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40Quotes from ‘Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero’

Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero

209. Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero

Aired November 15, 2018

Sheldon takes a psychology class and is given an assignment to study his family over the Thanksgiving holiday. A disagreement breaks out between Mary and George after he considers uprooting the family and taking a job in Oklahoma.

Quote from Tam

Tam: Spending the Thanksgiving weekend working in my family's convenience store, I observed my father and mother working from 6:00 in the morning till 10:00 at night. My hypothesis was that economic advancement for immigrant families is more important than celebrating a holiday where people eat until they pass out in front of the TV.
Mr. Givens: All right, Tam. Well, based on your observations and hypothesis, were you able to make a prediction?
Tam: Yes. At some point, my father would die prematurely from stress. And my mother will come live with me, where she will constantly disapprove of my hot, blonde, American wife.
Mr. Givens: Okay. Uh, I think we all learned something there. Uh, thank you, Tam.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: You want to tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Instead of remaining a neutral observer, I got emotional in front of the whole class.
Meemaw: Well, that's not a big deal.
Sheldon: Yes, it is. I'm a scientist. You never hear about Newton crying like a baby when he got brutalized by an apple.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: In tenth grade, high school students are presented with picking a class of their own choosing. This is called an elective. Courses on offer included wood shop, I'm happy with ten fingers, thank you; introduction to agriculture, I think you know the answer to that; wrestling, I'd rather milk that cow. All of which led me to the elective I reluctantly chose, Psychology 101, an investigation into why people think and feel the way they do.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: Notes for psychology paper.
Missy: What you doing?
Sheldon: Shh. Family conflict has been observed. Subject M and Subject D have opposing views on relocating.
Missy: You better not be recording over my Janet Jackson tape.
Sheldon: Would you please?
Missy: Who's Subject M and Subject D?
Sheldon: I can't tell you that, you might skew the results.
Missy: Okay, then tell me what skew means.
Sheldon: Are you going to talk the whole time?
Missy: It seems to be annoying you, so, yeah.

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: Hey, Georgie, you have any sentimental attachment to this town?
George Jr.: I don't know, why?
George Sr.: I'm just curious if, you know, we ever did pick up and live somewhere else, how you'd feel about it.
George Jr.: Well, if it was Hawaii, I'd feel pretty great. That's where they make Magnum, P.I.
George Sr.: I don't think Hawaii's in the cards.
George Jr.: How about Miami?
George Sr.: Let me guess, 'cause of Miami Vice?
George Jr.: Golden Girls.
George Sr.: Course.
Sheldon: Car.
George Jr.: I saw this one where Blanche dates this little guy who breaks up with her 'cause she's not Jewish. So good.
George Sr.: Forget about Miami and Hawaii and Blanche.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, my, I don't know where to begin. Well, first of all, I'm thankful to you, Connie, for how you make me laugh, make me feel cared for, all the ways you're affectionate to me that I can't discuss in-in front of children because that would be inappropriate, right?
Meemaw: Right.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I'm thankful to be here with your wonderful family. This is something I didn't experience growing up. See, my father was away a great deal on business and it was just me and my mother and she was a cold and distant woman who blamed the world for her club foot.
Meemaw: Sweetie.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I-
Meemaw: Wrap it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry. My gratitude knows no bounds.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: Difficult day.
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Psychology? Is that a new interest of yours?
Sheldon: It was either this or milking cows.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. I once was licked by a cow. You made the right choice.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I was supposed to observe family dynamics over Thanksgiving for my hypothesis, then make a prediction.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. All right. So, um, what did you observe?
Sheldon: My mom and dad arguing over moving to Oklahoma for my dad's job.
Dr. John Sturgis: I would concur with that observation. Now, can you form a hypothesis based on that?
Sheldon: Well, their marriage is a zero sum game. What's good for my father isn't good for my mother and vice versa.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent. And your prediction?
Sheldon: Well, based on previous arguments I've observed, my father will try to reassert his dominance by making a meaningless symbolic gesture.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? That seems a bit of a stretch. [George pulls up in a red Fiero with REO Speedwagon's "Take it on the Run" blaring] I will never question you again.

Quote from George Jr.

Mary: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Having coffee.
Mary: Uh, no, not in my house.
George Jr.: Oh, come on, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Mary: Put it down.
George Jr.: I can't drink coffee, I can't chew tobacco, is there anything I can do?
Mary: Yeah, quit talking.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Beginning on Wednesday night, I observed my parents arguing over the possibility of us moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Mr. Givens: Ugh, Oklahoma.
Sheldon: The argument escalated and then my father stormed out and bought a Fiero.
[voice breaks] And then I went to my Meemaw's and slept in my underwear. [sobbing, Sheldon drops his paper and runs out of class]
Mr. Givens: That's it. I've wasted my life.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: I think you're being a little tough on yourself.
Sheldon: I wonder why this is affecting me so much.
Meemaw: Well, maybe it has something to do with your parents arguing.
Sheldon: Us moving? I don't think so. Texas, Oklahoma what's the difference?
Meemaw: Hey, now, I think you might want to crack open your psychology textbook 'cause that there is crazy talk.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I did read a chapter on repressing emotions. I suppose I could've been doing that to avoid dealing with the fear of change, and moving would certainly be a big change.
Meemaw: That's very astute.
Sheldon: I'd have a new room, in a new house, and the new house would probably have a different smell, and I probably wouldn't like that smell because I don't like new smells, and I'd be going to a new school with new kids and new teachers, and I bet they'd all smell different, as well.
Meemaw: Okay, now calm down.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your olfactory senses aren't about to be assaulted by the state of Oklahoma.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes?
Meemaw: Could we do it just one more time?
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? I don't want you to get tired of it.
Meemaw: I won't. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I can't say no to you.
Meemaw: Fire in the hole. [Mary throws a biscuit and John catches it.] Unbelievable. Again, again.

Quote from Sheldon

Mr. Givens: All right, with Thanksgiving weekend approaching, it's the perfect opportunity to observe family dynamics and how our parents, relatives and siblings affect us. Now, the-
Sheldon: Yes, Sheldon. I don't find that interesting.
Mr. Givens: Well, tough knuckles, that's the assignment. Now, you'll all be expected to collect data on your family, form a hypothesis, and make a prediction.
Sheldon: So you're giving us homework for Thanksgiving?
Mr. Givens: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh, boy!

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Hey, listen, something came up today that we need to talk about.
Mary: What's that?
George Sr.: I maybe have a shot at a better job.
Mary: Oh, George, they're finally gonna make you head coach?
George Sr.: Better than that. Special Teams Coach, University of Tulsa.
Mary: In Oklahoma?
George Sr.: That is where they're keeping Tulsa these days.

Quote from Missy

Dr. John Sturgis: Mary, I just can't thank you enough for inviting me today.
Mary: You're very welcome, John. Love having you here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Last Thanksgiving, I just sat in my apartment all by myself and ate a turkey sandwich.
Meemaw: That is so sad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it wasn't at the time, but now that I have something to compare it to, I realize what a pathetic loser I was.
Meemaw: You were never a loser.
Missy: Yeah, you were.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Subject D is attempting to influence Subject G regarding relocating.
George Sr.: What about you, Sheldon?
Sheldon: What about me what?
George Sr.: Could you ever see yourself leaving Medford?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm unable to express an opinion at this time.
George Sr.: Why not?
Sheldon: In the interest of science, I have to remain a neutral observer.
George Sr.: Glad I asked.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: Listen, I'm gonna need your help with something.
Meemaw: Is it about money?
Mary: No.
Meemaw: Then I'm your gal.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: What's up?
Mary: George is up for a coaching job at the University of Tulsa.
Meemaw: Tulsa? Ugh. Last year, I lost $800 on that damn team.
Mary: I'm sorry to hear that.
Meemaw: I'm fine with most of the Division I stuff, but these independent teams, I j- I just can't seem to get a handle on it. You think if George got that job he might give me an inside line?
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: Well, I'd cut him in, make it look like a Christmas present.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: Would you please listen to me? If we move up there, other than holidays, you're not gonna see your grandkids.
Meemaw: Oh, that's a point. You make it sound like a Sophie's Choice kind of deal.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: During dinner, maybe you could express how devastating it would be to be away from the kids.
Meemaw: Well, I don't think I'd use the word "devastating." That doesn't sound like me.
Mary: Okay, well, use whatever word you want.
Meemaw: I might use "heartbroken."
Mary: Good, use that.
Meemaw: Yeah, maybe. Have you got a thesaurus?

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: Don't be scared, Sheldon, it's just a parade.
Sheldon: I already don't like dogs. Gigantic and floating does not help.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: Hey, so listen, how attached are you to living here in Medford?
Missy: I don't know what that means.
George Sr.: If we moved away, do you have really good friends that you'd miss a lot?
Missy: I have really good friends, but I think they would mostly miss me.
George Sr.: 'Cause you make friends wherever you go.
Missy: I do. People are drawn to me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.

Quote from Missy

Mary: Missy?
Missy: I'm thankful that there's two different Ghostbuster cartoons.
Meemaw: That's it?
Missy: Unless you know about a third one.

Quote from George Jr.

Mary: Georgie?
George Jr.: Um, I'm thankful for my job at the auto shop. Uh, let's see- Oh, Alyssa Milano from Who's the Boss? She's really hot. That's about it.
Mary: That's wonderful.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Shelly?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Mom, but if I answer that question, I'd be violating my experimental protocol.
Mary: Okay, moving on.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: : As we sat in silence, I had a horrible realization. For the first time in my life, I didn't look forward to doing my homework.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are we sleeping there? Do I need to bring pajamas?
George Jr.: Just sleep in your underwear.
Sheldon: In my underwear? I hardly think so.

Quote from Missy

Mary: You kids excited to go back to school?
Sheldon: Of course I am.
Missy: He doesn't speak for me.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: Where's Dad?
Mary: He went to Oklahoma for that job interview.
Missy: I thought you put your foot down on that one.
Mary: Just keep eating your breakfast.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: Okay, let's try a different approach. Can I take you to get some ice cream?
Sheldon: I'm having an emotional crisis, Meemaw. You can't fix that with ice cream.
Meemaw: Right. Sorry. You want to go to RadioShack?
Sheldon: Yes, I want to go to RadioShack!

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Very impressive. Not sure how you did it, but that is the least disgusting locker room I've ever been in.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: I turned it down.
Mary: Why?
Missy: 'Cause you're afraid of Mom?

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: As a child, I never understood the sacrifices my father made for his family's happiness, which made me somewhat less compassionate than I should've been.
Sheldon: Yay. We're not moving.

Quote from Mary

Mary: I'm thankful to be surrounded by my loving family.
Missy: What about that guy?
Mary: That guy- Dr. Sturgis Is part of our extended family.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm, thank you.
Mary: And I'm also thankful for this warm and comfy home that God has blessed us with and this great neighborhood with my mom living right across the street, and of course our excellent school system that provides our children with a world-class education.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Okay, my turn. Um, I am so thankful to be able to watch my grandchildren grow up.
And I can't even tell you how much it means to me that y'all live right across the street.
And if y'all weren't, I would just be heartbroken. And not just heartbroken. Crestfallen and chagrined. And, uh, I'm also thankful for my health, that that mole on my hip turned out to be nothing, and, uh, I'm very thankful for John here, who has brought so much happiness to me.
That's it for me.

Quote from Missy

Mary: George?
George Sr.: Well, I'm thankful to share Thanksgiving dinner with my family, of course. I'm also thankful for this fine country we live in and all the opportunities it provides us. Especially when those opportunities come once in a lifetime and require taking a small risk and believing in one another.
Mary: We're really gonna do this now?
George Sr.: Hey, you started it with all that school system crap.
Mary: I only did that because you've been trying to twist the kids' heads around.
George Sr.: All right, who talked?
Mary: Who do you think?
George Sr.: Missy.
Missy: Yup.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: Well, it doesn't matter because you obviously went to your mother and made her your stalking horse.
Meemaw: Of course she went to me. Move to Oklahoma, what's wrong with you?
George Jr.: Wait, we're moving to Oklahoma?
Missy: I thought Texans don't like Oklahoma.
Meemaw: You're damn right we don't.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's wrong with Oklahoma?
Meemaw: I'll tell you later.

Quote from Missy

Meemaw: Everybody's going to Meemaw's. Come on.
Missy: It's not like we haven't heard them fight before.
Meemaw: Just keep moving.

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