Mary: Missy, if you want a minute with Dad before they close the casket, now's the time. [Missy looks unsure] It's okay if you don't.
Mary: I have to. [Missy stands up and walks up to her father's casket]
[flashback:]
George: Here, let me help you with that. Okay.
Missy: [eats] Holy moly.
George: It's good, huh?
Missy: Unbelievable.
George: I'll leave you to it.
Missy: No, sit with me.
George: Okay.
[present:]
Missy: [crying] Thank you for that. Thank you for everything. [sniffles] I love you.

Sheldon: Is Mom okay?
George: How the heck should I know?
Missy: She left. You can say "hell."

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Have you always been that way?
Missy: I guess so. I think when you're on your own a lot, you get good at seeing that kind of stuff.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Really?
Missy: My dad does football with my older brother, so they're like a team. And my mom and meemaw spend all their time fussing over Sheldon, so they're like a team, too.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: So no one's on your team?
Missy: Nope. It's just me.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: One question.
George: Yes?
Missy: What's 0600?

Missy: There's a list of sentences, and you're supposed to say if each one's a complete sentence or not.
Georgie: The first one is, "Most people in the country". That doesn't sound like a sentence.
Missy: But ask me who drives pickup trucks.
Georgie: Who drives pickup trucks?
Missy: Most people in the country.
Georgie: Well, now it does sound like one.

[As Missy walks into the kitchen, George and Mary are kissing]
Missy: Ugh. Still?
Mary: Morning, honey.
Missy: What is happening with you two?
George: What do you mean?
Missy: Is one of you dying?
George: No one's dying. Sometimes, married people kiss.
Missy: On TV maybe, not here.
Mary: Well, young lady, how do you think you came into this world?
Missy: Okay, you're freaking me out.

Missy: Okay. According to this quiz, your TV boyfriend is... Bart Simpson.
Tonya: He's not even real.
Missy: That doesn't matter. I still think about marrying Alf. [both chuckle]

Sheldon: Excuse me, don't I get a say in this?
Missy: Why? You're leaving in 41 days.
Sheldon: Doesn't matter. This is still my home.
Mary: Shelly, you'll have a new home.
George: Maybe with a pool.
Missy: Ooh, the new girl gets a pool.

Sheldon: Mother-in-laws are always held in low regard by the father. It rarely leads to a breakup of the family.
Missy: He's right. Fred and Wilma are still happily married.

Missy: Do you even know how to cook?
George: Believe it or not, I am capable of making breakfast.
Missy: Sorry. It's not like we see you do much around here.
George: How 'bout, "Thanks for cooking, Dad"?
Missy: Chocolate chips? Thanks for cooking, Dad.

Mary: Okay, have a great day. Love you.
Missy: [covers mouth] Love you, too.
Mary: What are you doing?
Missy: I learned it in baseball. When you don't want the other team to see what you're saying.
Mary: It's okay to love your mom.
Missy: At home. Here, you get the hand.

Darlene: No talking during the test.
Missy: [sighs] Your mom was there?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
Missy: So I was the only person in the whole world who wasn't there.
Darlene: Keep your eyes on your own papers.
Missy: I'm not cheating.
Darlene: Well, that's not what it looks like.
Missy: I guess you would know what cheating looks like. Ask your husband.