Meemaw Quotes

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

Quote from the episode Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia

Sheldon: Do you think a Spock could become a Kirk?
Meemaw: Well, in my experience, most people stay the miserable bastards they are their whole entire life. But I have seen some folks change.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

George Sr.: If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting something's wrong with him.
Mary: He hasn't had solid food in five weeks.
Meemaw: Well, if there is something wrong with him, it ain't constipation.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Meemaw: Okay, here you go. I got you a shovel and a bucket and some gloves.
Sheldon: Did you check the gloves for spiders?
Meemaw: Is this my first day as Meemaw?

Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles

Meemaw: Okay, I'm here. What's up?
George Sr.: Sheldon won't get out of bed, and I'm gonna be late for work. He's gonna be late for school.
Meemaw: So you want me to get him up and drive him?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Meemaw: I like it better when I just come eat your food and leave.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George Sr.: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Meemaw: I could buy it for him, and then y'all could pay me back when you can.
George Sr.: Okay, Connie, now you're just insulting me.
Meemaw: Well, that was not my intention, but I'm glad to hear it.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Meemaw: Mind if I take a crack at catching the Road Runner?
Mary: What are you gonna do that I couldn't do?
Meemaw: Oh, a little trick I learned trying to get prairie dogs out of the hole. Of course we'd whack off their heads with a golf club. I'm not gonna do that to Sheldon.

Quote from the episode An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius

Meemaw: I'm Sheldon Cooper's grandmother and, uh, I need to take him out of school today.
Diane: Sure. What's the reason?
Meemaw: His Aunt Emelda's not doing well, and has asked to see him 'fore she goes.
Diane: Oh, I am so sorry. Does she want to see his older brother also?
Meemaw: Nah. She doesn't like him as much.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

George Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
George Jr.: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid. He tucks in those shirts.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Meemaw: What kind of Texan drinks pink wine?

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Meemaw: So I saw a lawyer today.
Mary: Why?
Meemaw: I'm putting together my last will and testament.
George Sr.: We're gonna miss ya.
Mary: George.
Meemaw: Don't worry. I ain't leaving him squat.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: It's not funny.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, now. Sheldon in detention? That's funny.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Brenda Sparks: Well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be inferring there's something wrong with my Billy.
Meemaw: Darlin', there's no inferring. I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt eating his own belly button lint.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: I don't want my little boy in some car with a teenager behind the wheel.
George Sr.: All high school kids drive.
Mary: Yeah? Well, I don't like it. Would you let me get in a car with a stranger when I was young?
Meemaw: Well, nobody ever asked you out, so it didn't really matter.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Sheldon: I've been corresponding with Dr. John Sturgis at East Texas Tech. He said I could audit his course.
Meemaw: You're pen pals with a stranger? Is this okay?
Sheldon: He's not a stranger. He's a famous scientist. He carbon-dated the oldest human feces.
Meemaw: That ain't strange.

Quote from the episode An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius

Meemaw: What do you think? I won it bowling. It was either that or a Crock-Pot, and I already got three of those, so I thought I'd surprise you.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Video games are for children.
Meemaw: Sheldon, you are a child. I just blew the hot off your SpaghettiOs.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Meemaw, I just don't think it's a very productive use of my time.
Meemaw: You're a man of science. Aren't you interested in doing a little research here?

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Now, let's talk about this hula girl lamp. What's your best price?
Meemaw: It's my gift to you.
George Jr.: Nice haggle.
Meemaw: Nice mullet.