Paige: You're being weird, and not in the usual way. Guess that's my life now.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Paige: Everyone is acting weird. My mom is going on dates and my dad is acting like a child. My sister's crying all the time. I just wish that everything could go back to the way it was. I don't think it will.
Adult Sheldon: It turned out I was really good at listening. The trick is to sit there, and when you want to leave, don't.
Paige: I have to live in two separate houses. And my grandma says the meanest things about my dad. I know that everyone is upset that I'm not doing well in school. It's just hard to care. Everything that used to seem important to me just doesn't anymore. So I guess, really, I just feel alone.
Sheldon: That sounds hard.
Paige: Yeah, it is.

Sheldon: This isn't the Hello Kitty store.
Paige: No. It's Hot Topic.
Sheldon: What's the topic, devil worship?
Missy: Hey, did you know there's a bow tie section in the back?
Sheldon: Why would they hide that in the back? [walks to the back]

Paige: Why are you taking a backpack to the mall?
Sheldon: This is my mall safety kit. Earplugs to drown out crowd noise, Wet-Naps to wipe down escalator handrails, a compass, a map of the mall, and a whistle, in case I get lost or approached by a woman holding a perfume bottle.
Missy: You want to stuff him in there, right?
Paige: No. [nods]

Sheldon: I didn't see any bow ties, just a shirt with a bad word on it. What did you put in your pocket?
Paige: Nothing.
Sheldon: Are you guys stealing? Because if you are, I am prepared to literally blow the whistle on you.

George: Well, I was thinking you and I could go grab a burger.
Georgie: Why?
George: 'Cause I thought it'd be a nice thing to do.
Georgie: Which restaurant?
George: Why does it matter?
Georgie: Well, McDonald's burgers are fried, and sometimes I like flame-broiled.
George: Fine, we can go to Burger King.
Georgie: I don't like the fries at Burger King. Ooh, Arby's has those curly fries. Shoot, they don't have burgers.
George: [tersely] Then let's go to Whataburger.
Georgie: Okay, but I hope you're not this cranky the whole meal.
George: [exhales]

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] What's on your mind?
Sheldon: Do you ever wish that you weren't smart?
Dr. John Sturgis: So I would be short, lonely and stupid? No, that seems worse.

Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was right. There was nothing I could do to fix this, or so I thought.
Sheldon: Can I offer you a hot beverage?
Paige: That would be nice.
Sheldon: Be right back.
Adult Sheldon: The "Hot Beverage of Comfort" would become my go-to method of dealing with someone in emotional distress. And it always worked. Except when my wife was in labor, where it was suggested I throw it in my own face.

Sheldon: [on the phone] How do I make her understand that being smart is the best?
Dr. John Sturgis: Might I suggest, instead of trying to fix her problem, you just listen? When I was in the psychiatric ward, I learned that people who are struggling emotionally often just need to be heard.
Sheldon: Hmm. Sounds difficult, but I suppose I could try.
Dr. John Sturgis: Another thing I learned in the hospital is that some people believe there are weird mole men living in tunnels deep inside the earth.
Sheldon: Well, this has been mostly helpful.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you're mostly welcome.

Mary: Shelly, I got you something.
Sheldon: The Professor Proton Science Kit! Wait a minute. Last time you gave me a present for no reason, I had to get a booster shot.
Mary: Nothing like that. I was just thinking, it might be a fun thing for you to share with Paige.
Sheldon: Sharing. Sometimes I feel like you don't know me.
Mary: Paige is having a rough time at home right now, and I think she could really use a friend.
Sheldon: A crocodile could really use a meal, but that doesn't mean I should leap into his mouth.
Adult Sheldon: This was the woman who cut the crusts off my sandwiches. She had me.
Sheldon: Into the mouth I go.

Billy Sparks: Hi, Mr. Cooper!
George: Billy. What are you doing? [turns engine off]
Billy Sparks: I'm mowing the lawn. What are you doing?
George: Did Georgie put you up to this?
Billy Sparks: Yeah. He's paying me.
George: That dummy.
Billy Sparks: I'm raising the money to buy a Jet Ski.

George: I can't imagine talking to my dad the way this kid talks to me. I'd have had a belt on my backside so fast...
Coach Wilkins: My dad was a hugger.
George: I had to tell him three times to mow the lawn, and he still gave me attitude.
Coach Wilkins: He's going to school, holding down a job. If he was my kid, I'd be proud of him.
George: I am proud of him. When he's not being a total pain in my ass.

Mary: Apparently she's taking the divorce really hard. I guess she's been having trouble in school.
Meemaw: Aw, poor thing.
Mary: Linda thinks Sheldon might be a good influence, you know, maybe rub off on her a little bit.
George: What, she wants her kid to be more like Sheldon? I don't know what to say about that.

Sheldon: Paige, you're supposed to be doing science with me.
Paige: That's boring. I want to do something dangerous.
Sheldon: This is dangerous. We don't have an eye wash station.

Paige: Let's go to the mall.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't like the mall.
Missy: She says the mannequins don't have enough clothes on, but I think it's 'cause we're poor.
Sheldon: We are poor. I do our taxes.

Mary: Okay, Paige, where should we go to get your backpack?
Paige: The Hello Kitty store.
Sheldon: I would help you find it, but this subpar mall map isn't even oriented north.
Missy: Let's go.
Mary: All right, have fun at the Hello Kitty store, and meet me at the fountain in half an hour.
Sheldon: Just to be clear, there are no actual kitties, right?