Adult Sheldon: None of my friends had recorded the episode. I called Tam. I called Dr. Sturgis. Those were all my friends.

Adult Sheldon: Many inventions changed people's lives for the better: the light bulb, the polio vaccine, and one that doesn't get enough credit, the home video cassette recorder. It didn't help keep people out of wheelchairs, but it did keep me from missing Star Trek.

Billy Sparks: Pastor Jeff, do chickens go to heaven?
Pastor Jeff: Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals, but I like to believe that God loves all his creatures. Why?
Billy Sparks: My dad wants to eat Matilda.
Brenda Sparks: It's not as bad as it sounds. She stopped laying eggs, so it's off with her head and into the fryer.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles] Just pray she's juicy.

Adult Sheldon: Fortunately, having a modem granted me access to an even better kind of friend: the kind you don't have to see or talk to.

Sheldon: Georgie, why are there bathing suit ladies where Captain Picard should be? Georgie!

Sheldon: The television station's in Houston. Drive me there. I'm sure they have a copy of it.
George: [chuckles] I'm not driving to Houston.
Sheldon: Well, then, I should warn you, I am very unhappy.
George: Okay.
Sheldon: In fact, I am peeved.
George: Okay.
Sheldon: I would slam this door right now, but it would startle me, so just imagine I did.
George: Okay.

Mary: I'm sorry Robin couldn't be here.
Pastor Jeff: She's working extra shifts so she can take some time off after the wedding.
Mary: For a honeymoon? How nice. Where y'all going?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, we don't really plan on leaving the bedroom.

Sheldon: Why would you bring that pecking poop machine into our home?
Missy: To save her life.
Sheldon: What about my life?
Missy: She's not trying to kill you.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? Then why was there hate in her eyes?
Missy: That's how everybody looks at you.

Missy: Your dad can't eat Matilda.
Billy Sparks: Sure, he can. He eats everything.
Missy: Billy, you've raised her from a chick. She's like your child. You wouldn't let somebody eat your child.
Billy Sparks: Does my child taste like chicken?
Missy: Billy!
Billy Sparks: Missy!

Mary: So, when were you thinking? Uh, spring, summer?
Pastor Jeff: Next Sunday.
Mary: Uh, oh. That is soon. Uh, you're not?
Officer Robin: No.
Pastor Jeff: Because we haven't, you know...
Officer Robin: But we would like to.
Pastor Jeff: But we can't 'cause I'm a pastor.
Officer Robin: But we can once we're married.
Pastor Jeff: So Sunday it is.
Mary: Okay.
Officer Robin: Or maybe Saturday.
Pastor Jeff: Ooh, Saturday. Even better.
Officer Robin: I cannot wait.
Pastor Jeff: Me, either.
Mary: Still here. [all chuckling]

George: What's going on?
Sheldon: Georgie taped over Star Trek: The Next Generation.
George: So? Watch something else.
Sheldon: I don't want to watch something else. I want to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation.
George: And I want to feel bad for you, but I don't.

Mary: Would you look at these sugar flowers?
Pastor Jeff: I'm too busy looking at the price tag. Judas Priest.

Meemaw: All right, here I am. What's the emergency?
George: Sheldon's mad at Georgie 'cause he taped over his space show, but now he's hiding in the garage 'cause Missy brought home Billy's chicken. And Missy's hiding in the bathroom 'cause I brought home fried chicken.
Meemaw: Good luck.

George: Oh, come on, help me out!
Meemaw: What are you doing to help?
George: I called your ass over here.
Meemaw: Where's Mary?
George: At church planning Pastor Jeff's wedding.
Meemaw: And she left you in charge?
George: Yeah.
Meemaw: Well, that was dumb.
George: Thank you.

Pastor Jeff: What do you think?
Mary: How handsome! I feel like I'm in the presence of James Bond.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I don't have a license to kill, but I do have a license to officiate funerals.