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35Quotes from ‘Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes’

Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

301. Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

Aired September 26, 2019

With Dr. Sturgis still in a psychiatric hospital, Mary worries about Sheldon's mental health and whether a similar outcome is in his future. Meanwhile, Georgie tries to earn money by selling Texas snow globes.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: All right, see, when you get tackled in your own end zone, the other team gets two points and the ball. That's called a safety.
Missy: I thought one of the players was a safety.
George Sr.: Well, that's true, too.
Missy: I'm confused.
George Sr.: Now you know how I feel when you talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Missy: What's confusing? Everything you need to know is in the title.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Shelly? Shelly? Everything okay?
Sheldon: [nasally voice] Hunky-dory. Why?
Mary: Well, you're kind of dressed like you kidnapped yourself.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm trying to block out sensory input. I hit a roadblock determining whether virtual particles have a fixed mass or violate momentum conservation. But then I remembered that Nikola Tesla believed that isolation is where ideas are born.
Mary: Who's Nikola Tesla?
Sheldon: One of the most prolific scientists of the 20th century.
Mary: Okay. And, um just out of curiosity, how isolated was he?
Sheldon: Oh, highly. He found human contact revolting.
Mary: [sigh] Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?
Sheldon: Well, he wasn't entirely alone. At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.

Quote from Mary

Meemaw: I mean, I'm worried about him. I don't know how serious this is.
Mary: The whole year you were together did you see any, um warning signs?
Meemaw: No. Not really. I just thought he was another, [chuckles] you know, cute, quirky egghead like Sheldon. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell Sheldon the truth about John?
Mary: Mm. When the time is right.
Meemaw: So he still thinks he's being treated for mono?
Mary: I had to come up with something contagious so he wouldn't want to visit.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Let me try this a different way. Um, do you ever feel paranoid, like people are out to get you?
Sheldon: I'm a ten-year-old in high school people are out to get me.
Mary: That's fair.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: I was just letting you know that if you were having any problems you could come to me with them.
Sheldon: You think I have mental problems?
Mary: Well, not problems. I'm just worried about your future, and when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes Subatomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mother?
Mary: Yes?
Sheldon: Is it okay if I use a knife to butter my toast, or are you worried I'll do something crazy with it?
Mary: You can butter your own toast.
Sheldon: Oh, good. You see the toast, too. I was afraid I was imagining it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: [to Mary] I am behaving no differently than I ever have. Why are you suddenly so worried about me?
Dr. Goetsch: That is a valid question. Has anything changed recently?
Sheldon: Maybe it's hormonal. When does menopause typically begin?
Mary: It is not my hormones.
Sheldon: Well, it certainly isn't mine. I'm showing no signs of puberty.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Baby, there's something I need to tell you. Dr. Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.
Sheldon: What kind of hospital is he in?
Mary: The psychiatric kind.
Sheldon: Why? What's going on?
Mary: He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?
Mary: Well, it it crossed my mind. Sheldon, you're my baby. It is my job to worry about you. I can't help it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.
Mary: I'm not. Oh. [hugging Sheldon]
Dr. Goetsch: See how valuable a little communication can be?
Mary: You do not take credit for this.

Quote from Missy

Missy: And the turtle eating the pizza is Leonardo.
George Sr.: How can you tell?
Missy: He's wearing blue. And he's the hot one.

Quote from Mary

Meemaw: Smart.
Mary: Thank you.
Meemaw: You're good at lying. You should do it more often.
Mary: I like your earrings.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: I'm not interested.
George Jr.: You're gonna regret it.
George Sr.: Show me.
George Jr.: Texas snow globes.
Missy: Ooh.
George Jr.: The card store on Magnolia is going out of business. They're selling these for one dollar each. I sell 'em for five, and the money rolls in.
George Sr.: Does it worry you that the store selling these things is going out of business?

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: Can I get back to the game?
George Jr.: Fine. I don't need your money. I have my own.
George Sr.: Then why are we having this conversation?
George Jr.: 'Cause I'd rather lose your money than mine. See? Vision.

Quote from Missy

Adult Sheldon: I've always felt the world of subatomic particles would make an excellent video game. Uh, fortunately, thanks to my brain, I've been playing it for years.
Sheldon: You cheeky little muon, you know you don't belong there.
[As Mary turns to missy]
Missy: Don't look at me. He's your kid.

Quote from George Jr.

Phyllis: Someone likes snow globes.
George Jr.: I hope so. I don't want 'em.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Honey, just 'cause they're both super smart doesn't mean that they're the same person. I mean, Sturgis was in love with your mom, so clearly he was nuts from the get-go.
Mary: You're not helping.
George Sr.: I'm not wrong, either. Love you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Why aren't you also driving Missy to school?
Mary: I thought it might be nice for us to chat.
Sheldon: About Missy? She is a bit much, isn't she?

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Here's a question for you. Do you ever see or hear things that other people can't?
Sheldon: Oh, all the time. Right now, the car antenna is vibrating at the same frequency as the pistons in the motor. It's quite irritating, but you know me I don't complain.
Mary: I meant more like things that aren't actually there.
Sheldon: Ah, isn't that the fundamental question of modern metaphysics? What is actually there? This is fun. Missy should ride with Dad more often.

Quote from Ms. Hutchins

Ms. Hutchins: We have a few books on mental illness you might find helpful. This one's a good place to start.
Sheldon: Have you read it?
Ms. Hutchins: Read it, lived it, made the mistake of talking about it on a date. [as Sheldon leaves] Sure. Walk away. They all do.

Quote from George Jr.

Mr. Bustifer: Who is it?
George Jr.: Georgie Cooper.
Mr. Bustifer: Who?
George Jr.: I'm your neighbor.
Mr. Bustifer: The one with the chickens?
George Jr.: No.
Mr. Bustifer: The ones with that weird, smart kid?
George Jr.: Yeah, that's my brother.
Mr. Bustifer: I don't like that kid.
George Jr.: Neither do I, sir.

Quote from Meemaw

George Jr.: And if you act now, you can have this beautiful, limited edition keepsake in your home for the low, low price of only five dollars.
Meemaw: I hope you know I'm missing People's Court right now.
George Jr.: But with Christmas coming, this would make an excellent stocking stuffer.
Meemaw: Well, you're my grandson, and I love you so it hurts me to do this. [closes door]
George Jr.: Dang it.

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: You didn't sell a single snow globe?
George Sr.: Now, don't give your brother a hard time. He took some initiative, and I admire that.
George Jr.: Thank you.
George Sr.: I mean, the snow globes were silly, but I bet your next idea will be great.
George Jr.: They're not silly.
George Sr.: I'm glad you feel that way, 'cause you got 50 of them.
George Jr.: I'm gonna sell them all just to prove you wrong.
Meemaw: Well, now I know it's a peeing contest between you and your daddy, I'll take two.
George Jr.: Well, all right. Mom, you're not crazy about Dad. Want to buy a snow globe?

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: My mother believes I'm mentally unstable. And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.
Mary: I know you're angry right now, but you will not be disrespectful.
Sheldon: You know, fits of rage are a classic sign of psychosis.
Mary: Oh, you haven't seen fits of rage yet!

Quote from George Jr.

Mr. Strover: I already accepted Jesus in my heart.
George Jr.: No. I'm selling these Texas snow globes.
Mr. Strover: I have enough crap in my house.
George Jr.: Crap? You love Texas, right?
Mr. Strover: [sighs] Well, sure.
George Jr.: And who doesn't like snow? Sleds and snowball fights.
Mr. Strover: I remember it snowed hard here once when I was a kid.
George Jr.: That must have been amazing.
Mr. Strover: It was. They cancelled school. Me and my brother built a snow fort in the backyard.
George Jr.: That's cool. My brother and I love doing stuff together. We're really close.
Mr. Strover: I hadn't thought about that day in a long time.
George Jr.: Well, what if that memory was just one shake away?
Mr. Strover: How much?
George Jr.: Five dollars.
Mr. Strover: Fine. I'll take it.
George Jr.: How about you get one for your brother?
Mr. Strover: I don't know. He married some Yankee gal and moved to Connecticut.
George Jr.: But he's still your brother.
Mr. Strover: Aw, what the hell. She's gonna leave him at some point.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: I don't see the point of this.
Mary: I just don't think it could hurt for us to talk to someone.
Sheldon: But I could be home right now wearing a blindfold, mittens and nose plug - doing something important.
Mary: You know what? Maybe you should mention the blindfold and mittens to the doctor.
Sheldon: Or maybe I'll mention how you think that God speaks to you, because I find that concerning.
Mary: He does speak to me, and right now he's saying I should wash your mouth out with soap.
Sheldon: Violent fantasies. Interesting.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Some people are just natural-born worriers. My mother, for example, could whip herself into a frenzy even if I were sitting on my bed doing nothing.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Have you heard from Dr. Sturgis at all?
Meemaw: No. Can you believe the hospital's still holding him for observation?
Mary: Can't you?

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Dad. How would you like to be rich?
George Sr.: Go away.
George Jr.: Aren't you even a little curious?
George Sr.: Does it involve me giving you money?
George Jr.: Yeah, but then I give you more money back.
Missy: How much more?
George Jr.: Way more.
Missy: You got to get in on this.

Quote from Mary

Edwin: Okay. What do we got here? Farmhouse Kitchen. Garfield Hangs Out. The Complete Guide to Your Child's Mental-
Mary: Oh, look, that cute little book light I'll get that, too. [chuckles nervously]
Edwin: Okay. You still want the crazy kid book, right?
Mary: Yeah.

Quote from George Jr.

Phyllis: Okay, 52 Texas snow globes comes to $55.25.
George Jr.: Can't you do any better?
Phyllis: What do you mean?
George Jr.: You're going out of business and I'm buying 'em all. Give me a break.
Phyllis: Okay, $50.
George Jr.: $30.
Phyllis: $40.
George Jr.: $35.
Phyllis: Deal.
George Jr.: No, wait. $32. $33. ... $35.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Mary: I'm reading this book about mental problems, and I'm worried it sounds like Sheldon.
George Sr.: Well, stop reading the book.
Mary: Shelly and Dr. Sturgis have a lot in common, and look what happened.
George Sr.: What, you mean like how he went to-
Adult Sheldon: As a society, we've made strides in how we discuss psychological issues. 30 years ago in East Texas, let's just say we hadn't.
George Sr.: cuckoo, cuckoo. [blubbers]

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you have any books on mental health?
Ms. Hutchins: Sure. Why?
Sheldon: I believe my mother is unraveling.

Quote from George Jr.

Mr. Bustifer: What do you want?
George Jr.: I was wondering if you'd like to buy one of th- [Mr. Bustifer slams the door] You didn't even see what I was selling.
Mr. Bustifer: [opening again] What?
George Jr.: Texas snow globes. [door slams shut again] Dang it.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: See? It's pretty.
Mrs. Krawcynski: Why would I want that?
George Jr.: Well, um b-b-because it's Texas, and everybody in Texas loves Texas? [door closes] Dang it.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Sorry I gave you the boot before.
George Jr.: Does that mean you'll buy one now?
Meemaw: No.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Dad, remember my silly idea?
George Sr.: Yeah.
George Jr.: Guess what? It's snowing. [Georgie throws the money he's earned up in the air]

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