Adult Sheldon: Today I thought we could talk about relationships, so I've invited my lovely wife Amy to help.
Amy: Thanks for letting me join in.
Adult Sheldon: Are you jealous when I do this without you?
Amy: No.
Adult Sheldon: Because one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships is jealousy. Now, Amy, did you know jealousy is triggered in the left part of the cerebral cortex?
Amy: I'm sorry, are you about to explain neuroscience to your wife, the Nobel Prize-winning neuroscientist?
Adult Sheldon: Yes. Jealous?
Amy: I'll tell you when there isn't a microphone in front of us.
Adult Sheldon: Ooh, mystery. That'll keep a relationship on its toes.
Amy: Your bathroom schedule is on the refrigerator. We have no mystery.
Adult Sheldon: Moving on, physical intimacy. I believe I said "physical intimacy," [title card changes] which can pose another challenge in relationships.
Amy: Especially when one partner doesn't want to be intimate as frequently as the other.
Adult Sheldon: Ooh, who are we talking about? [stammers] Don't tell me. Let the mystery continue.
Amy: Just read the next one.

Adult Sheldon: Money is a frequent source of conflict in a relationship.
Amy: Thankfully that's never been a problem for us.
Adult Sheldon: Says the woman who took away my comic book allowance.
Amy: Uh, to start a college fund for our children.
Adult Sheldon: Comic books are an investment.
Amy: There are better places to invest our money than that weird wolf man you like.
Adult Sheldon: His name is Wolverine and you know it.
Amy: Okay we're off on a tangent. I'm taking over. Money can be a source of conflict in a relationship, even having too much.
Adult Sheldon: Wh... Hey, this is my story.
Amy: I know. Jealous?

Missy: I'm gonna bring a bunch to school.
Georgie: How much you gonna charge for it?
Missy: Nothing. They're my friends.
Georgie: You think Ronald McDonald let his friends eat for free?
Missy: Ronald McDonald isn't real.

Dale: You actually bought this thing?
Meemaw: It's fun, huh?
Dale: I feel like I'm riding in a banana.
Meemaw: Oh, come on. It's a beautiful day. The top is down. Feel that wind.
Dale: Yeah, I feel the wind. I just can't feel my feet.
Meemaw: Well, put your seat back.
Dale: If I put it any further back, I'd be in the trunk.
Meemaw: Starting to wish I had put you in the trunk. [Dale covers his mouth] What are you doing now?
Dale: Keeping the bugs out of my mouth.

Sheldon: Mom, savor this moment. Can you take me to church?
Mary: Uh, I'm a little busy. Can it wait?
Sheldon: No. I've come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and I need to fax it to corporate.
Mary: I'll tell you what, I'll take it with me in the morning and do it then.
Sheldon: But our stock is in a slump, and CompUSA is nipping at our heels.
Mary: If you really want to be helpful, you could set the table.
Sheldon: Why should I help you with your job if you won't help me with mine?
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: This is important. My plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit.
Mary: I'm not taking you.
Sheldon: How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?

Missy: Think they'd pay a dollar apiece?
Georgie: Sure. Just tell them it's a special limited edition. People go nuts for that.
Missy: [gasps] Like the Shamrock Shake.
Georgie: Exactly.
Missy: Every year, I'm like, "This tastes like toothpaste." But every year, I buy it.

George: Thank you for seeing me, President Hagemeyer.
President Hagemeyer: Of course. My door is open to all Coopers. Even Alice Cooper, who I've always found oddly sexy.
George: Don't think we're related, but if I meet him, I'll let him know. [chuckles]

Dale: Well, I got money in the bank, and you got some in a suitcase. Well, we could put it together, we could travel, we could buy a vacation home.
Meemaw: Well, I can't just up and leave. I mean, I got the gambling room.
Dale: Georgie can take care of that, and besides, what's the use of having all that money and not enjoying it?
Meemaw: I guess.
Dale: God, we could go to Mexico and get a cabana and spend days on the beach.
Meemaw: And our nights on the toilet? [both laugh]
Dale: Yeah, doesn't sound half bad.

Georgie: What's up?
Missy: I figured out you can put all kinds of candy in the machine. Try this.
Georgie: Why is it brown?
Missy: It's butterscotch from Meemaw's candy bowl.
Georgie: [scoffs] I think that candy's older than you.
Missy: Doesn't taste like it.
Georgie: [eats] Not bad.

Meemaw: Want to share a pitcher of margaritas?
Dale: Oh, something we can both enjoy? That doesn't sound like you.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, what?
Dale: Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: What, you-you just gonna sit there and pout and not tell me?
Dale: I was talking about us traveling together, and instead, you went out and bought a yellow clown car.

Adult Sheldon: My mother would say money is the root of all evil. But she also said that about The Simpsons. I say money is just a medium of exchange, a way of transforming something into something else. My meemaw bought a sports car and transformed a relationship in the process. My sister transformed her money into a thriving business that was eventually shut down due to an infestation.
Missy: Ew.
Adult Sheldon: And for a brief moment, I became part of my dream company. Fun fact: later that year, RadioShack did open a megastore called Incredible Universe. Turned out the only thing incredible about it was how quickly it closed down. Oopsie.

Meemaw: The gambling room's doing well.
Dale: I can see that, Scarface. But why is it here?
Meemaw: Well, I can't exactly take it down to the bank.
Dale: Why not?
Meemaw: They'd bust me for money laundering.
Dale: Well, it's small bills. Tell them you're a stripper.
Meemaw: It's $14,000.
Dale: Well, tell them you're a good stripper.

Coach Wilkins: Well, they were floating the idea of me being head coach next year.
George: What the hell, Wayne?
Coach Wilkins: I didn't know what it was gonna be about.
George: Well, what did you tell them?
Coach Wilkins: Look, I want you to keep your job.
George: Well, then tell them you're not interested.
Coach Wilkins: But...if you're not gonna keep your job, I want your job.
George: Really? You want to spend your days coaching lazy kids and getting yelled at by their parents?
Coach Wilkins: Come on, George.
George: Don't forget the dirty looks after you lose, like you're the one that fumbled on the three-yard line. That's the job you want?
Coach Wilkins: It's called coaching, George.

George: I mean, how could Wayne stab me in the back like this?
Mary: I don't think Wayne stabbed you in the back.
George: Can you please just agree with me?
Mary: Sorry. So, what happens now?
George: I don't know. I guess I wait and see if I'm fired.
Mary: Well, if that happens, you can always get another job.
George: Medford has one high school. [stammers] Another job could mean moving.
Mary: But our roots are here. My mom is here.
George: So, moving's got its upsides.

Mary: Didn't Sheldon's college talk to you about coaching there once?
George: That's right, they did.
Mary: And you know the president pretty well now.
George: I do.
Mary: And they're used to losing, so it's low pressure.
George: Thank you.