George: If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting something's wrong with him.
Mary: He hasn't had solid food in five weeks.
Meemaw: Well, if there is something wrong with him, it ain't constipation.

Missy: Meemaw, are you gonna have any more babies?
Meemaw: Good Lord, no!
Georgie: She's too old to have any more babies.
Meemaw: Don't have to have 'em. You live long enough, your hair and your teeth start falling out, you start wetting the bed, you get to be one.
Georgie: [laughs] That's funny. We're gonna have to put a diaper on you.
Meemaw: You won't be laughing when you're doing it. I might be.

George: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Meemaw: What's all this about choking?
Georgie: Sheldon almost died this morning.
Meemaw: What?!
Georgie: Oh, yeah. Dad was shaking him upside down like a ketchup bottle.
Missy: It was great.

Sheldon: I'm enjoying this, but I'm having trouble with the onomatopoeia.
Tam: The what?
Sheldon: The onomatopoeia. Words that imitate sounds. "Kthoom" "Snikt" "Bamf" Writers shouldn't make up words.
Tam: Somebody made up "onomatopoeia".
Sheldon: You challenge me. I like that.

Tam: What's the matter?
Sheldon: I-I don't think I can eat this.
Tam: You want to trade? My mom made me fish soup again. How long do we have to be in this country before I get baloney?

Sheldon: You're sitting in my spot.
Tam: Why is it your spot?
Sheldon: It's complicated. Just move.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Adult Sheldon: Just like that, I overcame my fear of choking. All that was left was my fear of dogs, birds, insects, germs, hugging, button fly pants, rivers, ponds, lakes, oceans, estuaries, corduroy, root vegetables, squeaky balloons, tinted windows, take a penny, leave a penny, fireworks, potbelly stoves, dust bunnies, that fuzz on peaches.

Adult Sheldon: They say, in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife and putting it back in the jar. [Sheldon coughs up the sausage]
Mary: Okay, it's better now. Sheldon, honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!
Sheldon: You have to throw away that jelly.

Adult Sheldon: In fairness to Mr. Dean, this one morning, I decided to forgo my normal 20 chews per bite, as prescribed by the American Medical Association.

Sheldon: I'm sorry I'm late. I have a note.
Ms. MacElroy: You poor thing, you had a medical emergency?
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am. I choked on a sausage. [laughter]
Boy: How big was it?
Sheldon: About yay big. [laughter]
Adult Sheldon: To this day, I still don't understand why they were laughing.

Meemaw: I said I'd have to think about it.
George: What's to think about?
Meemaw: Well, a lot. I mean, assuming he enjoys dinner, he might want a scoop of Meemaw for dessert.
Mary: Mom, the kids.
Meemaw: I said "dessert." Did you know I was talking about sex?
Sheldon: No.
Meemaw: See?

Adult Sheldon: As fate would have it, the comic I picked up was called X-Men. Young mutants with incredible powers who were feared and misunderstood by the entire world.
Sheldon: Hey, it's about me.

Adult Sheldon: And what about Count Chocula? How is he a count? Did the title come with land?