- Find quotes by episode:
- Season 1
- Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System
- Poker, Faith, and Eggs
- A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage
- A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom
- A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac
- A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run
- Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair
- Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
- An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
- Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers
- A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer
- A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek
- Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey
- Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
- Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine
- Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo
- A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside
- Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple
- A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish
- Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza
- Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set
- Season 2
Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.
Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.
Sheldon: Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.
Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.
Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, does anyone know what happens to quarks when we combine them to make mesons and baryons? Yes, Paige.
Paige: We can ignore the particle masses at the individual quark level.
Dr. John Sturgis: Correct. You are really- [remembering Meemaw's warning] That was correct, Paige. And, Sheldon, is that a new bow tie?
Sheldon: It is.
Dr. John Sturgis: Lookin' sharp!
Dr. John Sturgis: That was a close one.
Adult Sheldon: I started to think that Paige and I might have more in common than I thought.
Maybe my mother was right. I really did just need to get to know her better.
Paige: Checkmate! You lose. [CHUCKLES] Guess that makes me the smartest.
Adult Sheldon: I don't know if ten-year-old Spock ever flipped a chess board, but ten-year-old Sheldon sure did.
Paige: This is fun. I don't get to have discussions like this with kids at my school. Do you?
Paige: Do you ever wish you were just like everyone else?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Paige: [CHUCKLES] Me neither. I love being smarter than everyone.
Sheldon: Me, too.
Paige: You actually believe in the multiverse theory?
Sheldon: Very much so. It's the most elegant interpretation of quantum mechanics.
Paige: So you really think there are an infinite number of universes?
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking believes it, so, yes, I do.
Paige: Well, if there are an infinite number of universes, I think that theory's dumb in all of them. [CHUCKLES] This is fun.
Sheldon: Or if you're interested, we could play a variant with a new piece I invented.
Paige: That sounds fun. What's the new piece?
Sheldon: A wizard. The wizard cannot be taken, and, at any point, he can teleport and switch places with any other piece.
Paige: Yes, but there's an obvious flaw.
Sheldon: What flaw?
Paige: Well, any time anyone is checkmated, they can simply have the wizard and their king switch places. So the game will never end.
Sheldon: I knew that. You passed my test.