Billy Sparks: You like meatloaf?
Missy: Yeah, is that what we're having?
Billy Sparks: No, just making dinner conversation.

Mary: Maybe it would be better if you went to your parents with, um, good news first.
Mandy: And what would that be?
Mary: Well... everybody loves a wedding.
George Sr.: Would you stop with that?
Mary: It needs to be discussed.
Mandy: No, it doesn't. I'm having a baby, I don't need to marry another one.
George Jr.: I know I'm young now, but think about it... When you're a dried-up old lady, I'll be your hot trophy husband.
Meemaw: Maybe her dad should put you down.

George Jr.: Okay, in my defense...
Meemaw: You have no defense. You're an idiot.
George Jr.: That was a big part of my defense.

Meemaw: You were saying?
Mary: I was just thinking about when I was pregnant with Georgie, and... how hard that must've been for you. I'm sorry.
Meemaw: Georgie got that girl pregnant?!
Mary: Keep your voice down. And... yes.
Meemaw: Oh...

Meemaw: So, Mandy, your people from around here?
Mandy: Uh, Oklahoma originally.
Meemaw: Well, we won't hold it against you. [laughs]

Mary: I hope brisket's okay. Georgie wasn't too sure what kind of food you liked.
George Jr.: We didn't do a lot of eating when we were together.
[Mandy gives Georgie a dirty look]

George Sr.: So, Mandy, what do you do?
Mandy: Right now I'm just waiting tables.
George Sr.: Well, people need to eat.
Mandy: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: Mm-hmm. You know what I enjoy? That T-G-I-F Friday. They got a whole menu page, just appetizers.

Mary: [sighs] Pastor Jeff is right next door. Maybe I should invite him to join us.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: So we can bring God into the conversation.
Meemaw: God let her get pregnant. I think He's done enough.

George Jr.: Hey, let's just keep in mind, I didn't do this by myself. It takes two to tango.
Meemaw: Do you even know what a tango is?
George Jr.: It's sex, ain't it?

George Sr.: [scoffs] I don't see why I got to wear a tie.
Mary: Because we want to make a good impression.
George Sr.: She already met this bozo, aren't we past that?

George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: I messed up.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: What do I do?
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: Please, say anything else.
George Sr.: I'm trying! Okay... Are you sure she's pregnant?
George Jr.: Yes, she took a test.
George Sr.: Sometimes those things are wrong.
George Jr.: She took more than one.
George Sr.: Well... Are you sure it's yours? Some gals like to get around.
George Jr.: Dad, she's pregnant, it's mine and she's having it.
George Sr.: Y'all are too young to have a baby!
George Jr.: I am. She's actually 29.
George Sr.: Oh, no.

Mary: When do we get to sit down with her and talk this through?
George Jr.: Ah, yeah, here's the thing about that: she ain't real eager to meet y'all.
Mary: Why not?
Meemaw: Did you want to meet George's parents when he knocked you up?
Mary: I was not "knocked up," I was with child. And he's right there. [Georgie waves to Meemaw]

George Sr.: Come on, I'm taking you both to school. Let's move it. [exits]
Missy: He looks terrible.
Sheldon: He has had heart problems, plus he's been having a rough time at work.
Missy: Not to mention he's pretty chunky.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. I wonder if RadioShack makes a defibrillator.

Sheldon: What do you think is going on?
Missy: I don't know, but I'm telling you, it's bad.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. Maybe they're planning a surprise party for us.
Missy: Our birthday isn't for months.
Sheldon: True. Maybe they needed some lead time. You can't expect Stephen Hawking to roll in at a moment's notice.

Sheldon: Mom, have you seen my Thursday socks? I looked in my drawer and I could only find Wednesday and Friday.
Mary: Thursday's are in the dryer.
Sheldon: Mm. [opens dryer] Oh. Here's the little rascals.

Meemaw: You look like crap.
Mary: Thanks.
Meemaw: You go out drinking last night?
Mary: Of course not.
Meemaw: 'Cause when I look that bad, I been out drinkin'.

Mary: I just think that God wants children raised within the bonds of holy matrimony.
George Sr.: Mary, they already made one giant mistake, they don't have to make another.
Mandy: So, marrying me was a mistake?
George Sr.: I'm not talking about us, I'm talking about them.
Mary: I think we all know who you're talking about.
George Sr.: You really want to do this now? You're honestly happy with how your life turned out? You have no regrets?
Mary: That "giant mistake" gave us our children who I love very much.
Meemaw: [whispers] What about your husband?
Mary: Oh, I love him just fine!
George Sr.: Oh, nice, put that on a Hallmark card.
Mary: What do you want me to say?
George Sr.: I want you to admit that this marriage hasn't exactly been a bed of roses.
Mary: Wake up, no marriage is a bed of roses!
George Sr.: Well, then I guess we nailed it!
Mary: I guess we did! And that kid is gonna be Baptist!
Meemaw: So, Mandy, glad you came? [tops up her drink from a flask]

Missy: Makes perfect sense, they're getting divorced.
Sheldon: If they do, I'm staying with Mom.
Missy: That's fine, I'll take Dad.
Sheldon: And if he does die, you'll get the house to yourself.
Billy Sparks: You can live with us.
Brenda Sparks: Nobody's dying, nobody's getting divorced.
Billy Sparks: Except you and Dad.
Brenda Sparks: Just eat your dinner.
Missy: I wonder if our dad met another woman.
Brenda Sparks: [awkward chuckle] Nobody met nobody. You eat your dinner, too.
Billy Sparks: My dad's with another woman. She's nice.
Brenda Sparks: Dinner!
Sheldon: Which would be perfect with little chunks of hot dog in it.
Billy Sparks: Her name is Martha Jean.
Brenda Sparks: Billy!
Billy Sparks: [whispers] She works at a tanning salon.

George Jr.: Thanks for coming.
Mandy: Yeah, it was... great.
George Jr.: Okay, so, I'll talk to you?
Mandy: I guess. [Georgie leans in] What are you doing?
George Jr.: Giving you a kiss good night.
Mandy: I think you've given me enough.

Mary: So, you're Catholic?
Mandy: I'm not really anything.
Mary: But you'll be raising this child with some sort of religious upbringing.
Mandy: [chuckles] I haven't really thought about it.
Mary: Well, that's one of the things we can help with, starting with grace.
George Jr.: Mom...
Mary: We're starting with grace! [all hold hands] Heavenly Father...
Mandy: Why not heavenly mother?
George Jr.: [whispers] Don't, just don't.
Mary: Heavenly Father, bless this food and the hands that prepared it. And thank you for bringing Mandy into our family and watch over this child as he or she grows and becomes a God-fearin' Baptist, amen.
George Sr.: Amen.
Meemaw: Smooth.

George Sr.: She's not gonna marry him.
George Jr.: What's wrong with me?
George Sr.: You're an idiot. You're irresponsible. You live in a garage and use a sink as a toilet! Care to jump in?

Missy: Where's Mom and Dad?
Sheldon: I don't know. I just got home and no one's here.
Missy: You sure?
Sheldon: It's a tiny house and Dad's a big guy.
Missy: Thanks for the heads-up.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Missy: To watch R-rated movies until they get back, doy.

[When Missy doesn't respond as Sheldon knocks on her door while she sings along to "Achy Breaky Heart", Sheldon leans in and grabs a plush toy from Missy's bed and throws it at her head]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: It felt weird coming in without being invited.
Missy: That's because everything you do is weird.

Mary: What's going on? Everything okay?
George Sr.: You might want to sit.
Mary: Now you're scaring me.
George Sr.: No one died.
George Jr.: Kind of the opposite, actually. [George rolls his eyes]

George Sr.: What?
Missy: Nothing. ... I love you.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: In case it's not apparent, she was speaking for both of us.
George Sr.: Okay.

Mary: You're gonna have to introduce us to this girl.
George Jr.: Why?
George Sr.: 'Cause she's having our grandbaby, you dumb son of a bitch.
Mary: George! But what he said.
George Jr.: I'll ask her, but she's not very happy with me right now.
George Sr.: Yeah, I like her already.

Mary: So, Mandy, my mother mentioned that your folks don't know about the baby.
Mandy: No, not yet.
Mary: Well, I'm sure they'll be excited when you tell them you're bringing new life into the world.
Mandy: [to Meemaw] Is that how you felt when she got pregnant?
Meemaw: About the baby? [scoffs] Yeah. The guy who did it? [blows raspberry]
George Sr.: Mutual.
Mary: They kid around like that.
George Sr.: Yeah, all good fun.
[George gives Meemaw an evil look]

Mandy: Ah, damn it.
Meemaw: I'm not here to fight with you, or pass judgment on you, I just want to talk about... where we're going with all this.
Mandy: There's nothing to talk about. All this is my business.
Meemaw: That's true. I just thought it might be nice if you got to meet Georgie's family.
Mandy: I haven't even told my own parents yet.
Meemaw: Just so you know, I went through this very thing with my own daughter, Georgie's mom. So, we get it.
Mandy: Really?
Meemaw: We just want to be helpful.
Mandy: Well, I'm not very happy with Georgie right now.
Meemaw: Nobody is. We get it.

Mary: Well, regardless of what goes on with your parents, we want you to know that we are here for you and the baby, who we will love and cherish.
Mandy: Thank you.
George Jr.: Me, too. In fact, if you want, I can go with you to tell your parents.
Mandy: Yeah, and then my father can shoot you. [Georgie laughs] I'm not kidding.

Meemaw: Sorry about all the yelling.
Mandy: Are they always like that?
Meemaw: Not in front of company. So, it's kind of like you're already family.
Mandy: Lucky me.
Meemaw: Mm. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell your folks?
Mandy: I was thinking about waiting until my mom tells me to lay off the pie.
Meemaw: Well, just remember, if you ever need anything, call me. I've already been through this with my daughter, so I know how to do it wrong.
Mandy: [laughs softly] Thanks. [hugs Meemaw and then walks away]
George Jr.: [through the window] You get a hug and I get nothing?!

George Jr.: I know it didn't go great the other night, but I meant what I said... I'll be there for you.
Mandy: Georgie, not now.
George Jr.: I'm serious. I'll go to baby classes with you. You need to learn that breathing stuff.
Mandy: Okay, one chicken fried steak and a cheeseburger.
George Jr.: Ain't you gonna refill their water?
Mandy: Go away!
George Jr.: Also, you'll be throwing up in the morning... I'm good with that. You may not know, but your feet are gonna swell up, and your boobs. I'll rub whatever you need rubbed.
Mandy: Good to know.
Cook: Table three, order up.
George Jr.: Want me to get that? You know, in your condition.
Mandy: Georgie, I got it.
George Jr.: Sorry, I'll quit bothering you.
Mandy: Great.
George Jr.: Just one more thing. I love you.
Mandy: What?
George Jr.: You ain't got to say it back.
Mandy: Yeah, I'm not gonna.
George Jr.: Don't forget their water!

Missy: I have new information.
Sheldon: What is it?
Missy: I heard them talking about a baby.
Sheldon: Oh, my.
Missy: You know what that means.
Sheldon: Mom's pregnant.
Missy: Exactly.

Brenda Sparks: We're having spaghetti.
Sheldon: With hot dogs cut up in it?
Brenda Sparks: Ew, no.
Sheldon: I'd like to go home, please.
Missy: We can't.
Billy Sparks: How come?
Brenda Sparks: Yeah, how come?
Missy: We don't know.
Sheldon: The leading theory is my father's dying.
Brenda Sparks: I don't think that's it.
Missy: Well, something's wrong.
Billy Sparks: Maybe they're getting divorced like my mom and dad.
Brenda Sparks: Billy! We don't talk about that.
Billy Sparks: [smiles] Never mind.

George Sr.: I guess we don't even know your last name.
Mandy: McAllister.
George Sr.: Scottish, right?
Mandy: Right.
George Sr.: 'Cause if it was Irish, it'd be O'McAllister.

Mary: Thanks, Brenda, I really appreciate it. Oh, nothing major, just, um, some family stuff that we need to talk about and it'd be better if the kids weren't here. Great, I'll send 'em over at 6:00?
Okay. [hangs up]
Missy: Where are we going?
Mary: [gasps] Don't be sneaking up on me.
Missy: I wasn't sneaking. Where are we going?
Mary: Brenda invited you and your brother over to dinner with Billy tonight.
Missy: Why?
Mary: Because they're nice people!
Missy: Wow. Take a pill. [Mary groans]

George Sr.: You ever stop to think maybe she doesn't want to marry a 17-year-old?
Mary: He'll be 18 in March.
George Sr.: All right, you're just being ridiculous. [goes back inside]
Mary: I'm being a Christian.
[After Mary walks over and knocks on the garage door, a dozy Georgie opens it]
Mary: When you were born, you were a gift from God but that does not change the fact that I am very mad at you!
George Jr.: All right. [closes door]

Mary: Oh, so, what do we do now?
George Sr.: We don't have a lot of choices. We're gonna be grandparents and, uh... [Mary sighs] What's the girl's name again?
Mary: Mandy.
George Sr.: And Mandy is gonna be part of our lives in some shape or form until we're, you know, dead.
Mary: What do you mean, "shape or form"? Georgie's gotta marry her.
George Sr.: No, Mary, he doesn't.
Mary: How am I supposed to set foot in my church if our son has a child out of wedlock?
George Sr.: It's nobody's business.
Mary: It's a small town, George, everything is everybody's business.

George Sr.: Kind of déjà vu, huh?
Mary: Kind of. I wanna be furious at him, but how can I?
George Sr.: The trick is to forget we did the same thing, then it's easy.
Mary: At the time, it seemed like our lives were over, but... then Georgie was born.
George Sr.: With that crazy head of hair.
Mary: [laughs] And just like that... it was the best thing that could have happened to us.
George Sr.: What kind of cigarette are you smoking there?

Sheldon: [knocking] [o.s.] Hello?
Mary: Yeah, baby?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I was just wondering where everyone was.
Mary: Uh, we're just in here talking. We'll be out in a little bit. Everything okay?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I'm fine. But Missy's watching a movie called Porky's.
Mary: I don't know what that is.
George Jr.: That one's rough.
George Sr.: Not good.
Mary: I'll be right back in, baby.
Sheldon: Hmm. [walks away]

Mary: What do we even know about this girl?
George Jr.: Well, that's the thing...
George Sr.: Buckle up.
George Jr.: She's 29.
Mary: Years old?! Oh, my... [stands up]
George Jr.: Guess we're standing again.
Mary: What kind of 29-year-old dates someone your age?!
George Jr.: Obviously the kind that was lied to.

George Sr.: You realize you have to tell your mother.
George Jr.: Well, I just told you. Maybe we let it sit awhile.
George Sr.: [stammers] I can't know this and keep it to myself.
George Jr.: Dale did. Like a champ.
George Sr.: [scoffs] Georgie, you have to tell her.
George Jr.: Fine. Will you at least be there?
George Sr.: Yeah.
George Jr.: And tell her?