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44Quotes from ‘An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius’

An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius

208. An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius

Aired November 8, 2018

When Meemaw wins a video game console at bowling, a quest to save a princess quickly takes over her and Sheldon's life. Meanwhile, Georgie takes a part-time job at Herschel Sparks' autoshop, leading to conflict with George when he wants to drop football.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: "Brave adventurer, prepare to enter a world beyond your imagination. Where the only sound you'll hear is your own heart pounding as you race through the dark woods." This sounds terrifying.
Meemaw: Really? You don't even want to try it?
Sheldon: Honestly, I'd have more fun with the Crock-Pot.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: I'm not getting any younger.
Sheldon: I have to read the instructions first. Did you know this document gives us specific legal rights? We may also have other rights which vary from state to state?
Meemaw: I did not.
Sheldon: Well, now you do. All right, I'm ready.
Meemaw: Great!
Sheldon: To read the manufacturer's warranty.
Meemaw: Oh, you're killing me.

Quote from Missy

Missy: When I grow up, will I be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader? "Not likely." Darn it.

Quote from Missy

George Jr.: Herschel offered me a part-time job.
Mary: Really? Between that and football practice, when would you do your homework?
Missy: When does he do it?

Quote from George Jr.

Mary: I don't know, I think his education should come first.
George Jr.: Come on, Mom. It's not like I'm gonna graduate "val-dictator-torian."

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Over the next few days, I ran to my Meemaw's house so we could save the 8-bit princess. And if it's unclear how important this was, let me say it again: I ran.

Quote from Missy

George Jr.: Too bad he didn't know Herschel. He can fix anything. Guy's a genius.
George Sr.: You mean a car genius.
Missy: Is Dad getting his feelings hurt? "Yes." The ball don't lie.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Even while sleeping, my quest to save the princess continued, which was quite a departure from my usual dreams, such as determining the coolest prime number Which, by the way, is 73.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Your mother's taking him to school.
Sheldon: That's not very efficient. Our car's already going there.
George Sr.: Not that it's any of your business, but I needed a break from your brother.
Sheldon: I certainly understand that. He's an acquired taste. Like Grape-Nuts. The first time I tried it, I thought I was eating gravel. But then I put a little sugar on it and let it get soggy. Now it's in my top six cereals.
George Sr.: I'll try soaking Georgie in a bowl of milk.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Sheldon: I had a feeling. The clue was you don't normally put people in bowls of milk.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: I'm Sheldon Cooper's grandmother and, uh, I need to take him out of school today.
Diane: Sure. What's the reason?
Meemaw: His Aunt Emelda's not doing well, and has asked to see him 'fore she goes.
Diane: Oh, I am so sorry. Does she want to see his older brother also?
Meemaw: Nah. She doesn't like him as much.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: This is hooky, Meemaw. Hooky is a serious offense.
Meemaw: You're messing with me, right? Any other kid would be thrilled their grandma took them out of school to play a video game.
Sheldon: You've known me ten years. When have I ever messed with you?

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Would you like to fight the last boss?
Sheldon: You think I'm ready?
Meemaw: We couldn't have gotten here without you.
Sheldon: Well, except for the part you did when I was sleeping.
Meemaw: We're having a moment here. Don't ruin it.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I've fought many digital battles in my life, but none are as memorable as this first one with my Meemaw. By handing me the controller, she was telling me she believed in me. That inside my small, fragile frame beat the heart of a hero.

Quote from Herschel Sparks

Herschel Sparks: I appreciate that, but you got to know there's an upside to this.
George Sr.: And that would be?
Herschel Sparks: Your son has got a special gift.
George Sr.: A gift? We are talking about Georgie, right?
Herschel Sparks: Yeah. I mean, first off, the kid really knows his way around an engine, which is all well and good. But when it comes to fixing tires, I swear, I've never seen anything like him.
George Sr.: Tires? How do you mean?
Herschel Sparks: George, I've been patching flats for 25 years. You know, slap some soapy water on them, look for the air bubble. But your son, he doesn't need any tricks. He knows where the puncture holes are.
George Sr.: He knows?
Herschel Sparks: He knows. He's got a sixth sense for tire damage. I mean, you got to see him in action. It'll give you chills.
George Sr.: You know, now that you say it, whenever we had a leaky football, he knew exactly where the hole was.
Herschel Sparks: I am telling you, your boy's got a future in the tire business. Goodyear, Firestone, somebody's gonna scoop him up first round.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Thanks, Herschel. That does my heart good.
Herschel Sparks: So I guess you got two geniuses in the family.
George Sr.: Guess I do.
Herschel Sparks: Who knows, maybe Missy'll make it three.
George Sr.: Or it's two.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Nazis, Nazi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: What do you think? I won it bowling. It was either that or a Crock-Pot, and I already got three of those, so I thought I'd surprise you.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Video games are for children.
Meemaw: Sheldon, you are a child. I just blew the hot off your SpaghettiOs.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Meemaw, I just don't think it's a very productive use of my time.
Meemaw: You're a man of science. Aren't you interested in doing a little research here?

Quote from Herschel Sparks

Herschel Sparks: Hey, George, how y'all been?
George Sr.: Good, good. Hey, fixed your place up, looking snazzy.
Herschel Sparks: Ah, thanks. Even got a new water cooler. It's got those pointy cups, look like Madonna's bra.

Quote from George Jr.

Herschel Sparks: So, what's going on with your truck, other than the fact it's got 130,000 miles on it?
George Sr.: She's been running hot. I'm worried I need a new radiator.
Herschel Sparks: As your friend and neighbor, I hope not, but as a businessman, that'd be pretty sweet.
George Jr.: It could just be the thermostat not opening right.
Herschel Sparks: That is correct.
George Sr.: How'd you know that?
George Jr.: I took auto repair last year.
George Sr.: And you actually paid attention?
George Jr.: I'm as surprised as you are.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now we need to put in a name before we start.
Meemaw: What are you thinking?
Sheldon: We should combine the letters in our two names, Sheldon and Meemaw.
Meemaw: Like, uh, ShelMaw?
Sheldon: No, using all the letters, like Emelda Showmen.
Meemaw: Did you just do that in your head?
Sheldon: Yes, why?
Meemaw: Never mind, just put it down.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Should I go left or right?
Meemaw: Why don't you try going in that cave?
Sheldon: Why would I do that? It's probably dangerous.
Meemaw: Sheldon, they wouldn't have put the cave there if they didn't want you to go in it.
Sheldon: Seems unnecessarily reckless, but okay. "Dark and dangerous." I told you.
Meemaw: Just keep going.
Sheldon: The box was right, my heart is pounding.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: Why don't you let the old person give it a shot?
Sheldon: Would you like me to give you a tutorial first?
Meemaw: Give it to me. I'll figure it out.
Sheldon: We are such different people, Meemaw.

Quote from Missy

Missy: How about a Houston Oilers cheerleader? "Signs point to yes." I'm gonna marry a quarterback.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: Okay, we need to set a few ground rules.
Sheldon: Rules, love 'em.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Excuse me. Is there a monster on that screen?
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am.
Meemaw: And can two players swing the magic sword?
Sheldon: No.
Meemaw: So what does that mean as we go forward?
Sheldon: I have to shut my yap.
Meemaw: Attaboy.
Sheldon: Can I still have a panic attack?
Meemaw: If you do it quietly.

Quote from George Sr.

George Jr.: So me and Herschel dropped the engine on this Pacer today. It was so cool.
George Sr.: I had a buddy in high school had a Pacer with the flames painted on the side, which was funny 'cause the damn thing caught fire during the Homecoming parade

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I also found us extra life points inside a demon.
Mary: There are demons in this game?
Sheldon: Don't worry, Meemaw cut his head off.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Hello?
Sheldon: Meemaw. I'm sorry for waking you, but I know how to kill the cyclops. We have to play the piccolo.
Meemaw: Ooh. What a great idea, moonpie. We'll try it tomorrow.
Sheldon: Excellent. Wait, how'd you answer your phone so fast? It's not next to your bed.
Meemaw: Uh, well, actually, I was on my way to the bathroom. You know us old people and our bladders.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Binoculars for his birthday. What was I thinking?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Where's Georgie?
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
Sheldon: I wasn't worried. I was practicing chitchat.

Quote from George Sr.

Coach Wilkins: I didn't see your kid at practice today. Everything all right?
George Sr.: Not really. ... That's it? You're not gonna ask me what's going on?
Coach Wilkins: I just did. You shut me out.
George Sr.: Well, it doesn't mean you can't persist a little.
Coach Wilkins: You know, this is the kind of crap I get from my wife. I do not need it from you.
George Sr.: Sorry. [SNIFFLES] You're really not gonna ask?

Quote from George Sr.

Herschel Sparks: Sorry about the light beer, but Brenda's got me on this health kick.
George Sr.: You are melting away.
Herschel Sparks: Shut up.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: [to a tire] Talk to me. Tell me where it hurts. [ESCAPING AIR STOPS] Gotcha.
George Sr.: I got goose bumps.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Since the 1970s, home video games have been coveted by children around the world. I was not one of those children.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: Fine. I'll just play by myself.
Sheldon: That's amusing.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: I guess it's the juxtaposition of an old person using new technology; it tickles me.
Meemaw: What if this old person really tickles you?
Sheldon: [LAUGHING]: I'll play! I'll play!

Quote from Meemaw

Sheldon: All right, here we go.
Meemaw: I thought I was playing.
Sheldon: You don't know how to play; you didn't read the manual.
Meemaw: You're in charge, Emelda.

Quote from Herschel Sparks

Herschel Sparks: Well, the kid was right. It's just the thermostat.
George Sr.: Yeah, yeah. So how long to fix it?
Herschel Sparks: Nothing, 20 minutes.
George Jr.: Can I help?
Herschel Sparks: Well, sure. Grab yourself a pair of coveralls and have at it.
George Jr.: Thanks.
George Sr.: Really? I'm paying you so my own son can fix my truck?
Herschel Sparks: Well, we could have my son do it, but we know how that's gonna end.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Fine, but I want you here for dinner every night, and if your grades slip, you are done.
George Jr.: Thank you.
Mary: Now go wash up. And don't get grease all over my towels.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Mazes, puzzles, panic attacks, you're in charge. Whooping monster butt, that's my purview.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: Hello?
Meemaw: What?
Mary: It's past his bedtime. Let's go.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, five more minutes?
Mary: No. Now say good night to your grandson. You'll play with him again tomorrow.
Meemaw: Goodnight, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Goodnight, Meemaw.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: How old are you?
Meemaw: [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Mary: And I got my answer.

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: You really want to quit football to go work in a garage?
George Jr.: Hell yeah.
George Sr.: I thought you loved the game.
George Jr.: I do, but look at me. I weigh 125 pounds.
George Sr.: That's not important.
George Jr.: It's not? Every time I get tackled, somebody's got to run over with smelling salts just to wake me back up.
George Sr.: Well, this isn't your decision. You're gonna play football.
George Jr.: You can't make me.
George Sr.: Oh yeah? Wait and see.
George Jr.: Screw this.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That fibber. [calling Meemaw] You're playing the game right now.
Meemaw: I am not.
Sheldon: I saw you with my binoculars.
Meemaw: Oh. How about that.
Sheldon: You promised not to play without me. We're a team. Emelda Showmen, remember?
Meemaw: I'm turning off the game and going to sleep right now.
Sheldon: You'd better. I love you, good night.

Quote from Sheldon

Announcer: Will Sheldon Cooper please come to the main office?
[STUDENTS OOHING]
Sheldon: "Ooh," what?

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