Popular Quotes

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Mary: Sheldon, faith means believing in something you can't know for sure is real. And right now, I am struggling with that.
Sheldon: So you don't believe in God anymore?
Mary: That isn't something for you to worry about. I need to figure this out myself.
Sheldon: Can I help? Maybe I could provide a fresh perspective.
Mary: I don't think so, baby.
Sheldon: Did you know that if gravity were slightly more powerful, the universe would collapse into a ball?
Mary: I did not.
Sheldon: Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful, the universe would fly apart and there would be no stars or planets.
Mary: Where you going with this, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's just that gravity is precisely as strong as it needs to be. And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force to the strong force wasn't one percent, life wouldn't exist. What are the odds that would happen all by itself?
Mary: Why are you trying to convince me to believe in God? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: I don't, but the precision of the universe at least makes it logical to conclude there's a creator.
Mary: Baby, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but logic is here. And my problem is here.
Sheldon: Well, there are 5 billion people on this planet and you're the perfect mom for me. What are the odds of that?

Quote from the episode Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary

Rabbi Schneiderman: Can I ask how your parents feel about this?
Sheldon: Well, when I presented them with my plan, the words "over my dead body" were used.
Rabbi Schneiderman: [chuckles] I'm not surprised.
Sheldon: But they were similarly resistant when I wanted to get an ant farm and eventually they came around.
Rabbi Schneiderman: All right, here's what I'm gonna tell you to do. Read your Bible.
Sheldon: Already did, cover to cover.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Really?
Sheldon: Quiz me.
Rabbi Schneiderman: No, that's okay, I believe you. All right, my advice to you is to stay with the faith of your parents.
Sheldon: What else you got?
Rabbi Schneiderman: Okay. Then I'm gonna tell you to be your own man.
Sheldon: But I want to be a great scientist like Albert Einstein.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Sheldon, when your days are over, God will never ask you, "Why weren't you Einstein?" But he might ask you, "Why weren't you Sheldon?"

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.
George Jr.: Whoa, that's racist.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Missy: What's your homework?
Sheldon: Non-Euclidean geometry. How about you?
Missy: "Symonyms".
Sheldon: You mean synonyms?
Missy: I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms".

Quote from the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair

Adult Sheldon: I never did get to see a launch in person, but that was the best trip I ever had. I wish I had told my father while he was alive.

Quote from the episode Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting

George Sr.: What's a modem do?
Sheldon: It allows me to connect my computer to other computers that also have one.
George Sr.: Why would you need to do that?
Sheldon: So I can share my scientific ideas with academics all over the world. It's like the cybernetic version of the Algonquin Round Table.
George Sr.: I don't know what that means.
Sheldon: That's okay, you're still my dad and I'm genetically obligated to love you.

Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel

Missy: If you're unhappy, just ask God for help.
Sheldon: I don't believe in God.
Missy: [shushes] He can hear you. He knows if you've been bad or good. Like Santa, but he can send you to hell.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Mary: Ssh.
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.

Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

Mary: I was just letting you know that if you were having any problems you could come to me with them.
Sheldon: You think I have mental problems?
Mary: Well, not problems. I'm just worried about your future, and when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes-
Sheldon: Subatomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: You're sitting in my spot.
Tam: Why is it your spot?
Sheldon: It's complicated. Just move.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

Quote from the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair

Adult Sheldon: I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up. In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

George Jr.: I think the saddest part about it is just how sad it is.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce

Adult Sheldon: Visiting Tam's house for the first time was an emotional roller coaster.
For example, it's traditional in Vietnamese homes to have gruesome religious iconography near the entrance. I did not like that.
However, it's also customary to not wear shoes around the house for sanitary reasons. I did like that.
Interestingly, one of the main ingredients in Vietnamese cooking is an extremely pungent condiment known as fish sauce. I did not like that.
But before every meal, it's common for everyone to wash their hands and face. I did like that.
Forks are not customary in a Vietnamese household. I did not like that.
And instead of napkins, there was one towel for everyone to share at the table. Seriously, what are they thinking?

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Sheldon: Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.