Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

George Jr.: Oh, dang! Nice!
Meemaw: It ain't my first egging. Whoo! Good one!
George Jr.: Ain't mine, neither.
Meemaw: [laughs] Here's for firing my grandson... jackass!

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[As Sheldon finally retrieves the errant piece of hot dog meat from under the refrigerator:]
Sheldon: Whew. That was driving me crazy. Thank you for getting me into college.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper, ready for college, ready to change the world.
George Sr.: Cut.
Sheldon: If that doesn't convince her, I don't know what her problem is.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi, Mary. I know this must be a hard decision for you. I can't tell you how to parent your child. I don't have children. But... I can tell you... that in all my years in academia, I've never seen a mind like Sheldon's. He's truly extraordinary. And if you let him come here, I promise we'll take good care of him.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Mr. Givens: I'll chip in for gas money. I'll move him into his dorm. What-Whatever you need. Let's make it happen.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Ms. Ingram: Honestly... teaching Sheldon is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I don't say that because he can be a pain. I say that because he's so intelligent, I had to study every night just to keep up. I'm gonna miss him.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Ms. MacElroy: I don't think I have anything left to teach Sheldon. I'm pretty sure he's already smarter than me.
Sheldon: It's true.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Mr. Givens: He's ready. In the fall, now, just let him go. Please.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

[on the video tape:]
Sheldon: Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, and this is Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College. I realize attending college in another state or country is unrealistic at this time. Which is why I'm proposing that I live at home but enroll full-time to continue my studies with Dr. Sturgis at East Texas Tech. I firmly believe that I'm ready for this next step in my academic life. But don't just take it from me...

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Sheldon: Thank you for this opportunity to plead my case. And I'd like to thank my cameraman and driver, Dad.
George Sr.: What, I'm not even, like, assistant director?
Sheldon: No. Sit back, enjoy.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Sheldon: I've put together a presentation detailing the reasons why I should be allowed to go to college, and I'd like you to watch it with an open mind.
Mary: I can do that.
Sheldon: Excellent. Is Meemaw here? I smell cigarettes.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Mary: I brought you a snack.
Missy: Thanks.
Mary: So, I don't know if you heard me and your father having a disagreement last night...
Missy: A "disagreement"?
Mary: Fine. A spat. Okay, a fight. I just want you to know that you do not need to worry.
Missy: It's kind of hard not to.
Mary: Uh, sometimes moms and dads have fights, but it doesn't mean that they don't work things out.
Missy: Did you work it out?
Sheldon: [o.s.] We're home.
Mary: Eat your cookies.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

George Sr.: You ready?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: Okay, we're rolling.
Sheldon: Hello, Mother. I'd like to present my case as to why I should be allowed to go to East Texas Tech next year. And I'll keep it simple so you don't get confused.
George Sr.: Stop.
Sheldon: Something in my teeth?

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Mary: Shelly and this college stuff is killing me. I... I never went to college. How can I prepare him?
Brenda Sparks: Mary, if that kid is smart enough to have colleges wanting him already, he's got to be smart enough to figure it out.
Mary: Maybe. It still hurts to hear him say he wants to leave.
Brenda Sparks: I bet. On the other hand, I'm worried my Billy will never be ready to leave.
Mary: Oh, of course he will.
Brenda Sparks: Damn. Smoking, drinking, lying. You're covering all the sins today.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

George Sr.: Anyway, that leaves us with the big question: how do we get your mom on board with you going where Sturgis teaches?
Sheldon: Well, how did you get her to agree to marry you?
George Sr.: Oh, that won't work. She doesn't drink anymore.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

George Sr.: So, we agree that the only way this is gonna happen right now is if you stay local.
Sheldon: I can always go away for grad school someday. And truth be told, I don't have the emotional maturity to squish my own bugs.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Brenda Sparks: Oh, hey, um... I was just kidding around.
Mary: I know.
Brenda Sparks: Why don't you come over here?
Mary: Really?
Brenda Sparks: And bring the pack. We'll go in the chicken coop, where God can't see us.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Brenda Sparks: Oh, my God. You smoke?
Mary: What? No.
Brenda Sparks: Then your face is on fire.
Mary: It's just the one. I'm going through a rough patch.
Brenda Sparks: What happened? The bookmark fall out of your Bible, and you lost your place?
Mary: No.
Brenda Sparks: You run out of room on your fridge for Sheldon's perfect report cards?