Sheldon: What is happening to our family?
Missy: I know. Georgie and Meemaw in jail.
Sheldon: Mom getting kicked out of the church.
Missy: Georgie having a baby out of wedlock. You know what this means, don't you?
Sheldon: What?
Missy: We really are white trash.
Sheldon: Speak for yourself. I'm in college on a full ride. But I wish y'all luck.

Adult Sheldon: Sadly, "niblingo" never quite caught on. But that doesn't stop me from using it in Scrabble.

Mary: All right, what do you know?
George: Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine, and-and they're gonna need cash.
Mary: My son is gonna be in jail overnight?
George: What about your mother?
Mary: Oh, she's been there before.

Sheldon: Do you think Georgie got a tattoo in jail?
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Do you think Meemaw did?
Mary: Probably.

Sheldon: Meemaw's in jail?
Mary: Uh... No.
George: Forget about it.
Sheldon: Forget about it? Do I need to remind you I remember my birth?
George: [grunts] Go to your room.
Sheldon: That was a rough day.
Mary: Rough day for me.

George: I really appreciate this, Dale.
Dale: Smuggling cigarettes? What the hell was she thinking?
George: It was Georgie's idea.
Dale: Well, that makes more sense. Well, whose truck we taking?
George: You're coming?
Dale: My ex-girlfriend in jail at the Mexican border? [chuckles] I got to take pictures.
George: [scoffs] All right, I'll drive.
Dale: But we got to stop and get film.

Missy: Freeze, dirtbag.
Mandy: Who are you?
Sheldon: No, no, we have the moral high ground here.
Missy: Yeah. Who are you?
Mandy: I'm a friend of the lady that lives here. I'm worried about her.
Sheldon: That's no lady. That's our meemaw.

Mary: Okay, God, we need to talk. Are you testing me? Is this a test? Am I Mrs. Job? I try to be a good person, but... lately, it feels like you are smacking me down every chance you get. And I know that that might sound a little ungrateful right now, as I load my new dishwasher... That I love... But can't you pick on someone else for a while?

Sheldon: Who are you talking to?
Mary: [exhales sharply] God.
Sheldon: To yourself. Got it. And you think, like Job, God is testing your faith?
Mary: [scoffs] Sure would explain all the bad things that have been happening.
Sheldon: So believing in a god who's going out of his way to ruin your life is more comforting than believing there's no God at all?
Mary: Isn't it past your bedtime?
Sheldon: I know. Good night.
Mary: Wait. Where's your sister?
Sheldon: At Meemaw's, talking to Mandy.
Mary: What? Why?
Sheldon: Can we table this for tomorrow? I'm running on fumes.

Missy: Do you hate Georgie?
Mandy: No. No, Georgie's a good guy. If anything, I hate myself for making bad decisions.
Missy: Like having sex before marriage?
Mandy: More like having tequila before sex.
Mary: Hey. What's going on here?
Missy: Mandy was just telling me how she got pregnant.
Mandy: No, no...
Missy: But you said...
Mandy: No.
Missy: No.

Meemaw: How ya holding up?
Georgie: Not so good. Kid ain't even born yet and I'm already a terrible father.
Meemaw: You're not terrible. A terrible father would've walked away.
Georgie: Thank you. Was my dad real pissed off?
Meemaw: No. He was positively giddy about having to drive eight hours down to the border to bail your ass out.
Georgie: Your ass, too.
Meemaw: Yeah, but I like it when he's pissed at me.

Sheldon: For example, if Mandy and Georgie were married, she'd be our sister-in-law.
Missy: But they're not.
Sheldon: Exactly. So we need a term for the unmarried mother of our future niece or nephew.
Missy: How 'bout "Mandy"?
Sheldon: Follow me... if we knew the sex of the baby and it was a boy, I was thinking we could call Mandy "nephewterus," because she'd be having a nephew in her uterus. However, "nieceuterus" just doesn't hit the ear right.
Missy: I still think "Mandy" works.
Sheldon: Now, there is a gender-neutral term coined by linguist Samuel Martin in the 1950s, which takes the "N" from "niece" or "nephew" with "sibling"” to get "nibling."
Missy: So she'd be our nibling?
Sheldon: No, the baby's the nibling. Mandy would be either the niblingess or the niblinger. Or, in a swerve from our traditional German suffixes, "niblingo."
Missy: That one.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, that one's the winner.

Sheldon: This isn't where we sit.
Mary: It's all right.
Sheldon: All right? This is nowhere near the acoustic sweet spot.
Missy: Shush.
Sheldon: And I'm sitting behind what may be the largest man in Texas.
Missy: Shh!
[The man turns around to look at Sheldon]

Pastor Jeff: Please give us the strength to reflect your abundant love out into the world.
[After Mary, Missy and Sheldon walk out of the church, Sheldon walks back in]
Pastor Jeff: Thank you for bringing us here today to join together in worship.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Am I the only one struck by the incredible hypocrisy of this sermon? You go on and on about loving one another and how God is love. But not when it comes to my mother and our family? And why? Because my brother impregnated a woman years 11 older than him? Which one could argue was an act of love.
Mary: [enters] Sheldon.
Sheldon: At least on his part. She doesn't seem to care for him. Also, earlier, you said "Nebuh-kuh-nezzar."
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: In Hebrew, it would be pronounced "Neboo-kha-nezzar." More in the back of the throat. Kha. Kha.
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Bye. Or in Hebrew, shalom. Which also means "hello." And "peace." Kha! Kha!

Meemaw: How much is the fine?
Judge Landry: Why don't we say $2,500?
Meemaw: Let's say $500.
Judge Landry: This is not a negotiation.
Meemaw: I hear ya. $750.