Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon, if your pizza's too hot, put ice on it. That's what I did.

Dale: So, George, how do I convince this one to come fishing with me next weekend?
Meemaw: I told you, nobody's gonna see this face after a night in a tent.
George: Mm. Smart. You don't want that mug scaring the fish.

Missy: Mom, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese!
Mary: We're not going anywhere. It's almost your bedtime. Sorry, hon.
Missy: Well, all that matters is that I'm the winner.
Sheldon: Yes, you are.
Adult Sheldon: Actually, I was the winner. We spent the whole day doing everything I love: drafting contracts, arguing about rules, and most importantly, never leaving the house.

Meemaw: [on the phone] So John, I hear you're going camping this weekend.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am.
Meemaw: With the guy I'm dating.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know. It was so nice of him to let me tag along.
Meemaw: And don't you think that's gonna be a little awkward?
Dr. John Sturgis: No more awkward than any other social situation I find myself in. I'm making my, uh, homemade GORP. Good old raisins and peanuts. I'll have to give you the recipe.
Meemaw: I think I can figure it out.

Meemaw: You got to remember to hoist your food up into the trees so this one can't get it.
George: Very funny.
Meemaw: You make fun of my face, I'm gonna have to make fun of your enormous, bear-like body.

Meemaw: So now I have these two guys in my life. And I know that might sound like bragging, but at my age, if you are single and not hooked to an oxygen tank, you got to swat 'em away. I'm still pissed at you for dying. I'm not gonna just sit at home and miss you. I mean, you wouldn't want that. You'd want me to go out and have fun, right? Take your time, think about it.

Sheldon: "And finally, both parties agree the loser will do the activity selected by the winner graciously, without complaint. For the purpose of this agreement, a complaint is defined as any disparaging comment, eye rolls or name calling, including but not limited to: 'dingus, ' 'fartbreath' and 'buttwipe.'"

George: Damn, John. Three already? What are you using for bait?
Dr. John Sturgis: I made it myself. It's, uh, cheese, garlic and a little bit of pig brains.
Dale: Pig brains? Where the hell you get pig brains?
Dr. John Sturgis: From the butcher. But you get some odd looks when you ask for it.

George: [on the phone] That might be a little weird. It-it's Connie's ex.
Dale: Boy, he didn't impress me as a camping type.
George: Uh, well, actually, he was hinting around about going. Claims to be an outdoorsman.
Dale: Really? Oh, hey, I'd like to see that. Bring him along.
George: You sure?
Dale: Yeah. Hell, if we get caught in a freak snowstorm, he'll be the first one we eat. Be like an appetizer.

George: Hey, there's John up here on the right.
Dale: Are you sure that's not a garden gnome?

Missy: How about a movie?
Sheldon: How about the planetarium? That's like a movie, where you can see real stars instead of, I don't know, Gene Kelly?
Missy: We're never gonna agree. Let's just do rock, paper, scissors.
Sheldon: No. Anecdotal evidence suggests that players familiar with each other will tie 75% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes.
Missy: Well, what if we added a few more choices? Like, rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony.
Sheldon: Now you're just being silly.

Mary: Shelly, why don't you put your book down and watch your sister play? It's getting exciting.
Sheldon: It looks like everyone's just standing there.
George: There's two outs, bases are loaded, a-and the winning run's on second.
Meemaw: But if Missy throws one more strike, they'll win.
Sheldon: And then we can go home? That is exciting.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] John here. I'm calling to confirm a time for beer and socializing this weekend.
George: Oh, damn. I forgot we had plans. Um, I'm actually going camping.
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay.
George: I'm real sorry. Uh, the invitation kind of came up last minute.
Dr. John Sturgis: You may not know this, but, um, I love camping.
George: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, yes. I spent a year backpacking through Asia.
George: I mean, I'd invite you along, but it's not really my trip. I'm going with Connie's friend Dale.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I'll just hang out with another friend this weekend.
George: Great.
Dr. John Sturgis: I just need to make one first.

Meemaw: [on the phone] Do not be a jerk to John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, why would I be a jerk?
Meemaw: You're gonna be camping. You're gonna be in the woods. You're gonna be drinking. You're a jerk without any of that.

Dale: [on the phone] Don't worry. I know how to get along with people.
Meemaw: Knowing how and doing it are two different things.
Dale: Okay, okay. I-I'll be nice.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dale: To your goofy little friend.