Trending Quotes

Quote from Sheldon in the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Mary: Sheldon, faith means believing in something you can't know for sure is real. And right now, I am struggling with that.
Sheldon: So you don't believe in God anymore?
Mary: That isn't something for you to worry about. I need to figure this out myself.
Sheldon: Can I help? Maybe I could provide a fresh perspective.
Mary: I don't think so, baby.
Sheldon: Did you know that if gravity were slightly more powerful, the universe would collapse into a ball?
Mary: I did not.
Sheldon: Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful, the universe would fly apart and there would be no stars or planets.
Mary: Where you going with this, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's just that gravity is precisely as strong as it needs to be. And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force to the strong force wasn't one percent, life wouldn't exist. What are the odds that would happen all by itself?
Mary: Why are you trying to convince me to believe in God? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: I don't, but the precision of the universe at least makes it logical to conclude there's a creator.
Mary: Baby, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but logic is here. And my problem is here.
Sheldon: Well, there are 5 billion people on this planet and you're the perfect mom for me. What are the odds of that?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Graduation

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode An Introduction to Engineering and a Glob of Hair Gel

Professor Boucher: For your design assignment, you may decide between suspension bridges, truss bridges, beam bridges, just not Beau Bridges. [silence] And people say engineers don't have a sense of humor. [Sheldon raises his hand] Yes?
Sheldon: What are Beau Bridges?
Professor Boucher: That's all for today.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Pastor Jeff: So you were saying?
Sheldon: You've confused possibilities with probabilities. According to your analogy, when I go home I might find a million dollars on my bed or I might not. In what universe is that 50-50?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love

Sheldon: Go get me a beer, woman.
Paige: What?
Sheldon: It infuriates my mom when my dad says it.
Paige: Sheldon, stop. You can't upset me.
Sheldon: Why not?
Paige: Because there are things in my life that are way worse than anything that you can come up with.
Sheldon: You mean your parents splitting up.
Paige: Obviously.
Sheldon: I think I know how to irritate you. I bet you think the divorce is all your fault and now your family is torn apart forever. Did I do it? Did I get under your skin? [Paige clenches her first]

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis in the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like me to sing a cowboy song while we sit around our makeshift campfire?
Sheldon: I would like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: [singing] Oh, pity the cowboy, All bloody and red, For the bronco fell on him, And bashed in his head, There was blood on the saddle, And blood all around, And a great big puddle of blood, On the ground.

Quote from Adult Sheldon in the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Adult Sheldon: A primary feature of quarks is that they're always bonded together, but in that moment, I felt like a neutrino, destined to be alone forever.
[Montage of young Leonard, Penny, Raj, Howard, Bernadette and Amy at that moment]
Adult Sheldon: Thankfully, I was wrong.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle

Sheldon: My parents are being completely unreasonable. They won't even let me drop out of school. And even after I told them that Bill Gates and Steve Jobs both dropped out of college.
Dr. John Sturgis: What did they say?
Sheldon: They said, "We don't care what your friends do, you're not dropping out."
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, Sheldon, I know it's disappointing, but, uh, I think they just have your best interests at heart.
Sheldon: They said that, too.
Dr. John Sturgis: And for every Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, there's a Paul Labiscous.
Sheldon: Who's that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Exactly.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis in the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Meemaw: What- What're you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was doing tai chi and then I realized that I was continually being bombarded by subatomic particles and it behooves me, perhaps, to pay slightly closer attention to them. Maybe "chi" is the ancient Chinese word for the subatomic universe.
Meemaw: You're scaring me, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there's nothing to be scared of. Tomorrow, somebody will win the Nobel Prize about these particles not me. But I'm experiencing them firsthand [LAUGHS] which could be better.
Meemaw: Why don't you come down and experience them on the floor?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think I just felt a neutrino. [LAUGHING] You know, neutrinos are interesting. They never bond with anything, they're always alone. I think that one went right through my pants.
Meemaw: All right, why don't we go downstairs, and I'll fix us both a nice cup of hot tea and you can tell me all about it. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay. It was my dream to win the Nobel, and I'm not going to. I bet Sheldon will.
Meemaw: That'll be something.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.

Quote from Ms. MacElroy in the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo

Ms. MacElroy: Tell you what I do. I send him on little errands. Like the other day, I told him, "Go to the supply room and get me a framastan."
Coach Wilkins: What's a framastan?
Ms. MacElroy: No such thing. I made it up. He was gone the whole period.
Ms. Ingram: [laughs] I'm using that.
Ms. MacElroy: Don't use framastan. That's mine.

Quote from Mary in the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Mary: It's not just bookkeeping. I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues you know, plumbing, electric, what have you. And I'd also head the planning committee for all the social events, which, of course, includes the big three: baptisms, weddings, funerals. And here is the cherry on top. The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings-
George: "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"?
Mary: Exactly. Guess whose job it would be to write those.
George: Yours.
Mary: Already working on a couple. Listen to this. "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."
George: What?
Mary: You know, be one. Like be a Christian. And also B1 the vitamin.
George: Well, now that you explained it, it's funny.
Mary: Yeah. Might be a thinker. But there's a lot more where that came from.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode An Expensive Glitch and a Goof-Off Room

Sam: This is so unfair. You get so much more than every other student.
Sheldon: Fair isn't everyone getting the same thing. Fair is everyone getting what they deserve.
Sam: Sheldon, that arrogant attitude is why no one sits with you in class or lunch or ever.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that they're maintaining a respectful distance out of deference to my intellect.
Sam: No. That's not what they're doing. They're avoiding you because you're an entitled brat who thinks that you're better than everybody else.
Sheldon: So, I should just pretend I'm less intelligent than I am?
Sam: You should realize that there are more important things in life than how smart you are.
Sheldon: Well, I'm also cute as a button, but it seems shallow to say it. [an exasperated Sam walks away] You could say it.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge

Sheldon: So none of you can help me?
Albert Einstein: I believe I can. Sheldon, if I was offered a choice between all the knowledge of the universe or the endless pursuit of it, I would choose the pursuit.
Sheldon: That's very insightful.
Richard Feynman: Hold it, hold it... He didn't come up with that! He stole it from Gotthold Lessing.
Professor Proton: Who's-who's Gotthold Lessing?
Cyndi Lauper: [v.o.] He's an 18th century German philosopher. Now do you mind? We girls are trying to have some fun over here.
Einstein: Apologies.
Richard Feynman: Sorry, Cyndi Lauper.
Stephen Hawking: Our bad.
Professor Proton: I-I like fun.

Quote from Missy in the episode Graduation

Kimberly: So act natural. We're just having a chat. I'm gonna ask y'all a few questions about Sheldon's high school graduation.
Missy: I'm graduating, also.
Kimberly: Really? You're graduating from high school, too?
Missy: No, elementary school.
Kimberly: Oh.
Missy: My class is singing "This Land Is Your Land." Want to hear it? [sings] This land is your land...