Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: That was the first time I held my father's hand. I wouldn't touch my brother's hand until seventeen years later, thanks to the invention of Purell.

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: I got fired, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Dad, are you sad that you got fired?
George Sr.: Mostly angry. But, yeah, maybe a little sad.

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford?
Sheldon: I tend to worry about the bigger questions.
George Sr.: Okay. Well, here's why. Your Dad had a real good coaching job and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules.
Sheldon: And you told on them?
George Sr.: You know what happened?
Sheldon: Justice descended on the rule breakers?

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: You're not gonna make it in this school if you keep ratting people out.
Sheldon: But they were breaking the grooming codes and the dress codes. I saw one boy with a t-shirt that said *leaning in and whispering* "Bite me".
George Sr.: Yeah, that's terrible.
*Sheldon nods*

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Missy: Why can't we watch Duck Tales?
Sheldon: Because we don't learn anything.
Missy: It's TV! We aren't supposed to learn.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Look around, honey. No one else is wearing one.
Sheldon: Perhaps I'll start a fad.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Pastor: Why would you entertain evil thoughts?
Sheldon: I don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: Ssh.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start until puberty.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: This boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere. Also in violation of the grooming code, you have a bit of a mustache.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Hey, mom, look. That girl's pregnant.
Mary: Congratulations.