Sheldon: But why are you wasting your time here when you could be doing science?
Dr. John Sturgis: I told you, I'm happy here.
Sheldon: How could you be happy? You have a doctorate in physics, and you're sticking labels to a case of beans.
Dr. John Sturgis: I had to work here a month before they let me use this thing. And yet, I could go buy a real gun on my lunch break. Ha! Texas, huh?
Sheldon: But don't you miss trying to unlock the secrets of the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I spent my life chasing theoreticals. Here, I have tangible accomplishments and I get to listen to relaxing Top 40 music. Do you know this band, Air Supply? They're terrific. [sings] ♫ I'm all out of love ♫ ♫ I'm so lost without you ♫ ♫ I know you were right ♫ ♫ Believing... ♫

Missy: How come Sheldon doesn't help with the dishes?
Sheldon: When you do their taxes, I'll do the dishes.
Mary: If you don't like washing dishes, that is a good reason to stay in school and get your diploma.
Sheldon: You have a high school diploma, and you wash dishes every day.
Mary: Thank you. Helpful.

Dr. Linkletter: So what does it all mean, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe you should ask someone who isn't drinking on a park bench. [both chuckle]
Dr. Linkletter: You work your whole life. It all seems so important at the time, but is it?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's a good question. It puts me in mind of, uh, Camus' The Myth of Siphisus... Siphaphis...
Dr. Linkletter: Sisyphus.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's the guy. Every day he rolled the rock up the mountain, and every day it rolled back down.
Dr. Linkletter: That's what it seems like. But you escaped. You stopped rolling that rock.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's what I thought. But every single bag of groceries I fill, there's another one right behind it.

Dr. Linkletter: Well, I'm here to convince you to come back to the university. A mind like yours needs to be working on the advancement of science.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I did that for 50 years. Now I'm content just keeping these cucumbers crunchy.
Dr. Linkletter: But exciting new things are happening in string theory. Don't you want to be a part of that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Wasting years scrambling away at the academic hamster wheel? Constantly worried that your life's work is just one big dead end?
Dr. Linkletter: Sure, some paths of research may not pan out, but we still have to try, right?
Dr. John Sturgis: Do we?
Dr. Linkletter: Of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know. Einstein spent the last 30 years of his life on the grand unified field theory and got nowhere.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I wouldn't say nowhere, but I suppose he never did crack it.
Dr. John Sturgis: And to this day, no one has.
Dr. Linkletter: True.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, most of his major accomplishments occurred when he was a young man, which you and I most certainly are not. [chuckles]
Dr. Linkletter: Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Who is that?"
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like to give these cucumbers a spritz?
Dr. Linkletter: No, thank you. Do you sell liquor here?

George Jr.: [o.s.] Did you like school?
Dale: Hated it. I quit and I joined the Army.
George Jr.: [o.s.] How was that?
Dale: Less girls, more getting shot at.
George Jr.: [enters] Well, at least you made it out alive.
Dale: Well, then I got married. Made me kind of miss getting shot at.
George Jr.: Have you ever been happy?
Dale: Ooh, let's see. No.

Dr. John Sturgis: So how come you're here tonight? Were you too drunk to ride your bike home, too?
George Jr.: My father's mad 'cause I dropped out of school.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckles] Ironic. Sheldon's upset 'cause I'm not going back to the university. Look at us. A couple of dropouts.
George Jr.: Don't you have a PhD?
Dr. John Sturgis: Two, but I was trying to find common ground over which we could bond.
George Jr.: All right. You wouldn't believe the day I had. My dad kicked me out. My girlfriend broke up with me. And now I got to find a second job.
Dr. John Sturgis: I drank hooch on a park bench and sang "Lollipop." It was tremendous.
George Jr.: I think I saw you. Were you with some other guy?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes.
George Jr.: What happened to him?

Sheldon: Although I do think Missy should stay in school.
Missy: You think everyone should stay in school.
Sheldon: Well, I understand why someone like Georgie would rather work, but if you drop out, I think you would regret it.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: Historically, women in the workplace have been undervalued. You don't want to make it easier for people to do that to you.
Mary: He's right.

Meemaw: Okay, here's the deal. You get one night here, then you're out.
George Jr.: You're not being very grandmotherly right now. Where's the milk? Where's the cookies?
Meemaw: Do you believe this kid?
Dale: I could go for a cookie.
Meemaw: No one's gettin' a cookie!

George Sr.: Kids in bed?
Mary: Not all of 'em.
George Sr.: Mary, if we let Georgie stay here, we're just makin' this all too easy for him.
Mary: I don't want to fight. I just want to know that our son is okay.
George Sr.: He's fine. He's stayin' at your mom's.
Mary: [sighs] Well, that's something. Although, where does she get off thinking that it's a good idea for him to drop out of school and then lettin' him live with her after he does it.
George Sr.: That's what I said.
Mary: Good! Maybe they'll learn to mind their own business!
Sheldon: [enters] Will you please stop fighting?
Mary: Oh, no. Sweetie, no, we're not fighting. We're just agreeing with each other angrily.

Missy: Not a problem if I marry a rich guy.
Mary: You should marry someone for love.
Sheldon: You married Dad for love and there's a lot of bickering.
Missy: That's not true.
Mary: Thank you.
Missy: She married him 'cause she was pregnant.
Mary: I can finish these up on my own.
Missy: Good, I have a date with Fresh Prince, who by the way is so rich.

Officer: Hey, pal, wake up.
Dr. Linkletter: [wakes up] What's happening?
Officer: You can't sleep there.
Dr. Linkletter: Right, sorry. Excuse me. You didn't happen to see a small bald man around here, did you? Possibly singing "Lollipop"?
Officer: What?
Dr. Linkletter: Never mind. [looks around] Where the hell am I?

George Sr.: Sorry I got riled up.
Dale: Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: Mary's over here all the time yellin' about something... it was a pleasant change of pace.

Dr. Linkletter: So what do we do about it?
Dr. John Sturgis: We sing.
Dr. Linkletter: What do we sing?
Dr. John Sturgis: [sings] ♫ When you're too old to work ♫ ♫ And you're too young to die ♫ ♫ Who will take care of you? ♫ ♫ How will you get by? ♫ ♫ When you're too old to work ♫ ♫ And you're too young to die ♫ ♫
Dr. Linkletter: I don't think I know that one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hmm. Do you know "Lollipop"?

Adult Sheldon: In physics, potential energy is a fascinating topic. Objects like springs store energy when they're coiled, waiting to unleash their full potential and soar to the heavens. Would you look at me go! Even in toy form, I'm shooting for the stars. While the potential energy of an object can be measured in absolutes, human potential remains more elusive. Sometimes, people seem to have all the potential in the world, but for some reason stay stuck to the ground.

Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] This is Grant Linkletter. I'm not home, please leave a message.
Sheldon: [leaves a message] Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I haven't heard back from you. I hope everything went well with Dr. Sturgis. Perhaps you two got caught up discussing physics. Time does fly when you're having fun.

George Sr.: Georgie's only got one more year of school, and then he can do whatever he wants.
Dale: I don't want to come between you and your family.
George Sr.: Too late.
Meemaw: Listen, I know you're upset, but the person you ought to be yelling at is Georgie, not us.
George Sr.: I yelled at him... it didn't help!
Meemaw: Is this helping?
George Sr.: A little, yes.

George Sr.: What are you thinking?!
Dale: I'm thinking I should've went home after your wife left.

Missy: So can anyone drop out or do you need to be a certain age?
Mary: You are not dropping out of school.
Sheldon: Until you're 16... then they legally can't stop you.
Missy: Good to know.
Mary: This is exactly what I was afraid of.
George Sr.: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: I would encourage you to love and nurture the one child you have who's destined for success.

Sheldon: Ooh. Perhaps this is a good time for a physics joke.
Missy: It isn't.
Sheldon: That's the cool thing about physics, time is relative. Okay, here we go. Why was the pirate worried that his shoes were less than "H"? [silence ] Because he had to walk the Planck. [silence] Get it? Because Max Planck is a famous physicist who discovered a constant which is represented by "H." And then he...

Coach Wilkins: Darlene and I love to go line dancing.
George Sr.: Next.
Coach Wilkins: Let's see. There's the Roundabout.
George Sr.: What's that?
Coach Wilkins: It's a roller rink. They have cool lights and a DJ. It's like a disco.
George Sr.: So, when I said no to line dancing, you thought, "Let's put George on wheels."
Coach Wilkins: Ooh. Take her bowling.
[George pictures Brenda Sparks working at the bowling alley]
George Sr.: I don't want to take her bowling.

Meemaw: The kid's a natural salesman. I mean, school's not gonna help with that.
Mary: So, you are fine with your grandson throwing his life away so that he can sell fishing rods and baseball bats?
Dale: Excuse me, those fishing rods provided a nice life for me and my family.
Mary: What family? You're divorced, and your kids don't talk to you.
Dale: [to Meemaw] Help me out here.
Meemaw: A diploma would not have made his life better.
Dale: Thank you. What she said.

Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George Sr.: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George Sr.: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George Sr.: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?

Dale: [on the phone] Well, we don't carry hockey skates. Uh, heck, I know of a place up north where you can find them. It's called Canada. [hangs up]

Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I need you to talk to Dr. Sturgis. He's wasting his time working in a grocery store.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, then the rumor is true?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Good, I spread it heavily at the faculty mixer.
Sheldon: Well, please. He won't listen to me. I'm hoping you can talk some sense into him.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, he's a grown man. Perhaps in a little apron with a nametag... Is how I'm picturing it.
Sheldon: That's exactly right.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.

Principal Petersen: [scoffs] Well, you saying you're gonna drop out?
George Jr.: I guess I am.
Principal Petersen: Does your father know about this?
George Jr.: No.
Principal Petersen: Don't you think you should tell him?
George Jr.: I don't really want to.
Principal Petersen: Well, if you don't tell him, I'm going to.
George Jr.: That'd be great. You're the best.
[Georgie gets up and starts to walk away, before returning for the teenage pregnancy pamphlet]
George Jr.: You never know.

Sheldon: So, will you talk to him?
Dr. Linkletter: Look, if he doesn't want to come back, I certainly can't force him.
Sheldon: But he's wasting his potential.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm just curious, if he were to come back, would you spend more time with him, and therefore less time with me?
Sheldon: I suppose so. Why?
Dr. Linkletter: No reason. Get out.

George Jr.: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: Actually, I wanted to see you yesterday, but you weren't in school.
George Jr.: You noticed that, huh?
Principal Petersen: I've noticed it a lot lately. Level with me, son. Is it drinking? Drugs?
George Jr.: Actually, it's work.
Principal Petersen: Oh. I don't think I have a pamphlet for that. You sure you didn't get a girl in trouble? [holds up pamphlet] You will at some point, just take it.

Meemaw: [to John] Here's the deal... you get one night here, then you're out.
George Jr.: And don't ask for cookies. She is in no mood.
Dale: Well... You know who's at my place? No one.
Meemaw: I think I should stay here and keep an eye on these two.
Dale: It wasn't an invite. Just something I was looking forward to. Later.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye. Did he get a haircut? It looks really nice.

George Jr.: One night here is fine. I'll be workin' more hours now so I'll be able to get my own place soon.
Dale: Yeah, about that. I can't let you work full-time at the store.
George Jr.: What? Why not?
Dale: Well, your parents are pretty upset. I'm not gonna get in the middle of that.
George Jr.: I'll just get a job somewhere else.
Dale: That's your business.

Dale: You're early.
George Jr.: I was sitting in algebra and realized, don't know what "X" is, don't care what "X" is.
Dale: Boy, I hear "ex" and I think of a woman who took half my stuff. That's my problem.

George Jr.: What are you doin' here?
George Sr.: What are you doin' here?
George Jr.: I was hopin' to stay here tonight.
George Sr.: Well, you can't.
George Jr.: This ain't your house.
George Sr.: It ain't yours, either.
Meemaw: It's my house, and I get to say who stays and who goes.
Dale: Okay, well, I'll be going.
Meemaw: Oh, you're staying. [to George] You can go.
Dale: Lucky.

George Sr.: She really took his side?
Mary: I don't want to talk about that.
Meemaw: I thought you two had date night.
Mary: I don't want to talk about that, either.
Sheldon: Why isn't Georgie eating with us?
George Sr.: Let's talk about anything else.

Missy: You look nice. Oh, no, are we going to church?
Mary: No, your father and I have a date night.
Missy: Why? Don't you have enough kids?
Mary: That is not what date night means.

Mary: You are finishing high school, end of discussion.
George Jr.: It's my life.
George Sr.: It's my house. If you're don't go to school, you can't live here.
Mary: Hold on, we are not kicking him out.
George Sr.: The hell we're not!
George Jr.: I'll pack right now.
Mary: Stop, you don't have to go.
George Sr.: Yes, he does. My house, my rules.
Mary: It is my house, too.
George Sr.: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, really.

George Jr.: I thought you'd be more supportive.
Jana: And I thought we were gonna be seniors together. Homecoming court, prom king and queen. Voted most likely to stay together forever.
George Jr.: We can still stay together.
Jana: They can't vote for you if you're not a senior! [sighs] I don't think this is gonna work out.
George Jr.: You're breakin' up with me?
Jana: Yeah.
George Jr.: You're serious?
Jana: I feel like I don't have a choice.
George Jr.: [sighs] Fine, as a workin' man I shouldn't be dating a girl in high school anyway... it's immature.
Jana: Just take me home.
George Jr.: 'Cause it's a school night? How cute. [awkward silence] Take me back.
Jana: No.
George Jr.: Dang it.

Jana: So I'm datin' a dropout?
George Jr.: No, you're datin' a guy with a full-time job.
Jana: And your parents are okay with this?
George Jr.: They'll come around. By the way, can I crash at your place?
Jana: No! My father already doesn't think you're good enough for me. And I don't want him to know he's right.
George Jr.: He's not right!
Jana: He might be a little right.

Mary: Is Dale here?
Meemaw: Yeah, what's up?
Mary: I would like to have a word with him.
Meemaw: Better him than me. Have at it. [Mary enters] Dale, Mary coming in hot!

Mary: Did you tell Georgie to drop out of school?
Dale: What? No.
Mary: Well, he did, and you had something to do with it.
Dale: Well, no, he was just complaining about school and I told him I dropped out.
Mary: Dale, you know that he looks up to you.
Dale: He does, doesn't he?
Mary: Which is why you need to tell him that he is making a big mistake.
Dale: Oh, I don't think I can do that.
Mary: Why not?
Dale: Well, I don't believe he is.
Mary: How could you say that?
Dale: I did it, worked out fine.

Missy: If Georgie's kicked out, can I have his room?
Mary: We are not kicking Georgie out.
George Sr.: You want to start this up again? Or can we just be mad at your mom and Dale?
Sheldon: And Georgie.
George Sr.: Thank you. And Georgie.
Mary: Let's just eat.

[After Dr. Linkletter climbs into his car, Sheldon sits up in the back seat]
Sheldon: I need your help.
Dr. Linkletter: [gasps] Why are you in my car?
Sheldon: Well, I was waiting outside, but then an angry squirrel forced me to seek shelter.