‘A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Quote from Meemaw

Missy: You're good at Band-Aids.
Meemaw: I've had practice on Sheldon. He's a fragile boy.

Quote from George Jr.

George: Where are the damn filters?
Mary: They're in the cabinet, where they always are.
Georgie: These two, fighting like the Serbs and Croatians in Bosnia.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Grown-ups and the elderly had always liked me, and now I had won over undergrads. Like a beloved board game, I'm fun for ages nine to 90.

Quote from George Jr.

George: Where's the coffee?
Georgie: I finished it.
George: When you finish a pot, you're supposed to make more.
Mary: Oh, is that the rule?
George: It is for him. Why are you reading my paper?
Georgie: Well, pardon me for keeping up on events of the day.
George: Tomorrow's headline: Father Strangles Son.
Georgie: Good luck. My horoscope says "things are looking up."

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: You did not just tell our son that he could stay the night by himself.
George: The campus is safe, and he's not by himself, he's with friends.
Mary: Friends that we don't know. What if there is alcohol?
George: Then they're gonna get a lot of fun facts about the history of fermented beverages.
Mary: I am serious.
George: So am I. How else would I know that monkeys get drunk by eating rotten fruit off the jungle floor?
Mary: He is not ready for this kind of situation.
George: Mary, he's a good kid. He's not gonna drink anything he shouldn't. And if he cared about peer pressure, he wouldn't wear a bow tie.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: What is going on? Sheldon, are you okay?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Darren: He's gonna throw up.
Mary: Did you give him beer? Did they give you beer?!
[Mary follows Sheldon, Darren and Oscar into the dorm room]
Sheldon: Just root beer.
Mary: It's gonna be okay, baby. [Sheldon throws up] Oh. Why is it so colorful?
Sheldon: Too many... [gags] Skittles. [retches]

Quote from Missy

Meemaw: Is that why you got on sweat pants?
Missy: It gets worse.
Meemaw: Oh, boy.
Missy: I came home, and I was in the bathroom, and I saw Mom's leg razor.
Meemaw: Oh, no. Please tell me you also saw shaving cream.
Missy: [shakes head] I didn't.
Meemaw: Soap? [Missy keeps shaking her head] Water? Lotion? Anything?
[Meemaw is speechless as Missy rolls up her pant leg]

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I was learning to enjoy the perks of university life, including a dorm to study and nap in. And since this was college, I was even allowed to have girls in my room.
Mary: Here we go. Nice and clean.
Sheldon: Did you use the unscented detergent?
Mary: You've got a nose. Sniff it yourself.
Adult Sheldon: I even had my own bathroom, which gave me the perfect place to store my impressive collection of sunscreens and bug repellents. However, one thing I would never get used to was college students' love of blasting rock and roll music. [video game music playing]

Quote from Sheldon

Oscar: So, how old are you?
Sheldon: Twelve.
Oscar: Damn.
Darren: And they let you live here by yourself?
Sheldon: That room's just for during the day to study.
Oscar: Didn't I see some lady in there?
Sheldon: That must've been my mom.
Oscar: Dude, his mom is hot.
Darren: What is wrong with you? Don't listen to him. He thinks any female with a pulse is hot.
Oscar: I don't think your mom is hot.
Darren: Congratulations, you're more mature than him.
Sheldon: Don't feel bad. I'm more mature than most people.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: [scoffs] Oh, look at these prices. I could make this dress for Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] Meemaw, make her stop.
Meemaw: Come on, Mary. You already got one kid that gets picked on.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: I'll get it for her. I don't mind wasting my money.
Missy: [o.s.] Please?
Mary: Fine. But you are not wearing it to school, and you are not wearing it without tights.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you.
Meemaw: Hey, I'm the one paying for it.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you more.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Hear that?

Quote from Principal Petersen

Principal Petersen: Uh, look, you know your team didn't have a great year.
George: I'm aware.
Principal Petersen: I'm aware, too, 'cause I've been hearing about it everywhere. The grocery store, gas station, barbershop. And I'm only in there, like, seconds, George.
George: I know people are upset, but we're gonna turn things around.
Principal Petersen: Look, I'm on your side. But you should know the boosters got pitchforks out. Not literally, but Charlie Dean owns that feed store, so...

Quote from Principal Petersen

George: Are you saying I'm losing my job?
Principal Petersen: No. No, no, I'm saying you just got some fires to put out.
George: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Principal Petersen: Talk to the boosters. Tell 'em something encouraging.
George: Yeah. Got it.
Principal Petersen: And say it like your job depends on it. Not that it does. But it does.

Quote from Sheldon

Oscar: I'm hungry. You wanna order something?
Darren: Chinese?
Oscar: Little man, you want Chinese?
Sheldon: I don't know. I've never had Chinese food.
Oscar: Really?
Darren: We get it, like, two, three times a week.
Sheldon: Chinese food three times a week? That seems excessive.
Darren: How have you never had an egg roll?

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: [on the phone] Mom, can I please be picked up later?
Mary: No. Your meemaw's already on her way.
Sheldon: But the people next door want me to try an egg roll.
Mary: What people? Don't take food from strangers.
Sheldon: They're not strangers. They're Oscar and Darren.
Mary: Well, they're strangers to me.
Sheldon: Well, maybe when Meemaw gets here, she can wait in the car for a few hours.
Mary: That is not happening, and you know it.
Sheldon: Can we at least have Chinese food for dinner?
Mary: I'm making Rice-A-Roni. Does that count?
Sheldon: Nothing Chinese ends in "a-roni."
Mary: Well, their loss.

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