Dr. John Sturgis Quotes

Quote from the episode A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I need to apologize.
Meemaw: Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I am worrying about it. I didn't realize that with you and I being in a relationship, me wearing your dead husband's clothes would be emotionally challenging for you.
Meemaw: All right, apology accepted.

Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Meemaw: What- What're you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was doing tai chi and then I realized that I was continually being bombarded by subatomic particles and it behooves me, perhaps, to pay slightly closer attention to them. Maybe "chi" is the ancient Chinese word for the subatomic universe.
Meemaw: You're scaring me, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there's nothing to be scared of. Tomorrow, somebody will win the Nobel Prize about these particles not me. But I'm experiencing them firsthand [LAUGHS] which could be better.
Meemaw: Why don't you come down and experience them on the floor?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think I just felt a neutrino. [LAUGHING] You know, neutrinos are interesting. They never bond with anything, they're always alone. I think that one went right through my pants.
Meemaw: All right, why don't we go downstairs, and I'll fix us both a nice cup of hot tea and you can tell me all about it. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay. It was my dream to win the Nobel, and I'm not going to. I bet Sheldon will.
Meemaw: That'll be something.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.

Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub

Meemaw: All right, come on, let's talk about something else.
June: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: A lot of people here like to talk about the game.
Meemaw: Really? You speak sports now?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sure do. Check this out. Hey, ref! I suggest you go back to referee school and this time pay attention in class!
Man #1: You tell him, Doc.

Quote from the episode A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm glad she's doing well. Tell her I say hi.
Mary: I will do that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, no. Uh, tell her I said hello. "Hi" is a bit, uh, casual. Or wait. Greetings. Just say, uh, "Greetings from John."
Mary: You don't sound sure about that.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I don't.

Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I believe I have answers to all your questions.
Meemaw: Lay it on me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Time: the event begins at 6:00 p.m. The dress code is: business attire. Dinner will be served, but it's been suggested that we eat first, because the food is dreadful.
Meemaw: Good to know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And last but not least, a camelid is any member of the camelidae family, such as llamas, alpacas or vicuñas. You didn't ask that one, but, uh, it seemed like something you should know.

Quote from the episode College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, sometimes people assume, because of my age, that I'm out of touch, that I, uh, don't know how to use new technologies, that I, uh... Hold on, there's a third one.

Quote from the episode Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench

Sheldon: But why are you wasting your time here when you could be doing science?
Dr. John Sturgis: I told you, I'm happy here.
Sheldon: How could you be happy? You have a doctorate in physics, and you're sticking labels to a case of beans.
Dr. John Sturgis: I had to work here a month before they let me use this thing. And yet, I could go buy a real gun on my lunch break. Ha! Texas, huh?
Sheldon: But don't you miss trying to unlock the secrets of the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I spent my life chasing theoreticals. Here, I have tangible accomplishments and I get to listen to relaxing Top 40 music. Do you know this band, Air Supply? They're terrific. [sings] ♫ I'm all out of love ♫ ♫ I'm so lost without you ♫ ♫ I know you were right ♫ ♫ Believing... ♫

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Sheldon: Do you believe there's intelligent life in the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no doubt.
Sheldon: Why is that?
Dr. John Sturgis: The Drake Equation claims that there are at least 20 detectable civilizations in our Milky Way galaxy alone.
Sheldon: Interesting. My sister likes to say that I'm an alien.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've often been called that. Once by the praying mantis in my dream.
Sheldon: Maybe we are aliens.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps. Or maybe people like you and me were the original inhabitants of Earth, and everyone else is from outer space.
Sheldon: Ooh, I like that better.

Quote from the episode College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle

Mr. Lockhart: Look, building a company is not a part-time endeavor. We need to know our partners are as committed as we are.
Sheldon: So you want me to drop out of college?
Mr. Lockhart: Of course not. We want to give you money to build a grant database. I guess the question is... what do you want?
Sheldon: Well, I-I want that too, but I should probably ask my mom.
Dr. John Sturgis: My mom is long dead, so... I'm good to go.

Quote from the episode College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle

Mr. Lockhart: How soon do you think you could have a prototype?
Sheldon: Well, working around my class schedule and a sensible bedtime, I think within a year.
Mr. Lockhart: If we fund this, we'd expect you to work on it full-time. We don't want someone else beating us to the punch.
Dr. John Sturgis: I suppose I could, uh, take a sabbatical from teaching, but my bedtime is also quite rigid.

Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Sheldon: Which scientists are you rooting for?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I don't have a favorite. There's so much good work being done.
Sheldon: I think it's time Frederick Reines finally gets his due for the neutrino.
Dr. John Sturgis: I suppose he has a shot.
Sheldon: I should think so, he confirmed the neutrino's existence 35 years ago. What the heck are they waiting for?
Dr. John Sturgis: Lots of talented people don't get recognized.

Quote from the episode A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross

Meemaw: John, I've already been married once. I wasn't really planning on ever doing it again.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not?
Meemaw: I was somebody's wife for a long time. I just like being Connie Tucker now. Not Mrs somebody else's name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what if I took your name? John Tucker, it sounds great. Like a football player or an astronaut.

Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

Dr. John Sturgis: I don't think I can do this, Connie.
Meemaw: Of course you can. We're just getting started.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it's too much information. I can't process it.
Meemaw: It was just a yellow light.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not just the light. There were other cars. There's pedestrians. There was a guy on a bicycle.
Meemaw: So?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's just too many random elements. The- The- The stimuli are overwhelming.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like me to sing a cowboy song while we sit around our makeshift campfire?
Sheldon: I would like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: [singing] Oh, pity the cowboy, All bloody and red, For the bronco fell on him, And bashed in his head, There was blood on the saddle, And blood all around, And a great big puddle of blood, On the ground.

Quote from the episode German for Beginners and a Crazy Old Man with a Bat

Dr. John Sturgis: The string theory research they're doing is at the forefront of the field. This is a tremendous opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: Well, we wouldn't want him to miss out.
George Sr.: And you're okay with looking after him all summer?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I won't be there.
Mary: You won't?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no, I'll be presenting a paper in Needles, California. If you're a Peanuts fan, that's where Snoopy's brother Spike lives.

Quote from the episode A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number

Dr. John Sturgis: Societal norms are different on road trips. Normally, I don't eat junk food, but here, it's tradition. I'm not even sure what a chicharron is.
Sheldon: It's the deep-fried skin of a pig.
Dr. John Sturgis: That seems like something they should say on the bag.