Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Ms. Ingram: Honestly... teaching Sheldon is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I don't say that because he can be a pain. I say that because he's so intelligent, I had to study every night just to keep up. I'm gonna miss him.

Missy: Interesting.
Sheldon: What does it say? No, don't tell me. Okay, tell me. No, don't!
Missy: Sheldon, if I tell you but you never look at it, then you didn't break the law, right?
[later:]
Janice: [answers phone] Law offices of Morris, Morris & Yorn. Janice speaking.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello. I'd like to speak to either Morris, Morris or Yorn.
Janice: May I ask what it is in regard to?
Sheldon: Well, I was slicing a hot dog...

Sheldon: [on the phone] So if I don't actually look at the letter, legally I'm in the clear? Thank you. This has been very helpful. And if in the future, you have any physics questions, Janice has my info.

Sheldon: Dad.
George: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: I need to talk to you.
George: How'd you even find me?
Sheldon: It's not like you come home smelling like coffee.

George: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I want to know why no one told me about this recruitment letter from Caltech.
George: Let me see that.
Mr. Givens: All right, let's get me drunk.
Sheldon: Hi, Mr. Givens.
Mr. Givens: Aw, come on!

George: You ready?
Sheldon: Yes.
George: Okay, we're rolling.
Sheldon: Hello, Mother. I'd like to present my case as to why I should be allowed to go to East Texas Tech next year. And I'll keep it simple so you don't get confused.
George: Stop.
Sheldon: Something in my teeth?

Sheldon: I've put together a presentation detailing the reasons why I should be allowed to go to college, and I'd like you to watch it with an open mind.
Mary: I can do that.
Sheldon: Excellent. Is Meemaw here? I smell cigarettes.

Sheldon: Thank you for this opportunity to plead my case. And I'd like to thank my cameraman and driver, Dad.
George: What, I'm not even, like, assistant director?
Sheldon: No. Sit back, enjoy.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Mr. Givens: He's ready. In the fall, now, just let him go. Please.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Ms. MacElroy: I don't think I have anything left to teach Sheldon. I'm pretty sure he's already smarter than me.
Sheldon: It's true.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Mr. Givens: I'll chip in for gas money. I'll move him into his dorm. What- Whatever you need. Let's make it happen.

Mary: I'm home.
Sheldon: Would you care to explain this letter, which I didn't read but legally know the contents of?

Brenda Sparks: Oh, my God. You smoke?
Mary: What? No.
Brenda Sparks: Then your face is on fire.
Mary: It's just the one. I'm going through a rough patch.
Brenda Sparks: What happened? The bookmark fall out of your Bible, and you lost your place?
Mary: No.
Brenda Sparks: You run out of room on your fridge for Sheldon's perfect report cards?