Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Adult Sheldon: Not since sharing a uterus with my twin sister have I been so unhappy sitting next to someone.

George Jr.: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Suppressing my emotions.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah? Suppress this. [BELCHES] [BLOWS] [WHISPERS] Hot dogs.

Paige: You actually believe in the multiverse theory?
Sheldon: Very much so. It's the most elegant interpretation of quantum mechanics.
Paige: So you really think there are an infinite number of universes?
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking believes it, so, yes, I do.
Paige: Well, if there are an infinite number of universes, I think that theory's dumb in all of them. [CHUCKLES] This is fun.

Mary: Come on, Shelly. Maybe you'll end up being friends.
Sheldon: I don't like her, I'm not going to like her, and Tam is my friend. I don't need another one.
Mary: You can have more than one friend. I'm sure Tam has other friends.
Sheldon: No, I'm all he's got. And even I avoid him half the time.

Sheldon: And she's such a know-it-all.
Meemaw: Yeah, you mentioned that.
Sheldon: I'm surprised her arm wasn't sore from raising her hand so much.
Meemaw: Yep, sure.
Sheldon: And who goes to college with stickers on their notepad?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Sheldon: Unicorn stickers!

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Mary. This is John Sturgis, Sheldon's professor and your mother's lover.
Mary: Hi. And "John" was more than enough.

Meemaw: Maybe you got a little crush on her.
Sheldon: Do you want me to kick your seat?
Meemaw: I don't know, Moonpie. I'm still thinking it might be jealousy.
Sheldon: Give me one reason why I would be jealous.
Meemaw: Well, Dr. Sturgis means a lot to you, and now he's paying attention to somebody else. You're used to being the only smart kid around, and now there's another. Oh, and there's the possibility-
Sheldon: I said one reason, thank you.

Meemaw: Awful quiet back there.
Sheldon: I'm having an emotion I'm unfamiliar with.
Meemaw: Hmm. Think it might have something to do with your new classmate?
Sheldon: It's possible. She's the only variable in the social equation.
Meemaw: So what are you feeling?
Sheldon: My face is hot, I've a knot in my stomach, and I'm resisting the urge to kick your seat right now.
Meemaw: I'm thinking it might be jealousy.
Sheldon: No, that's not in my nature.
Meemaw: All right, let's go through all the emotions. I'm looking at your face, so I'm gonna rule out happy. Are you sad?
Sheldon: No, there's too much anger in there.
Meemaw: Oh, well, maybe you're angry.
Sheldon: No, there's too much sad in there.

Sheldon: How come you never mentioned she was coming to this class?
Dr. John Sturgis: I thought it would be a fun surprise.
Sheldon: I don't like surprises.
Dr. John Sturgis: Neither do I.
Sheldon: Then why did you do it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Some people like surprises.
Paige: I love surprises.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you enjoy this one?
Paige: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: A 50% success rate. Not bad.

Missy: Why do grownups do this? They love to stick random kids together and expect them to just be friends.
Erica: I know. I hate that.
George Jr.: Fresh Prince is right. Parents just don't understand.

Mary: Oh, thank you, Lord, for connecting us with the parents of another special child. [Mary sees Georgie and Missy sitting on the couch] You kids are special, too.
George Jr.: Do you feel special?
Missy: At least I'm the only daughter. You got nothing.

Sheldon: Or if you're interested, we could play a variant with a new piece I invented.
Paige: That sounds fun. What's the new piece?
Sheldon: A wizard. The wizard cannot be taken, and, at any point, he can teleport and switch places with any other piece.
Paige: Yes, but there's an obvious flaw.
Sheldon: What flaw?
Paige: Well, any time anyone is checkmated, they can simply have the wizard and their king switch places. So the game will never end.
Sheldon: I knew that. You passed my test.

Paige: Oh, My Little Pony. I love My Little Pony.
Sheldon: That's my sister's, and it's not part of the tour.
Paige: I share a room with my sister, too. It's super fun.
Sheldon: You're wrong.

Sheldon: Now, since we'll be spending a few hours together, I've created a list of activities to keep us occupied. We'll start with a tour of my room, then board games, and, if time permits, you can look at and not touch my trains.

Sheldon: Now, over here, we have my desk. This is my computer. That's my mouse. This is my printer. This is the paper that goes in the printer. This is a box of extra paper that also goes in the printer. And this is my signed picture of Professor Proton. Do you watch his show?
Paige: No. I don't really like it.
Sheldon: You don't?
Paige: I think he's boring. And he dumbs everything down.
Adult Sheldon: Come on, Kolinahr, don't fail me now.
Sheldon: [bitterly] And next on the tour, we have a lamp.

Mary: So, Barry, uh, Linda tells me you're a dentist?
Barry: Uh, yes. I have a practice up in Jasper. Uh, Paige actually does some of the bookkeeping for us.
Mary: That's so funny. Sheldon does our taxes.
Linda: Oh!
Barry: Yeah, we used to pay her in stickers, but, this year, she actually started asking for money.
George Sr.: Well, don't let Sheldon hear that. We pay him in binder clips.

George Jr.: What grade are you in?
Erica: Eighth. You?
George Jr.: Tenth.
Erica: Cool.
Missy: Nobody asked, but fourth.

George Jr.: You have no idea how much it sucks to have a brother like him. Believe it or not, he's in my class.
Erica: My parents sent Paige to a private school.
Missy: Cool. We're too poor for that.

Dr. John Sturgis: Now, does anyone know what happens to quarks when we combine them to make mesons and baryons? Yes, Paige.
Paige: We can ignore the particle masses at the individual quark level.
Dr. John Sturgis: Correct. You are really- [remembering Meemaw's warning] That was correct, Paige. And, Sheldon, is that a new bow tie?
Sheldon: It is.
Dr. John Sturgis: Lookin' sharp!
Sheldon: Thanks.
Dr. John Sturgis: That was a close one.

Paige: This is fun. I don't get to have discussions like this with kids at my school. Do you?
Sheldon: No.
Paige: Do you ever wish you were just like everyone else?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Paige: [CHUCKLES] Me neither. I love being smarter than everyone.
Sheldon: Me, too.

Adult Sheldon: I started to think that Paige and I might have more in common than I thought.
Maybe my mother was right. I really did just need to get to know her better.
Paige: Checkmate! You lose. [CHUCKLES] Guess that makes me the smartest.
Adult Sheldon: I don't know if ten-year-old Spock ever flipped a chess board, but ten-year-old Sheldon sure did.

Meemaw: Okay. I'll see you later.
Sheldon: Are you sure you don't want to stay with me?
Meemaw: I don't think so. I don't really understand this stuff.
Sheldon: That's how I felt when we watched Dirty Dancing, and I stayed.
Meemaw: When Patrick Swayze takes his shirt off in here, I'll be back.

Sheldon: You seem awfully young, Paige. Are you with an adult who's taking this class?
Paige: No. Dr. Sturgis heard about my research on quantum chromodynamics at high temperatures and invited me to audit his course.
Sheldon: Is that so?
Paige: Yes. He's been super nice.
Sheldon: Interesting. Well, just so we're clear, he's my mentor, he's my meemaw's boyfriend, and he had spaghetti and hot dogs at my house.

Dr. John Sturgis: I was calling because there's a new student in my class who's Sheldon's age.
Mary: No kidding.
Dr. John Sturgis: Her mother wondered if I could put you two in contact since you have so much in common.
Mary: Oh, of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent. I'll give you the number when you're ready.
Mary: Um, I am ready.
Dr. John Sturgis: 409-356-6049.
Mary: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes?
Mary: That's my number.
Dr. John Sturgis: [LAUGHS] So it is!

Mary: This is so exciting. Don't you understand what this means?
George Sr.: Rather than me feel dumb, how about you just tell me?
Mary: These are parents we can actually relate to.
George Sr.: Yeah, sure.
Mary: All the times we wonder if we're doing right by Sheldon or how to handle him, we finally have someone to compare notes with.
George Sr.: There's notes? [CHUCKLES] I just been winging it.

Adult Sheldon: The thought of spending an afternoon with Paige seemed excruciating, but I wanted to make my mother happy. I was torn.
Dr. McCoy: The release of emotions, Mr. Spock, is what keeps us healthy Emotionally healthy, that is.
Adult Sheldon: Luckily, the wise words of Gene Roddenberry flatly delivered by Leonard Nimoy resolved my dilemma.
Mr. Spock: That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy.
Adult Sheldon: I realized if Mr. Spock could rise above his emotions while the fate of the Enterprise hung in the balance, certainly I could tolerate Paige for a few hours.

Meemaw: Let's talk about Sheldon.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful. What about him?
Meemaw: He's having kind of a hard time with the new girl in your class.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? Why?
Meemaw: He's jealous of the attention you're paying her.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, she's remarkable.
Meemaw: You see that? Less of that.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I think he's remarkable, too.
Meemaw: Perfect. More of that, less of the other one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Understood.

Mary: So Paige didn't make a good first impression, but that can change. What's that new Star Trek show?
Sheldon: Next Generation?
Mary: When that first came on, you said a new Star Trek without Dr. Spock could never be good, but I've seen you watching it.
Sheldon: Well, first of all, it's Mr. Spock. Dr. Spock writes books about babies.
Mary: My apologies.
Sheldon: And second of all, Paige isn't a TV show. She's a person, and we all know how I feel about people. [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Mary: Okay, look. You're right. I don't have many friends, so I was hoping to get to know Paige's mom. But if it makes you uncomfortable, then I will call her and cancel.
Sheldon: I'll think about it.
Mary: Thank you, baby.
Adult Sheldon: Guilt and jealousy in the same day. I slept hard that night.

Erica: I love that song.
Missy: I have a cassette of it, but I recorded it off the radio. You can hear Sheldon in the background saying stuff about Sir Isaac Neutron.

George Sr.: This is not making me feel better. Their kid is perfect.
Mary: And so is ours.
George Sr.: So we're lying to each other. Fine.
Mary: It's just nice to get to know another family who's in a similar situation as us.
George Sr.: And we're still lying.

George Sr.: Can I interest anyone in something stronger than iced tea?
Barry: Oh, well, I'll take a beer if you have one.
Mary: Don't worry. He's personally keeping the Lone Star Brewing Company in business.
George Sr.: They did send me a belt buckle.

Erica: Ugh, my sister's always talking about him. I don't know why. I think he's dead.

Sheldon: Also, you don't have any friends. Why are you so worried about me?
Mary: I have friends.
Sheldon: Then how come the only person who ever comes over is Meemaw?
Mary: Because ... Okay, this isn't about me.

Erica: Does Sheldon make you feel stupid?
George Jr.: Nah, I'm smart in other ways.
Missy: Me, too.
George Jr.: Hey, I saw an old TV in the alley. Want to go throw rocks at it?

Meemaw: And we're home.
Mary: Hey, Shelly. nGuess who's coming over tomorrow? Your new friend Paige.
Meemaw: Okay, I'm gonna go.

Adult Sheldon: : Vulcans use a technique called Kolinahr to suppress their emotions.
Mary: [OFF-SCREEN] Sheldon, they're here!
Adult Sheldon: Obviously, I wasn't a Vulcan. So I did the next best thing: took my feelings and shoved them down so far they may have been lost forever.

Mary: He loves being organised.
George Sr.: Boy, does he. We can't go to the grocery store without him making sure that all the labels are facing the right way.
Mary: Oh, the stock boys there are always so happy to see him.
Linda: [LAUGHING] That's adorable.
George Sr.: Well, it wasn't adorable when we redid our shower and he wouldn't use it 'cause two of the tiles were crooked.
Mary: He took baths in the sink until we got it fixed.

Paige: The spaghetti goes on the hot dogs?
Sheldon: No. You realize this is a very advanced class. We'll be discussing deriving nuclear physics from the quark model.
Paige: Do you know if he'll be doing a full color octet calculation with matrix manipulations?
Sheldon: I do not.
Paige: Do you know how to differentiate under the integral sign?
Sheldon: No.
Paige: [CHUCKLES] Well, do you know anything?
Sheldon: I know you're in my spot.

Paige: Sheldon! [She hugs him]
[flashback:] Dr. McCoy: The release of emotions, Mr. Spock, is what keeps us healthy.
Adult Sheldon: Dr. McCoy was an idiot.