Dr. Linkletter Quotes

Quote from the episode Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, thank you for coming in. I want to apologize for our little tiff earlier.
Sheldon: You're forgiven.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. Great. I found something that might be of interest to you. An authentic signature from Richard Feynman.
Sheldon: Where did you get this?
Dr. Linkletter: Details aren't important.
Sheldon: Is this a restraining order?
Dr. Linkletter: Not important.
Sheldon: That's actually a really good way to get autographs. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Quote from the episode A Tougher Nut and a Note on File

Sheldon: Too bad there's not a comic book database so I could search through it and find what I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, CERN has something similar. You can search a database of scientific papers.
Sheldon: But there's no database for comic books.
Dr. Linkletter: You should make one. Somewhere else.
Sheldon: Mmm, sounds like a lot of work.
Dr. Linkletter: Or does it sound like a lot of fun? Go find out.
Sheldon: Do you want to do it with me?
Dr. Linkletter: Only if you share credit, and my name comes first.
Sheldon: Never mind. [exits]
Dr. Linkletter: I knew that would work.

Quote from the episode Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific

Meemaw: So... this is unexpected.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I know you like margaritas, so my first thought was a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Good thought.
Dr. Linkletter: But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion.
Meemaw: They have.
Dr. Linkletter: Which led me to Polynesian fare. I like to think of the Mai Tai as the margarita of the South Pacific.
Meemaw: You don't do anything on a whim, do you?
Dr. Linkletter: Did once, didn't like it.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] Connie, Grant Linkletter. Wonderful seeing you tonight.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Hope you enjoyed our little book club. If you'd ever like to discuss it further, I know the perfect Italian café. The cannolis are resplendent.
Meemaw: Resplendent! [chuckles] [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: [on answer phone] Connie! John Sturgis here.
Meemaw: What a surprise.
Dr. John Sturgis: It was so nice to have you at our book club. When it comes to science fiction, those things can be real sausage parties. Anyhoo, if you're free next week, I was wondering if you'd like to... [Meemaw skips to the next message]
Dr. Linkletter: Grant Linkletter again. If you don't like Italian, I also know a sublime Vietnamese spot. Have you ever tried Bún Boò Hue? [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know why I said "sausage party." There was probably a better way to phrase that. [machine beeps]
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, Grant Linkletter...

Quote from the episode Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific

Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

Quote from the episode A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish and the Future

President Hagemeyer: Okay, so, what's the problem?
Sheldon: I wanted to talk with Dr. Linkletter about puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: And I wanted to avoid litigation.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Can we get back to the book?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, Connie, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on it.
Meemaw: I think I've said my piece.
Sheldon: I have some thoughts.
Dr. Linkletter: And we'll get to those in due time. Don't you think Asimov did a remarkable job of capturing the poetic terror of the coming darkness?
Meemaw: I'm not sure I got that.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, listen to this. "Dusk, like a palpable entity, entered the room, and the dancing circle of yellow lights about the torches etched itself into ever-sharper distinction against the gathering grayness beyond." [Meemaw and John are silent]
Sheldon: Powerful.
Dr. Linkletter: Wasn't it?
[Meemaw shrugs her shoulders]

Quote from the episode Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench

Sheldon: So, will you talk to him?
Dr. Linkletter: Look, if he doesn't want to come back, I certainly can't force him.
Sheldon: But he's wasting his potential.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm just curious, if he were to come back, would you spend more time with him, and therefore less time with me?
Sheldon: I suppose so. Why?
Dr. Linkletter: No reason. Get out.

Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board

Dr. Linkletter: We don't need open strings. We just connect them to a D-brane.
Sheldon: But your theories can't recreate the known symmetries of the real world.
Meemaw: Everything okay in here?
Sheldon: More than okay. We're having a spirited debate on superstring theory.
Dr. Linkletter: Very spirited.
Meemaw: Well, you ready to go home?
Sheldon: Yes. Unless Dr. Linkletter-
Dr. Linkletter: He's ready.
Meemaw: Well, I guess we'll see you next week.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds good. No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

Quote from the episode A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number

Dr. John Sturgis: Does it go straight like this for a while?
Dr. Linkletter: It's Texas. Goes straight like this for the rest of our lives. You thinking of giving it a try?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there aren't any cars around. Uh, seems like a good place to practice.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. I could use a break.
Dr. John Sturgis: This is exciting. I'm all atingle.
Sheldon: You are not peeing in a bottle.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh, perhaps the cold dark matter we're looking for is not the axion but the majoron.
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's it? I just laid down some big boy science.
Sheldon: Sorry. We lost a great man today, and no one seems to care.
Dr. Linkletter: Asimov?
Sheldon: Yes, Asimov.
Dr. Linkletter: I told three people the news, and you know what they said?
Sheldon: "Who's that?"
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly. What's wrong with the world? The man's a legend.
Sheldon: I didn't know you were a fan.
Dr. Linkletter: Ever since I read The Naked Sun. I'll admit, I came for the naked, but I stayed for the interplanetary conspiracies.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. Linkletter: How rude of me, Connie. Can I offer you a beverage? Soda, water, Snapple?
Meemaw: I'm fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd take a Snapple.
Dr. Linkletter: You know where the fridge is.

Quote from the episode A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish and the Future

Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I was hoping we could discuss puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: Then allow me to dash your hopes. No.
Sheldon: But I think I may be entering it, and I would like to talk about it, man-to-blossoming-young-man.
Dr. Linkletter: Wouldn't you rather talk to your father or a schoolmate or literally anyone else?
Sheldon: But you went through it once. Sure, it was a long, long time ago, but I'm assuming the basics haven't changed.
Dr. Linkletter: Hold that thought.

Quote from the episode Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific

Meemaw: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. Linkletter: Connie. Grant Linkletter.
Meemaw: Hello, Grant. What can I do for you?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I looked at my calendar and realized it's been six weeks since I last asked you out, so I thought I'd give it another shot.
Meemaw: You ask me out every six weeks?
Dr. Linkletter: Used to be nine, but we're not getting any younger.

Quote from the episode Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone with a restaurant] Yes, two people at 8:00.
Sheldon: 8:00's a little late for Meemaw.
Dr. Linkletter: What time does she like to eat?
Sheldon: Well, she's old like you, so 6:30 at the latest.
Dr. Linkletter: Can we make that 6:30? Wonderful. Hold on. Does she like French food? [Sheldon gives a thumbs down] I'll call you back.
Sheldon: Anyway, Commander Data...
Dr. Linkletter: Let me ask you a question, if this Commander Data were taking your meemaw out for dinner, where would they go?
Sheldon: Almost certainly the holodeck.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds trendy. Is that in Houston?

Quote from the episode Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific

Meemaw: So... what's going on at work?
Dr. Linkletter: I don't want to bore you with science talk.
Meemaw: No, no, I'm interested.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. We're in a race with the Finnish team to see who can correct the unification of the leptons. As you can imagine, the world waits anxiously while we see who crosses the finish line first.
Meemaw: So, the Finnish may be at the finish line?
Dr. Linkletter: [laughing] Oh, you're witty, too. More cheese to bait the trap.
Meemaw: Maybe we should order dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: Nonsense, there's food right here. Pineapple, prickly on the outside, but beautiful inside, just like you.

Quote from the episode Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific

Dr. Linkletter: You're not gonna believe this, but I don't go on a lot of dates.
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: It's true. Sure, I did okay as a younger man, but there was a war on and most of the able-bodied men were elsewhere.
Meemaw: So, you sowed some oats, I get it.
Dr. Linkletter: A whole field of them. I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. Linkletter: [laughs] But here's the thing. Once you put off matrimony past a certain point, women start to think of you as... What's the word?
Meemaw: Creepy?
Dr. Linkletter: There it is. And then along comes you, my little Texas firecracker, playing the game of life by her own set of rules.
Meemaw: I'm a firecracker, I'm a pineapple... Good for me.

Quote from the episode A Tougher Nut and a Note on File

Sheldon: Ooh, I got a response. Someone named RedWolf has the comic I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, joy.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Someone named Sucka MC just offered to buy it.
Dr. Linkletter: Riveting.
Sheldon: RedWolf sold it. This is a disaster.
Dr. Linkletter: That's too bad. Move.
Sheldon: [groan] These message boards are so frustrating. You have to post what you're looking for, then hope someone responds, and then hope you see the reply before they sell it to someone named Sucka MC.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, you're frustrated? I'm sorry. I can only imagine what that feels like.

Quote from the episode Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha

Dr. Linkletter: President Hagemeyer, a word.
President Hagemeyer: Here's a word: Out.
Dr. Linkletter: I understand you're moving forward with Sheldon's grant database. I was an intrinsic part of that.
President Hagemeyer: Hm, Sheldon didn't mention you.
Dr. Linkletter: Of course he didn't, that pint-sized little credit hog.

Quote from the episode Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha

Dr. Linkletter: Well, it's yours, from one scientist to another, and that's my point, really. You and I... we need to stick together.
Sheldon: Why?
Dr. Linkletter: Because this university is filled with people who want to exploit our ideas.
Sheldon: That's not my experience. President Hagemeyer just offered me my own building.
Dr. Linkletter: You're being manipulated, you don't even know it. Sheldon, I've seen this a thousand times. A brilliant young mind like yours taken advantage of.
Sheldon: But isn't that what you're trying to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Absolutely not. President Hagemeyer's was a bribe. That is a gift from one peer to another. So what do you say? Are you a scientist or are you a pawn of the administration?
Sheldon: A scientist.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, you are. [chuckles] So, we have a deal?
Sheldon: Okay.