Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon, if your pizza's too hot, put ice on it. That's what I did.

Dale: So, George, how do I convince this one to come fishing with me next weekend?
Meemaw: I told you, nobody's gonna see this face after a night in a tent.
George: Mm. Smart. You don't want that mug scaring the fish.

Missy: Mom, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese!
Mary: We're not going anywhere. It's almost your bedtime. Sorry, hon.
Missy: Well, all that matters is that I'm the winner.
Sheldon: Yes, you are.
Adult Sheldon: Actually, I was the winner. We spent the whole day doing everything I love: drafting contracts, arguing about rules, and most importantly, never leaving the house.

Meemaw: [on the phone] So John, I hear you're going camping this weekend.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am.
Meemaw: With the guy I'm dating.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know. It was so nice of him to let me tag along.
Meemaw: And don't you think that's gonna be a little awkward?
Dr. John Sturgis: No more awkward than any other social situation I find myself in. I'm making my, uh, homemade GORP. Good old raisins and peanuts. I'll have to give you the recipe.
Meemaw: I think I can figure it out.

Meemaw: You got to remember to hoist your food up into the trees so this one can't get it.
George: Very funny.
Meemaw: You make fun of my face, I'm gonna have to make fun of your enormous, bear-like body.

Meemaw: So now I have these two guys in my life. And I know that might sound like bragging, but at my age, if you are single and not hooked to an oxygen tank, you got to swat 'em away. I'm still pissed at you for dying. I'm not gonna just sit at home and miss you. I mean, you wouldn't want that. You'd want me to go out and have fun, right? Take your time, think about it.

Sheldon: "And finally, both parties agree the loser will do the activity selected by the winner graciously, without complaint. For the purpose of this agreement, a complaint is defined as any disparaging comment, eye rolls or name calling, including but not limited to: 'dingus, ' 'fartbreath' and 'buttwipe.'"

Missy: Come on.
Sheldon: I don't want to.
Missy: Just one more time.
Sheldon: Fine.
Both: Rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony!
Sheldon: Rock trips pony. I win.
Missy: How do you keep winning?
Sheldon: You keep picking pony.

George: Damn, John. Three already? What are you using for bait?
Dr. John Sturgis: I made it myself. It's, uh, cheese, garlic and a little bit of pig brains.
Dale: Pig brains? Where the hell you get pig brains?
Dr. John Sturgis: From the butcher. But you get some odd looks when you ask for it.

Dr. John Sturgis: Gentlemen. I'm no longer enjoying this outing, so I'm going home.
Dale: See ya.
George: H-Hang on, Dale. John, wait, you can't just leave. We're in the middle of nowhere.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I have my compass, a flashlight and half a bag of GORP.

George: [on the phone] That might be a little weird. It-it's Connie's ex.
Dale: Boy, he didn't impress me as a camping type.
George: Uh, well, actually, he was hinting around about going. Claims to be an outdoorsman.
Dale: Really? Oh, hey, I'd like to see that. Bring him along.
George: You sure?
Dale: Yeah. Hell, if we get caught in a freak snowstorm, he'll be the first one we eat. Be like an appetizer.

Mary: Here's some coffee for the road.
George: Thanks.
Mary: Make sure your dad doesn't drink too many beers.
Georgie: You're funny.
Mary: And make sure your son doesn't drink any beers.
George: Got it. I'll finish 'em all. Let's go.

George: Hey, there's John up here on the right.
Dale: Are you sure that's not a garden gnome?

Missy: How about a movie?
Sheldon: How about the planetarium? That's like a movie, where you can see real stars instead of, I don't know, Gene Kelly?
Missy: We're never gonna agree. Let's just do rock, paper, scissors.
Sheldon: No. Anecdotal evidence suggests that players familiar with each other will tie 75% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes.
Missy: Well, what if we added a few more choices? Like, rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony.
Sheldon: Now you're just being silly.

Sheldon: Okay. Each player alternates naming a state while Hula-Hooping. The first player who can't name a state or drops the Hula-Hoop loses. Ready, set, go.
Missy: Texas.
Sheldon: Darn it.
Missy: So I won?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Good. 'Cause I was just gonna say "Texas" again.