Georgie: What is this?
Meemaw: That's the exercise guy Meemaw likes.
Georgie: I can't believe anyone pays money to watch old people sweat.
Missy: 40 bucks?
Georgie: They sold over a million of those? At 40 bucks a pop? Do you know how much money that must be?
Missy: I'm not a calculator.
[later:]
Georgie: 40 times... one million. That's 40 million!
Missy: Whoa.

Adult Sheldon: Behind every great scientist, there were often unsung helpers toiling away in the background. Presenting... "Great Lab Assistants in Scientific History" When Alexander Graham Bell needed an assistant, it was Thomas Augustus Watson who answered the call. [laughs] Get it? "The call". [snickers] Madame Curie's daughter Irène was also her lab assistant. Irène was so dedicated, she died of radiation poisoning. Unlike her sister Ève, who selfishly lived to 102. Lastly, Émile Roux was assistant to Louis Pasteur. When they worked on the rabies vaccine, Roux kept a loaded gun in the lab to shoot Pasteur in the head if he got infected. He never had to, but it's fun to know he would have.
Dr. Linkletter: No, Sheldon. You can't be my lab assistant.
Sheldon: Maybe you weren't paying attention. I'll start over. Behind every great scientist, there was a dedicated as...

Sheldon: And then he said he wouldn't give me special treatment.
Meemaw: I think what he said is everybody should be treated equally.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, is this Russia? Should we get in line for bread?

Adult Sheldon: While not the lab work I hoped to be doing, it did feel good to be part of an actual experiment. A tedious, menial part that could be performed by a monkey. Or worse, an engineer.

Georgie: [on tape] So, most people think you need expensive machines to work out, but I just use free weights. To be clear, they ain't free. You got to buy them.
Mary: Are you watching yourself work out?
Georgie: I made an exercise video.
Mary: Why?
Georgie: To sell.
Georgie: [on tape] That's very important. Next, we're gonna do curls. 'Cause, like I always say, curls get the girls.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Georgie: What?
Georgie: [on tape] You want to remember: squeeze it at the top.
Georgie: People like it when things rhyme.

Missy: What are you doing?
Georgie: Gonna make an exercise video.
Missy: Why?
Georgie: If Richard Simmons could make million bucks, think how much I could make with my face.
Missy: What's your face got to do with it?
Georgie: What do you mean? I'm gorgeous, ask anybody.

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Can I be your lab assistant?
Dr. Linkletter: What time is it?
Sheldon: That's not a no.
Dr. Linkletter: If I say yes, will you please stop hounding me?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine. You win. Good night.
Sheldon: Just out of scientific curiosity, were you persuaded by the disorienting nature of this late-night phone call or by the cumulative weight of my relentlessness?
Dr. Linkletter: That one. [hangs up]
Adult Sheldon: I learned an important lesson that night. When you want something, relentlessly annoying is your road to victory.

Adult Sheldon: In an effort to find out the mistake in his experimental design, Dr. Linkletter performed his own experiment on me.
[title: "Reverse Psychology"]
Dr. Linkletter: You know, Sheldon, I don't even care if you tell me the error. In fact, I'd rather you keep it to yourself.
Sheldon: All right.
Dr. Linkletter: [quietly] Yeah.
[title: "Bribery"]
Dr. Linkletter: I got you a little something for all your hard work. It's about a little boy who doesn't let being dead stop him from having fun.
Sheldon: Thanks.
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Now that I've given you something, perhaps you want to reciprocate.
Sheldon: Sure. You can have this. I don't want it.
[title: "Disorientation", George Sr. is woken up by a phone call in the middle of the night]
George: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. Linkletter: Uh, may I speak with Sheldon?
George: It's the middle of the night. Who the hell is this?
Dr. Linkletter: Uh, wrong number. [dial tone]

Dr. Linkletter: Son, lab assistants are usually upperclassmen.
Sheldon: I believe I've been at this university long enough to be considered.
Dr. Linkletter: You've been here two weeks.
Sheldon: Hey, 15 days if you count orientation.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, there's a waitlist of students who've applied for that position. I just can't give you special treatment.
Sheldon: Not with that attitude.
Dr. Linkletter: Tell you what, I'll think about it.
Sheldon: Should I come back or should I wait?
Dr. Linkletter: Come back.
Sheldon: I'll wait.
Dr. Linkletter: I thought about it. No.

Missy: You think Judge Wapner and Rusty the bailiff are friends in real life?
Georgie: Yeah. You can't fake that kind of chemistry.

Meemaw: It's his lab, Sheldon. He can do what he wants.
Sheldon: I've got it. Dr. Linkletter likes you. You go on a date with him and when he tries to kiss you, say you'll do it, but only if he gives me the job.
Meemaw: I'm gonna ask you to think hard about what you just said.
Sheldon: What? I want something, he wants something... seems like a win-win.
Meemaw: Not for me.
Sheldon: You get a free dinner. Make him take you someplace nice. Ooh, maybe Sizzler.
Meemaw: Sheldon.

Adult Sheldon: Since my meemaw was being stingy with her love, I had to find another way to change Dr. Linkletter's mind. I decided to treat this like a science experiment... test various methods of persuasion to determine which was the most effective.
[title: "Peer Pressure"; Sheldon approaches Linkletter at the water fountain:]
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I was talking to the other physics professors and they think you having an 11-year-old lab assistant would be neat.
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: Don't you want your peers to think you're cool?
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: I would.
Dr. Linkletter: No.

[title: "Bribery"; Sheldon goes to see Linkletter in his office]
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter?
Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: If you look in your drawer, you'll find a little something. I hope you like peanut butter cookies.
Dr. Linkletter: This isn't going to change my mind.
Sheldon: You sure?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: Then give them back, they're my favorite.

[title: "Begging"; Sheldon follows Dr. Linkletter down the hall]
Sheldon: Say yes.
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: HIja.
Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: That's "yes" in Klingon.
Dr. Linkletter: How do you say "no" in Klingon?
Sheldon: Qo'.
Dr. Linkletter: Qo'!
Sheldon: Aw.

[title: "Besmirching the competition"; Sheldon approaches Linkletter at a vending machine]
Sheldon: I overheard some of your other candidates talking about marijuana.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't care.
Sheldon: Well, you should. I think they plan on smoking it.