Billy Sparks: Who's Melissa?
Missy: Me.
Billy Sparks: Then who's Missy?
Missy: "Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William."
Billy Sparks: I don't understand.
Missy: You know how your real name is William?
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Sheldon: No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.
Billy Sparks: But my underpants say "Billy" in them. Mom, is my name William?
Brenda Sparks: [sighs] Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Then whose underpants am I wearing?

Sheldon: I'm excited to finally use college-ruled paper and not feel like I'm living a lie.
Billy Sparks: What's college-ruled paper?
Sheldon: The lines are 18% closer together.
Billy Sparks: College sounds hard.
Brenda Sparks: You won't have to worry about that, honey.
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on answer machine] Hello, Coopers. Dr. Sturgis here. This is a message for Mary. I have some news I need to share with you before Sheldon starts college. Please call me back. [answering machine beeps]
Sheldon: I wonder why he'd want to talk to you and not me.
Dr. John Sturgis: [answering machine beeps] Dr. Sturgis again. If Sheldon happened to hear that last message and is wondering why I'd want to speak to his mother first and not him... Excellent question! It's that kind of curiosity that makes him a true man of science. [answering machine clicks, beeps]
Sheldon: I'm a true man of science.

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Dr. John Sturgis: [v.o.] Dear Connie, you may have heard I've taken a job at the new supercollider in Waxahachie. I wanted to tell you in person, but, uh, I was afraid you'd be upset. And, honestly... I was even more afraid you wouldn't be.
Meemaw: Oh, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: This also gives me an excuse to use my astronaut pen. I'm not upside-down, but if I was, it would still write. [laughs]

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Hello.
Mary: Hello, Dr. Sturgis. This is Mary Cooper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi. Thanks for calling me back.
Mary: So, what's going on? Everything okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, everything is quite good, actually. Well, for me, that is. Um... did you know there's a supercollider being built in Waxahachie, Texas?
Mary: No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Do you know what a supercollider is?
Mary: Not really.
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like a crash course? Which is humorous because it involves particles crashing into each other.
Mary: [on the phone] I'd like you to tell me what this has to do with Sheldon.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that part's less funny. I've taken a job there.

George: Oh... Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: It is great having y'all next door.
George: Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?
Pastor Jeff: It's okay. I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.
George: Missy was a crier. Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself."
Pastor Jeff: Well, he's a miracle in his own way.
George: Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?
Pastor Jeff: Kind of goes with the pastor territory.
George: Okay. What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?
Pastor Jeff: I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.
George: You're good. [chuckles] You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?

Sam: What brings you here?
Mary: [chuckles] Sheldon's freshman orientation.
Sam: Oh, sure.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
Sam: You didn't want to go with him?
Mary: I did, but, uh, he made it very clear that he did not want me anywhere near him today.
Sam: Well, I don't know Sheldon well, but he can be a little...
Mary: Rude, obnoxious, condescending?
Sam: Oh, hey, I do know him. [both laugh]

Georgie: Dang it.
George: What do you think you're doing?
Georgie: Trying to get the bike started.
George: Why?
Georgie: So I can ride it.
George: Like hell you are! [to Pastor Jeff] Sorry.

Georgie: You don't use it.
George: 'Cause your mother won't let me. And if I can't, you can't.
Georgie: If I get it running, can I at least sell it?
George: No.
Georgie: But it's just sitting here. What's the point?
George: Point is I said no.
Georgie: I can't believe someone so lame even owned a bike like this.
George: [to Pastor Jeff] Why are kids such a pain in the ass? [Pastor Jeff is silent] I'm sure yours will be great.

Sheldon: Help me with my clothes.
Missy: Burn them and get new ones.
Sheldon: Please, it's freshman orientation. I want to make a good impression.
Missy: Fine.
Sheldon: Which bow tie says mature enough to be in college but whimsical enough to discuss which came first, the Higgs field or the photon?
Missy: They both say weird kid who eats alone.
Sheldon: Come on. I know you're concerned about what you'll wear to middle school.
Missy: [sighs] Show me again. The blue one. Plaid's too busy.
Sheldon: Thanks.
Missy: Or don't be the kid in a bow tie.
Sheldon: This is not the day to go crazy.

Pastor Jeff: Wow, you're really getting this together fast. I feel like I'm not helping at all.
George: Oh, come on now. You cut those oranges into nice little wedges.
Pastor Jeff: I do it for the kids at Sunday school. They go to town on 'em.

Pastor Jeff: Did you feel ready before Georgie was born?
George: Absolutely. Boy, was I wrong. Why? Getting nervous?
Pastor Jeff: Well, if I can't get a crib built on my own, how am I gonna be responsible for a human life?
George: Ah, you'll figure it out. And no sense in worrying about it 'cause you never know what kind of curveballs will come your way.
Pastor Jeff: I guess that's true.
George: Mm. The doctors could tell us we were having twins, but they couldn't warn us we were having a Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: You don't think I'm gonna...?
George: Oh, no. They broke the mold. But... you could go the other way and have a Georgie, so... some terror is called for.

Meemaw: You still dating that Marcus boy?
Missy: Sort of. He went away with his family for the summer.
Meemaw: Just out of curiosity, before he left, did he let you know?
Missy: Mm-hmm.
Meemaw: Hmm, interesting. And how long before he left did he tell you?
Missy: I don't know, a week.
Meemaw: Hmm, must be nice. You hear from him at all?
Missy: Yeah, he sent me the cutest postcard. It was a turtle surfing on a dolphin.
Meemaw: Adorable.
Missy: Pulling kind of hard.