Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Before we start, I'd like to get a sense - of how much algebra you know.
Georgie: 'Kay.
Sheldon: Do you understand solving and graphing - linear inequalities?
Georgie: Sure.
Sheldon: Great. Explain it to me.
Georgie: Uh, first you solve 'em and then you graph 'em.
Sheldon: And how do you do that?
Georgie: Uh, you know, carefully.

Georgie: Oh, relax. By passing that test, I get to play football, and you get to go to the train store. Everybody wins.
Sheldon: But what about the truth?
Georgie: What about it?
Sheldon: It's supposed to set us free.
Georgie: Who told you that?
Sheldon: The Bible.
Georgie: Since when do you care about what's in the Bible?
Sheldon: When it helps me win an argument.
Georgie: The Bible also says honor thy father and thy mother. And if you open your mouth, you're gonna make them sad.

Adult Sheldon: Despite my explanation that I was embracing my inner Kirk, my mother had me make amends for all my misdeeds. Starting in the library, where I had to reshelve hundreds of books. Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.

Sheldon: Do you think a Spock could become a Kirk?
Meemaw: Well, in my experience, most people stay the miserable bastards they are their whole entire life. But I have seen some folks change.

Mary: Do you have any idea what's gotten into him?
Meemaw: I might.
Mary: Well?
Meemaw: Have you ever heard of Mobokachi Kaboom? Wait. Koshimaki Magoo. Wait a minute, I'm gonna get this.

Sheldon: What do you see?
Georgie: Darkness.
Sheldon: Try harder.
Georgie: Wait. I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini. Ooh, it just fell off.

Meemaw: Ko-Kobayashi Maru. Sounds like something you eat at Benihana's. Have you ever been to one of those? They make you sit with strangers. It's crazy.

Sheldon: I don't understand what went wrong. Is there any chance you drank alcohol when you were pregnant with Georgie?
Mary: No!
Meemaw: Well, don't be so high-and-mighty. I drank when I was pregnant with you. You turned out fine.
These days everybody's like, "Don't drink, don't smoke." I swear, Texas is turning into California.

Mary: Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus to help you get a good grade on that test.
Sheldon: Shouldn't you have asked him before he took it?
Mary: The man rose from the dead, I think he can fix a test after the fact.
Meemaw: You know, I hear you say things like that, and I wonder if maybe I did have a few too many whiskey sours when you were in my belly.

Adult Sheldon: He had me. Somehow, the mullet-headed simpleton had me.

Sheldon: Georgie cheated on the test.
Meemaw: Oh.
Sheldon: And nothing bad happened. He gets to stay on the football team, Mom and Dad are proud of him, I even got a train for helping.
Meemaw: So you're feeling guilty.
Sheldon: Very much so.
Meemaw: Well, that's a real conundrum.
Sheldon: Have you been reading the Word of the Day calendar I gave you for your birthday?
Meemaw: Indubitably.

Adult Sheldon: The amends got worse when Coach Wilkins made me climb the rope. Lacking any upper body strength, I hung there like a salami in a deli window.

Georgie: Okay, when you're telling a lie, it's important to throw in some details. Like, when I was wanted to spend the night at Ricky's house, and Mom asked me if his mom and dad were gonna be home, I said, not only are they be gonna be home, his dad was gonna teach us how to cook turkey legs in the smoker.
Sheldon: I like turkey legs. Were they good?
Georgie: There weren't any turkey legs, you dope. His parents were in Branson.
Sheldon: That's incredible. I totally believed you.
Georgie: Details. Now get out of here, I got to finish reading this.
Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie, that was very helpful.

Ms. Ingram: Take one and pass it back. Take one and pass it back. As you all know, this test'll count for 25% of your final grade. Be sure to show all your work. If you get stuck on a question, move on and come back to it at the end. And I shouldn't have to say this, but if there's any cheating, I will see it. I got eyes in the back of my head. I got more eyes than a potato.