Tam: Hey, I've been looking all over for you. Do you know how popular we are?
Sheldon: We?
Tam: Yeah. I put the word out I was helping you with the football stats. And since I'm Asian, they bought it.

Adult Sheldon: In Texas, the Holy Trinity is God, football and barbeque, not necessarily in that order.

Georgie: Fourth down.
George: Gotta punt.
Missy: Gotta.
Sheldon: Statistically, always punting on fourth down makes no sense.
Georgie: Statistically, you're a dumbass.

Sheldon: Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Tam: You're not?
Sheldon: I was touched 82 times this afternoon.
Tam: What do you mean, "touched"?
Sheldon: Not inappropriately. Joyfully. Affectionately. A cheerleader hugged me to her bosom.
Tam: That's amazing. [goes to high five Sheldon]
Sheldon: No more high fives. I can't keep washing my hands.

Sheldon: When the Aggies give up the ball on their own five-yard line, the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring. When they punt from deep in their own territory, the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring. But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time, the math says they should never punt again.

Meemaw: Okay, you can tell me, who's his real daddy?

Sheldon: How come Mom's not taking me to school?
George: 'Cause once in a while, your dad wants to spend some time with you. My little Shel-man.
Sheldon: But Mom's car has a backseat. Statistically, I'm much safer there.

George: Hey, I'm glad you brought up statistically. You think those numbers you talked about for Texas A&M would apply to my JV squad?
Sheldon: I don't see why not. Unlike our former principal, math doesn't discriminate.

Missy: Mom said you're not supposed to gamble.
Meemaw: Sleep, child!

George: I got something for you.
Sheldon: It's dirty.
George: Well, that's 'cause it's the game ball. And you earned it, 'cause you helped us win.
Sheldon: Okay, but can you wash it?
Mary: Sheldon, your daddy's telling you he's proud of you.
Sheldon: I see. Thank you, Dad.
George: You're welcome.
Sheldon: I'm still never touching that.
Mary: Let's go wipe it off.

Meemaw: Hey! There's my little Moonpie. Did you get a chance to look at this week's games for me?
Sheldon: Not yet.
Meemaw: You understand there's a little time crunch involved? Meemaw's got some outstanding loans I need to pay back.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I have to finish my homework and then I have to help my dad.
Meemaw: Come on. I'm your meemaw. I make you cookies. How 'bout a little quid pro quo?
Sheldon: As much as I enjoy your use of Latin, no.

George: I got you a present. Thought it might help with your figures.
Sheldon: I don't need a calculator, Dad. I am one.

Tam: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I'm not. [slides over his paper]
Tam: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: A B-plus that's the beginning of the end.
Tam: The end of what?
Sheldon: My life. If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall. I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.

Mary: I hope that doesn't wake up the kids.
George: Should I go over there and say something?
Mary: I think you should.
George: I was bluffin'. Don't make me put my socks back on.

Georgie: You're not thinking about taking his advice, are you?
George: Never you mind.
Georgie: But he's wrong. Everybody knows you punt on fourth down.
Sheldon: Why does everybody knowing something make it right?
Georgie: Because. That's what makes this country great.