Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
George Jr.: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Adult Sheldon: I was struggling to focus and needed help. Luckily, there was someone on campus I could always count on to lend a friendly ear. A second mom, if you will.
President Hagemeyer: What now?
Sheldon: You said if I ever had a problem, I could come to you and you'd fix it.
President Hagemeyer: When did I say that?
Sheldon: September 13th, 1991. You had just eaten a poppyseed bagel and had one stuck in your teeth.
President Hagemeyer: I'll take your word for it.
Sheldon: It was right here. How did it not make you crazy? It made me crazy.
President Hagemeyer: What do you want?
Sheldon: My family's falling apart.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Uh... what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Fix it.

Sheldon: If we're switching religions, may I recommend Judaism.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: Both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy are Jewish.
George Sr.: So?
Sheldon: Isn't that enough?

George Sr.: Hold on. Are you firing her?
Pastor Jeff: No, no, just a little leave of absence till things settle down.
Pastor Rob: Is that really necessary?
Pastor Jeff: I believe it is. As leaders of this church, we are held to a higher standard.
Mary: Are you asking us to leave the church?
Pastor Jeff: Of course not.
George Sr.: Y'all talk a big game about community, and then you just turn your back when things get a little messy.
Pastor Rob: Okay, let's just take a breath.
George Sr.: You do that. We're leaving. Come on, Mary.
Pastor Jeff: George, let's talk this through.
George Sr.: I've heard enough. I'll be in the truck. [exits]

Billy Sparks: What's going on?
Missy: What's going on is people are talking about my brother behind my back instead of saying it to my face.
Sheldon: She's talking about Georgie, not me. People talk about me behind my back, but it's about how smart I am.

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
Missy: And bless Mom.
Mary: Thank you. Amen.
Missy: Amen.
George Jr.: Amen.
Sheldon: She's the hands that prepared it. Your blessing is redundant.
Mary: Let's eat.

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
President Hagemeyer: Mrs. Cooper, it's Linda Hagemeyer.
Mary: Is everything okay?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I was hoping that you could tell me. [chuckles] Uh, Sheldon was in my office earlier and was pretty upset about the situation at home.
Mary: What did he tell you?
President Hagemeyer: Nothing much, really, just that his parents are fighting all the time, his older brother got a girl pregnant and his sister punched a little boy in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well... [sighs] ...it's been a busy couple of days. Just, you know, life... One thing after another.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, ain't that the truth. Anyway, I'm sure that you know this university has invested quite a bit in Sheldon's progress, and, uh, well, not to be critical, but... he didn't come to you complaining about me.
Mary: What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm not doing a good job as his mother? Because I am doing the best that I can to hold this family together, and I am tired of everyone blaming me. [Missy is listening in the hallway] I have half a mind to get in my car and drive until I run out of road and then start my life over again with a different name.
President Hagemeyer: Okay. Sure. So, uh... sounds like you've got a handle on this. So good to talk to you. Um, have a lovely evening.
Mary: You too! [hangs up] [cries] [Missy hugs Mary] Oh... [sniffles]

George Jr.: I'm hoping for a boy, but as long as it's healthy, that's all that matters. What are y'all having?

Coach Wilkins: Hey, you heard from George today?
Principal Petersen: George. Cooper? No. You?
Coach Wilkins: No. Hoping that he would join us.
Principal Petersen: Well, he's going through a tough time at home, you got to cut him a little slack.
[George has been seated at their table drinking a beer the whole time]
George Sr.: Are you done?
Principal Petersen: I don't know. What do you think?
Coach Wilkins: I can keep going.
Principal Petersen: Me too. You ever wonder how that Sheldon kid wound up being so smart?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, you mean like was there a genius pizza delivery guy or mailman in the mix?
Principal Petersen: Exactly.
George Sr.: All right, that's enough. And for the record, my grandfather was a brilliant man. Co-invented the traffic cone. Used to be wood, he made it rubber. That's right.

George Jr.: Where you going?
Meemaw: I got stuff to do.
George Jr.: Like what?
Meemaw: Just stuff.
George Jr.: Well, can you stop and get me something to eat?
Meemaw: No.
George Jr.: Why not?
Meemaw: 'Cause I got stuff to do.
George Jr.: Which you won't tell me.
Meemaw: 'Cause it's none of your damn business.
George Jr.: Is it illegal?
Meemaw: I'm not gonna play this game with you, Georgie.
George Jr.: Just give me the first letter.
Meemaw: Goodbye.

Mary: Should you really be reading in the car, baby?
Sheldon: I'll be fine.
Mary: You sure? You're not the one who'll have to clean up the oatmeal back there.
Sheldon: I said I'll be fine. And it's the blueberries you should be worried about.
Mary: Well, you're in a mood.
Sheldon: Maybe because there was so much bickering going on at home that I couldn't study.
Mary: Oh, I'm sorry if our family problems are getting in the way of your schoolwork.
Sheldon: I accept your apology. [vomits]
Mary: Oh...
Sheldon: Yep, blueberries.

Mandy: So, you really think my folks'll come around?
Meemaw: I don't know 'em, but babies have a magical power over people, especially grandparents.
Mandy: Is that how you felt when Georgie was born?
Meemaw: Oh, it was love at first sight.
Mandy: And then 17 years later he got me pregnant.
Meemaw: You're not gonna let that go, are you?
Mandy: Nope.
Meemaw: Hmm.

Meemaw: When Mary told me she was pregnant, I reacted pretty much the same way that your folks did. Not my finest moment.
Mandy: Let me guess, they got married and suddenly you were okay with it.
Meemaw: Hell no. I didn't want my daughter to marry that fat dumbass. I shouldn't have said that. He got fat later.
Mandy: I'd laugh, but my mom gained 70 pounds when she had my little brother.

Mary: Thank you for meeting with me.
Pastor Rob: No problem. I got you coffee. You seemed upset, so, donut holes. Which I love if you don't want them.
Mary: I'm good with coffee.
Pastor Rob: Okay. So, what's going on?
Mary: Well... all the things that I was afraid of are happening. Ever since word got out about Georgie, everyone at my Bible study canceled.
Pastor Rob: Well, first of all, that sucks and I'm sorry. I also can't say I'm surprised. This is the part of religion I don't like.
Mary: I know Georgie made a mistake, but I thought, as Christians, we're supposed to forgive.
Pastor Rob: Well, I'm gonna ask you a tricky question. If this were happening to someone else in the congregation, how would you respond? [Mary sighs and grabs the donut holes] Good choice. That'll help.

Pastor Jeff: So, shall we get to the business at hand?
Mary: Obviously, we're... mortified by Missy's behavior.
George Sr.: Even though it sounds like that punk had it coming.
Pastor Jeff: While his words were out of line, it brings us to the bigger issue, which is... people are talking about Georgie.
George Sr.: Bunch of holy rollers with no lives.

George Jr.: You can't go around hitting people.
Missy: I had to do something.
Sheldon: Me too.
Missy: What did you do?
Sheldon: I ran and told the nearest adult.
George Jr.: I don't want you getting in trouble for me.
Missy: But Danny says you're going to hell.
George Jr.: I'm there now. Promise me.
Missy: Fine.
George Jr.: And I know you ain't hitting nobody.
Sheldon: You are correct, sir.

Mandy: So, I told my folks about the baby.
Meemaw: And?
Mandy: They told me I'm on my own. They want nothing to do with me.
Meemaw: Sorry. Give it a minute, they still might come around.
Mandy: I didn't even get to the part where the father's 17 years old.
Meemaw: Something fun for next time.

Mandy: Payment method. Don't see an option for "bad check."
Meemaw: You don't have health insurance?
Mandy: I don't even have car insurance.
Meemaw: How do you drive without car insurance?
Mandy: Slowly.

Missy: Movies lie. Punching people hurts.
Sheldon: Try being the punchee.

Mandy: Okay... marital status. Single.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Mind your own business.
Mandy: Name of father. I can't write "Georgie," it sounds like he's 11.
Meemaw: George Marshall Cooper.
Mandy: Marshall? I didn't know that.
Meemaw: Isn't it nice he can still surprise you? [chuckles]

George Jr.: I knew it.
Meemaw: What are you doing here?
George Jr.: What are you doing here?
Mandy: I asked her to be here.
George Jr.: So, her and not me?
Mandy: Yeah.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Don't make me come over there.

Meemaw: How did you follow me?
George Jr.: Wasn't hard. You can see that yellow Toyota from outer space.
Meemaw: It is a Mazda.
George Jr.: This is my baby, too. I think I should be a part of this.
Meemaw: You did your part, now git.

George Jr.: Mandy, please. I want to help.
Mandy: He can stay.
George Jr.: Thanks. What can I do?
Mandy: Nothing.
George Jr.: I can do that.

Mary: Oh! [coughs] Uh, Pastor Rob.
Pastor Rob: [short chuckle] You okay?
Mary: Um... swallowed a Tic Tac. [coughs]
Pastor Rob: Well, I can barely smell the smoke at all.

Mary: I just can't believe the church turned its back on us.
Pastor Rob: The church may have, but God didn't.
Mary: [sighs] I don't feel His presence right now.
Pastor Rob: Well, let's invite Him to join us.
Mary: Oh, ok-okay. [they hold hands]
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance in these troubled times. Please, watch over Mary Cooper and her family, let her know that though this unborn child is out of wedlock, he or she is a miracle in Your creation and should be celebrated as such. Amen.
Mary: Amen.
Missy: [through the window] What's going on here?
Mary: Uh, uh, praying, we're praying. [lets go of Rob's hands]
Pastor Rob: Just praying.

Mary: Why aren't you in school?
Missy: You told me not to punch anyone else, so I left.
Mary: Well... go to your room.

Principal Petersen: I know I'm opening myself up for cheap shots, but I'm thinking about getting a rug.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, they're called hair systems now. My brother just got one. He went from bald to Rick James like that.
Principal Petersen: I'm just trying to get back out there with the ladies. Wouldn't hurt having something up here, you know, for them to hold on to.
Coach Wilkins: Good for you. Although the right gal wouldn't care.
Principal Petersen: Says the man who doesn't have to put sunblock on his head. [both laugh]

Mary: Oh, Pastor Rob dropped by.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Just seeing how we were doing.
George Sr.: You mean to see how you were doing.
Mary: [sighs] What's that supposed to mean?
George Sr.: Come on, Mary, you... you're not fooling anybody.
Mary: We were just praying.
[Missy is listening to the conversation from the hallway]
George Sr.: Is that what we're calling it?
Mary: Yes, because that's what it was.
George Sr.: All right. I've had enough of this.
Mary: Where are you going? I'm making dinner. [phone ringing]
George Sr.: Yeah, well, maybe Pastor Rob'll eat it. [exits]
Mary: George!

Pastor Jeff: Pastor Rob should be here any minute.
George Sr.: Maybe if he was in the classroom when he was supposed to be, none of this would've happened.
Mary: You can't blame him for Missy punching someone.
George Sr.: If he was there to shut that kid up, Missy wouldn't have had to.
Pastor Jeff: Sunday school is no place for violence. The boy's parents are very upset.
George Sr.: Yeah, well so am I.

Mary: Georgie, how was your day?
George Jr.: Pretty good, actually. Me and Mandy went to the baby doctor.
Missy: She actually wanted you there?
George Jr.: Not at first, but I wore her down.

Danny: I'll say it to your face. Your brother's going to hell.
Missy: No, he's not.
Sheldon: Primarily because hell isn't real.
Danny: My mom said they should kick your whole family out of the church.
Missy: How about I kick your ass.
Danny: I'd like to see you try.
Billy Sparks: How about I help her?
Sheldon: How about I go get Pastor Rob?
Missy: Say one more thing about my family and see what happens.
Danny: Y'all are white trash.
Pastor Rob: [enters] Whoa, what's going on here?
[Missy slugs Danny]

George Sr.: Hey, don't you move. What are you watching?
Missy: MTV.
George Sr.: Watch MTV.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: I'm not punishing her for doing the right thing.
Mary: Violence is never the right thing.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, are we in California?
Mary: Ugh!
[As Mary leaves, George turns to look at the music video playing on the TV]
George Sr.: Turn that off.