to another under the moonlit sky, get this: not only do I become a devout Christian, I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same. And you know I can be real annoying when I set my mind to it.
Mary: [inner monologue] Amen.
Veronica: [inner monologue] Amen.
Georgie: [inner monologue] I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen.

Georgie: Then sings my soul, my savior God-
Mary: Oh, who do you think you're fooling here?
Georgie: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Mary: Listen to me. Veronica has a rough family situation, and she's trying to improve her life.
Georgie: And I admire that. Very inspirational.
Mary: Georgie, believe me, I'm glad to see you in a church, but I do not want you taking advantage of that girl.
Georgie: Taking advantage? Veronica and I are Bible buddies, nothing more. I'm serious.
Mary: Right.
Georgie: Maybe you should ask yourself what's in you that makes you see sin in the hearts of others.
Mary: Okay, now you're pushing it.
Georgie: Lord Jesus, please help my mother with her anger. Can I get an amen?
Mary: No!

Georgie: You want to hang out Saturday?
Veronica: Can't. I signed up to get baptized.
Georgie: Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to do that.
Veronica: Well, why don't you join me? We could do it together.
Georgie: Sure. You and me, getting double dunked. I like it.
Veronica: Can you imagine afterwards? All of our sins will be washed away.
Georgie: Yeah, and we can start cranking out fresh ones.

Georgie: You here to see me?
Veronica: I'm here for your mom's Bible study.
Georgie: Oh, sure, of course. I'm glad you could join us. Come in, won't you?
Veronica: You're part of the group, too?
Georgie: Faith, the Bible, God, I'm nuts for that stuff.

Ms. Hutchins: Need any help there, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I'm looking for some books on education theory.
Ms. Hutchins: What for?
Sheldon: I'm trying to develop a technique to teach someone who falls into the conventional category of "stupid."
Ms. Hutchins: Oh. Well, now, there's a wide range of stupid. Can you narrow it down?
Sheldon: She wrote a fan letter to Alf.
Ms. Hutchins: Got it. So you're looking to make a pretty radical change.
Sheldon: Well, ideally, I'd like to wipe my sister's brain clean and start over, but my mom wouldn't like that.
Ms. Hutchins: Yeah. Moms are no fun.