Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: Hey.
George Sr.: Your mother said you wanted to talk to me?
George Jr.: Yeah. Come in.
George Sr.: So, what's going on?
George Jr.: It's kind of hard to talk about.
George Sr.: Whatever it is, I'm here for you.
George Jr.: I... I got a girl pregnant.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] Connie, Grant Linkletter. Wonderful seeing you tonight.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Hope you enjoyed our little book club. If you'd ever like to discuss it further, I know the perfect Italian café. The cannolis are resplendent.
Meemaw: Resplendent! [chuckles] [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: [on answer phone] Connie! John Sturgis here.
Meemaw: What a surprise.
Dr. John Sturgis: It was so nice to have you at our book club. When it comes to science fiction, those things can be real sausage parties. Anyhoo, if you're free next week, I was wondering if you'd like to... [Meemaw skips to the next message]
Dr. Linkletter: Grant Linkletter again. If you don't like Italian, I also know a sublime Vietnamese spot. Have you ever tried Bún Boò Hue? [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know why I said "sausage party." There was probably a better way to phrase that. [machine beeps]
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, Grant Linkletter...

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. Linkletter: Rule number one, no badmouthing each other to gain favor with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: Agreed. And whatever happens, we can't let it affect our working relationship.
Dr. Linkletter: Our working relationship is already antagonistic.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. What's next?
Dr. Linkletter: No using Sheldon to win points with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: But he likes me better than you.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why I brought it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine!

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Meemaw: But hearing you boys go on about it did remind me of Pop Pop.
Sheldon: What did he used to say?
Meemaw: [chuckles] I wish I could remember. But he did get all excited about it, like you.
Sheldon: Well, at least I have Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter to share my enthusiasm.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. Linkletter: I can't believe you'd use our book club to hit on Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you didn't, Captain Cookies?
Dr. Linkletter: All right, if we're both gonna pursue her, let's lay down some ground rules.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fair enough.
Dr. Linkletter: And my ginger snaps are moist and delicious!
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
Meemaw: Not exactly.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: Why? After Frick and Frack found out I was single, they got all weird.
Sheldon: What do you mean? All they did was discuss Asimov.
Meemaw: Sure. Maybe I misread the situation.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Missy: [enters] I am never doing that again.
Mary: Is the baby okay?
Missy: Yeah.
George Jr.: What's going on?
Missy: Babies are the worst. That's what's going on.
Mary: She babysat for the first time.
Missy: And the last time.
George Jr.: Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Missy: Look at this. Food, powder, vomit, pee. You don't want to know.
Mary: You should have called me.
Missy: When? I didn't have a minute to myself. You were so right.
Mary: Well, it's not about me being right.
Missy: I need a shower and a bath. Never again! [exits]
Mary: You okay?
George Jr.: [voice quavers] Uh-huh.
Missy: [o.s.] Never again!

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. John Sturgis: "It was very horrible to go mad and know that you were going mad. To know that in a little minute, you would be here physically, and yet all the real essence would be dead and drowned in the black madness."
Sheldon: Bravo. [claps] Now I would like to read one of my favorite passages from the book.
Meemaw: I feel like I am all Asimov'd out. Let's hit the road.
Sheldon: Very well. We can kick off the next meeting with it.
Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps I can bake some cookies. I'm handy in the kitchen, you know.
Dr. John Sturgis: [exhales sharply] I've had them, and they're dry.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Jr.: [answers phone] Hello?
Dale: Hi, it's Dale. Listen, you gotta tell your dad.
George Jr.: Well, I will, eventually.
Dale: Well, if you don't, I'm gonna.
George Jr.: I just need more time to figure things out.
Dale: Well, your dad's sniffing around here, he's asking a lot of questions.
George Jr.: What kind of questions?
Dale: Like why are you talking to me instead of him?
George Jr.: Why does he care?
Dale: His feelings are hurt.
George Jr.: That's weird.
Dale: I know. 'Cause talking to you ain't great.
George Sr.: [opens door] Can I get a hand with something?
Dale: Yeah. [on the phone] Oh, gotta go. I love you, Mom. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
George Sr.: Your mom's still alive?
Dale: Huh?

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Missy: I'm going to Pastor Jeff's.
Mary: Oh, uh, okay. Good luck. Call if you need anything.
Missy: Yeah.
Mary: You know, I was thinking, if you want, you could bring the baby here. That could be fun.
Missy: To a house that isn't babyproofed? That seems irresponsible. [walks off]
Mary: Uh-huh.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Can we get back to the book?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, Connie, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on it.
Meemaw: I think I've said my piece.
Sheldon: I have some thoughts.
Dr. Linkletter: And we'll get to those in due time. Don't you think Asimov did a remarkable job of capturing the poetic terror of the coming darkness?
Meemaw: I'm not sure I got that.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, listen to this. "Dusk, like a palpable entity, entered the room, and the dancing circle of yellow lights about the torches etched itself into ever-sharper distinction against the gathering grayness beyond." [Meemaw and John are silent]
Sheldon: Powerful.
Dr. Linkletter: Wasn't it?
[Meemaw shrugs her shoulders]

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. Linkletter: How rude of me, Connie. Can I offer you a beverage? Soda, water, Snapple?
Meemaw: I'm fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd take a Snapple.
Dr. Linkletter: You know where the fridge is.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Is this because Coach Ballard got upset and broke up with you?
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: You two broke up? I'm sorry to hear that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Terrible news.
Dr. Linkletter: Terrible. Terrible.
Meemaw: It's okay. I'm over it.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great.
Sheldon: Look at the four of us talking about Isaac Asimov!

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Dr. John Sturgis: I read it as well. I found it quite compelling. A planet that only experiences nightfall once every 2,000 years.
Dr. Linkletter: And once it does, it drives everyone mad. Brilliant.
Sheldon: I found the tension between the scientists and the religious cultists reminiscent of some dinnertime conversations at my house. [laughter]
Dr. John Sturgis: What did you think, Connie?
Meemaw: Eh...
Sheldon: You didn't like it?
Meemaw: I don't need a story set on some outer space planet to tell me that people freak out about change.
Dr. Linkletter: Interesting.
Meemaw: People lost it when women started wearing pants and getting jobs. Everybody just overreacts to everything.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: All right, I would like to call the first meeting of the Isaac Asimov book club to order. I'm assuming everyone's read Nightfall?
[Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis both hold up their copies of the book]
Meemaw: I read it. [chuckles] I may have dozed off a few times, but I read it.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Adult Sheldon: I was envious of my meemaw. That night, she would get to experience one of my favorite stories for the very first time.
Meemaw: [v.o.] "If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations, the remembrance of the city of God?" [outloud] What?!

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Missy: Why don't you trust me?
Mary: Because you can't even remember to take out the trash.
Missy: I remember. I just don't do it. And for your information, Pastor Jeff hired me to babysit this Friday.
Mary: He did?
Missy: He did.
Mary: Okay. But if you need any help, if you run into any problems whatsoever, I am right next door and I want you to call me.
Missy: I'll be fine.
Mary: Missy...
Missy: Okay! Look, I'm taking out the trash.
Mary: I just put that bag in.
Missy: There's no pleasing you.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Missy: Mom, can I ask you a Bible question?
Mary: Always.
Missy: Lying's a sin, right?
Mary: Sure is. Proverbs 12:22. "The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy."
Missy: Does it say anything specifically about lying to your pastor?
Mary: Did you lie to Pastor Jeff?
Missy: No, but you did.
Mary: I did not.
Missy: You told him I wasn't interested in babysitting.
Mary: No. I said I didn't think you were interested, which, technically, was not a lie.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

George Sr.: I saw Georgie stopped by earlier.
Dale: Well, yeah, he does that once in a while.
George Sr.: Yeah. Didn't realize y'all were so close.
Dale: Oh, uh, I wouldn't say close. He might. I wouldn't.
George Sr.: So, uh, what'd he come by for?
Dale: Just to chat.
George Sr.: Really?
Dale: Mm.
George Sr.: Well, I guess it's good he's comfortable talking to someone.
Dale: Uh-huh.
George Sr.: Instead of his own father.
Dale: Uh, I... I'm sure he'll talk to you.
George Sr.: Thanks. [walks off]
Dale: [to himself] And you're not gonna like it.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Missy: [on the phone] Pastor Jeff, this is Missy Cooper.
Pastor Jeff: Hey there, Missy. What can I do for you?
Missy: This is about what I can do for you.
Pastor Jeff: Okay.
Missy: How would you and your wife like a night away from the baby? Maybe a movie? I hear Beethoven's funny. It's about a big dumb dog.
Pastor Jeff: Are you offering to babysit?
Missy: Yes, I am.
Pastor Jeff: 'Cause I asked your mom about it a while back, and she said you weren't interested.
Missy: Oh, really? Well, she's wrong.
Pastor Jeff: Fantastic. How's Friday at 6:00?
Missy: Perfect.
Pastor Jeff: See you then. What was the name of that dog movie again?
Missy: Beethoven. And it's PG, so God's cool with it.