Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Mary: Ssh.
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.

Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.

Sheldon: Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.

George Sr.: Want to hear something cool? Sheldon skipped out of that lecture with that little Paige girl, snuck into a closed exhibit.
Mary: You're kidding.
George Sr.: True. [LAUGHS] Even got, uh, "arrested" by the museum security cops.
Mary: Why would you think that's cool?
George Sr.: Sheldon got into trouble with a girl! I'm bursting with pride.
Mary: [SIGHS] You know what? I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: There, right there. That's why I love you.

Sheldon: Did you know that her parents are getting a divorce?
George Sr.: Just keep walking. Keep walking.

Barry: What were you thinking?
Paige: I got bored.
Sheldon: 'Cause you're a baby.

Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Now, let's talk about this hula girl lamp. What's your best price?
Meemaw: It's my gift to you.
George Jr.: Nice haggle.
Meemaw: Nice mullet.

Dr. John Sturgis: Are you okay?
Meemaw: I guess I just didn't expect that getting rid of my my husband's stuff was gonna hit me so hard.
Dr. John Sturgis: He must have been a wonderful man.
Meemaw: [LAUGHS] Well, he had his moments.
Dr. John Sturgis: He was married to a wonderful woman, so that says a lot.
Meemaw: You're pretty wonderful yourself.