‘A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender’ Quotes Page 1 of 3
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513. A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender
January 27, 2022Sheldon's love of video games helps him make two friends at college. Meanwhile, George learns he might lose his job because of the team's performance.
Quote from Meemaw
Missy: You're good at Band-Aids.
Meemaw: I've had practice on Sheldon. He's a fragile boy.
Quote from George Jr.
George: Where are the damn filters?
Mary: They're in the cabinet, where they always are.
Georgie: These two, fighting like the Serbs and Croatians in Bosnia.
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: Grown-ups and the elderly had always liked me, and now I had won over undergrads. Like a beloved board game, I'm fun for ages nine to 90.
Quote from George Jr.
George: Where's the coffee?
Georgie: I finished it.
George: When you finish a pot, you're supposed to make more.
Mary: Oh, is that the rule?
George: It is for him. Why are you reading my paper?
Georgie: Well, pardon me for keeping up on events of the day.
George: Tomorrow's headline: Father Strangles Son.
Georgie: Good luck. My horoscope says "things are looking up."
Quote from George Sr.
Mary: You did not just tell our son that he could stay the night by himself.
George: The campus is safe, and he's not by himself, he's with friends.
Mary: Friends that we don't know. What if there is alcohol?
George: Then they're gonna get a lot of fun facts about the history of fermented beverages.
Mary: I am serious.
George: So am I. How else would I know that monkeys get drunk by eating rotten fruit off the jungle floor?
Mary: He is not ready for this kind of situation.
George: Mary, he's a good kid. He's not gonna drink anything he shouldn't. And if he cared about peer pressure, he wouldn't wear a bow tie.
Quote from Sheldon
Mary: What is going on? Sheldon, are you okay?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Darren: He's gonna throw up.
Mary: Did you give him beer? Did they give you beer?!
[Mary follows Sheldon, Darren and Oscar into the dorm room]
Sheldon: Just root beer.
Mary: It's gonna be okay, baby. [Sheldon throws up] Oh. Why is it so colorful?
Sheldon: Too many... [gags] Skittles. [retches]
Quote from Missy
Meemaw: Is that why you got on sweat pants?
Missy: It gets worse.
Meemaw: Oh, boy.
Missy: I came home, and I was in the bathroom, and I saw Mom's leg razor.
Meemaw: Oh, no. Please tell me you also saw shaving cream.
Missy: [shakes head] I didn't.
Meemaw: Soap? [Missy keeps shaking her head] Water? Lotion? Anything?
[Meemaw is speechless as Missy rolls up her pant leg]
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: I was learning to enjoy the perks of university life, including a dorm to study and nap in. And since this was college, I was even allowed to have girls in my room.
Mary: Here we go. Nice and clean.
Sheldon: Did you use the unscented detergent?
Mary: You've got a nose. Sniff it yourself.
Adult Sheldon: I even had my own bathroom, which gave me the perfect place to store my impressive collection of sunscreens and bug repellents. However, one thing I would never get used to was college students' love of blasting rock and roll music. [video game music playing]
Quote from Sheldon
Oscar: So, how old are you?
Sheldon: Twelve.
Oscar: Damn.
Darren: And they let you live here by yourself?
Sheldon: That room's just for during the day to study.
Oscar: Didn't I see some lady in there?
Sheldon: That must've been my mom.
Oscar: Dude, his mom is hot.
Darren: What is wrong with you? Don't listen to him. He thinks any female with a pulse is hot.
Oscar: I don't think your mom is hot.
Darren: Congratulations, you're more mature than him.
Sheldon: Don't feel bad. I'm more mature than most people.
Quote from Meemaw
Mary: [scoffs] Oh, look at these prices. I could make this dress for Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] Meemaw, make her stop.
Meemaw: Come on, Mary. You already got one kid that gets picked on.
Quote from Meemaw
Meemaw: I'll get it for her. I don't mind wasting my money.
Missy: [o.s.] Please?
Mary: Fine. But you are not wearing it to school, and you are not wearing it without tights.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you.
Meemaw: Hey, I'm the one paying for it.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you more.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Hear that?
Quote from Principal Petersen
Principal Petersen: Uh, look, you know your team didn't have a great year.
George: I'm aware.
Principal Petersen: I'm aware, too, 'cause I've been hearing about it everywhere. The grocery store, gas station, barbershop. And I'm only in there, like, seconds, George.
George: I know people are upset, but we're gonna turn things around.
Principal Petersen: Look, I'm on your side. But you should know the boosters got pitchforks out. Not literally, but Charlie Dean owns that feed store, so...
Quote from Principal Petersen
George: Are you saying I'm losing my job?
Principal Petersen: No. No, no, I'm saying you just got some fires to put out.
George: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Principal Petersen: Talk to the boosters. Tell 'em something encouraging.
George: Yeah. Got it.
Principal Petersen: And say it like your job depends on it. Not that it does. But it does.
Quote from Sheldon
Oscar: I'm hungry. You wanna order something?
Darren: Chinese?
Oscar: Little man, you want Chinese?
Sheldon: I don't know. I've never had Chinese food.
Oscar: Really?
Darren: We get it, like, two, three times a week.
Sheldon: Chinese food three times a week? That seems excessive.
Darren: How have you never had an egg roll?
Quote from Mary
Sheldon: [on the phone] Mom, can I please be picked up later?
Mary: No. Your meemaw's already on her way.
Sheldon: But the people next door want me to try an egg roll.
Mary: What people? Don't take food from strangers.
Sheldon: They're not strangers. They're Oscar and Darren.
Mary: Well, they're strangers to me.
Sheldon: Well, maybe when Meemaw gets here, she can wait in the car for a few hours.
Mary: That is not happening, and you know it.
Sheldon: Can we at least have Chinese food for dinner?
Mary: I'm making Rice-A-Roni. Does that count?
Sheldon: Nothing Chinese ends in "a-roni."
Mary: Well, their loss.