Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

Meemaw: So... this is unexpected.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I know you like margaritas, so my first thought was a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Good thought.
Dr. Linkletter: But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion.
Meemaw: They have.
Dr. Linkletter: Which led me to Polynesian fare. I like to think of the Mai Tai as the margarita of the South Pacific.
Meemaw: You don't do anything on a whim, do you?
Dr. Linkletter: Did once, didn't like it.

Missy: We could let people punch you for a buck.
Sheldon: No, all our profit would just go to medical expenses.

George: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: I ran out of beer at home, didn't feel like driving to the store.
George: Oh, so you just waltz in and help yourself?
Meemaw: 'Bout sums it up. [hands George a beer]
George: I'm changing the locks.
Meemaw: [laughs] Cheers.

Meemaw: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. Linkletter: Connie. Grant Linkletter.
Meemaw: Hello, Grant. What can I do for you?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I looked at my calendar and realized it's been six weeks since I last asked you out, so I thought I'd give it another shot.
Meemaw: You ask me out every six weeks?
Dr. Linkletter: Used to be nine, but we're not getting any younger.

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone with a restaurant] Yes, two people at 8:00.
Sheldon: 8:00's a little late for Meemaw.
Dr. Linkletter: What time does she like to eat?
Sheldon: Well, she's old like you, so 6:30 at the latest.
Dr. Linkletter: Can we make that 6:30? Wonderful. Hold on. Does she like French food? [Sheldon gives a thumbs down] I'll call you back.
Sheldon: Anyway, Commander Data...
Dr. Linkletter: Let me ask you a question, if this Commander Data were taking your meemaw out for dinner, where would they go?
Sheldon: Almost certainly the holodeck.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds trendy. Is that in Houston?

Dr. Linkletter: You're not gonna believe this, but I don't go on a lot of dates.
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: It's true. Sure, I did okay as a younger man, but there was a war on and most of the able-bodied men were elsewhere.
Meemaw: So, you sowed some oats, I get it.
Dr. Linkletter: A whole field of them. I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. Linkletter: [laughs] But here's the thing. Once you put off matrimony past a certain point, women start to think of you as... What's the word?
Meemaw: Creepy?
Dr. Linkletter: There it is. And then along comes you, my little Texas firecracker, playing the game of life by her own set of rules.
Meemaw: I'm a firecracker, I'm a pineapple... Good for me.

Sheldon: Do we still say grace?
Missy: Why not?
Sheldon: Mom's been taking a break from the church. Mom?
Mary: Well, I hadn't really thought about it. We can if you want to.
George: Let's not.
Sheldon: As meaningless as it is, I do find the ritual comforting. [puts on mittens]

Meemaw: Well, somebody make a decision. That slop's getting cold.
Georgie: No, it's good cold or hot, like Grape-Nuts.

Missy: Oh, you could go on Jeopardy!
Sheldon: Never. I don't like answers in the form of questions. I like my answers in the form of answers, and my questions in the form of questions, thank you. Ooh, perhaps I could sell story ideas to TV shows like Star Trek.
Missy: Do you really think they'd listen to a kid?
Sheldon: My voice has gotten deeper. The other day, I answered the phone, and they didn't mistake me for Mom.
Missy: Star Trek's not gonna buy your stupid ideas.
Sheldon: We'll see about that. I have one where the Enterprise falls into a time tunnel, and Worf becomes a Worf from 12 minutes in the future.

Meemaw: So, how's my daughter doing?
George: Eh, she seems okay. Still trying to figure things out. I got to be honest, I'm not exactly upset about less religion in the house.
Meemaw: [chuckles] I hear you. Although, Jesus making her forgive me has come in handy more than a few times.
George: [chuckles] Yeah, I played that card, too.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Then again, I remember Mary before God got His mitts on her, and... [chuckles] ...she was pretty wild.
George: Don't have to tell me. I was the person she was wild with.
Meemaw: Oh, she was wild long before she ever met you.
George: What do you mean?
Meemaw: Did you think that you were the first person she was wild with?
George: Well... yeah.
[Meemaw holds her tongue and looks away]

Sheldon: And just when the Enterprise is about to be assimilated by the Borg, another ship appears, piloted by Wesley Crusher.
Dr. Linkletter: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: It's surprising because Wesley Crusher left the show years ago, so it's a big deal.
Dr. Linkletter: If you say so.
Sheldon: I have more. Commander Data...
Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] I'd like a reservation for dinner. Yes, I'll hold.
Sheldon: You want to do this over dinner? Okay.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm taking your grandmother out tonight.
Sheldon: She didn't mention it to me.
Dr. Linkletter: Maybe because it doesn't concern you.
Sheldon: My meemaw, my professor... Who's in the middle of that Venn diagram?

Nigel: All right, hold on, do you even like comic books?
Missy: Yeah.
Nigel: What's your favorite?
Missy: Um...
[flashback:]
Sheldon: And the cool thing about the X-Men is not just that they have superpowers, but they act as a metaphor for outsiders...
[present:]
Missy: ...outsiders trying to find their place in society.
Nigel: Who's your favorite?
Missy: All of them.
Nigel: Mine, too.

Sheldon: I have an idea for a Star Trek episode I'd like to present to you.
George: Why me?
Sheldon: Because I'm hoping to sell it, and since it's going to be broadcast television, I want to make sure the common man can understand it.
George: [scoffs] Well, I understand I was just insulted.
Sheldon: Excellent, I came to the right common man.

Sheldon: We start on a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel IV, then see a shuttlecraft, a dot of silver against the inky blackness of space. Inside the shuttlecraft, we see Lieutenant Worf struggling to breathe. [George realizes his bottle of beer is empty] He's been infected by a vicious intelligent fungus. [George gets up and walks towards the kitchen] Where are you going?
George: I'm listening.
Sheldon: Cough, cough. Worf is choking on spores, but not just your everyday spores, these are spores with their own evil agenda.
George: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: And, as he sinks into a coma, a mysterious figure in a spacesuit approaches. He lowers the visor of his helmet revealing...Future Worf. Are you hooked?
George: Oh, yeah.
Sheldon: Main titles. Cue theme song and the soothing voice of Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard says... [George is silent] "Space..." [George is still silent] "...the final frontier."
George: Who's Patrick Stewart?