Adult Sheldon: Engineering has a rich and storied history, dating back to ancient times. Some consider it the single most important field of study... Okay, w-wha... no. Stop. I'm sorry. Howard, I can't do this.
Howard Wolowitz: You asked me to write you an introduction to engineering.
Adult Sheldon: Yes, and if I wanted a comedy routine, I'd have gone to Billy Crystal.
Howard Wolowitz: Just let me read it. [clears throat] Engineering has a rich and storied history dating back to ancient times. Some consider it the single most important field of study known to man, from the wheel to the International Space Station, which I went to.
Adult Sheldon: Honestly, this again?
Howard Wolowitz: Like we don't hear about your Nobel Prize all the time.
Adult Sheldon: It's not my fault people ask about it.
Howard Wolowitz: Because you're always wearing it! You have it on right now.
Adult Sheldon: Look how shiny it is.
Howard Wolowitz: [sighs] Just tell your story.

Howard Wolowitz: Wait, so after all this time, that's your problem with engineering?
Adult Sheldon: Evidently.
Howard Wolowitz: So all the teasing and all the abuse had nothing to do with me?
Adult Sheldon: I'll admit, at first, I had a chip on my shoulder because of that class, but then it was mostly you.
Howard Wolowitz: Unbelievable. When will I learn?
Adult Sheldon: I could give you that answer, but if you figure it out for yourself, it'll mean so much more.
Howard Wolowitz: Goodbye, Sheldon.
Adult Sheldon: Bye.

Professor Boucher: For your design assignment, you may decide between suspension bridges, truss bridges, beam bridges, just not Beau Bridges. [silence] And people say engineers don't have a sense of humor. [Sheldon raises his hand] Yes?
Sheldon: What are Beau Bridges?
Professor Boucher: That's all for today.

June: I got to admit, I'm a little jealous.
Meemaw: Of what?
June: You.
Meemaw: Why?
June: You have the Dale I never got. I spent a lot of time polishing that turd, and you get all the benefits.
Meemaw: Hey, I put my time in on that, too.
June: Not as much as me.
Meemaw: When I met him, he was a mess.
June: [laughs] You should've seen where I started.
Meemaw: Well, I think we can both agree, he is one lucky turd.
June: Amen, sister.

Adult Sheldon: My own history with engineering began spring semester of my freshman year.
Professor Boucher: [enters] Good morning. I'm Professor Boucher, and this is Civil Engineering Lab. Class begins at 0900, which is... [closes door] ...now. In this course, we're going to apply the principles of static mechanical forces...
Student: [knocks on door] I'm in this class.
Professor Boucher: This class started at 0900, so... no, you're not. As I was saying... [Sheldon raises his hand] Uh, yes?
Sheldon: I appreciate your use of the 24-four hour time format. Were you aware that while often referred to as "military time," it actually dates back to the Egyptians?
Professor Boucher: I'm aware that the class is now starting at 0901. Is it all right with you if I begin?
Sheldon: Please.
Adult Sheldon: One minute in and I was already his favorite.

Sheldon: And then, at exactly nine o'clock, he locked the doors and wouldn't let any latecomers in.
Mary: That seems a little harsh.
Sheldon: He's so intolerant. It's fantastic. He also wears a bow tie, and instead of using my name, he gave me a number.
Mary: I don't think I like that, either.
Sheldon: No, it's great. It's like we're robots. And guess what my number is.
Georgie: Number two? [Missy snickers]
Sheldon: No, number one, like Riker on Star Trek. But number two is also good. Like the pencil.

Mary: Well, I'm glad you enjoyed your class.
Sheldon: For our first assignment, we get to build a bridge. Professor Boucher was part of the Army Corps of Engineers, and he built bridges all over the world.
George: You know, I was also in the Army.
Sheldon: Ooh, perhaps you trudged across one of his bridges. How neat would that be?
Missy: I bet Dad did cool Army stuff, too.
George: Nope. "Trudging" sums it up.

Georgie: See, number one is also pretty funny, 'cause it means taking a leak. [Mary sighs]

June: Come in. If you're a robber, I got a gun.
Meemaw: It's Connie and Dale. Don't shoot.
June: [laughs] Oh. Hey. Y'all didn't have to come by.
Meemaw: We just wanted to see how you're doing.
Dale: Yeah. Brought your favorite ice cream.
June: Butter pecan?
Dale: What's your second-favorite? [off June's look] I'll put this away.

Adult Sheldon: You know it's bleak when even a trip to RadioShack couldn't lift my spirits.
Announcer: Professor Proton will be right back after these messages.
[A recruitment commercial plays for the U.S. army]
Sheldon: Of course.
Adult Sheldon: I realized Professor Boucher was pushing me to be the best me I could be. You'd think the person who could teach me to be the best me I could be was me, but it was Professor Boucher, after the Army taught him to be the best he that he could be. Now it was up to me to help us be the best "we" we could be.

Dale: Well, for the sake of honesty and because she might tell you, I was helping her take a shower.
Meemaw: You took a shower with her?!
Dale: She took the shower, I was just assisting.
Meemaw: So she was naked.
Dale: For crying out loud, we were married. I've seen her naked a million times.
Meemaw: You think that is helping?
Dale: I knew I shouldn't have been honest.
Meemaw: You shouldn't have been playing bathroom attendant.
Dale: There was nothing sexy about it. It was like washing a car. A rusty old car.
Meemaw: Did you scrub her windshield?
Dale: What does that even mean?
Meemaw: Her boobs, genius.
Dale: I was helping her in the shower so she didn't fall down.
Meemaw: Well, fine.
Dale: And boobs are headlights. Everybody knows that.

Meemaw: I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable with it.
June: You think I am? Last time he saw me naked, gravity was on my side.
Meemaw: Then why'd you ask him to do it?
June: Who else am I gonna ask, Connie?
Meemaw: You got tons of friends.
June: I've got acquaintances, I've got clients. Those aren't exactly people you want looking at your hernia scar.
Meemaw: And Dale is?
June: I got that hernia by dragging him onto the bed one night he came in passed-out drunk. Look, I'm sorry if I crossed the line, but you have nothing to worry about.
Meemaw: Okay.
June: Look, I promise, next time, I'll get the kid who mows my lawn to come over and hose me off in the backyard.
Meemaw: Call me. I'd be happy to hose you off in the backyard.

Professor Boucher: So, let me guess. You think I'm being too hard on him and you want me to lighten up?
George: He is having a tough time.
Professor Boucher: It's a tough class.
George: Look, I get it. I was in the Army, too, I-I'm all for being strict, but... he doesn't even know where he's going wrong. You know, maybe you could just point him in the right direction?
Professor Boucher: You mean, give him the answer?
George: No, no. Would you?
Professor Boucher: What do you think?
George: No.
Professor Boucher: See? I didn't give you the answer and you figured it out.

Professor Boucher: Look... your son is obviously brilliant, but coddling him won't prepare him for the real world.
George: I've been saying that since the day he was born.
Professor Boucher: Sometimes you have to break them down to build them back up.
George: I do that with my football players. At least, I try to, but then the parents get all bent out of shape, they come into my office.
Professor Boucher: You don't say.
George: Yeah, you would not believe... Oh. Y-You mean me. Got it.
Professor Boucher: You figured it out again.
George: Hey, I'm two for two.

Sheldon: Did you talk to my teacher?
George: I did.
Sheldon: So, is he gonna tell me what I'm doing wrong?
George: I'm going to. You're sitting here waiting to be handed the answer and that's not how life is. You got to work for it.
Sheldon: I don't want to hear a football pep talk.
George: Hey. This isn't football. This is real. Your professor's right. Now, instead of pouting, take charge of your own life.