Adult Sheldon: [hushed] This is why the only bar I frequent is the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.

Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Meemaw: Ooh, I love this song. [Meemaw sings along to "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash] ♫ Bound by wild desires ♫ ♫ fell into a ring of fire ♫
George Jr.: My life's falling apart and you're singing?
Meemaw: ♫ I fell into a burning ring of fire ♫ ♫ I went down, down, down ♫ ♫ And the flames went higher ♫ ♫ And it burns, burns, burns ♫ ♫ That ring of fire ♫ [talks] Where?
George Jr.: The ring of fire
Meemaw: [vocalizes] [mimes playing a trumpet]

Missy: Sheldon, there has to be stuff you're excited to do.
Sheldon: Of course. Getting my PhD, winning the Nobel Prize, getting to meet Professor Proton, working with Stephen Hawking.
Missy: Okay, so, when you start to get upset, focus on that stuff.
Sheldon: But... what if I grow up and none of those things ever happen?
Missy: All you can do is try and find out.
Sheldon: Those are the fundamentals of the scientific method.
Missy: No doy.

President Hagemeyer: Okay, so, what's the problem?
Sheldon: I wanted to talk with Dr. Linkletter about puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: And I wanted to avoid litigation.

Wendy: This is... just a pimple.
Sheldon: Well, how can you be sure it isn't chickenpox? Or smallpox? Or monkeypox, which I know sounds made-up, but is very real.
Wendy: Have you been near any monkeys?
Sheldon: No.
Wendy: Try benzoyl peroxide. It's over the counter.
[fantasy: A.V. and Pus:]
A.V.: Oh, no, not... benzoyl peroxide. [high-pitched] I'm melting! I'm melting! [normal voice] Give me a break.
[reality:]
Sheldon: But a pimple is a sign of puberty, and I'm showing no other indicators. No armpit or chest hair, and I have so little interest in the opposite sex, I barely noticed you're a woman.
Wendy: Thank you.

Adult Sheldon: I've heard people say fathers are the real superheroes. My dad couldn't fly or bend steel, and you would not want to see him in Spandex. But like Superman, he had his Fortress of Solitude.

Mary: How was your day?
George Sr.: Awful.
Mary: Oh. Well... I have good news.
George Sr.: I could use it.
Mary: I got a job at the bowling alley.
George Sr.: [gulps] Working with Brenda?
Mary: Every day. [phone rings]
George Sr.: That is... really... really good news.
Mary: Mm-hmm.

Meemaw: Once we hit 281, it's a straight shot to the border.
George Jr.: It's all crazy.
Meemaw: What is?
George Jr.: A year ago I had nothing to worry about. I had no idea how good I had it.
Meemaw: [laughs] Well, what if a year from now it's a disaster, and this looks good?
George Jr.: That's not helping.
Meemaw: Oh, relax, someday you'll be my age, your kids'll be grown up, all be good again.
George Jr.: But that's, like, 50 years from now.
Meemaw: Yeah, I waited a long time for it. So quit your bitching.

Missy: What's the problem?
Sheldon: My childhood is ending.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Look at everyone around us... they're all miserable. Mom and Dad are unemployed. They're constantly fighting. Georgie's having a child.
Missy: First of all, no one's having a kid with you, ever.
Sheldon: Don't be so sure. With this intellect, my genetic material will be a hot commodity. [Missy groans] That's how I feel.

[dream sequence:]
Sheldon as George: Something weird's going on.
Sheldon as Mary: Not now, George. I have to finish making the kids' lunches, get them to school, and then go looking for a new job.
Sheldon as George: But I'm turning into my father.
Sheldon as Mary: I don't have time for whatever crisis you're going through. And why are you still wearing that uniform? You don't even work there anymore.
Sheldon as George: Well, maybe nothing else was clean.
Sheldon as Mary: You're a grown man... you can wash your own clothes.
Sheldon as Meemaw: Would you two quit fighting? You ain't the only one with problems.
Sheldon as George: For God's sakes, why are you always here?
Sheldon as Mary: Don't be mean to her.
Sheldon as George: You're mean to me.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I'm just dropping off your mail, fatass. And it's nothing but bills.
Sheldon as Georgie: Just got back from the baby doctor. Mandy's having triplets. Dang it.
Sheldon as George: How we gonna handle all this?
Sheldon as Mary: I guess Sheldon's gonna have to drop out of school and get a job.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I hear the coal mine's hiring.
Sheldon as Georgie: Ain't that too messy for him?
Sheldon as Meemaw: The boy's got to grow up sometime.
Sheldon as George: Ain't that the truth.
Sheldon as Mary: He's got that nasty pimple, so he's well on his way.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: Whoa. Heavy stuff. But like a... caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, things need to get a little weird along the way. [Pus puts the blue caterpillar figure he was holding under a napkin and pulls out a blue butterfly figure] [laughs] How can people not like us? That was awesome. And Pus is available for children's parties. [Pus rubs his fingers together to signal cash]

Mary: How are we not qualified for anything?
George Sr.: Well, there were a couple.
Mary: I'm not gonna be night security guard at the junkyard, George. You can.
George Sr.: You know I get sleepy.

President Hagemeyer: All right, now, Sheldon... [chuckles] being a grown-up isn't all bad, right?
Dr. Linkletter: Eh.
President Hagemeyer: I mean, yeah, sure, your... you know, your body starts to fall apart. But there is a window at about, mm, 22 where everything's just... mwah.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, when I was 22, I was a strapping blonde oak of a man. I'd walk down the street, you could hear the knees buckle.
President Hagemeyer: If I could go back, I would wear nothing but a bikini, 24/7.
Dr. Linkletter: My mind was a steel trap. I could rattle off pi to 25 places. Today... not sure where I parked.
President Hagemeyer: I once went to France for a month with a man I met in the airport bar. [sighs] Missed my grandmother's funeral, but... ooh, la-la.
Dr. Linkletter: It all went by so fast.
President Hagemeyer: Too fast.
Sheldon: I'm new to puberty. Is this sexual tension?

Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I was hoping we could discuss puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: Then allow me to dash your hopes. No.
Sheldon: But I think I may be entering it, and I would like to talk about it, man-to-blossoming-young-man.
Dr. Linkletter: Wouldn't you rather talk to your father or a schoolmate or literally anyone else?
Sheldon: But you went through it once. Sure, it was a long, long time ago, but I'm assuming the basics haven't changed.
Dr. Linkletter: Hold that thought.

Meemaw: What the hell are you doing?
George Jr.: Making extra money.
Meemaw: Are you crazy? You're gonna get us all arrested.
George Jr.: You're paying off the cops, ain't you?
Meemaw: For gambling. You start selling liquor without a license, you're asking for trouble.
George Jr.: I'm having a baby. I need cash.
Meemaw: Well, think of something else.
George Jr.: Well, can I have a raise?
Meemaw: Are you selling that or drinking it?

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, may I speak with you?
Dr. Linkletter: If I say no, will you leave?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Then why even ask?
Sheldon: It's called manners.

Sheldon: But what if it's scratchy and it's all I can think about?
Dr. Linkletter: It's just armpit hair.
Sheldon: Well, I don't even have it yet and it's already consuming my thoughts.
President Hagemeyer: All right, Sheldon, you are a smart kid. Now, you had to know that this was gonna happen eventually.
Sheldon: I'm a smart kid now, but what will I be in a year?
President Hagemeyer: A smart young man.
Sheldon: And then a smart adult. With money problems and marital strife and every other problem you can think of. I'll probably have a beer belly. Or root beer belly.

George Jr.: Hey, if we can't sell beer, what about cigarettes? We could make money and keep people from leaving to go buy more.
Meemaw: That's not a bad idea.
George Jr.: I could go down to Walmart, buy some cartons. We could mark 'em up like crazy.
Meemaw: Mm-hmm. Reminds me of when I was young and we used to go down across the border and get 'em cheap in Mexico.
George Jr.: How cheap?
Meemaw: Well, between the taxes and the peso, practically nothing. [chuckles]
George Jr.: Let's do that.
Meemaw: I'm not driving to Mexico.
George Jr.: I don't need you. I'll go. Where do I go?
Meemaw: I'm not telling you.
George Jr.: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause you're dumb in this country. God knows what you are anywhere else.
George Jr.: Fine. I'll just head south and see where it takes me.
Meemaw: I'm impressed you knew it was south.

Brenda Sparks: If you're looking for your mother, her league's not today.
Mary: Actually, I'm here for you.
Brenda Sparks: Why's that?
Mary: I saw in the classifieds that you're looking for help. I would like to apply.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] You don't want to work here. I mean, there's a bar. God hates that.
Mary: Jesus turned water into wine. I think he'd be cool with it.
Brenda Sparks: Well, you know, it's... it's actually a pretty boring job. It's mostly payroll and bookkeeping.
Mary: That is exactly what I did at the church.
Brenda Sparks: Mm-hmm.
Mary: In fact, you might say it's right up my alley.
Brenda Sparks: I don't know, Mary. We're neighbors. Is this a good idea?
Mary: Honestly... everything is falling apart. I just need one good thing to happen.

George Jr.: Wade's coming with me to Mexico.
Meemaw: Why?
George Jr.: It's a long drive. And he knows a little Spanish.
Wade: Sí.
Meemaw: Okay.
Meemaw: [Spanish: "Where will you buy cigarettes?"]
Wade: ¿Sí?
Meemaw: [whispers] You're gonna get yourself killed.
George Jr.: I got no choice. I got a kid coming.
Meemaw: If you're hell-bent on going to Mexico, I'm going with you.
Wade: Shotgun.
Meemaw: You are not coming, Wade. ¿Comprende?
Wade: Sí.

Mary: Hey, good news. I was picking up some groceries at Davidson's. They're hiring.
George Sr.: Yeah, well, good for you.
Mary: I got an application for you, too.
George Sr.: I'm not working at a supermarket, Mary.
Mary: Why not?
George Sr.: 'Cause I was head coach of the high school football team. I'm not bagging people's groceries.
Mary: It's an honest job, George.
George Sr.: It's embarrassing.
Mary: It's embarrassing to provide for your family?
George Sr.: It's embarrassing that I busted my ass all these years, and this is where I am.
Mary: I'm right there with you. I lost my job, too.
George Sr.: Yeah, it's exactly the same.
Mary: You know what you are? I'm not gonna say it, but you know.

Wade: I'll take a beer.
George Jr.: Celebrating a win?
Wade: No, I've been losing all morning.
George Jr.: Couple more of them, you won't give a crap.
Wade: Let's hope.

[After Sheldon wakes up from his dream, he sits up in bed and uses his rope/pulley system to knock on Missy's bedroom wall.]
Missy: [over walkie-talkie] I hate you. This better be an emergency.
Sheldon: My pimple has me concerned about the future.
Missy: Not an emergency. Good night.
Sheldon: But we're twins and we have a special bond, so you can't ignore me in my time of need.
Missy: Watch me.
Sheldon: And I'm scared.
Missy: Damn it.

George Jr.: So I'll pick you up in the morning?
Wade: Well, not too early. I have to walk Mitzy.
George Jr.: Your dog?
Wade: The wife. She got a new hip, and the doc says she needs to keep it moving.

Sheldon: How does the future not concern you?
Missy: I guess there's stuff I'm looking forward to.
Sheldon: Like what?
Missy: Going on dates?
Sheldon: Boring.
Missy: Driving.
Sheldon: Scary.
Missy: Getting married. Hopefully to Vanilla Ice.
Sheldon: You want to marry a snow cone?

Mary: Doesn't look like a bug bite.
Missy: It's probably a pimple.
Sheldon: It's not, I don't get those.
[fantasy: A.V. continues to address the camera from his chair, while Pus is blowing up a balloon while seated on a stool:]
A.V.: As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble. [Pus pops the balloon]
[reality:]
Missy: Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
Sheldon: No, it's not. My hygiene is impeccable.
Missy: Zit.
Mary: Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
Sheldon: I'm not everybody.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: No one is ever happy to see me. My therapist says that's their problem, not mine. [Pus rolls his eyes] But, honestly, it hurts. [Pus makes a mocking gesture] Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space. [Pus continues mocking A.V.]

Sheldon: What is that? A bug bite?
[fantasy: a man (Penn Gillette) addresses the camera from a large chair:]
A.V.: Hello, allow me to introduce myself. I am Acne Vulgarus. More commonly known as the pimple. Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule. [a smaller man (Teller) is seated on a stool] And this is my longtime colleague, Pus. Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth. In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent... or descent... into adulthood. Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty." [Pus holds up a sign reading exactly that] Yeah, like that.

Sheldon: Maybe we should go to the emergency room.
Missy: It's just a pimple. Pop it.
Sheldon: No.
Missy: I'll do it. I like when it hits the mirror. Now hold still.
[fantasy: A.V. and Pus are now standing, with no chair or stool in sight:]
A.V.: It seems we've reached the end of our time with Sheldon. [Pus is holding two suitcases] But it's never truly goodbye. We'll be back in moments of stress. Like a big test. Or my personal favorite, school picture day... [they disappear in an explosion of yellow pus, leaving the two suitcases]

Mary: What are you doing home?
George Sr.: I quit my job.
Mary: What? Why?
George Sr.: The school offered it to Wayne. I wasn't gonna sit around waiting to get fired.
Mary: Oh. You doing okay?
George Sr.: No, Mary, not really. We're standing here without jobs in a house we're not done paying for.
Mary: Well, you're still working at Ballard's, right?
George Sr.: That ain't gonna cover the mortgage.
Mary: We've been through tough spots before. We'll figure it out and... I know you don't want to hear it, but I've been praying on this...
George Sr.: You're right. I don't want to hear it.

Mary: Yeah, we could sit here and sulk or we can find jobs. Now, pick up that pen and start circling.
George Sr.: All right. Let's see what we have here.
Mary: Here's one. Oh. College degree required.
George Sr.: Hmm. Eh... I can't type.
Mary: I can.
George Sr.: 90 words a minute?
Mary: Let's keep looking. In fact, I bet I find a job faster than you can.
George Sr.: We'll see about that.