George Sr.: Where the hell's my travel mug?
Mary: I think Georgie took it, dear.
George Sr.: That son of a gun.
Mary: Missy, your father's gonna take you to school today.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy. I hope it's not too much trouble.
George Sr.: [smiles] No trouble at all, my little angel. [Mary smiles at Missy, too]
Sheldon: [to Missy] Why'd you say they're cranky? They're fine.

Meemaw: What's up?
Missy: Why won't Mom and Dad tell us what's going on?
Meemaw: Well, there might be several reasons for that, but right off the top of my head, I'd say none of your damn business.
Sheldon: Mom's having a baby, and that's none of our business?
Meemaw: [chuckles] Is that what you think's going on?
Missy: Isn't it?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Then what's going on?
Meemaw: None of your damn business.

Missy: [groans] Mom and Dad are still really upset.
Sheldon: With good reason. She's awfully old to be having a baby.
Missy: Is it really dangerous?
Sheldon: Not with modern science, but back in pioneer times, we'd be burying her down by the crick.
Missy: I'm just saying they're cranky enough, so don't be a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm always on my best behavior. You're the hormonal firecracker around here.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: And thar she blows. Moby Dick. It's a book.

Meemaw: She ducking your calls?
George Jr.: Seems like it.
Meemaw: Well, you understand why she might not want to talk to you.
George Jr.: Yes, I know. I'm trying to make up for it.
Meemaw: This might be one of those things you just can't make up for.
George Jr.: Ain't fair.
Meemaw: You better do some growing up fast, 'cause "fair" left the building the second you yanked your pants down.
George Jr.: Thanks for making me feel worse.
Meemaw: Anytime.

Mary: [chuckles] Well, at this point, it doesn't matter, because she doesn't want to get married.
Pastor Rob: Well, I can talk to her if you want.
Mary: Mm.
Pastor Rob: I'm pretty good with young people.
Mary: She's 29.
Pastor Rob: Also pretty good with people my own age. [Mary chuckles]

Pastor Rob: So, how are you doing with all this?
Mary: Oh. Disappointed. Angry, upset, scared.
Pastor Rob: So all the emotions. Got it.
Mary: And I'm worried that if he doesn't marry this girl, the congregation's gonna turn on me.
Pastor Rob: They might. [exhales] But that's putting man before God.
Mary: What do you mean?
Pastor Rob: Well, you're caring more about what people think than what God thinks.
Mary: I'm not caring more. I just don't have to bump into God at the grocery store.
Pastor Rob: I don't think He does his own shopping.

Sheldon: Now my mom wants them to get married, but it doesn't sound like the girl's willing.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you still talking to me?
Sheldon: You and I just click.

Sheldon: Sorry again for being distracted earlier.
Dr. Linkletter: And I'm so sorry you got locked out. I don't know how that happened.
Sheldon: My brother got a girl pregnant. My mom wanted me to promise I wouldn't tell, but I never did, so technically, I'm not breaking my word.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't care.
Sheldon: Thank you. But it's a secret, so please don't tell anyone.
Dr. Linkletter: Don't you have somewhere to go?
Sheldon: No.

Coach Wilkins: Are you okay?
George Sr.: Oh, jim-dandy.
Coach Wilkins: Is this one of those times where you say you don't want to talk about it, and then you make me go to the bar, and then you talk about it?
George Sr.: No.
Coach Wilkins: All right.
[cut to George and Coach Wilkins at a bar:]
George Sr.: I'm gonna tell you something.
Coach Wilkins: Lay it on me.
George Sr.: This is serious. You can't tell anyone.
Coach Wilkins: Okay.
George Sr.: Georgie got a girl pregnant.
Coach Wilkins: Wow. Oh. Congratulations?
George Sr.: On having a dope for a son? Thanks.
Coach Wilkins: Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but weren't you a similar kind of dope with Mary?
George Sr.: It's different. Georgie's, like, 11 years younger than this girl.
Coach Wilkins: That is different. [to the bartender] We're gonna need a couple shots over here.

Pastor Rob: Knock, knock.
Mary: Oh, hi.
Pastor Rob: Just thought I'd show you how to do it on the first try. [Mary chuckles softly] You all right?
Mary: Um... Yeah. Just, you know, life.
Pastor Rob: Mm. I've heard that can be rough.
Mary: Mm.
Pastor Rob: Well, if you ever want to talk or... grab a smoke, I'm around.
Mary: I'm good, thanks. [chuckles] Although, um... A cigarette doesn't sound bad.
Pastor Rob: I was hoping someone would help me get to the end of this pack.
Mary: Then we're quitting.
Pastor Rob: Absolutely.
Mary: It's a disgusting habit.
Pastor Rob: Filthy.

Dr. Linkletter: What is the angular momentum of the neutron and the proton inside deuterium? [no hands go up] No one? Really? Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes?
Dr. Linkletter: What is the angular momentum of the neutron and the proton inside deuterium?
Sheldon: Oh, um, "L" equals zero.
Dr. Linkletter: Close. You're missing the four percent admixture of "L" equals two.
Sheldon: Sorry. I'm a little distracted.
Dr. Linkletter: It happens. Anyway...
Sheldon: Normally, I would have gotten that right.
Dr. Linkletter: I have no doubt. Anyway...
Sheldon: There are just some things going on at home, and I'm not allowed to talk about it.
Dr. Linkletter: And we don't want to hear about it.
Sheldon: I can tell you no one's sick in case you're concerned.
Dr. Linkletter: Anyone concerned? Show of hands. [no hands go up] No? Moving on.
Sheldon: That's why I got the answer wrong.
Dr. Linkletter: Son, it's just a mistake. Everyone makes them.
Sheldon: [inner monologue] Like my brother Georgie did when he got that girl pregnant. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. [Sheldon's hand shoots up]
Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I need to use the restroom.
Dr. Linkletter: This is college. Just go. [Sheldon rushes out] You, red shirt. Lock the door.

Missy: I'm gonna be an aunt. That's so weird.
Sheldon: Not as weird as Uncle Sheldon.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Yeah, well, we're gonna be grandparents.
Mary: And Meemaw's gonna be a great-grandmother.
Missy: That sounds so old.
George Sr.: Please tell her that.

Mary: The important thing is, is that you both need to keep this quiet. This is family business.
Sheldon: I have to keep a secret? I'm not good at those.
George Sr.: It's not a secret. No one's gonna ask you about it. It's just a thing you don't need to bring up.
Sheldon: But what if I do?
George Sr.: What if you don't?
Sheldon: But now it's all I can think about. What if my mouth loses control?
Mary: You're good at keeping promises, right?
Sheldon: Very. Great.
Mary: Then promise you won't tell anybody.
Sheldon: That's an interesting work-around. However...
Mary: You're not telling anyone.
Sheldon: Fine.

Sheldon: Are they getting married?
Mary: We don't know, but probably.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: [scoffs] It would be better for them and better for the baby.
George Sr.: And better for you so your church friends don't get bent out of shape.
Mary: We'll talk about this later.
Sheldon: Ooh, a subcommittee just formed. Exciting.

George Sr.: Do I really need to be here for this?
Mary: Yes.
George Sr.: Double fudge.

Mary: Okay, yes, your... [George sighs] Your brother's gonna have a baby.
Sheldon: With whom?
Mary: Her name is Mandy.
Missy: Ooh, she's the one that's older than him.
Sheldon: How much older?
Mary: That's not important.
Missy: That means a lot.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Mary: Family meeting now.
George Sr.: I'll leave you to it.
Mary: George!
George Sr.: Fudge.

Sheldon: We want to know what's going on.
Missy: And we know it has something to do with a baby.
Sheldon: And we know it's not yours.
Missy: So whose is it?
Mary: This is a private matter, and it does not concern you. [Mary looks to George, who nods his approval]
Missy: It's Georgie.
Mary: You don't know that.
Missy: It all makes sense. You were talking with him in the garage the other night.
Sheldon: And word on the street is he's sexually active.
Missy: Ew. So, who's preggers?
Sheldon: Yes, who?

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
Meemaw: Heads up. The twins were just here, and they were asking a bunch of questions.
Mary: You didn't tell them, did you?
Meemaw: No, but they know there's a baby in the mix. [chuckles] Actually, they thought you were having it.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: Yeah. Anyway, they're gonna be there any minute. Have fun. [hangs up] [Mary exhales]
George Sr.: [exhales] What now?
Sheldon: [door opens] [o.s.] We're home.
Missy: [o.s.] And we want answers.
Mary: That.

Mary: I know. Um... What about the parents of the young couple?
Pastor Jeff: Well, they certainly didn't raise these kids with the right values. I only get them one day a week. The rest of it's on Mom and Dad.
Mary: [chuckles] Right. Right. Um... Oh. But, um... what if the boy's parents did want to do the right thing? I don't see how it's their fault.
Pastor Jeff: Well, didn't the boy still have premarital sex which led to pregnancy?
Mary: [exhales] Yes.
Pastor Jeff: You have to ask, where were his parents?
Mary: Mm-hmm. These are all good questions.

Pastor Jeff: What's up?
Mary: I was hoping to get your take on something.
Pastor Jeff: Of course.
Mary: Um... This isn't really about me, but I recently met a young woman who got pregnant, um... out of wedlock.
Pastor Jeff: I see. Is the young man in the picture?
Mary: He is.
Pastor Jeff: Well, as long as they tie the knot before the bambino pops out, the big guy looks the other way.
Mary: Right, right. But the woman isn't so keen on... knots or tying them.
Pastor Jeff: Then I'm afraid she and that poor baby are in for a difficult time.

Missy: Just wanted to say I'm really sorry.
George Jr.: Forget it.
Missy: You have so much to deal with right now, and I made it worse.
George Jr.: People are gonna find out eventually.
Missy: Do you think you're gonna get married?
George Jr.: It ain't looking good.
Missy: Do you even want to?
George Jr.: Well, I do like her. And I'm trying to do the right thing. Whatever that is.
Missy: Can't believe you're gonna be a dad.
George Jr.: Join the club.
Missy: Is it weird?
George Jr.: M-More terrifying than weird.
Missy: Yeah?
George Jr.: I don't know what I'm doing. What if I mess this kid up?
Missy: You won't.
George Jr.: You sure? I'm a high school dropout living out in his parents' garage. [voice breaking] Mandy's right to not want me around.
Missy: [crying] No, she's not. She'd be lucky to have you. So will the baby.
George Jr.: Don't make me cry more.
Missy: Sorry. That's the last nice thing I'll ever say to you.

Missy: Hey.
George Sr.: Where were you?
Missy: Talking to Georgie.
Mary: He okay?
Missy: We laughed, we cried. It was nice.

George Sr.: How'd Pastor Jeff take it?
Mary: I didn't tell him. I told Pastor Rob.
George Sr.: Of course.
Mary: What's that mean?
George Sr.: Nothing.
Mary: What?
George Sr.: Just seems like you talk to Pastor Rob a lot.
Mary: [scoffs; chuckles] Well, we work together. You talk to Wayne.
George Sr.: Sure. And what did Pastor Rob say?
Mary: Actually, it was helpful. He pointed out that I was putting people before God and that I shouldn't worry about what the congregation thinks.
George Sr.: So, exactly what I said.
Mary: All you said was, "Who cares?"
George Sr.: Next time, I'll stick God in there so you pay attention.

Mary: Hey, what did Wayne say when you told him?
George Sr.: He loves babies, so he was all, "It's a blessing." Blah, blah, blah.
Mary: Well, he's not wrong.
George Sr.: Why am I friends with him? You should be.

George Jr.: So, that's it? Nobody else said anything?
[Mary and George both shake their heads]
George Jr.: Good. 'Cause her parents still don't know, and if this gets out, she's gonna be more pissed than ever.
Mary: Everything's gonna be fine. Let's just eat.
Missy: I... kind of told Heather M. at school. I told her to keep it a secret.
George Jr.: Did you keep it a secret?
Missy: No.
George Jr.: Unbelievable.
Mary: Actually, I told someone at church today.
George Sr.: And I might have told Wayne.
George Jr.: I can't believe y'all.
Sheldon: I know. You'd expect it from me, but from them, it's a shocker.
George Jr.: I ain't hungry. [storms out]

Mary: Let's say grace. Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
All: Amen.
Sheldon: I told Dr. Linkletter about Georgie.
George Jr.: Why'd y'all tell Sheldon?
Missy: They didn't. I figured it out.
George Jr.: Great. Now everyone knows.
Mary: Not everyone.
Sheldon: Just us and Dr. Linkletter.

Mary: Can I tell you something in confidence?
Pastor Rob: Of course.
Mary: Um, my son... ...got a girl pregnant.
Pastor Rob: Whoa. Safe to assume this was a surprise?
Mary: [chuckles] Oh, yeah.
Pastor Rob: And safe to assume it's not Sheldon?
Mary: [laughs] Also yes.

Meemaw: Good night, Wade.
Wade: It ain't good. I lost all my money.
Meemaw: Well, good for me.
Wade: Yeah, yeah.