Sheldon: So none of you can help me?
Albert Einstein: I believe I can. Sheldon, if I was offered a choice between all the knowledge of the universe or the endless pursuit of it, I would choose the pursuit.
Sheldon: That's very insightful.
Richard Feynman: Hold it, hold it... He didn't come up with that! He stole it from Gotthold Lessing.
Professor Proton: Who's-who's Gotthold Lessing?
Cyndi Lauper: [v.o.] He's an 18th century German philosopher. Now do you mind? We girls are trying to have some fun over here.
Einstein: Apologies.
Richard Feynman: Sorry, Cyndi Lauper.
Stephen Hawking: Our bad.
Professor Proton: I-I like fun.

Ms. Hutchins: Hi, Sheldon, what can I do for you?
Sheldon: Do you have any books or videos on the Lamaze technique?
Ms. Hutchins: Uh-oh. Georgie get that girl pregnant?
Sheldon: It's for me. I need to have a tooth pulled, and I'd like to do it without putting my brain on drugs.
Ms. Hutchins: Okay.
Sheldon: I've seen that commercial with the egg in the frying pan. Very effective.

Georgie: Can I at least change the music we play here?
Dale: What's wrong with the music we play here?
Georgie: Nothing, it's just kind of grandpa music.
Dale: Well, how is this "grandpa music"?
Georgie: Do you listen to it?
Dale: Yeah.
Georgie: Do you have grandchildren?
Dale: Yeah.
Georgie: Do you see where I'm going with this?

Georgie: There you go. I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience.
Man: I did.
Georgie: I'd let the manager know, But he already does, 'cause it's me.
[later, to a woman holding a tennis racket:]
Woman: I'll take it.
Georgie: It's been a pleasure to serve you.
[later, to an older man lifting weights:]
Georgie: You might want to slow down. We don't have a license to sell guns in here. Just kidding, it's Texas. We got them in the back.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, Dr. Bowers, it's Sheldon Cooper. I need you to administer more anesthesia to me. No, I don't have a dental problem. I need to reenter a trancelike state so I can communicate with Thoth, the god of knowledge. I would argue that the greatest discovery in physics is worth losing your dental license. Well, it's not my fault you let them publish your home phone number.

Meemaw: This is not exactly the date night I'd envisioned when I was shaving my legs.
Dale: I'm almost done.
Meemaw: We're elderly, you know? If anything, dinner should be early.
Dale: Well, I'll tell you what, when I'm finished, I am gonna whisk you off to the finest... And the only... Chinese food place in town.
Meemaw: Ying's? Their nachos are weird.

Ms. Hutchins: Well, Since this is a high school, we don't have material about giving birth on the shelves. But... since this is a high school, I... keep a few things here under the counter.
Sheldon: Excellent. And I'll let my brother know, in case he gets himself in a pickle.

Dale: You go to this casino often?
Meemaw: Kind of. So don't be surprised if everybody knows my name, how I take my whiskey and the color of my lucky bra.
Dale: Purple.
Meemaw: No, that's my "get lucky" bra.

Sheldon: [muffled] Where am I?
Missy: Oh, you died. You're a ghost now.
Sheldon: What?

Mary: So, Sheldon, little bit of dental news. You have a baby tooth that never fell out.
Sheldon: Neat. Even my teeth are stubborn.

Dale: I don't know, it's not a bad idea to maybe venture out of Medford once in a while.
Meemaw: Even better, why don't we go away for the weekend?
Dale: Uh, come on... You know how hard it is for me to get out of the store.
Meemaw: What's the point of being the boss if you can't get somebody else to do your work for you?
Dale: Uh, I might be able to leave Georgie in charge.
Meemaw: My grandson?
Dale: That'd be the one.
Meemaw: I want to go, so I'm just gonna say "good idea." [chuckles]

Missy: You're having a tooth pulled, not having a baby.
Sheldon: If it can work for getting an eight-pound human through a birth canal, it can work for a tiny tooth.
Missy: Eight pounds? I'm never having kids.
Adult Sheldon: Fun fact: she ended up having four.
Missy: And if I do, I'm taking any drugs they'll give me.
Adult Sheldon: That part was true.

Dr. Bowers: Okay, Sheldon, you ready?
Sheldon: Not really.
Dr. Bowers: Yeah, that makes two of us. Why don't you guys come on back?
Mary: You know what? I'm just gonna stay here. Um, you don't need me getting in your way.
Dr. Bowers: Oh, it's no trouble at all. Come on.
Mary: I've got my crochet.
Dr. Bowers: You're coming.
Mary: Fine.

Adult Sheldon: If I was going to recapture my insight into a unified field theory, I needed to find a way to put myself back into an altered state of consciousness. Native Americans would sit in sweat lodges for hours to achieve this. I lasted a minute and a half. Self-hypnosis is another means of bringing stillness to the mind. [Sheldon screams] When it isn't giving you a heart attack! The whirling dervishes of Central Asia employ a repetitive spinning technique to achieve a trancelike state.
Sheldon: [retches, falls down]

Adult Sheldon: After my other attempts to return to the trancelike state of anesthesia failed, I turned to something Nancy Reagan herself told me to "just say no" to. My mind-altering substance of choice was... chamomile tea. But not your grandma's chamomile tea. A highly concentrated super chamomile of my own making. All the relaxing power of 30 cups of chamomile tea packed into a teaspoon of calming sludge.
Sheldon: Sorry, Mrs. Reagan.