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43Quotes from ‘An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo’

An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo

110. An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo

Aired January 4, 2018

When Principal Petersen thinks the school's curriculum is no longer challenging enough for Sheldon, he encourages Mary and George to consider sending Sheldon to an academy for gifted children in Dallas.

Quote from Missy

Meemaw: You sure you're not jealous 'cause your little brother's moving up in the world?
George Jr.: Hey, I got plans of my own.
Meemaw: Do tell.
George Jr.: Soon as I graduate high school, I'm gonna be a professional male model.
Meemaw: That is hilarious.
George Jr.: What? I'm good-lookin'.
Meemaw: No, that you think you'll graduate high school.
Missy: The model thing was funny, too.

Quote from Sheldon

Flora: I must tell you, in all the years I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.
George Sr.: Well, that's real nice to hear.
Flora: Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class. He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student."
Sheldon: That doesn't sound like me at all.
Mary: Sure it does, sweetie.

Quote from Meemaw

George Jr.: [to Mary] Why you cryin'?
Meemaw: Why you stupid?

Quote from Missy

Missy: Sheldon, can you hear me? It's your twin sister, Missy. Everything's all right here, but I think Mom misses you real bad. All right, I can't hear you, so I'm gonna hang up now.

Quote from Sheldon

Ms. Ingram: And so the square of sine plus cosine equals one. Sheldon.
Sheldon: I don't want to embarrass you, so I'm going to give you a moment to think about what you just said.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Sheldon, can you come in here for a minute?!
Sheldon: Yes?
George Sr.: Have a seat. We want to talk to you.
Sheldon: All right.
George Sr.: So, today we found out about a school in Dallas for really smart kids.
Sheldon: When can I start?
Mary: Hold on. Dallas is far away, so you'd have to live with another family.
Sheldon: Do they have a dog?
Mary: Uh, we don't know.
Sheldon: Well, can you make some calls?
Mary: I guess, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad?
Sheldon: Oh. Yes, I suppose I will. So, when are you calling about the dog?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What's wrong with them?
Mary: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: They're so quiet. Are they on medication?
Mary: No, they're just smart like you.
Sheldon: I've been going to school in a zoo.

Quote from Sheldon

Flora: Sheldon, I've been looking over your transcripts and I must say, I am very impressed.
Sheldon: Thank you. What's your doctorate in?
Flora: Noncommutative Algebraic Topology.
Sheldon: I like her.

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: It's gonna be weird around here without Sheldon.
George Jr.: Don't you mean less weird?
Meemaw: That's not nice.
George Jr.: I wasn't trying for nice.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Flora, I have to ask about the living arrangements. That's our main concern.
Flora: Well, I think I can reassure you about that. My husband and I have been hosting a student for the last several years who recently graduated and is now at Princeton. So we have a guest room available in our home.
George Sr.: That's very generous of you. Does your husband work at the school also?
Flora: No, he's retired. He was an astrophysicist for NASA.
Sheldon: Please tell me you don't have a dog.
Flora: No, we're both allergic.
Sheldon: I'm tingling.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: As you can see, even as a small child, people cherished having me around and wept over my absence.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: All right, let's say grace.
George Jr.: [SNIFFLES] Guess I get to hold hands with you now.
George Sr.: Guess so. Maybe Sheldon's mittens weren't such a bad idea.

Quote from George Jr.

Meemaw: Me and the kids had a nice day. Watched a lot of football.
George Jr.: You know, the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it. And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet. But his helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it, it has the letter "M."
Meemaw: We talked about that for an hour.

Quote from Sheldon

Flora: All right. Dig in.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Aren't we going to say grace?
Flora: Uh, we don't do that in our house.
Sheldon: Oh.
Flora: But you're welcome to do so.
Sheldon: That's all right. I don't believe in God.
Elliot: Well, then why would you say grace?
Sheldon: Because it makes my mom happy.
Flora: And why are you wearing mittens?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know where your hands have been.
Flora: Okay. Maybe we should just eat.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: I'm telling you, this is a terrible idea. This is a terrible, terrible idea.
Meemaw: He's gonna be fine. You'll see.
Mary: I can't believe you're okay with this.
Meemaw: I'm not okay with this. I'm just trying to be strong for you!
Mary: What? You thought him leaving was a good idea.
Meemaw: Oh, I only said that because you thought it was a bad idea. You know how it's always my nature to go the other way. Say "up."
Mary: Up.
Meemaw: Down.

Quote from Missy

Missy: You got my message! Hi-yah! [jumping across to Sheldon's bed]
Sheldon: No hugging! No hugging! [Missy laughing]

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: "You'll not see nothin'." Shame on whoever wrote that.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Well, I don't understand how you could turn this down. This place looks fantastic.
Mary: It's 200 miles away, Mom.
Meemaw: I know where Dallas is. I used to buy my marijuana there.
George Sr.: Really?
Meemaw: I said "used to". Then I got pregnant with this one and all the fun stopped.

Quote from Missy

Missy: You awake?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Are you gonna miss me?
Sheldon: I haven't given it any thought.
Missy: Well, we're just lying here. Think about it.
Sheldon: I am used to you.
Missy: I'm used to you, too.
Sheldon: It's not the same as liking you.
Missy: No.
Sheldon: To me, you're like string beans. No one asks for them, no one wonders about them. They're just there on the plate.
Missy: But you eat them, right?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: You're gonna miss me.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Where you going?
George Sr.: To get Sheldon.
George Jr.: Do I get a vote in this?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: Dang.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: We already looked into private school. We can't afford it.
George Sr.: Not unless you're giving me a raise.
Principal Petersen: I'm not.
George Sr.: Okay, just checking.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Look, we appreciate you going to bat for him, but he's just a wee little thing. We can't ship him off to Dallas.
George Sr.: Shouldn't we talk about this first?
Mary: What's there to talk about, George?
George Sr.: This could be a great opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: He's nine years old.
George Sr.: Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.
Mary: You're saying he's an alien?

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Maybe y'all are being a little selfish about this.
Mary: Selfish? We're thinking of him.
Meemaw: Well, that's all well and good, but maybe you should be thinking about the whole world.
I mean, what if Einstein's parents had held him back? We wouldn't even have the- Well, I was gonna say atomic bomb, but there's probably a better example.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: This necklace has been in our family for generations. It belonged to a Comanche warrior who gave it to your great-great-great-great grandma.
Sheldon: Why'd he give it to her?
Meemaw: Well, according to family lore, she was, uh, a very accommodating young lady and, uh, they hit it off.
Sheldon: That's a bird feather.
Meemaw: Eagle feather.
Sheldon: Doesn't matter. I don't like birds, birds are filthy.
Meemaw: Okay. Fine. One featherless family heirloom for you to take with you and keep you safe while you're away.
Sheldon: You don't actually believe this has magic powers, do you?
Meemaw: Oh, for God's sake, just say "thank you."
Sheldon: Thank you. There's a price tag on it.
Meemaw: No, there's not.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: I'm still not sure that this is the right thing to do.
Meemaw: Are you worried that he won't like it or are you worried that he will?
Mary: You're not helping.
Meemaw: That's not my job. I think of myself as a speaker of truth.
Mary: If you're not gonna make me feel better, go away.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, you are stuck with me.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Tam: So you leave tomorrow?
Sheldon: Yes.
Tam: Dallas.
Sheldon: Yes.
Tam: Cool.
Adult Sheldon: It was touching to watch Tam bravely fight back tears.
Tam: Have you ever thought about making the trains go clockwise?
Sheldon: No.
Tam:
Adult Sheldon: You should. Brave, brave Tam.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: I'll see you in a bit.
Mary: Where are you off to?
George Sr.: I'm going to Dallas to get Sheldon.
Mary: Really?
George Sr.: Yeah, really.
Meemaw: What about this being a great opportunity for him?
Sheldon: Y'all want me to go or not?
Mary: Yes! Go!
Meemaw: Yes, and hurry up! Get a move on, Tubby.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Sleep didn't come easy that night, knowing that, at any moment, I could be decapitated.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, the bed in my room had a dust ruffle, which, to my young mind, only meant one thing: there was dust.

Quote from Ms. MacElroy

Ms. MacElroy: Tell you what I do. I send him on little errands. Like the other day, I told him, "Go to the supply room and get me a framastan."
Coach Wilkins: What's a framastan?
Ms. MacElroy: No such thing. I made it up. He was gone the whole period.
Ms. Ingram: I'm using that.
Ms. MacElroy: Don't use framastan. That's mine.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ms. MacElroy.
Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: I'm wondering if you read the book you assigned to us, because I did.

Quote from Sheldon

Coach Wilkins: 20 laps. Cooper?
Sheldon: If you're going to ask us to run, don't you think you should lead by example?

Quote from Principal Petersen

Mary: So you're saying he's being rude to his teachers?
George Sr.: That's unacceptable. I'll-I'll give him a talkin' to.
Principal Petersen: I don't know if I'd call him rude.
Mary: Well, put a word on it.
Principal Petersen: Rude, let's go with rude. Rude is good.

Quote from George Sr.

Meemaw: All I am saying is that this would be a great opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: I know, you're right.
George Sr.: Whoa, she's right? I said the same thing in Petersen's office, you looked at me like I was an idiot. Yeah, that's the look.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Not sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: Hi.
Meemaw: Mary, he's gonna come home every Friday night.
Mary: I didn't think I'd have to deal with this till he went to college.
Meemaw: You should thank your lucky stars he's not in college now.

Quote from Mary

George Sr.: Oh, come on. You're making it out like they were some kind of monsters. Sheldon has his own room. There's books everywhere. Even has a big old backyard he won't play in.
Mary: Aren't you forgetting somethin'?
George Sr.: What?
Mary: The underground laboratory.
George Sr.: I think it's called a finished basement, honey.
Mary: I know what I saw.

Quote from Missy

Mary: "Nice people."
George Sr.: Then why did we leave him there?!
Mary: Because we love him and we want the best for him.
Missy: This is tense.

Quote from Sheldon

Flora: Do you like string beans?
Sheldon: No. But I eat them.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: But, eventually, I did drift off, haunted by the memory, the three of us gathered around the piano singing hippie folk music.

Quote from George Sr.

Sheldon: Dad?
George Sr.: Yeah?
Sheldon: I'm glad you came to get me.
George Sr.: Me, too.

Quote from Ms. Ingram

Ms. Ingram: I mean, why'd I bother becoming a teacher? He knows what I'm gonna say before I say it. Or I say it and look like a dumbbell.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ms. Ingram, can I offer a suggestion?
Ms. Ingram: What?
Sheldon: Never mind. You do it your way.
Ms. Ingram: No, no. You tell me. Tell me how I'm wrong.
Sheldon: You assumed an extra axiom of Euclidean geometry without stating it.

Quote from Ms. Ingram

Principal Petersen: What's going on here?
Ms. MacElroy: You said he was going away.
Ms. Ingram: Liar.

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