Adult Sheldon: Like a virus, heartbreak can also spread. Once it does, it's hard to contain. In some cases you can try to reboot and start over. But it makes you appreciate those early days, when your hard drive was clean... and the world was full of possibility.

Meemaw: So how come it's taken us so long to hang out?
Brenda Sparks: Well... my husband never left me before.
Meemaw: We can joke about it? Good. 'Cause that's gonna make this night way easier.

Mary: So, then, was there no big blowup when he left?
Brenda Sparks: Not really.
Mary: Well, what happened?
Brenda Sparks: Let's see... We used to be happy. Little by little, we weren't. Then there was bickering, then there was silence, and then... it was over.
Mary: I mean... all couples bicker, right?
Meemaw: You worried about you and George?
Mary: Of course.
Brenda Sparks: I'm sure you guys will be fine.
Meemaw: And if it doesn't work out, I'd be happy to introduce you to Butt Crack Bob over here. [laughs]

Meemaw: Well, let's get into it. What happened? If it's another woman, she's a tramp, and you're way prettier.
Brenda Sparks: No. Although sometimes I wish there was. Then I'd have someone to be mad at other than myself.
Meemaw: And here I thought this one was gonna be the sad sack.
Mary: Mom, that is enough.
Meemaw: Oh, there's my little killjoy. [both laughing]

Mary: What are you looking for?
George: Deck of cards.
Mary: Why? You gonna play with the kids?
George: Of course not. I-I invited the guys over for poker.
Mary: You're supposed to be babysitting.
George: They don't want me around. They're gonna be watching TV.
Mary: But do you really need to be gambling?
George: I thought you were trying to be fun tonight.
Mary: I am.
George: Well, this seems like a good place to start.
Mary: You have a nice time with your friends.
George: Thank you.
Mary: But so help me, if the house smells like cigars when I get home, you will not hear the end of it.
George: It's your first day being fun. Y-You keep trying.

Jana: So... how serious is it with you two?
Missy: Well, we've held hands, hugged once, and we haven't kissed, but we did share a straw.
Jana: Wow, pretty serious.
Georgie: They haven't even been on a date yet.
Jana: We got pretty serious before you ever took me on a date.
Georgie: Cool it with that.

Mary: Hey, how has Billy been lately?
Missy: I don't know.
Mary: Aren't you friends?
Missy: We're like "head nod in the hallway" friends.
Mary: What's that?
Missy: You see someone in the hallway, you give 'em one of these. [nods head]

Sheldon: Why do these games have to be so expensive?
Tam: At least you have MTV. All I have is TV.
Sheldon: Will you please stop focusing on what you don't have and try to focus on what I don't have?

Adult Sheldon: As long as humans have been on Earth, they've had to contend with viruses. And as long as I've been on Earth, I've come up with fun ways to avoid them.
[flashback:]
Dr. Linkletter: I've heard so much about you. [offers hand]
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.
Adult Sheldon: I wear personal protective equipment...
[flashback to Sheldon putting on mittens at the dinner table]
[flashback to Sheldon wearing an astronaut suit in his bubble:]
Mary: You come here right this instant.
Adult Sheldon: ...and I was social distancing before it was cool. But in the early '90s, a new type of virus became prevalent. One that no amount of hand-washing could stop. A computer virus.
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Adult Sheldon: But let's back up and begin this story in a simpler time, before an insidious infection had upended my life.

Sheldon: Ooh, there's a computer game called Railroad Kingdom. Can we get it?
Mary: How much is it?
Sheldon: $49.95.
Missy: Are you crazy?
Mary: I'll handle this. I am not paying that much for a game.
Sheldon: It's not just a game. It's a cutting-edge simulation teaching business skills in the golden age of railroads.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
Sheldon: But what if I end up running a railroad one day and don't have the necessary business skills?
Missy: I think I nailed it with, "Are you crazy?"

Mary: Anyway, I just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up.
Brenda Sparks: Working extra hours, being a single mother. Living the dream.
Mary: Want me to give you a hand straightening up?
Brenda Sparks: Sure. You got a bulldozer?
Mary: Maybe we just need to get your mind off things. Why don't we go out this weekend, have a girls' night?
Brenda Sparks: Really? Mary Cooper's gonna show me a fun night on the town?
Mary: Yes.
Brenda Sparks: Where we going... bingo at the church?
Mary: Not anymore. [chuckles]

Tam: Look, if you really want it, I know a guy who sells bootleg games for five bucks.
Sheldon: But that's like stealing.
Tam: Aren't you gonna buy the game eventually?
Sheldon: As soon as I save up enough money.
Tam: So you're just getting it early.
Sheldon: Hmm. I suppose an actual railroad magnate would cut some corners.
Tam: Problem solved.
Sheldon: Look at that... I don't even have the game and I'm already learning business skills.
Tam: Cool. [shushes]

Mary: Do you have any plans Saturday?
George: Why? There a Church thing?
Mary: No.
George: I'm free.

Mary: Good, because Brenda's having a rough time and I want to show her some fun.
George: Fun? [snorts] You?
Mary: Yes, me.
George: Sorry, that came out wrong.
Mary: I know how to have a good time.
George: Of course you do. That came out wrong, too.
Mary: George.
George: Where you gonna take her?
Mary: Well, I haven't decided yet, but I did find a coupon to Muriel's Tea Room.
George: Ooh, tea room, that sounds like a blast. Boy, I am not good at this.
Mary: Whatever we end up doing, Billy's gonna be hanging here with Sheldon, so you need to watch them.
George: I'm happy to do that. That one sounded pretty good.

Adult Sheldon: The next day, Tam showed up with the bootleg copy of Railroad Kingdom. I wore my mittens so as not to leave fingerprints, in case it was ever used as evidence against me. Also, Tam had pulled it out of his gym bag. Ugh. I knew it was wrong, but listen to that seductive theme song.