Dr. John Sturgis Quotes

Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Meemaw: What- What're you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was doing tai chi and then I realized that I was continually being bombarded by subatomic particles and it behooves me, perhaps, to pay slightly closer attention to them. Maybe "chi" is the ancient Chinese word for the subatomic universe.
Meemaw: You're scaring me, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there's nothing to be scared of. Tomorrow, somebody will win the Nobel Prize about these particles not me. But I'm experiencing them firsthand [LAUGHS] which could be better.
Meemaw: Why don't you come down and experience them on the floor?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think I just felt a neutrino. [LAUGHING] You know, neutrinos are interesting. They never bond with anything, they're always alone. I think that one went right through my pants.
Meemaw: All right, why don't we go downstairs, and I'll fix us both a nice cup of hot tea and you can tell me all about it. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay. It was my dream to win the Nobel, and I'm not going to. I bet Sheldon will.
Meemaw: That'll be something.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.

Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Mary. This is John Sturgis, Sheldon's professor and your mother's lover.
Mary: Hi. And "John" was more than enough.

Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Quote from the episode A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you for agreeing to the early-bird dinner. When I eat too late, the food just sits right here.
Meemaw: Yeah, gettin' old is no party.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I've had this problem since I was ten. When I was in grade school, my nickname was Old Burpy.
Meemaw: Well, I will not be calling you that.
Dr. John Sturgis: You can if you'd like.
Meemaw: I'm good.

Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie I found an old-fashioned malt shop where we can have milkshakes and listen to the jukebox, like I never did in high school.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

George Sr.: So, what's up? You comin' to me to ask for Connie's hand in marriage?
Dr. John Sturgis: No. But if that were to come to pass, are you authorized to bless the union?
Meemaw: He was joking.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh.

Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

George Sr.: So, John, how was your first driving lesson?
Dr. John Sturgis: Intense. At one point, I was approaching an intersection. The light was green, but at the last moment, it turned yellow. I didn't know what to do. Should I keep going? Should I stop? There were other cars nearby. Connie was yelling. A glare from the sun was in my eyes.
Sheldon: So, what happened?
Dr. John Sturgis: Somehow, I managed to make it through, turned on my directional, and slowly pulled to the side of the road.
Sheldon: That's how you tell a scary story.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Meemaw: John, I don't think you realize the responsibility involved here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, why don't we have a trial run? Have him spend a couple days with me and see how it goes.
Meemaw: A trial run, huh?
Dr. John Sturgis: Like the space program. You don't send people up right away; you start by spinning them around in that thing that makes them throw up.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Mary: Remember, it's a school night, so his bedtime is 7:30.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mine, too!

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Sheldon: Do you believe there's intelligent life in the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no doubt.
Sheldon: Why is that?
Dr. John Sturgis: The Drake Equation claims that there are at least 20 detectable civilizations in our Milky Way galaxy alone.
Sheldon: Interesting. My sister likes to say that I'm an alien.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've often been called that. Once by the praying mantis in my dream.
Sheldon: Maybe we are aliens.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps. Or maybe people like you and me were the original inhabitants of Earth, and everyone else is from outer space.
Sheldon: Ooh, I like that better.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like me to sing a cowboy song while we sit around our makeshift campfire?
Sheldon: I would like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: [singing] Oh, pity the cowboy, All bloody and red, For the bronco fell on him, And bashed in his head, There was blood on the saddle, And blood all around, And a great big puddle of blood, On the ground.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Sheldon: I think you tripped and hit your head.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm a bit woozy.
Sheldon: I better test for concussion. What's your name?
Dr. John Sturgis: John Burgess Sturgis.
Sheldon: Burgess Sturgis? Great name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Sheldon: Last question. What is the only fermion that may not have an antiparticle?
Dr. John Sturgis: The neutrino, of course.
Sheldon: I'm gonna rule out concussion.
Dr. John Sturgis: To be fair, it was an easy question.
Sheldon: True.

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Dr. John Sturgis: What were you thinking, letting me take care of a child? I won't make that mistake again. Do I look like Mary Poppins?

Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey

Dr. John Sturgis: There's an upcoming event at the university, and I'd like you to be my plus-one.
Meemaw: Oh. Well, I'd love to go.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful! It's a date. Bye.
Meemaw: Wait, wait. Hang on there, partner. I need a little more information. When is this event?
Dr. John Sturgis: This Friday night.
Meemaw: Oh. What time?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm not sure.
Meemaw: Well, will there be food?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no idea.
Meemaw: What's the dress code?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a clue.
Meemaw: Well, what do you know?
Dr. John Sturgis: You're my plus-one.
Meemaw: Well, you go do a little more research and get back to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it!
Meemaw: Bye.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wait.
Meemaw: What?
Dr. John Sturgis: Love you!
Meemaw: Love you, too.

Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I believe I have answers to all your questions.
Meemaw: Lay it on me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Time: the event begins at 6:00 p.m. The dress code is: business attire. Dinner will be served, but it's been suggested that we eat first, because the food is dreadful.
Meemaw: Good to know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And last but not least, a camelid is any member of the camelidae family, such as llamas, alpacas or vicuñas. You didn't ask that one, but, uh, it seemed like something you should know.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I need to apologize.
Meemaw: Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I am worrying about it. I didn't realize that with you and I being in a relationship, me wearing your dead husband's clothes would be emotionally challenging for you.
Meemaw: All right, apology accepted.

Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey

Dr. John Sturgis: Are-are you all right?
Meemaw: No, I'm very nervous.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's interesting. Normally, I'm the one who's unsure of himself in a social situation, but tonight, it's you.
Meemaw: Yeah. Frickin' fascinating.