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Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: Mom. Mom.
Mary: What's wrong?
Sheldon: I was Gollum and Smeagol and I was in a cave fighting with myself over physics and hobbits. And then I realized that even though physics is frustrating, it won't turn me into a tormented creature who bites the heads off fish. Okay, good night.
George Sr.: [to Mary] I've been doing a great job with Missy. This one's on you.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: [as Gollum] We're never going to figures it out.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] We can, we're smarts. We're so smarts. Our brains is precious.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] If our brains is precious, we're wasting it on hobbitses. We like sciences.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] We took a break from sciences. It was making us crazy.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] And look at us now. Look at what those nasty hobbitses have done to us.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] No, it was physicses. Physicses did this to us.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] Hobbitses.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] Physicses.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] Hobbitses.
Sheldon: [in bed] Ow!
Missy: I warned you.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Adult Sheldon: Having found no answers, I took it upon myself to rectify the inconsistent timeline in Lord of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien had a brilliant mind, but let's be honest. He was no S.L. Cooper.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

George Sr.: Nice.
Missy: How do you make it curve?
George Sr.: Well, that's a little tricky. You you put two fingers on the seam. Right? And then you flick your wrist.
Missy: Okay.
George Sr.: Yeah? Here, try it.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

George Sr.: Hey! You want to throw the ball around?
Missy: [crying] No, go away.
George Sr.: Did something happen at school?
Missy: [crying] I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: Okay. Well... You change your mind, you know I'm here for you. [starts to leave]
Missy: He likes someone else.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Missy: She doesn't even know who Nolan Ryan is.
George Sr.: This guy sounds like an idiot.
Missy: He's not. He's perfect.
George Sr.: All right. Want me to get your mom?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: You want me to beat this guy up?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: What can I do?
[Outside, George and Missy throw a ball around]

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: When Frodo and Sam are riding through the Shire, the book says the moon went westward, but according to the calendar Tolkien created, there should have been no moon visible.
Glenn: But in the appendix, Tolkien covers himself by saying there may be mistranslations from the Red Book.
Sheldon: Fictional Tolkien says that, but I can't help wondering if real Tolkien, who wrote the book, made the mistake or if it was an intentional mistake made by the fictional Tolkien, who translated these real-world events from an original source. [walks away]
Glenn: Oh, no. Is that how I sound to people?

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: The timeline doesn't make sense. I mean, it lists Samwise Gamgee's birth year as both 2963 and 2980.
Ms. Hutchins: Maybe he lied about his age.
Sheldon: Why?
Ms. Hutchins: I don't know. Maybe he thinks his neck makes him look older than he is.
Sheldon: But he's only in his 30s. That's young.
Ms. Hutchins: Thank you.
Sheldon: For a hobbit. For a human, that's mommy-age.
Ms. Hutchins: Thank you.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Ms. MacElroy: "The man who lived in the town was tall." Which word is the relative pronoun? Sheldon.
Sheldon: Have you read The Lord of the Rings?
Ms. MacElroy: Um, I have, but that's not what we're really doing right now.
Sheldon: The relative pronoun is "who." Now, did you notice that in Fellowship, Elrond says that the foundations of Barad-dur were made with the One Ring?
Ms. MacElroy: Let's say sure.
Sheldon: However, in Appendix B, "The Tale of Years," it's clear that Sauron began building Barad-dur in Second Age 1000, 600 years before the ring was forged.
Ms. MacElroy: Georgie.
George Jr.: Imagine living with this.
Ms. MacElroy: An hour a day is enough.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: This can't be right.
Missy: What now?
Sheldon: In the letter that Gandalf leaves for Frodo at The Prancing Pony, he says that it's Mid-year's Day, Shire year 1418. However, in Appendix B, it says that Gandalf met Radagast on June 29, which is impossible because- Hey!
Missy: Next time, it's my shoe. And I will put zip on it.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

George Jr.: [to Meemaw] Speaking of dying, when you do, can I have your car?

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: There's a character named Gollum who was corrupted by the Ring of Power. Now he runs around naked and bites the heads off fish.
Meemaw: That's called sushi. Which, by the way, I will die before I eat.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

George Jr.: What are they doing out there?
Mary: They're bonding. It's great. Sheldon, how's your book?
Meemaw: Nice pivot.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Mary: Dinner's ready.
Missy: Five more minutes?
George Sr.: She wants five more minutes with her ole dad.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Missy: Is there anything else good I could say about the Rangers?
George Sr.: Uh, let's see. Tell whoever's interested that no one's ever gonna touch Nolan Ryan's strikeout record.
Missy: 'cause he strikes out all the time.
George Sr.: No. Because he throws strikeouts all the time.
Missy: Oh. Big difference.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

George Sr.: That one had some zip on it.
Missy: Zip's a good thing, right?
George Sr.: Yes.
Missy: So it looks like I know what I'm doing?
George Sr.: Just like a pro.
Missy: But like a lady pro?
George Sr.: Oh, yes. Very much.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: Good news. I found a way to take a break from science.
Mary: That's great. What is it?
Sheldon: A fantasy book series called The Lord of the Rings.
Mary: Well, it's got "the Lord" in it. That's something.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: I've tried a few different activities, but whatever I do just leads me back to science.
Ms. Hutchins: Well, let's think about it. What's the opposite of science?
Sheldon: Science is based in facts, and the opposite of facts is fiction.
Ms. Hutchins: How about fantasy?
Sheldon: Magic and dragons.
Ms. Hutchins: We have a whole section here.
Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds intellectually bankrupt. I'll give it a shot.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Ms. Hutchins: Hey there, Sheldon. What can I do for ya?
Sheldon: I'm wondering if you have any books on stopping bad habits.
Ms. Hutchins: A few. What habit are you trying to stop?
Sheldon: Science.
Ms. Hutchins: Yowza.
Sheldon: It's not permanent. I'm just looking to take a break.
Ms. Hutchins: I've heard that one before.
Sheldon: What did you take a break from?
Ms. Hutchins: Happiness.
Sheldon: Okay.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Mary: You and Missy looked like you were having fun today.
George Sr.: Uh, yeah, we were.
Mary: A little father-daughter bonding.
George Sr.: Yeah. It was nice.
Mary: Hmm. You guys were out there for a while. What were you talking about?
George Sr.: Oh, you know, just life.
Mary: Sure. Everything okay?
George Sr.: Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about.
Mary: You're really not gonna tell me?
George Sr.: No.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: Are you positive other people's fingers haven't been in this?
me:I made sure to get you a new one.
Sheldon: It doesn't look new.
Meemaw: It's new. Let her rip.
Sheldon: I'm still thinking about science.
Meemaw: That's okay. Just aim for the front pin.