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54Quotes from ‘A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage’

A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

104. A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Aired November 16, 2017

After Sheldon chokes on a breakfast sausage, the near death experience scares him off solid foods. As his parents try to deal with his newfound phobia, Sheldon discovers comic books and the finds the strength to eat again.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You're sitting in my spot.
Tam: Why is it your spot?
Sheldon: It's complicated. Just move.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting something's wrong with him.
Mary: He hasn't had solid food in five weeks.
Meemaw: Well, if there is something wrong with him, it ain't constipation.

Quote from George Jr.

Meemaw: What's all this about choking?
George Jr.: Sheldon almost died this morning.
Meemaw: What?!
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. Dad was shaking him upside down like a ketchup bottle.
Missy: It was great.

Quote from Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: They say, in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife and putting it back in the jar. [Sheldon coughs up the sausage]
Mary: Okay, it's better now. Sheldon, honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!
Sheldon: You have to throw away that jelly.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Now, the thing you have to understand is Shelly is incredibly bright. I mean, his IQ is right up there with Albert Einstein and that English wheelchair fella.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Just like that, I overcame my fear of choking. All that was left was my fear of dogs, birds, insects, germs, hugging, button fly pants, rivers, ponds, lakes, oceans, estuaries, corduroy, root vegetables, squeaky balloons, tinted windows, take a penny, leave a penny, fireworks, potbelly stoves, dust bunnies, that fuzz on peaches.

Quote from Missy

Missy: I came this close to having my own room.

Quote from Tam

Tam: What's the matter?
Sheldon: I-I don't think I can eat this.
Tam: You want to trade? My mom made me fish soup again. How long do we have to be in this country before I get baloney?

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: What'd you say?
Meemaw: I said I'd have to think about it.
George Sr.: What's to think about?
Meemaw: Well, a lot. I mean, assuming he enjoys dinner, he might want a scoop of Meemaw for dessert.
Mary: Mom, the kids.
Meemaw: I said "dessert." Did you know I was talking about sex?
Sheldon: No.
Meemaw: See?

Quote from Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: As fate would have it, the comic I picked up was called X-Men. Young mutants with incredible powers who were feared and misunderstood by the entire world.
Sheldon: Hey, it's about me.

Quote from Meemaw

Missy: Meemaw, are you gonna have any more babies?
Meemaw: Good Lord, no!
George Jr.: She's too old to have any more babies.
Meemaw: Don't have to have 'em. You live long enough, your hair and your teeth start falling out, you start wetting the bed, you get to be one.
George Jr.: [laughs] That's funny. We're gonna have to put a diaper on you.
Meemaw: You won't be laughing when you're doing it. I might be.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: In fairness to Mr. Dean, this one morning, I decided to forgo my normal 20 chews per bite, as prescribed by the American Medical Association.

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: Hey, Meemaw, next to Sheldon, who's smarter, me or Georgie?
George Jr.: Me, of course.
Missy: Why you?
George Jr.: My head's bigger.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: I've never been late to school before.
Missy: I'm late all the time. It's no big deal.
Mary: I get you to school on time every day. Why are you late?
Missy: I have a lot of people to say hi to in the morning.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Fun fact the first time I almost died was at the age of nine. The murder weapon? A Jimmy Dean sausage.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm sorry I'm late. I have a note.
Ms. MacElroy: You poor thing, you had a medical emergency?
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am. I choked on a sausage. [laughter]
Boy: How big was it?
Sheldon: About yay big. [laughter]
Adult Sheldon: To this day, I still don't understand why they were laughing.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You're reading a comic book.
Tam: I am.
Sheldon: You do understand those are for children.
Tam: Have you ever read one?
Sheldon: I outgrew picture books when I was three.
Tam: Just eat your lunch.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Well, here's something nice. You know that Mr. Rosenbloom with the furniture store over by the steakhouse?
Mary: I don't think so.
Meemaw: Oh, sure you do. That Hebrew fella with the comb-over?
Mary: You mean Jewish?
Meemaw: I think they like to be called Hebrew. Anyway, he's asked me to dinner.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: How about I cut that pork chop off the bone and throw it in the blender with some gravy?
Sheldon: If it fits through a bendy straw, I'll drink it.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: I'm real glad you've been getting out again.
Meemaw: Me, too. We had a nice dinner, took a walk. He's a divorcee, you know.
Mary: I didn't.
Meemaw: It's not a big deal for those people. If they're not a lawyer, they're related to one.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Is this man gonna make me eat solid foods?
Mary: No, he just wants to talk to you about it.
Sheldon: Did you tell him I have a lot to accomplish in my life and cannot afford to be killed by an unchewed sausage?
Mary: Not in those exact words.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Y'all want to go get some ice cream?
George Jr.: What about dinner?
Meemaw: What about it? Come on.
Missy: Is ALF dead?
Meemaw: No, but it's just a matter of time.

Quote from Sheldon

Tam: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: Oh, hello, Tam.
Tam: I thought you said comic books are for children.
Sheldon: I'm a complicated young man.

Quote from Meemaw

George Jr.: I guess I never thought about it that way before.
Meemaw: You kidding me? Right now, they would be nagging you about cleaning your room and doing your homework. Instead, you're sitting in a parking lot, eating a Blizzard for dinner.
Missy: With cookie dough in it.
Meemaw: Exactly. While Sheldon is stuck sitting in some boring shrink's office.
George Jr.: Mom told me they were taking him for a haircut.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah, right. Well, when he gets home, say his hair looks good.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What I find interesting is how many supervillains are scientists: Doctor Octopus, Doctor Doom, Lex Luthor, Green Goblin, the list goes on and on.
Tam: So?
Sheldon: So if the world doesn't respect me, I might change sides.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: And what about Count Chocula? How is he a count? Did the title come with land?

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Why aren't you eating?
Sheldon: I don't think I can.
George Sr.: Sometimes the different foods touch each other, Sheldon. Not the end of the world.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: He's nine years old and he's in high school, so you can't judge him like other kids.
Dr. Goetsch: I hear ya.
Mary: George, tell him about how he's always going on and on about subatomic particles and such.
George Sr.: Oh, he'll get to gabbin' about it.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I didn't have to read many comic books to understand that every superhero had a weakness, something they had to overcome through an extraordinary act of courage. For Cyclops, it was the loss of Jean Grey. For Rogue, it was human touch. For me, it was food that required chewing. So if I truly was a mutant, I would have to do the same. On this day, I would not be defeated. Because this was the day I became The Chewer.

Quote from Mary

George Sr.: You're actually cutting the crust off before you blend it?
Mary: I left it on his tuna sandwich yesterday, he said he could tell. Only drank half of it.

Quote from Missy

Adult Sheldon: To further complicate matters, in any real-life crisis, my family's default mode is mindless panic.
Missy: Sheldon's gonna die! Sheldon's gonna die!

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: It's interesting the things you think about when life is ebbing from your body. For instance, linoleum. What is it, really? Plastic? And if so, how is it different from Formica?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mom, would you write a note for me?
Mary: Sure.
Missy: You have the coolest excuse. You almost died. Did you see Jesus?
Sheldon: I saw Count Chocula. But feel free to mention my brush with death in the note.

Quote from Ms. MacElroy

Ms. MacElroy: Remember, the food drive ends Friday. All canned goods are welcome. But please make sure your cans have labels. Needy people have enough problems without having to guess what's for dinner.

Quote from Tam

Sheldon: Mm, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.
Tam: "I'm not hungry." The three words you never hear in Vietnam.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: My mother and father saw that I'd been traumatized and were patient and understanding about my fear of eating solid foods. This lasted one more day.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Why does he get a pork shake?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Oh, come on. You can't blame yourself. This isn't gonna last. Remember the time a bee got in the house and he slept under a net for a couple months?

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: What's he drinking?
Meemaw: Pork chop and gravy. I snuck some broccoli in there, too. Shh.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: Well, I don't know what else to do. I suggested that we take him to some kind of professional, but you said he'd outgrow it.
Meemaw: Well, if you're looking for a psychiatrist, I bet my new fella's related to one.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: My mother managed to locate a family psychiatrist within our price range. No one seemed to be bothered that he had a coupon in The Pennysaver.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: "Right on. Right on."

Quote from George Sr.

Dr. Goetsch: Okay. Let me just start by saying you came to the right place. Sheldon and I happen to have a lot in common. I, too, was a special little boy. In the fourth grade, I was reading at a seventh grade level. And I don't have to tell you where I was by the seventh grade. [silence] Tenth.
George Sr.: I'm gonna give the beanbag a whirl.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: What are y'all watching?
George Jr.: Little Rascals.
Meemaw: You know most of those kids are dead, right?
Missy: What?
Meemaw: Alfalfa, Stymie, Buckwheat.
Missy: Even Petey the dog?
Meemaw: Oh, especially Petey the dog.
George Jr.: Thanks for making it depressing.
Meemaw: You're very welcome.

Quote from George Sr.

Dr. Goetsch: You'd be surprised how many children have food phobias.
Mary: Is that so?
Dr. Goetsch: Oh, yeah. When I was Sheldon's age, I was afraid of that weird skin on top of puddin'.
George Sr.: Really? Me, too. You know, you put a little Saran Wrap on-
Mary: George!

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: I think we should call the police.
George Sr.: We don't need the police. We'll find him.
Mary: This is all my fault. He ran away because we took him to a therapist.
George Sr.: That's $15 we ain't getting back.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm enjoying this, but I'm having trouble with the onomatopoeia.
Tam: The what?
Sheldon: The onomatopoeia. Words that imitate sounds. "Kthoom" "Snikt" "Bamf" Writers shouldn't make up words.
Tam: Somebody made up "onomatopoeia".
Sheldon: You challenge me. I like that.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: It doesn't matter. Tonight is not about Sheldon.
George Jr.: Yeah, right. Everything's always about Sheldon.
Missy: Yeah. Most of the time, it's like we don't even exist.
Meemaw: I guess Sheldon does get most of the attention. Maybe that's a good thing.
Missy: How?
Meemaw: Well, if it weren't for him, your parents would be on your ass all the time.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I tried to explain to my parents that a mutant named Cyclops, who shoots laser beams out of his eyes, helped me eat a licorice stick. Went right over their heads.

Quote from Dr. Goetsch

Dr. Goetsch: Welcome. You must be the Cooper family.
Mary: We are.
Dr. Goetsch: Right on, right on. This must be Sheldon. Put 'er there.
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Dr. Goetsch: Right on, right on.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (inspecting a comic book) 40 cents? Outrageous.

Quote from Dr. Goetsch

Mary: Sheldon?
George Sr.: Where the hell did he go?
Mary: Sheldon?
Dr. Goetsch: Couldn't have gone far.
Mary: Why not?
Dr. Goetsch: Right on, right on.

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