Sheldon: Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know that I'm still working hard on my campaign to get more funding for the science department.
Mr. Givens: Oh, great, 'cause I've got to dig up tomorrow's worms myself.

Principal Petersen: [screams]
Sheldon: [screams]
Principal Petersen: What are you doing, standing there?
Sheldon: I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board on how much money is spent on football. I was hoping you could deliver it to them.
Principal Petersen: You do realize your father's a coach here.
Sheldon: Yes, sir, I do.
Principal Petersen: Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first.
Sheldon: I did. He didn't care for the idea at all.
Principal Petersen: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: There I go what?
Principal Petersen: Let me see that. "Barbaric sport encourages bloodlust similar to Roman gladiator games Christians, lions money better spent on science and learning." You're joking, right?
Sheldon: Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter?
Principal Petersen: Out.

Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to speak to the mayor, please. My name is Sheldon Cooper. I'm running for class president and was hoping he could give me some advice. I'm ten years old. But if it helps get him on the phone, I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student, and have impeccable hygiene.

Mayor Harrison: Hello. This is Mayor Harrison. I understand you are running for office.
Sheldon: Class president. Do you have any advice on how to win?
Mayor Harrison: The most important thing is to get out there and connect with people.
Sheldon: That's tricky. I'm not terribly fond of people.
Mayor Harrison: Well, you might need to get over that.
Sheldon: Assuming I can, how do I connect with them?
Mayor Harrison: A friendly handshake is a great start.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. Now I have to touch them?

Sheldon: Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, and I'm running for class president.
Abby: Yeah?
Sheldon: I understand you had a baby last year. If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it.

Sheldon: Vote Sheldon for class president. Don't worry It's a number two. You can use it on standardized tests.
Nell Cavanaugh: Okay.
Sheldon: And, of course, homework. I love homework.
Nell Cavanaugh: Well, it's so nice to finally meet you. I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
Sheldon: My opponent. I would shake your hand, but my mom is washing my mittens.
Nell Cavanaugh: Okay.

Veronica: Georgie, check it out.
Georgie: Oh, man, I hate that he's doing this.
Veronica: What? It's cute.
Georgie: It's embarrassing.
Veronica: I would think you'd be proud of him.
Georgie: That's 'cause you're a better person than me.
Veronica: Maybe you ought to ask God to take away your anger and replace it with love.
Georgie: Can I ask him to take away my brother instead?
Veronica: Georgie.
Georgie: Not kill him Just strand him on an island somewhere. A nice island, with coconuts and stuff.

Sheldon: Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. Can I please speak with Pastor Jeff?
Pastor Jeff: Hey, Sheldon, what can I do for you?
Sheldon: I need to give a speech at school, but I have a fear of public speaking. Since you give a sermon every Sunday, I was hoping you'd have some words of advice.
Pastor Jeff: As a matter of fact, I do. When I look down on my congregation and I feel nervous, I just ask the Lord to speak through me.
Sheldon: Like a ventriloquist?
Pastor Jeff: Not exactly. I think of it more as a-
Sheldon: Like one of the Muppets?
Pastor Jeff: No, not that either.
Sheldon: 'Cause you do look a little like Kermit.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, okay, good luck to you, Sheldon.

George: Everything okay?
Sheldon: No. I have to give a speech in front of the entire assembly.
George: Oh. Got a little stage fright?
Sheldon: Unfortunately so. Just thinking about it causes my bladder to misbehave.
George: Yeah, I been there.
Sheldon: You have?
George: Sure. When I first started coaching, I was real nervous to talk to the team, you know, give a locker room speech. Then, one day it dawned on me, I'm not just talking to football players, I'm talking to teenage football players. Most of them aren't listening to a word I'm saying.
Sheldon: That's an interesting perspective.
George: I'll tell you something else. You don't give yourself enough credit for how brave you are.
Sheldon: I don't?
George: No. Sheldon, you are ten years old, going to high school. Everyone's older than you, everyone's bigger than you, but you keep at it, day after day. That's brave. Any kid who can do that could give a speech to the United Nations if he had to.
Sheldon: Thanks, Dad.

Adult Sheldon: Not all science is created equal. There's physics, the undisputed king of science. There's chemistry. It's no physics, but it's not a bad way to pass a rainy afternoon. And then there's biology, the squishiest of the sciences.

Sheldon: Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to the Flag Of the United States of America And to the Republic for which it stands One Nation Here's a fun fact about the next two words: "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. My first act as your president is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge in order to honor the separation of church and state in this public high school.
Principal Petersen: Okay, that's enough.
Sheldon: You can't take my microphone. I'm the president.

Meemaw: You know, Moon Pie, in the '60s, when the hippies wanted to change things, they would just protest.
Missy: You were a hippie?
Meemaw: Oh, no. But I wrote a letter complaining about the hippies, and the police chased 'em right out of that park. So my point is maybe you could write a letter.

George: And then there was some extra money in the budget, so I was able to order those tackling dummies I had my eye on.
Sheldon: I don't understand why the football program gets so much money, while the equipment in the science lab is outdated and falling apart.
George: Oh, I can explain that. This is Texas. Pass the ribs.

Sheldon: Ooh! Maybe I can lodge a formal complaint with the school board about the sports budget infringing on the other departments.
George: Okay, last time: Canada, the other states, us.

Sheldon: Hello.
Ms. MacElroy: [screams]
Sheldon: [screams]
Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: I understand that you're in charge of student elections.
Ms. MacElroy: I am.
Sheldon: I'd like to run for class president.
Ms. MacElroy: Really?
Sheldon: Really.
Ms. MacElroy: Okay. You can sign up, but I have to warn you You'll be running against Nell Cavanaugh.
Sheldon: So?
Ms. MacElroy: She's well-liked by the student body.
Sheldon: So?
Ms. MacElroy: These elections tend to be a bit of a popularity contest.
Sheldon: So?
Ms. MacElroy: You're gonna make me say it, huh?
Sheldon: Say what?
Ms. MacElroy: People don't like you.
Sheldon: Well, as my meemaw likes to say, water off a duck's back. Elections shouldn't be about popularity. They should be about who has the best ideas.
Ms. MacElroy: And what's your idea?
Sheldon: Less money on football, more on science.
Ms. MacElroy: Really.