Sam: This is so unfair. You get so much more than every other student.
Sheldon: Fair isn't everyone getting the same thing. Fair is everyone getting what they deserve.
Sam: Sheldon, that arrogant attitude is why no one sits with you in class or lunch or ever.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that they're maintaining a respectful distance out of deference to my intellect.
Sam: No. That's not what they're doing. They're avoiding you because you're an entitled brat who thinks that you're better than everybody else.
Sheldon: So, I should just pretend I'm less intelligent than I am?
Sam: You should realize that there are more important things in life than how smart you are.
Sheldon: Well, I'm also cute as a button, but it seems shallow to say it. [an exasperated Sam walks away] You could say it.

President Hagemeyer: Here we are.
Sheldon: [chuckles] What is this?
President Hagemeyer: A dorm room, and it's all yours. You can study, take naps, do whatever you want.
Sheldon: No one's living here?
President Hagemeyer: Well, we had an Indian exchange student, but he developed a taste for barbecue, so his parents made him go home.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for this.
President Hagemeyer: You're welcome.
Sheldon: It's like I always say, never underestimate the power of complaining.
Adult Sheldon: I've been testing that theory for decades, still works like gangbusters.

Adult Sheldon: Over the next several days, my social experiment was providing clear-cut data about the benefits of being well-liked.
Matt: Hey, Sheldon. Heard you like these.
Sheldon: Thank you. It's the best watery chocolate milk on the market.
Matt: Thank you for letting me use your room.
Adult Sheldon: I suppose it was like the old saying, "I scratch your back, you scratch mine," which I actually have issues with. Why is your back itchy? A rash? Chicken pox? Scabies? Scratch your own back.

Missy: Can we watch 90210?
George: What's that?
Missy: It's about kids who go to school in Beverly Hills.
George: [groans] If you want to see a show about Beverly Hills, we should watch Beverly Hillbillies. [chuckles] That's a show.
Missy: What's it about?
George: Eh... Imagine your meemaw moving to California.
Missy: I'd watch that.

George: I think I might know why those kids want to use his room.
Mary: Well, he said for studying.
George: They ain't studying.
Missy: Oh, now it makes sense.
Mary: You really think they're...
George: A bunch of college kids in an empty dorm room?
Mary: [sighs] Should we tell him?
George: I don't want to tell him. Do you?
Missy: I'll tell him.
Mary: No.
George: Oh, hang on, she volunteered.
Mary: No.

Dr. John Sturgis: You see, humans have evolved as social animals, so your feeling hurt might be a deep evolutionary desire to cooperate with others to ensure your survival.
Sheldon: So, you're saying it makes sociobiological sense to want other people to like me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, and you may even get benefits from it. It's like on that show you enjoy, Star Track.
Sheldon: Trek.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right. Captain Kirk can't do it all by himself. He needs Doctor Spock.
Sheldon: Mister.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right. And Mister McCoy.
Sheldon: Doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right.
Sheldon: Well, technically, they were his subordinate officers, but Kirk did always deal with them in a friendly manner, so I take your point.
Dr. John Sturgis: Good man.
Sheldon: I suppose I could treat it like an experiment. Run an analysis of the benefits of having people like me.
Dr. John Sturgis: That sounds like an idea the Captain, the Doctor, or the Mister would be proud of.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: You know, you'd think a smart fella like Spock would have a doctorate.
Sheldon: Actually, Spock rejected an offer from the Vulcan Science Academy in order to attend Starfleet.
Dr. John Sturgis: Huh. Not the choice I would have made, but I'm happy for him.

Sheldon: How are you today?
Sam: Since when do you care?
Sheldon: 12:07 yesterday. In light of the fact that we're both human beings and have a genetic interest in each other's prosperity, you may use my dorm room to study.
Sam: Wait, are you serious? That would be amazing.
Sheldon: Good. And does that make you feel more positive about me, less positive, or neutral?
Sam: Um, more, I guess.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis may have been onto something. It did feel nice to be liked. Not as nice as knowing you're the smartest boy in Texas, but what was?

Adult Sheldon: From grade school to high school, every moment of the day is accounted for. From the morning bell to dismissal, you knew where you were supposed to be, what you were going to be learning, and which poor excuse for a teacher you would have to correct.
[flashback:]
Sheldon: Ms. Ingram, can I offer a suggestion?
Ms. Ingram: What?
Sheldon: Never mind. You do it your way.
[flashback:]
Mr. Givens: Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I don't find that interesting.
[flashback:]
Coach Wilkins: Cooper? [sighs]
Sheldon: If you're going to ask us to run, don't you think you should lead by example?
[present:]
Adult Sheldon: None of this prepared me for the gap-filled, Swiss cheese anarchy of a college schedule. Look at these poor saps. Desperately trying to occupy their time until the next class.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, I'm not the one who made your schedule.
Sheldon: No, but as the president of the university, you do have the power to adjust the class times.
President Hagemeyer: So, you expect me to disrupt the schedule of hundreds of students for your convenience?
Sheldon: Finally, we're on the same page.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, I have work to do, and I'm sure that you can solve this one on your own.
Sheldon: I suppose a nap might be refreshing. What kind of lumbar support does that couch have?
President Hagemeyer: That's it. Come with me.

Meemaw: So, how we doing?
Georgie: Not bad, but I still think if you let me advertise, we could get more people in here.
Meemaw: How do you advertise a place that ain't exactly legal?
Georgie: People love secrets. We could get flyers that say, "Come to our secret gambling room, but, shh, don't tell anybody."
Meemaw: That's how I feel about your ideas, "Shh, don't tell anybody."

June: Hey, y'all.
Meemaw: Hey, June. Glad you finally came down.
June: This is so fun, sneaking in through the back alley. [chuckles] Y'all should get a secret knock.
Georgie: 'Cause secrets are fun, right?
June: Absolutely.
Georgie: [to Meemaw] Told you.
Meemaw: Go do your job.
June: So, how's this all work?
Meemaw: You play, you lose, you go home smelling like cigarettes.
June: You just described my love life. [Meemaw laughs]

Mary: And if you're gonna take naps in your dorm, you might want an alarm clock.
George: And remember, no parties. [Sheldon is silent] That was a joke.
Sheldon: And now I know.

Georgie: Maybe we could give out punch cards, like they do at the sandwich shop.
Meemaw: Punch cards for what?
Georgie: You know, every ten times you come here, you get a free play.
Meemaw: What's to keep people from punching it themselves?
Georgie: I'm getting me a free sandwich.

Sam: Well, I was gonna study in my dorm, but there was a sock on my door.
Sheldon: Oh, and you didn't want to touch it. I understand completely.
Sam: Yeah, you really don't, but that's fine.
Sheldon: Well, I have a room here, so you could study with me if you'd like.
Sam: Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. [chuckles]
Sheldon: Why was there a sock on your door?
Sam: It's like a signal.
Sheldon: A signal for what?
Sam: A signal that I should change the subject. How are your classes going?
Sheldon: So well, thank you for asking.

Sam: Wait, you have a single?
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Sam: And you don't even sleep here?
Sheldon: Well, sometimes I take naps, but that mattress is lumpy, lumpy.
Sam: I live with two other girls in a room this size.
Sheldon: You should've complained to President Hagemeyer. She was very accommodating.
Sam: Wait, there are two closets?
Sheldon: That's a bathroom.
Sam: Are you kidding me? I share one with, like, 30 other people.
Sheldon: That sounds yucky.
Sam: It is, Sheldon. It is very yucky. However yucky you think it is, it is yuckier.
Sheldon: Well, you're welcome to use mine. Just squat over the seat, don't sit.