- Find quotes by episode:
- Season 1
- Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System
- Poker, Faith, and Eggs
- A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage
- A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom
- A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac
- A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run
- Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair
- Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
- An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
- Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers
- A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer
- A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek
- Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey
- Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
- Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine
- Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo
- A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside
- Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple
Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.
Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.
Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.
Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.
Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: Also in violation of the grooming code on page 48, article five, subsection B, you have a bit of a mustache.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mr. Cooper?!
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you paying attention?
Sheldon: I already know this.
Dr. John Sturgis: You know this?
Sheldon: But they don't, so by all means, continue.
Meemaw: There's something about him. I mean, he's smart as hell, and gentle and funny. Not always on purpose, but he's funny. I never met anybody like him.
George Sr.: Sounds like Sheldon.
Meemaw: Now, why would you go and put that thought in my mind?
Mary: So, are you gonna see him again?
Meemaw: I don't know. He showed up at my house on a bike.
George Sr.: Like a Harley?
Meemaw: Like a Schwinn.
Mary: You mean a bike bike?
Meemaw: With a jingle bell on the handlebar and everything.
Mary: Well, that's kind of charming.
Meemaw: He doesn't know how to drive a car. Doesn't want to know.
Mary: Okay, a little less charming.
Sheldon: Now, tell me everything.
Meemaw: Go away. Let me sleep.
Sheldon: Okay. But before I go, should I be worried he's not in your bed?
Meemaw: Get out!
Sheldon: I certainly hope you were nicer to him.
Sheldon: How'd it go?
Meemaw: Oh! What the hell?
Sheldon: I wanted to know how your date went, and I got bored watching you sleep.
Meemaw: How long have you been there?
Sheldon: 67 minutes.