Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.
George Jr.: Whoa, that's racist.

George Sr.: All right, see, when you get tackled in your own end zone, the other team gets two points and the ball. That's called a safety.
Missy: I thought one of the players was a safety.
George Sr.: Well, that's true, too.
Missy: I'm confused.
George Sr.: Now you know how I feel when you talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Missy: What's confusing? Everything you need to know is in the title.

Mary: [o.s.] Sheldon? Where are you?
Pastor Rob: [o.s.] Sheldon?
Adult Sheldon: That night began my winning streak at sardines. Every lock-in, every birthday party, someone suggested we play, and I won every time.
Mary: Sheldon!
Adult Sheldon: I'm the king of sardines.

Pastor Rob: Peg, how's it going?
Peg: Last time I checked, they were all alive.
Mary: Where's Sheldon?
Peg: Huh.

Brenda Sparks: Anyway, his name is Billy, and he's in sixth grade, so you're gonna be seeing him in three or four or five years. [Petersen laughs]
George Sr.: You met him at my house when we were playing poker.
Principal Petersen: The big kid. I love that kid.
George Sr.: Mm-hmm.
Brenda Sparks: Good. Remember that when he's failing homeroom.
Principal Petersen: Oh, don't worry about grades. He's gonna be a linebacker. Where you been hiding this one, George?
George Sr.: Haven't been hiding her.
Brenda Sparks: Well, not that easy to hide.
Principal Petersen: [chuckles] I'll get us another round. [whispers to George] Tell her how I make more money than you.