Meemaw Quotes

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

George Sr.: If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting something's wrong with him.
Mary: He hasn't had solid food in five weeks.
Meemaw: Well, if there is something wrong with him, it ain't constipation.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Meemaw: Just when you think he's gonna zig, you get a big old zag.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Meemaw: Mind if I take a crack at catching the Road Runner?
Mary: What are you gonna do that I couldn't do?
Meemaw: Oh, a little trick I learned trying to get prairie dogs out of the hole. Of course we'd whack off their heads with a golf club. I'm not gonna do that to Sheldon.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: I'm impressed.
Meemaw: Me, too. I thought I'd lost him at Sissy Spacek.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

George Jr.: How come he gets to tie up the phone and I can't?
Meemaw: Because what is happening in there is called a miracle, and God-fearing people do not get in the way of those.

Quote from the episode Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

George Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
George Jr.: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid. He tucks in those shirts.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

[Sheldon is throwing laundry in the dryer]
Mary: What am I supposed to do with this?
Meemaw: Send him over to my house before he runs out of gas.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Meemaw: Sheldon's got a girlfriend. What are the odds?
Mary: She's not a girlfriend, it's more of a mental rapport.
Meemaw: That's where it starts.
George Sr.: I did win you over with my superior intellect.
Mary: It was your motorcycle and you know it.
Meemaw: Good thing it wasn't your masculine physique, because that is long gone.
George Sr.: Why do you think I kept the motorcycle?

Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce

Sheldon: Mom, I was going through our expenditures and noticed our grocery bills are up 12% compared to last quarter. Any idea why?
George Sr.: There's a person at the end of the table that eats for free.
Meemaw: There's a person at the other end of the table that eats for three.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: I don't want my little boy in some car with a teenager behind the wheel.
George Sr.: All high school kids drive.
Mary: Yeah? Well, I don't like it. Would you let me get in a car with a stranger when I was young?
Meemaw: Well, nobody ever asked you out, so it didn't really matter.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Meemaw: I could buy it for him, and then y'all could pay me back when you can.
George Sr.: Okay, Connie, now you're just insulting me.
Meemaw: Well, that was not my intention, but I'm glad to hear it.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

Mary: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Missy: Is Daddy gonna be okay?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Your Pop-Pop used to have little chest pains all the time.
Sheldon: Didn't he die of a heart attack?
Meemaw: Well, for insurance purposes, yes.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Meemaw: Okay, here you go. I got you a shovel and a bucket and some gloves.
Sheldon: Did you check the gloves for spiders?
Meemaw: Is this my first day as Meemaw?

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Sheldon: I've been corresponding with Dr. John Sturgis at East Texas Tech. He said I could audit his course.
Meemaw: You're pen pals with a stranger? Is this okay?
Sheldon: He's not a stranger. He's a famous scientist. He carbon-dated the oldest human feces.
Meemaw: That ain't strange.

Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia

Mary: Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus to help you get a good grade on that test.
Sheldon: Shouldn't you have asked him before he took it?
Mary: The man rose from the dead, I think he can fix a test after the fact.
Meemaw: You know, I hear you say things like that, and I wonder if maybe I did have a few too many whiskey sours when you were in my belly.

Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia

Sheldon: Do you think a Spock could become a Kirk?
Meemaw: Well, in my experience, most people stay the miserable bastards they are their whole entire life.
But I have seen some folks change.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Brenda Sparks: Well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be inferring there's something wrong with my Billy.
Meemaw: Darlin', there's no inferring. I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt eating his own belly button lint.