Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Mary: How was your day?
George Sr.: Awful.
Mary: Oh. Well... I have good news.
George Sr.: I could use it.
Mary: I got a job at the bowling alley.
George Sr.: [gulps] Working with Brenda?
Mary: Every day. [phone rings]
George Sr.: That is... really... really good news.
Mary: Mm-hmm.

Sheldon: Maybe we should go to the emergency room.
Missy: It's just a pimple. Pop it.
Sheldon: No.
Missy: I'll do it. I like when it hits the mirror. Now hold still.
[fantasy: A.V. and Pus are now standing, with no chair or stool in sight:]
A.V.: It seems we've reached the end of our time with Sheldon. [Pus is holding two suitcases] But it's never truly goodbye. We'll be back in moments of stress. Like a big test. Or my personal favorite, school picture day... [they disappear in an explosion of yellow pus, leaving the two suitcases]

Brenda Sparks: If you're looking for your mother, her league's not today.
Mary: Actually, I'm here for you.
Brenda Sparks: Why's that?
Mary: I saw in the classifieds that you're looking for help. I would like to apply.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] You don't want to work here. I mean, there's a bar. God hates that.
Mary: Jesus turned water into wine. I think he'd be cool with it.
Brenda Sparks: Well, you know, it's... it's actually a pretty boring job. It's mostly payroll and bookkeeping.
Mary: That is exactly what I did at the church.
Brenda Sparks: Mm-hmm.
Mary: In fact, you might say it's right up my alley.
Brenda Sparks: I don't know, Mary. We're neighbors. Is this a good idea?
Mary: Honestly... everything is falling apart. I just need one good thing to happen.

Meemaw: Ooh, I love this song. [Meemaw sings along to "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash] ♫ Bound by wild desires ♫ ♫ fell into a ring of fire ♫
George Jr.: My life's falling apart and you're singing?
Meemaw: ♫ I fell into a burning ring of fire ♫ ♫ I went down, down, down ♫ ♫ And the flames went higher ♫ ♫ And it burns, burns, burns ♫ ♫ That ring of fire ♫ [talks] Where?
George Jr.: The ring of fire
Meemaw: [vocalizes] [mimes playing a trumpet]

Meemaw: Once we hit 281, it's a straight shot to the border.
George Jr.: It's all crazy.
Meemaw: What is?
George Jr.: A year ago I had nothing to worry about. I had no idea how good I had it.
Meemaw: [laughs] Well, what if a year from now it's a disaster, and this looks good?
George Jr.: That's not helping.
Meemaw: Oh, relax, someday you'll be my age, your kids'll be grown up, all be good again.
George Jr.: But that's, like, 50 years from now.
Meemaw: Yeah, I waited a long time for it. So quit your bitching.

Missy: Sheldon, there has to be stuff you're excited to do.
Sheldon: Of course. Getting my PhD, winning the Nobel Prize, getting to meet Professor Proton, working with Stephen Hawking.
Missy: Okay, so, when you start to get upset, focus on that stuff.
Sheldon: But... what if I grow up and none of those things ever happen?
Missy: All you can do is try and find out.
Sheldon: Those are the fundamentals of the scientific method.
Missy: No doy.

Sheldon: How does the future not concern you?
Missy: I guess there's stuff I'm looking forward to.
Sheldon: Like what?
Missy: Going on dates?
Sheldon: Boring.
Missy: Driving.
Sheldon: Scary.
Missy: Getting married. Hopefully to Vanilla Ice.
Sheldon: You want to marry a snow cone?

Missy: What's the problem?
Sheldon: My childhood is ending.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Look at everyone around us... they're all miserable. Mom and Dad are unemployed. They're constantly fighting. Georgie's having a child.
Missy: First of all, no one's having a kid with you, ever.
Sheldon: Don't be so sure. With this intellect, my genetic material will be a hot commodity. [Missy groans] That's how I feel.

[After Sheldon wakes up from his dream, he sits up in bed and uses his rope/pulley system to knock on Missy's bedroom wall.]
Missy: [over walkie-talkie] I hate you. This better be an emergency.
Sheldon: My pimple has me concerned about the future.
Missy: Not an emergency. Good night.
Sheldon: But we're twins and we have a special bond, so you can't ignore me in my time of need.
Missy: Watch me.
Sheldon: And I'm scared.
Missy: Damn it.

[dream sequence:]
Sheldon as George: Something weird's going on.
Sheldon as Mary: Not now, George. I have to finish making the kids' lunches, get them to school, and then go looking for a new job.
Sheldon as George: But I'm turning into my father.
Sheldon as Mary: I don't have time for whatever crisis you're going through. And why are you still wearing that uniform? You don't even work there anymore.
Sheldon as George: Well, maybe nothing else was clean.
Sheldon as Mary: You're a grown man... you can wash your own clothes.
Sheldon as Meemaw: Would you two quit fighting? You ain't the only one with problems.
Sheldon as George: For God's sakes, why are you always here?
Sheldon as Mary: Don't be mean to her.
Sheldon as George: You're mean to me.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I'm just dropping off your mail, fatass. And it's nothing but bills.
Sheldon as Georgie: Just got back from the baby doctor. Mandy's having triplets. Dang it.
Sheldon as George: How we gonna handle all this?
Sheldon as Mary: I guess Sheldon's gonna have to drop out of school and get a job.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I hear the coal mine's hiring.
Sheldon as Georgie: Ain't that too messy for him?
Sheldon as Meemaw: The boy's got to grow up sometime.
Sheldon as George: Ain't that the truth.
Sheldon as Mary: He's got that nasty pimple, so he's well on his way.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: Whoa. Heavy stuff. But like a... caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, things need to get a little weird along the way. [Pus puts the blue caterpillar figure he was holding under a napkin and pulls out a blue butterfly figure] [laughs] How can people not like us? That was awesome. And Pus is available for children's parties. [Pus rubs his fingers together to signal cash]

Mary: Hey, good news. I was picking up some groceries at Davidson's. They're hiring.
George Sr.: Yeah, well, good for you.
Mary: I got an application for you, too.
George Sr.: I'm not working at a supermarket, Mary.
Mary: Why not?
George Sr.: 'Cause I was head coach of the high school football team. I'm not bagging people's groceries.
Mary: It's an honest job, George.
George Sr.: It's embarrassing.
Mary: It's embarrassing to provide for your family?
George Sr.: It's embarrassing that I busted my ass all these years, and this is where I am.
Mary: I'm right there with you. I lost my job, too.
George Sr.: Yeah, it's exactly the same.
Mary: You know what you are? I'm not gonna say it, but you know.

George Jr.: Wade's coming with me to Mexico.
Meemaw: Why?
George Jr.: It's a long drive. And he knows a little Spanish.
Wade: Sí.
Meemaw: Okay.
Meemaw: [Spanish: "Where will you buy cigarettes?"]
Wade: ¿Sí?
Meemaw: [whispers] You're gonna get yourself killed.
George Jr.: I got no choice. I got a kid coming.
Meemaw: If you're hell-bent on going to Mexico, I'm going with you.
Wade: Shotgun.
Meemaw: You are not coming, Wade. ¿Comprende?
Wade: Sí.

George Jr.: So I'll pick you up in the morning?
Wade: Well, not too early. I have to walk Mitzy.
George Jr.: Your dog?
Wade: The wife. She got a new hip, and the doc says she needs to keep it moving.

Mary: How are we not qualified for anything?
George Sr.: Well, there were a couple.
Mary: I'm not gonna be night security guard at the junkyard, George. You can.
George Sr.: You know I get sleepy.

Mary: Yeah, we could sit here and sulk or we can find jobs. Now, pick up that pen and start circling.
George Sr.: All right. Let's see what we have here.
Mary: Here's one. Oh. College degree required.
George Sr.: Hmm. Eh... I can't type.
Mary: I can.
George Sr.: 90 words a minute?
Mary: Let's keep looking. In fact, I bet I find a job faster than you can.
George Sr.: We'll see about that.

President Hagemeyer: All right, now, Sheldon... [chuckles] being a grown-up isn't all bad, right?
Dr. Linkletter: Eh.
President Hagemeyer: I mean, yeah, sure, your... you know, your body starts to fall apart. But there is a window at about, mm, 22 where everything's just... mwah.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, when I was 22, I was a strapping blonde oak of a man. I'd walk down the street, you could hear the knees buckle.
President Hagemeyer: If I could go back, I would wear nothing but a bikini, 24/7.
Dr. Linkletter: My mind was a steel trap. I could rattle off pi to 25 places. Today... not sure where I parked.
President Hagemeyer: I once went to France for a month with a man I met in the airport bar. [sighs] Missed my grandmother's funeral, but... ooh, la-la.
Dr. Linkletter: It all went by so fast.
President Hagemeyer: Too fast.
Sheldon: I'm new to puberty. Is this sexual tension?

Sheldon: But what if it's scratchy and it's all I can think about?
Dr. Linkletter: It's just armpit hair.
Sheldon: Well, I don't even have it yet and it's already consuming my thoughts.
President Hagemeyer: All right, Sheldon, you are a smart kid. Now, you had to know that this was gonna happen eventually.
Sheldon: I'm a smart kid now, but what will I be in a year?
President Hagemeyer: A smart young man.
Sheldon: And then a smart adult. With money problems and marital strife and every other problem you can think of. I'll probably have a beer belly. Or root beer belly.

George Jr.: Hey, if we can't sell beer, what about cigarettes? We could make money and keep people from leaving to go buy more.
Meemaw: That's not a bad idea.
George Jr.: I could go down to Walmart, buy some cartons. We could mark 'em up like crazy.
Meemaw: Mm-hmm. Reminds me of when I was young and we used to go down across the border and get 'em cheap in Mexico.
George Jr.: How cheap?
Meemaw: Well, between the taxes and the peso, practically nothing. [chuckles]
George Jr.: Let's do that.
Meemaw: I'm not driving to Mexico.
George Jr.: I don't need you. I'll go. Where do I go?
Meemaw: I'm not telling you.
George Jr.: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause you're dumb in this country. God knows what you are anywhere else.
George Jr.: Fine. I'll just head south and see where it takes me.
Meemaw: I'm impressed you knew it was south.

President Hagemeyer: Okay, so, what's the problem?
Sheldon: I wanted to talk with Dr. Linkletter about puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: And I wanted to avoid litigation.