George Sr. Quotes

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: Anyway, I'm sorry to drag you into this, but it is demons, so it's in your purview.
Pastor Jeff: It is indeed. In fact, at a recent Young Baptist Leaders Conference, I attended a seminar on satanic leisure activities.
Mary: And?
Pastor Jeff: And the important lesson is, rather than have a parent or authority figure take the offending game away, let God remove it, root and stem.
Meemaw: Question, PJ. Uh, how's the big guy do that?
Pastor Jeff: Simple, Sheldon needs to start attending Sunday school. If he likes books with demons and devils, I've got one that will blow his mind.
George Sr.: What book is that?
Mary: The Bible, George.
George Sr.: Sure, yeah.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

George Sr.: Looks like your house is okay.
Meemaw: You were just worried I might have to come live with you.
George Sr.: Oh, I think the word you're looking for is "terrified".

Quote from the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair

Mary: You're a good dad.
George Sr.: If I don't kill one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: What the hell were you doing out there?
Mary: George, language.
George Sr.: What language?

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

George Sr.: I don't understand why that dog is so interested in Sheldon.
Missy: Maybe Bucky likes the way Sheldon smells?
George Sr.: Your brother washes himself three times a day. He has no smell.

Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo

Mary: All right, let's say grace.
George Jr.: [SNIFFLES] Guess I get to hold hands with you now.
George Sr.: Guess so. Maybe Sheldon's mittens weren't such a bad idea.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: I'm worried. There are incantations in this book to summon actual demons.
George Sr.: Is that how we wound up with you?
Meemaw: That's a good one. I'm gonna give you that.
Mary: This is not a joke. This is one of the children's games we were warned about in church.
Meemaw: Then tell him to stop playing.
Mary: It's not that easy. He's finally got a couple of friends. I don't want to scare them off.
George Sr.: Well, when you're ready to scare kids, you got this face locked and loaded.
Meemaw: All right, the other one was funny, now you're just being a jackass.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

George Sr.: Listen, why don't we just go there this Saturday and give it a try?
Mary: And if you don't like it, we don't have to do it again.
George Sr.: Or they'll love it, and they'll do it till they're 18, 19 years old.
Sheldon: I already love it.
George Sr.: My man. Missy? I believe there might be a Dairy Queen on the way there.
Missy: Can I get an Oreo Blizzard?
George Sr.: You know what I think? I think you're smarter than him.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

Herschel Sparks: I don't know what to tell you, George. I mean, is it, is it possible your son has a little crush on her?
George Sr.: Oh, I don't think he's wired that way.
Herschel Sparks: Oh, are you saying that he's a-
George Sr.: No, no, I'm saying he's a bookworm. Unless she's math or a dictionary, he ain't interested.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Mary: I know you've had a number of gentleman callers, but I've never heard you speak like this before.
Meemaw: "Gentleman callers"?
George Sr.: And we wonder where Sheldon gets it.

Quote from the episode A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run

George Sr.: I'll be right back.
George Jr.: Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
George Sr.: You mind if I dip your head in the compost heap?
George Jr.: You could have just said no.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

George Sr.: You want to explain yourself?
Sheldon: I'd rather just go to bed, since I have to be up in a few hours anyway.
George Sr.: Look, I understand you're tired, but that is no reason for you-
Sheldon: I'm not just tired. I'm exhausted. Everything hurts. I get up in the morning to do this job I don't even like. And I'm doing it just for the money, and it's not even a lot of money. I keep trying harder and harder, and it doesn't even make a difference. So if you're going to yell at me or punish me, let's just get it over with.
George Sr.: I'm not gonna punish you.
Sheldon: Why not? I deserve it.
George Sr.: Let me tell you about my day. I got yelled at by the principal for benching a linebacker who's flunking English. Then I got yelled at even more by the kid's parents. Then I had to break up a fight in the locker room. Got elbowed in the neck.
Sheldon: That's a rough day.
George Sr.: That was all before 10:00 a.m. So I get what you're going through. But you'll notice, I didn't come home and take it out on you.
Sheldon: No, you didn't.
George Sr.: I want you to get back in there, apologize to everyone, and finish your dinner.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

George Sr.: How about this? Go ahead and take the job. Yeah, if it turns out Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves for a couple hours after school, then well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Mary: Are you sure about this?
George Sr.: Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em. Teach 'em a little responsibility.
Mary: That's exactly what my mom said.
George Sr.: Really? Well, I still like the idea.

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Sheldon: And then I said octopus aliens didn't need to become Christian because they're not affected by original sin.
Missy: You should've been there; Pastor Jeff almost started crying.
George Sr.: Oh, now I'm sorry I missed it.
Mary: That's your fault for having a hangover.
George Sr.: Or it's God's fault for putting Sunday morning after Saturday night.

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

George Jr.: Where were you last night?
Mary: Out with your grandmother.
George Jr.: But where'd you go?
George Sr.: Enough questions.
George Jr.: Y'all ask me questions when I come home late.
George Sr.: Oh, I can explain that you're an idiot and we don't trust you.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Mary: I hope that doesn't wake up the kids.
George Sr.: Should I go over there and say something?
Mary: I think you should.
George Sr.: I was bluffin'. Don't make me put my socks back on.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

George Sr.: Remind me to tell you about the tax refund I got from the IRS.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

George Sr.: It's solar-powered. Can you imagine that?