Mary: Sheldon, faith means believing in something you can't know for sure is real. And right now, I am struggling with that.
Sheldon: So you don't believe in God anymore?
Mary: That isn't something for you to worry about. I need to figure this out myself.
Sheldon: Can I help? Maybe I could provide a fresh perspective.
Mary: I don't think so, baby.
Sheldon: Did you know that if gravity were slightly more powerful, the universe would collapse into a ball?
Mary: I did not.
Sheldon: Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful, the universe would fly apart and there would be no stars or planets.
Mary: Where you going with this, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's just that gravity is precisely as strong as it needs to be. And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force to the strong force wasn't one percent, life wouldn't exist. What are the odds that would happen all by itself?
Mary: Why are you trying to convince me to believe in God? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: I don't, but the precision of the universe at least makes it logical to conclude there's a creator.
Mary: Baby, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but logic is here. And my problem is here.
Sheldon: Well, there are 5 billion people on this planet and you're the perfect mom for me. What are the odds of that?

Georgie: Would you feel more confident if I told you I already know how to drive?
George: Video games don't count.
Georgie: I'll have you know I've driven Meemaw's car. I also drove your truck one night while you were sleeping.
George: Are you crazy?!
Georgie: I parked it and everything, you had no idea.
George: Okay, let let me get this straight. You're trying to prove to me that you're a responsible person by admitting you stole my truck.
Georgie: I said I was responsible, never said I was smart.

Mary: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm praying for you.
Sheldon: She needs it more than I do.
Mary: You think I didn't start with her?

Sheldon: Is Mom okay?
George: How the heck should I know?
Missy: She left. You can say "hell."

Sheldon: And then I said octopus aliens didn't need to become Christian because they're not affected by original sin.
Missy: You should've been there; Pastor Jeff almost started crying.
George: Oh, now I'm sorry I missed it.
Mary: That's your fault for having a hangover.
George: Or it's God's fault for putting Sunday morning after Saturday night.

Sheldon: Any more thoughts on Radio Shack?
Meemaw: Sheldon, do you really think this is the appropriate time to ask that question?
Sheldon: I did, but now I'm second-guessing myself.

Missy: How come we don't get to go to the funeral?
Meemaw: Why would you want to go to a funeral?
Missy: I've never been to one.
Meemaw: When you get to be my age, you get to go to plenty.
Missy: That's, like, a hundred years from now.
Meemaw: You make it hard to love you.

Missy: Do you really see a dead body?
Meemaw: Sometimes.
Sheldon: How close do you get to it?
Meemaw: Real close, if you want.
Missy: And the clothes they're wearing, is that the clothes they become a ghost in?
Georgie: Depends. In the movie Ghost, Patrick Swayze has on the outfit that he dies in. Casper runs around butt naked.
Missy: Maybe he died naked.
Georgie: That's fun to think about.
Meemaw: And y'all wonder why you're not at the funeral.

Mary: Hey. Let's go out.
Meemaw: Go out where?
Mary: I don't know, Dairy Queen, shooting range, line dancing?
Meemaw: Have you been drinking?
Mary: I might've had a wine cooler or two.
Meemaw: Sweetheart, that ain't drinking.

Mary: Did you know George and I used to come here when we first started dating?
Meemaw: Is that so?
Mary: He kissed me right over there in that booth.
Meemaw: Why, was there some barbecue sauce on your face? It's a fat joke.
Mary: I got it, Mom.

Bruce: Looks like you could use a shoulder to cry on.
Meemaw: No, she does not need a shoulder to cry on, but I do need a place to store my pool stick.
Bruce: Maybe I'd like that.
Meemaw: Get!

George: What am I supposed to do with her?
Meemaw: I don't know. But be careful. Last time she was this drunk, you ended up with your first son.

Georgie: Where were you last night?
Mary: Out with your grandmother.
Georgie: But where'd you go?
George: Enough questions.
Georgie: Y'all ask me questions when I come home late.
George: Oh, I can explain that. You're an idiot and we don't trust you.

Missy: Do you even know how to cook?
George: Believe it or not, I am capable of making breakfast.
Missy: Sorry. It's not like we see you do much around here.
George: How 'bout, "Thanks for cooking, Dad"?
Missy: Chocolate chips? Thanks for cooking, Dad.

Mary: [to Sheldon] Okay, that's enough.
Pastor Jeff: No, no. I prayed people would be more interested in my sermons. I suppose I should've been more specific.