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35Quotes from ‘Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes’

  • Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

    301. Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

    Aired September 26, 2019

    With Dr. Sturgis still in a psychiatric hospital, Mary worries about Sheldon's mental health and whether a similar outcome is in his future. Meanwhile, Georgie tries to earn money by selling Texas snow globes.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: All right, see, when you get tackled in your own end zone, the other team gets two points and the ball. That's called a safety.
Missy: I thought one of the players was a safety.
George Sr.: Well, that's true, too.
Missy: I'm confused.
George Sr.: Now you know how I feel when you talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Missy: What's confusing? Everything you need to know is in the title.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: I was just letting you know that if you were having any problems you could come to me with them.
Sheldon: You think I have mental problems?
Mary: Well, not problems. I'm just worried about your future, and when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes-
Sheldon: Subatomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Shelly? Shelly? Everything okay?
Sheldon: [nasally voice] Hunky-dory. Why?
Mary: Well, you're kind of dressed like you kidnapped yourself.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm trying to block out sensory input. I hit a roadblock determining whether virtual particles have a fixed mass or violate momentum conservation. But then I remembered that Nikola Tesla believed that isolation is where ideas are born.
Mary: Who's Nikola Tesla?
Sheldon: One of the most prolific scientists of the 20th century.
Mary: Okay. And, um just out of curiosity, how isolated was he?
Sheldon: Oh, highly. He found human contact revolting.
Mary: [sigh] Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?
Sheldon: Well, he wasn't entirely alone. At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Let me try this a different way. Um, do you ever feel paranoid, like people are out to get you?
Sheldon: I'm a ten-year-old in high school people are out to get me.
Mary: That's fair.

Quote from Mary

Meemaw: I mean, I'm worried about him. I don't know how serious this is.
Mary: The whole year you were together did you see any, um warning signs?
Meemaw: No. Not really. I just thought he was another, [chuckles] you know, cute, quirky egghead like Sheldon. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell Sheldon the truth about John?
Mary: Mm. When the time is right.
Meemaw: So he still thinks he's being treated for mono?
Mary: I had to come up with something contagious so he wouldn't want to visit.

Quote from Missy

Missy: And the turtle eating the pizza is Leonardo.
George Sr.: How can you tell?
Missy: He's wearing blue. And he's the hot one.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Baby, there's something I need to tell you. Dr. Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.
Sheldon: What kind of hospital is he in?
Mary: The psychiatric kind.
Sheldon: Why? What's going on?
Mary: He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?
Mary: Well, it it crossed my mind. Sheldon, you're my baby. It is my job to worry about you. I can't help it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.
Mary: I'm not. Oh. [hugging Sheldon]
Dr. Goetsch: See how valuable a little communication can be?
Mary: You do not take credit for this.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: [to Mary] I am behaving no differently than I ever have. Why are you suddenly so worried about me?
Dr. Goetsch: That is a valid question. Has anything changed recently?
Sheldon: Maybe it's hormonal. When does menopause typically begin?
Mary: It is not my hormones.
Sheldon: Well, it certainly isn't mine. I'm showing no signs of puberty.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mother?
Mary: Yes?
Sheldon: Is it okay if I use a knife to butter my toast, or are you worried I'll do something crazy with it?
Mary: You can butter your own toast.
Sheldon: Oh, good. You see the toast, too. I was afraid I was imagining it.

Quote from Ms. Hutchins

Ms. Hutchins: We have a few books on mental illness you might find helpful. This one's a good place to start.
Sheldon: Have you read it?
Ms. Hutchins: Read it, lived it, made the mistake of talking about it on a date. [as Sheldon leaves] Sure. Walk away. They all do.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: I don't see the point of this.
Mary: I just don't think it could hurt for us to talk to someone.
Sheldon: But I could be home right now wearing a blindfold, mittens and nose plug - doing something important.
Mary: You know what? Maybe you should mention the blindfold and mittens to the doctor.
Sheldon: Or maybe I'll mention how you think that God speaks to you, because I find that concerning.
Mary: He does speak to me, and right now he's saying I should wash your mouth out with soap.
Sheldon: Violent fantasies. Interesting.

Quote from George Jr.

Mr. Strover: I already accepted Jesus in my heart.
George Jr.: No. I'm selling these Texas snow globes.
Mr. Strover: I have enough crap in my house.
George Jr.: Crap? You love Texas, right?
Mr. Strover: [sighs] Well, sure.
George Jr.: And who doesn't like snow? Sleds and snowball fights.
Mr. Strover: I remember it snowed hard here once when I was a kid.
George Jr.: That must have been amazing.
Mr. Strover: It was. They cancelled school. Me and my brother built a snow fort in the backyard.
George Jr.: That's cool. My brother and I love doing stuff together. We're really close.
Mr. Strover: I hadn't thought about that day in a long time.
George Jr.: Well, what if that memory was just one shake away?
Mr. Strover: How much?
George Jr.: Five dollars.
Mr. Strover: Fine. I'll take it.
George Jr.: How about you get one for your brother?
Mr. Strover: I don't know. He married some Yankee gal and moved to Connecticut.
George Jr.: But he's still your brother.
Mr. Strover: Aw, what the hell. She's gonna leave him at some point.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: My mother believes I'm mentally unstable. And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.
Mary: I know you're angry right now, but you will not be disrespectful.
Sheldon: You know, fits of rage are a classic sign of psychosis.
Mary: Oh, you haven't seen fits of rage yet!

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: You didn't sell a single snow globe?
George Sr.: Now, don't give your brother a hard time. He took some initiative, and I admire that.
George Jr.: Thank you.
George Sr.: I mean, the snow globes were silly, but I bet your next idea will be great.
George Jr.: They're not silly.
George Sr.: I'm glad you feel that way, 'cause you got 50 of them.
George Jr.: I'm gonna sell them all just to prove you wrong.
Meemaw: Well, now I know it's a peeing contest between you and your daddy, I'll take two.
George Jr.: Well, all right. Mom, you're not crazy about Dad. Want to buy a snow globe?

Quote from Meemaw

George Jr.: And if you act now, you can have this beautiful, limited edition keepsake in your home for the low, low price of only five dollars.
Meemaw: I hope you know I'm missing People's Court right now.
George Jr.: But with Christmas coming, this would make an excellent stocking stuffer.
Meemaw: Well, you're my grandson, and I love you so it hurts me to do this. [closes door]
George Jr.: Dang it.

Quote from George Jr.

Mr. Bustifer: Who is it?
George Jr.: Georgie Cooper.
Mr. Bustifer: Who?
George Jr.: I'm your neighbor.
Mr. Bustifer: The one with the chickens?
George Jr.: No.
Mr. Bustifer: The ones with that weird, smart kid?
George Jr.: Yeah, that's my brother.
Mr. Bustifer: I don't like that kid.
George Jr.: Neither do I, sir.

Quote from Mary

Meemaw: Smart.
Mary: Thank you.
Meemaw: You're good at lying. You should do it more often.
Mary: I like your earrings.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Here's a question for you. Do you ever see or hear things that other people can't?
Sheldon: Oh, all the time. Right now, the car antenna is vibrating at the same frequency as the pistons in the motor. It's quite irritating, but you know me I don't complain.
Mary: I meant more like things that aren't actually there.
Sheldon: Ah, isn't that the fundamental question of modern metaphysics? What is actually there? This is fun. Missy should ride with Dad more often.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Why aren't you also driving Missy to school?
Mary: I thought it might be nice for us to chat.
Sheldon: About Missy? She is a bit much, isn't she?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: I'm not interested.
George Jr.: You're gonna regret it.
George Sr.: Show me.
George Jr.: Texas snow globes.
Missy: Ooh.
George Jr.: The card store on Magnolia is going out of business. They're selling these for one dollar each. I sell 'em for five, and the money rolls in.
George Sr.: Does it worry you that the store selling these things is going out of business?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Honey, just 'cause they're both super smart doesn't mean that they're the same person. I mean, Sturgis was in love with your mom, so clearly he was nuts from the get-go.
Mary: You're not helping.
George Sr.: I'm not wrong, either. Love you.

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: Can I get back to the game?
George Jr.: Fine. I don't need your money. I have my own.
George Sr.: Then why are we having this conversation?
George Jr.: 'Cause I'd rather lose your money than mine. See? Vision.

Quote from Missy

Adult Sheldon: I've always felt the world of subatomic particles would make an excellent video game. Uh, fortunately, thanks to my brain, I've been playing it for years.
Sheldon: You cheeky little muon, you know you don't belong there.
[As Mary turns to missy]
Missy: Don't look at me. He's your kid.

Quote from George Jr.

Phyllis: Someone likes snow globes.
George Jr.: I hope so. I don't want 'em.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Some people are just natural-born worriers. My mother, for example, could whip herself into a frenzy even if I were sitting on my bed doing nothing.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Dad, remember my silly idea?
George Sr.: Yeah.
George Jr.: Guess what? It's snowing. [Georgie throws the money he's earned up in the air]

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Dad. How would you like to be rich?
George Sr.: Go away.
George Jr.: Aren't you even a little curious?
George Sr.: Does it involve me giving you money?
George Jr.: Yeah, but then I give you more money back.
Missy: How much more?
George Jr.: Way more.
Missy: You got to get in on this.

Quote from Mary

Edwin: Okay. What do we got here? Farmhouse Kitchen. Garfield Hangs Out. The Complete Guide to Your Child's Mental-
Mary: Oh, look, that cute little book light I'll get that, too. [chuckles nervously]
Edwin: Okay. You still want the crazy kid book, right?
Mary: Yeah.

Quote from George Jr.

Phyllis: Okay, 52 Texas snow globes comes to $55.25.
George Jr.: Can't you do any better?
Phyllis: What do you mean?
George Jr.: You're going out of business and I'm buying 'em all. Give me a break.
Phyllis: Okay, $50.
George Jr.: $30.
Phyllis: $40.
George Jr.: $35.
Phyllis: Deal.
George Jr.: No, wait. $32. $33. ... $35.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Have you heard from Dr. Sturgis at all?
Meemaw: No. Can you believe the hospital's still holding him for observation?
Mary: Can't you?

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Mary: I'm reading this book about mental problems, and I'm worried it sounds like Sheldon.
George Sr.: Well, stop reading the book.
Mary: Shelly and Dr. Sturgis have a lot in common, and look what happened.
George Sr.: What, you mean like how he went to-
Adult Sheldon: As a society, we've made strides in how we discuss psychological issues. 30 years ago in East Texas, let's just say we hadn't.
George Sr.: cuckoo, cuckoo. [blubbers]

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Sorry I gave you the boot before.
George Jr.: Does that mean you'll buy one now?
Meemaw: No.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: See? It's pretty.
Mrs. Krawcynski: Why would I want that?
George Jr.: Well, um b-b-because it's Texas, and everybody in Texas loves Texas? [door closes] Dang it.

Quote from George Jr.

Mr. Bustifer: What do you want?
George Jr.: I was wondering if you'd like to buy one of th- [Mr. Bustifer slams the door] You didn't even see what I was selling.
Mr. Bustifer: [opening again] What?
George Jr.: Texas snow globes. [door slams shut again] Dang it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you have any books on mental health?
Ms. Hutchins: Sure. Why?
Sheldon: I believe my mother is unraveling.

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