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37Quotes from ‘A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities’

  • A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities

    415. A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities

    Aired April 22, 2021

    Sheldon is caught in a moral dilemma when offered a bootleg copy of a computer game he can't afford. Also, Mary and Meemaw take Brenda out for girls' night while George Sr. and the guys watch Billy, and Missy asks Georgie to take her and Marcus on a secret date.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Well, let's get into it. What happened? If it's another woman, she's a tramp, and you're way prettier.
Brenda Sparks: No. Although sometimes I wish there was. Then I'd have someone to be mad at other than myself.
Meemaw: And here I thought this one was gonna be the sad sack.
Mary: Mom, that is enough.
Meemaw: Oh, there's my little killjoy. [both laughing]

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: So no one's gonna say anything for the rest of the night?
Jana: Wouldn't be the first time no one's said anything when the subject of love came up.
George Jr.: I said something.
Jana: That doesn't count.
George Jr.: Missy, if you said "I love you" to Marcus, and he said "samesies," would you be okay with that?
Missy: Well...
George Jr.: And before you answer, remember who agreed to take you on a secret date.
Jana: Don't ask her, she's a kid.
George Jr.: She held hands and shared a straw!

Quote from George Sr.

Coach Wilkins: You have a serving bowl I can put these in?
George Sr.: A serving bowl?
Principal Petersen: I didn't realize we were playing poker with Martha Stewart. [Mr. Givens laughs]
Coach Wilkins: I will make civilized men of y'all if it kills me.
Mr. Givens: I was just laughing 'cause he's my boss.
George Sr.: I'll get you a bowl.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Uh, hey, Billy. I thought you were playing computer games with Sheldon.
Billy Sparks: I got bored so I came out here.
George Sr.: Well, you want me to go get him?
Billy Sparks: No, I'm fine by myself.
Coach Wilkins: Where's my serving bowl?
George Sr.: Uh, hey, Wayne, this is Billy.
Coach Wilkins: Hey.
Billy Sparks: Hello.
George Sr.: His mama's the one Mary took out tonight.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, right.
George Sr.: Billy, you just make yourself comfortable, watch whatever you want and help yourself to the fridge.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Coach Wilkins: You can't just leave this kid by himself.
George Sr.: Why not?
Coach Wilkins: His father's gone. He's lonely.
George Sr.: [quietly] Well, what do you want me to do, invite him to play poker? [normal voice] Hey, Billy, why don't you come hang with us?

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Man: [on the phone] Hello, you've reached the Tandy Tech Support Hotline.
Sheldon: I need help. I think I have a virus. I was playing this game, and then suddenly...
Man: [on the phone] Current wait time is 28 minutes.
♪ So tie a yellow ribbon... ♪
Adult Sheldon: It wasn't bad enough I had to wait, I also had to listen to rock and roll.

Quote from George Jr.

Jana: So... how serious is it with you two?
Missy: Well, we've held hands, hugged once, and we haven't kissed, but we did share a straw.
Jana: Wow, pretty serious.
George Jr.: They haven't even been on a date yet.
Jana: We got pretty serious before you ever took me on a date.
George Jr.: Cool it with that.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Can I ask a relationship question?
Jana: Of course.
Missy: Who said "I love you" first?
Jana: Funny you should ask.

Quote from Meemaw

Brenda Sparks: Now, I think he cared more about those stupid chickens than he did me.
Meemaw: Oh, that's not true.
Brenda Sparks: He took them when he left.
Meemaw: Okay, that's a tough one. Give me a sec.

Quote from Billy Sparks

George Sr.: Do you know anything about poker?
Billy Sparks: No.
Principal Petersen: That's all right, neither does this guy. [laughter]
Mr. Givens: Good one, boss.
Billy Sparks: This is fun.
Coach Wilkins: Good. Glad you're here.
Billy Sparks: My dad never let me play cards with him. And then he left.
Mr. Givens: Sorry, are we still playing? 'Cause I've got a really good hand.

Quote from Sheldon

David: [answers phone] Tandy Tech Support. This is David. How can I help you?
Sheldon: Hello, I'm having a problem with my Tandy 1000SL.
David: What's going on?
Sheldon: I think I have a computer virus.
David: [chuckles] Well, let's not jump there yet. Could be lots of things. What did you see?
Sheldon: Pixels started disappearing, and then a message read: "DISK DESTROYER - Your hard drive is now corrupted."
David: Yeah, that's a virus.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
David: Have you used any unlicensed software lately?
Sheldon: Um... I'm not sure I should answer that without consulting an attorney first.
David: Hey, hey, I get it. I play a lot of games, not always officially purchased. I'm just here to help get your computer up and running.
Sheldon: Thank you for understanding, David. I'm not usually a rule-breaker, but it was Railroad Kingdom and I really wanted it because I love trains. And it was $49.95. My mom said it was too expensive. And I was going to buy it eventually, and Tam said that was good enough, so I got a bootleg copy, and now I have a virus, which I very much deserve.
David: I'm sorry, who's Tam?

Quote from Meemaw

Brenda Sparks: I-I'll handle this. To friends.
Meemaw: [laughs] And to Brenda's crap husband who made this night possible.
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: It's okay, she said we could joke about it.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: You ready to start dating again?
Brenda Sparks: I think I need some time.
Meemaw: Well, if you change your mind, there's a gentleman over here at the bar who would like us to see his butt crack. [laughs]

Quote from Mary

Mary: So, then, was there no big blowup when he left?
Brenda Sparks: Not really.
Mary: Well, what happened?
Brenda Sparks: Let's see... We used to be happy. Little by little, we weren't. Then there was bickering, then there was silence, and then... it was over.
Mary: I mean... all couples bicker, right?
Meemaw: You worried about you and George?
Mary: Of course.
Brenda Sparks: I'm sure you guys will be fine.
Meemaw: And if it doesn't work out, I'd be happy to introduce you to Butt Crack Bob over here. [laughs]

Quote from George Sr.

Principal Petersen: Well, I know it's rough, but my old man left when I was around your age. What are you, about 16, 17?
Billy Sparks: I'm 12.
Principal Petersen: Damn.
George Sr.: You know, maybe he doesn't want to talk about this.
Coach Wilkins: Sometimes it's good to get stuff off your chest. My man's been through a lot. And we're here for you.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Mr. Givens: I'm gonna raise.
Principal Petersen: On the bright side, you could look after your mom now. That's what I did. Made a man out of me.
George Sr.: You know, Billy, sometimes these things are for the best.
Coach Wilkins: Why would you say that?
George Sr.: My parents had a bad marriage. Honestly, it... it was hard to be around.
Mr. Givens: Full boat, read 'em and weep. Come to papa. Sorry.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Should we just forget it and go home?
Jana: Fine by me.
Missy: Does the backseat get a vote?
George Jr.: You put me on the spot. I never said that to anyone before.
Jana: Me neither, and it didn't go well. Samesies.
George Jr.: I'm sorry. I'm not even sure what it's supposed to feel like.
Jana: Well, if you felt it, you'd know.
George Jr.: I know that I like you. A lot. More than anybody else.
Missy: Aw.
Jana: Really?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Missy: By the way, when Marcus is in the car, you can't be this lame.

Quote from Sheldon

David: [on the phone] Okay, so what we're gonna need to do is wipe your hard drive clean and reinstall the operating system.
Sheldon: What about all my files?
David: Do you have everything backed up?
Sheldon: I back up my files every Thursday night. I call it Backup Thursdays. It's not the catchiest, but it sums up the situation.
David: Perfect. After we wipe your drive, you can restore it, and you'll be good as new.
Sheldon: Thank you so much.
David: No problem. So, start by turning the computer off and inserting the DOS disk.
Sheldon: Wait, what if I used the backup disk after the virus was already on the computer?
David: Oh. Uh, then I'm afraid it's corrupted, too.
Sheldon: But how do I get my files?
David: You don't.
Sheldon: But I have all my old papers on there, my parents' taxes.
David: I'm sorry.

Quote from Principal Petersen

Principal Petersen: You ever play football?
Billy Sparks: No, sir.
Principal Petersen: Think about it. I will forge a birth certificate tomorrow.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Dad, something terrible happened.
George Sr.: What's the matter?
Sheldon: I lost all the files on my computer.
George Sr.: Oh, well, I'm sure you can get 'em back.
Sheldon: I can't, and It's all my fault.
George Sr.: All right, calm down.
Sheldon: I can't calm down. This is a disaster.
Billy Sparks: It'll be okay, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You don't understand. They're gone. And they're gone forever. And no matter what I do, they're never coming back, so it won't be okay.
Adult Sheldon: I wish I could tell you I realized the cruel irony of what I had just said to Billy, and apologized. But I didn't.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Like a virus, heartbreak can also spread. Once it does, it's hard to contain. In some cases you can try to reboot and start over. But it makes you appreciate those early days, when your hard drive was clean... and the world was full of possibility.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Here we go.
Brenda Sparks: Is that three beers I see?
Mary: It's girls' night out and I said I was gonna show you a good time.
Meemaw: All right, then, party girl, give us a toast.
Mary: Oh, um, well, uh... Bless these beers and the bartender who poured them.
Meemaw: Seriously?
Mary: I thought it was good.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ooh, there's a computer game called Railroad Kingdom. Can we get it?
Mary: How much is it?
Sheldon: $49.95.
Missy: Are you crazy?
Mary: I'll handle this. I am not paying that much for a game.
Sheldon: It's not just a game. It's a cutting-edge simulation teaching business skills in the golden age of railroads.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
Sheldon: But what if I end up running a railroad one day and don't have the necessary business skills?
Missy: I think I nailed it with, "Are you crazy?"

Quote from Brenda Sparks

Mary: Anyway, I just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up.
Brenda Sparks: Working extra hours, being a single mother. Living the dream.
Mary: Want me to give you a hand straightening up?
Brenda Sparks: Sure. You got a bulldozer?
Mary: Maybe we just need to get your mind off things. Why don't we go out this weekend, have a girls' night?
Brenda Sparks: Really? Mary Cooper's gonna show me a fun night on the town?
Mary: Yes.
Brenda Sparks: Where we going... bingo at the church?
Mary: Not anymore. [chuckles]

Quote from Tam

Sheldon: Why do these games have to be so expensive?
Tam: At least you have MTV. All I have is TV.
Sheldon: Will you please stop focusing on what you don't have and try to focus on what I don't have?

Quote from Sheldon

Tam: Look, if you really want it, I know a guy who sells bootleg games for five bucks.
Sheldon: But that's like stealing.
Tam: Aren't you gonna buy the game eventually?
Sheldon: As soon as I save up enough money.
Tam: So you're just getting it early.
Sheldon: Hmm. I suppose an actual railroad magnate would cut some corners.
Tam: Problem solved.
Sheldon: Look at that... I don't even have the game and I'm already learning business skills.
Tam: Cool. [shushes]

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Do you have any plans Saturday?
George Sr.: Why? There a Church thing?
Mary: No.
George Sr.: I'm free.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Good, because Brenda's having a rough time and I want to show her some fun.
George Sr.: Fun? [snorts] You?
Mary: Yes, me.
George Sr.: Sorry, that came out wrong.
Mary: I know how to have a good time.
George Sr.: Of course you do. That came out wrong, too.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Where you gonna take her?
Mary: Well, I haven't decided yet, but I did find a coupon to Muriel's Tea Room.
George Sr.: Ooh, tea room, that sounds like a blast. Boy, I am not good at this.
Mary: Whatever we end up doing, Billy's gonna be hanging here with Sheldon, so you need to watch them.
George Sr.: I'm happy to do that. That one sounded pretty good.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: The next day, Tam showed up with the bootleg copy of Railroad Kingdom. I wore my mittens so as not to leave fingerprints, in case it was ever used as evidence against me. Also, Tam had pulled it out of his gym bag. Ugh. I knew it was wrong, but listen to that seductive theme song.

Quote from George Jr.

Missy: Think you could drop me off at the movies Saturday night?
George Jr.: I'm seeing Jana. Can't Mom do it?
Missy: Mom's going out. And I kind of want to go with Marcus.
George Jr.: Ah. So you're trying to go on a secret date.
Missy: Kind of.
George Jr.: I don't know how I feel about this.
Missy: Come on, it's just a movie.
George Jr.: Have you been out with him before?
Missy: Never alone.
George Jr.: How old is this boy?
Missy: Thirteen.
George Jr.: Do his parents know about it?
Missy: What are you, Mom now?
George Jr.: You're my sister. You and boys is weird.
Missy: Will you take me or not?
George Jr.: Fine.
Missy: Thank you, thank you, thank you! [hugs Georgie]
George Jr.: You best not be hugging him like this, or that date's gonna be over real quick.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: It's nice you're taking Brenda out.
Mary: I'm glad someone thinks I can be fun.
Meemaw: Who said fun? I said "nice."
Meemaw: Okay, well, if you're so fun, where would you go?
Meemaw: It's not rocket science. She just wants to go out to a bar and have some laughs.
Mary: I can do that.
Meemaw: You don't sound too sure.
Mary: It's been a while, but there's no reason...
Meemaw: You want me to come?
Mary: I'll pay for all your drinks.
Meemaw: You gonna regret that. [chuckles]

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I was so wrapped up in my game I didn't even know where Tam went.
Tam: [sings along with TV] ♪ The things you say ♪ ♪ Mm, you're unbelievable, oh... ♪
Adult Sheldon: But I didn't care, because I was building my locomotive empire. Little did I know, as I was spreading tracks across North America, a computer virus was spreading itself across my hard drive. Next stop: Infection City.
♪ You're unbelievable... ♪

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: I'm leaving soon. How do I look?
George Sr.: Good, actually.
Mary: Well, you don't have to sound surprised.
George Sr.: Well, it's nice you want to look good for Brenda Sparks.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: What are you looking for?
George Sr.: Deck of cards.
Mary: Why? You gonna play with the kids?
George Sr.: Of course not. I-I invited the guys over for poker.
Mary: You're supposed to be babysitting.
George Sr.: They don't want me around. They're gonna be watching TV.
Mary: But do you really need to be gambling?
George Sr.: I thought you were trying to be fun tonight.
Mary: I am.
George Sr.: Well, this seems like a good place to start.
Mary: You have a nice time with your friends.
George Sr.: Thank you.
Mary: But so help me, if the house smells like cigars when I get home, you will not hear the end of it.
George Sr.: It's your first day being fun. Y-You keep trying.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Right now, I'm about to take out a loan so I can build the first railroad line between the Atlantic and the Pacific.
Billy Sparks: Cool. What do I do?
Sheldon: You watch me take out a loan so I can build the first railroad line between the Atlantic and the Pacific.
Billy Sparks: Don't you have a game that two people can play?
Sheldon: I do, but not one that lets you take out a loan so you can build the first railroad line between the Atlantic and the Pacific.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: So what movie we seeing?
Missy: What do you mean "we"?
George Jr.: You think I'm letting you go to the movies alone with him?
Missy: What do you think's gonna happen?
George Jr.: Nothing's gonna happen, 'cause I'm gonna be there. [Missy groans] Relax, I'm not gonna sit with you. I'll be in the back.
Missy: But you'll be watching me?
George Jr.: Depends. What movie we seeing?
Missy: Beauty and the Beast.
George Jr.: [sighs] I'll be watching you.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: So how come it's taken us so long to hang out?
Brenda Sparks: Well... my husband never left me before.
Meemaw: We can joke about it? Good. 'Cause that's gonna make this night way easier.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: As long as humans have been on Earth, they've had to contend with viruses. And as long as I've been on Earth, I've come up with fun ways to avoid them.
[flashback:]
Dr. Linkletter: I've heard so much about you. [offers hand]
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.
Adult Sheldon: I wear personal protective equipment...
[flashback to Sheldon putting on mittens at the dinner table]
[flashback to Sheldon wearing an astronaut suit in his bubble:]
Mary: You come here right this instant.
Adult Sheldon: ...and I was social distancing before it was cool. But in the early '90s, a new type of virus became prevalent. One that no amount of hand-washing could stop. A computer virus.
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Adult Sheldon: But let's back up and begin this story in a simpler time, before an insidious infection had upended my life.

Quote from Missy

Mary: Hey, how has Billy been lately?
Missy: I don't know.
Mary: Aren't you friends?
Missy: We're like "head nod in the hallway" friends.
Mary: What's that?
Missy: You see someone in the hallway, you give 'em one of these. [nods head]

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