Sheldon: If we're switching religions, may I recommend Judaism.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: Both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy are Jewish.
George: So?
Sheldon: Isn't that enough?

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
Georgie: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Adult Sheldon: I was struggling to focus and needed help. Luckily, there was someone on campus I could always count on to lend a friendly ear. A second mom, if you will.
President Hagemeyer: What now?
Sheldon: You said if I ever had a problem, I could come to you and you'd fix it.
President Hagemeyer: When did I say that?
Sheldon: September 13th, 1991. You had just eaten a poppyseed bagel and had one stuck in your teeth.
President Hagemeyer: I'll take your word for it.
Sheldon: It was right here. How did it not make you crazy? It made me crazy.
President Hagemeyer: What do you want?
Sheldon: My family's falling apart.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Uh... what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Fix it.

George: Hold on. Are you firing her?
Pastor Jeff: No, no, just a little leave of absence till things settle down.
Pastor Rob: Is that really necessary?
Pastor Jeff: I believe it is. As leaders of this church, we are held to a higher standard.
Mary: Are you asking us to leave the church?
Pastor Jeff: Of course not.
George: Y'all talk a big game about community, and then you just turn your back when things get a little messy.
Pastor Rob: Okay, let's just take a breath.
George: You do that. We're leaving. Come on, Mary.
Pastor Jeff: George, let's talk this through.
George: I've heard enough. I'll be in the truck. [exits]

Coach Wilkins: Hey, you heard from George today?
Principal Petersen: George. Cooper? No. You?
Coach Wilkins: No. Hoping that he would join us.
Principal Petersen: Well, he's going through a tough time at home, you got to cut him a little slack.
[George has been seated at their table drinking a beer the whole time]
George: Are you done?
Principal Petersen: I don't know. What do you think?
Coach Wilkins: I can keep going.
Principal Petersen: Me too. You ever wonder how that Sheldon kid wound up being so smart?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, you mean like was there a genius pizza delivery guy or mailman in the mix?
Principal Petersen: Exactly.
George: All right, that's enough. And for the record, my grandfather was a brilliant man. Co-invented the traffic cone. Used to be wood, he made it rubber. That's right.

Mary: Thank you for meeting with me.
Pastor Rob: No problem. I got you coffee. You seemed upset, so, donut holes. Which I love if you don't want them.
Mary: I'm good with coffee.
Pastor Rob: Okay. So, what's going on?
Mary: Well... all the things that I was afraid of are happening. Ever since word got out about Georgie, everyone at my Bible study canceled.
Pastor Rob: Well, first of all, that sucks and I'm sorry. I also can't say I'm surprised. This is the part of religion I don't like.
Mary: I know Georgie made a mistake, but I thought, as Christians, we're supposed to forgive.
Pastor Rob: Well, I'm gonna ask you a tricky question. If this were happening to someone else in the congregation, how would you respond? [Mary sighs and grabs the donut holes] Good choice. That'll help.

Billy Sparks: What's going on?
Missy: What's going on is people are talking about my brother behind my back instead of saying it to my face.
Sheldon: She's talking about Georgie, not me. People talk about me behind my back, but it's about how smart I am.

Pastor Jeff: So, shall we get to the business at hand?
Mary: Obviously, we're... mortified by Missy's behavior.
George: Even though it sounds like that punk had it coming.
Pastor Jeff: While his words were out of line, it brings us to the bigger issue, which is... people are talking about Georgie.
George: Bunch of holy rollers with no lives.

Georgie: You can't go around hitting people.
Missy: I had to do something.
Sheldon: Me too.
Missy: What did you do?
Sheldon: I ran and told the nearest adult.
Georgie: I don't want you getting in trouble for me.
Missy: But Danny says you're going to hell.
Georgie: I'm there now. Promise me.
Missy: Fine.
Georgie: And I know you ain't hitting nobody.
Sheldon: You are correct, sir.

Mandy: So, I told my folks about the baby.
Meemaw: And?
Mandy: They told me I'm on my own. They want nothing to do with me.
Meemaw: Sorry. Give it a minute, they still might come around.
Mandy: I didn't even get to the part where the father's 17 years old.
Meemaw: Something fun for next time.

Meemaw: When Mary told me she was pregnant, I reacted pretty much the same way that your folks did. Not my finest moment.
Mandy: Let me guess, they got married and suddenly you were okay with it.
Meemaw: Hell no. I didn't want my daughter to marry that fat dumbass. I shouldn't have said that. He got fat later.
Mandy: I'd laugh, but my mom gained 70 pounds when she had my little brother.

Mandy: So, you really think my folks'll come around?
Meemaw: I don't know 'em, but babies have a magical power over people, especially grandparents.
Mandy: Is that how you felt when Georgie was born?
Meemaw: Oh, it was love at first sight.
Mandy: And then 17 years later he got me pregnant.
Meemaw: You're not gonna let that go, are you?
Mandy: Nope.
Meemaw: Hmm.

Mary: Should you really be reading in the car, baby?
Sheldon: I'll be fine.
Mary: You sure? You're not the one who'll have to clean up the oatmeal back there.
Sheldon: I said I'll be fine. And it's the blueberries you should be worried about.
Mary: Well, you're in a mood.
Sheldon: Maybe because there was so much bickering going on at home that I couldn't study.
Mary: Oh, I'm sorry if our family problems are getting in the way of your schoolwork.
Sheldon: I accept your apology. [vomits]
Mary: Oh...
Sheldon: Yep, blueberries.

Georgie: Where you going?
Meemaw: I got stuff to do.
Georgie: Like what?
Meemaw: Just stuff.
Georgie: Well, can you stop and get me something to eat?
Meemaw: No.
Georgie: Why not?
Meemaw: 'Cause I got stuff to do.
Georgie: Which you won't tell me.
Meemaw: 'Cause it's none of your damn business.
Georgie: Is it illegal?
Meemaw: I'm not gonna play this game with you, Georgie.
Georgie: Just give me the first letter.
Meemaw: Goodbye.

Georgie: I'm hoping for a boy, but as long as it's healthy, that's all that matters. What are y'all having?