Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] We often regret the things we don't say. There's a lot of things I wish I had said to my dad while he was around. That I appreciated him. That I loved him. Which is why I'm grateful for the times I did tell him how I felt.
Sheldon: Tonight was fun.
George: Yeah? Why is that?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was here. Everybody talked about science. It was nice.
George: It was.

[fantasy:]
Meemaw: John, I'm sorry, I don't mean to push, but I just, I worry about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You do?
Meemaw: Of course. You know I care about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: That means a lot. The truth is, if I could live in an alternate universe, I'd live in one where we never broke up. I hope it's okay to say that.
Meemaw: It is. Because I wish it, too.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, Connie.
Meemaw: Oh, John.
[reality:]
Meemaw: John? John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Huh?
Meemaw: If you could live in an alternate universe, what would it be?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I haven't really given it any thought.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, Dr. Sturgis quit right before the semester started. He left me in the lurch.
Sheldon: And this is your chance to be the bigger person.
President Hagemeyer: I don't want to be the bigger person. I'll be the small, petty person. That's way more fun.
Sheldon: Please? It would make me really happy if he came back. And you said yourself my happiness is important to the university.
President Hagemeyer: Are you trying to manipulate me?
Sheldon: Hey, being small and petty is fun.

Meemaw: The man has a doctorate in science, and he's filling people's grocery bags.
Mary: He actually did a really nice job. He put the heavy things on the bottom. He kept the cold things together.
Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Well, they don't always do that.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's so wonderful to see you all. Thank you for having me.
Sheldon: It's great to see you, too.
Dr. John Sturgis: And, Mary, I believe I recognize these tater tots from when I packed them in your bag.
Missy: [to Mary] You're killing me.

Meemaw: So how's everything going with your supercollider?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, up until Wednesday at 6:43, wonderful.
Meemaw: What happened at 6:43?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's when they fired me.
Meemaw: What? Why did they fire you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Eh, probably because of what happened at 6:14.
[flashback:]
Reporter: So, Dr. Sturgis, what would you say to local residents who are concerned about the supercollider's safety? Is there a chance that Waxahachie could be the next Chernobyl?
Dr. John Sturgis: Absolutely not. The supercollider is very different from a nuclear power plant. This can't melt down. The worst it could do would be to create a microscopic black hole.
Reporter: And what would that do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's unlikely, but, uh, it could grow until it swallowed up the entire Earth. And possibly the Moon. Next question.

Meemaw: Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.
Meemaw: Friendly advice... next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

Dr. John Sturgis: I've been doing science all my life. [stammers] It's time for something else.
Meemaw: Like what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe scrimshaw? That's, uh, carving art into whale bone.
Meemaw: You really want to spend your day carving a whale bone?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know what else I'd do with it.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, you're a scientist. This is just silly.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie... I'm 72 and just lost my dream job. [chuckles] Right now, uh... I think I need to, uh... take a step back.
Meemaw: The Texan in me wants to say get back on the horse. But I won't.

[fantasy:]
Dr. John Sturgis: [Southern accent] To us, it'd be as normal as boots on a cowboy.
Georgie: That is wild.
Missy: Dr. Sturgis is correct. If indeed we grew up in another universe, our sense of normality would be formed by that universe.
George: That's enough. There are no other universes. The Bible tells us God created the Earth, not the Earths.
Mary: Ugh, why did I have to marry a preacher?
George: Because it was God's will to bless us with union.
Mary: I hope it's his plan that I hit the clubs tonight, 'cause that's gonna happen. [laughs]
Sheldon: Why am I the only normal one in this family?
Missy: If you're the only normal one, statistically speaking, you're abnormal.
Georgie: [chuckles] Freak.

Meemaw: Thank you for walking me home.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's the gentlemanly thing to do. Although to be honest, if we were attacked, I'd be counting on you to get us out of it. [Meemaw chuckles]

Sheldon: I can't believe they would fire you just for mentioning a theory about black holes.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's just as well. It was time this old horse was put out to pasture.
Mary: Don't say that. You're not old.
Missy: He's not?
Mary: No.
Missy: But look at his bald head.
Mary: Eat your peas.

Sheldon: It's so exciting he's back. How did he look?
Meemaw: The same.
Sheldon: Good, I was afraid he might've shrunk more. [Meemaw chuckles] Although maybe you both shrunk and you couldn't tell.
Meemaw: Hey! I'm still taller than you, so watch it.

Sheldon: It'll be great to have him back at the university.
Meemaw: Actually... doesn't sound like he's going back.
Sheldon: Why not?
Meemaw: He's a little upset about getting fired, and... says he's ready for a change.
Sheldon: An old person trying something new? That's funny.
Meemaw: You'll be old one day, too, pal.
Sheldon: I already don't like new things. Bring it on.

Georgie: So you work at the grocery store now?
Dr. John Sturgis: I do.
Georgie: Just out of curiosity, would you say I look 21?
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm, I suppose.
Georgie: And what nights do you work again?
George: He's not selling you beer.
Georgie: Well, of course not. [smiles at John]

Sheldon: I can't understand why you wouldn't want to come back to the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: Science is a young man's game.
Sheldon: But we could work on something together. If you average out our ages, we're a lean, mean forty-one and a half.